Were these good examples for todays essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>this is referring to today's essay prompt. the one about people should do more for change</p>

<p>here were my examples:</p>

<p>1st example
JFK-ask not what your country can do for you, but rather what you can do for your country
US Constitution</p>

<p>2nd example
Revolutions and how they evoked positive change and how people had to stand up to cause them</p>

<p>3rd example
The recent Iraq crisis where the people did not take any proactive action and a dictator was allowed to rule and harass people.</p>

<p>those were my examples. what were yours? what do you think of mine(score potential wise?)</p>

2

<p>I think yours are great...the fact that you finished the essay with three examples is outstanding. I used the JFK quote too.</p>

<p>However, unlike you, I only used one example and simply elaborated upon it. I used the New Deal as an example of a government program that could not have succeeded w/o the initiative of private citizens.</p>

3

<p>very good examples....prolly 12</p>

<p>I think you should have used a lit and personl to assure 12</p>

4

<p>I used the Columbine Shootings in my introduction.</p>

<p>First point: Problems of ourselves (family problems/divorce rates - personal experience)</p>

<p>Second point: Problems of our local community (sexually transmitted diseases)</p>

<p>Third Point: Problems of our naiton (pollution).</p>

<p>All included information on change and people blaming problems on others.</p>

<p>Concluding sentence: Perhaps we all should just reevaluate the problems, in order to assume personal responsibility instead of blame. After all, the blame game is hardly possible to win.</p>

5

<p>umm mine were pretty general i guess</p>

<p>oedipus in Oedipus Rex
Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
FDR</p>

6

<p>My essay was really weak. I guess because I was strapped for time and didn't have enough time to think it through, I did what I usually did for my timed writes-</p>

<p>Boring Introduction... :(
Paragraph 1- Refute Counterarguments
(progressive era movements begun by people were good, but was exception to rule)</p>

<p>But then I had 10 minutes left, so I didn't have enough time to do 2 paragraphs supporting my thesis.</p>

<p>Paragraph 2-The Crucible & A Tale of Two Cities
(Taking responsibility and trying to fix problems oftentimes does more harm than good)
Awful 2-minute conclusion.</p>

<p>So now, it looks like I tried to ride the fence on the essay, because I only dedicated one paragraph to arguing my thesis. Hopefully I did well enough on my Writing MC to help keep this score up.</p>

7

<p>I used the Great Depression and Hurricane Katrian as examples of how we need the government to help.</p>

8

<p>Recent political issues can be a problem because they are disputable or controversial. For example, an essay grader could be a nerdy geek who supports Saddam Hussein and communism.</p>