I was always the mom who said “no” to many things. My D went to a private independent school where there were students of means whose parents made it their purpose in life to let their kids get away with murder. Parties in empty houses while they vacationed in Europe where drinking was rampant. Letting kids wander free at all hours of the night, etc. Luckily my D was somewhat of a nerd and did not really want that life. But we did have many an argument in middle school and high school about something I wouldn’t let her do. I always told her I have plenty of friends and she was not one of them. I am her mother, I love her and will do whatever I see fit to make her life better.
Flash forward. She is now a 21 year old rising senior at Yale. She still goes to school with the privileged class. Funny though, we are best buds now. She has met so many other students who were those kids who were allowed to do anything and whose parents were their “friends”. Ironically, a lot of them don’t have great relationships with their parents. They realize after awhile that someone who did not care where they were at 3:00 in the morning as 15 years old cannot not really care about me. They then hear stories from those kids who had parents who were parents and they have stated to my D that they wish their parents, in hindsight of course, would have cared enough to discipline and PARENT them.
I love my D to death. She is, thankfully, doing very well. I will never regret being her worse nightmare at times, fierce protector and voice of reason when she was growing up. I urge more parents to take heed. These kids are growing up soft and unable to deal with stress and disappointment when they go away to college. I’ve seen it way too much.