I will be submitting my application to BYU in coming days as a transfer student. This will be my third time applying to the school and despite be non-member of the LDS church it is really the only school I would like to attend. Admittedly when I first applied in high school my reasons were for the great education and very affordable tuition price, but now I truly feel different about the school. This past summer I flew out to Utah to visit a friend and see BYU for myself. The atmosphere is truly amazing. The students and the people in the surrounding areas are some of the most kind and sincere I have met in my entire life. I really feel that spending a few years of my life here would be very beneficial. Unfortunately my application for winter was also denied. Because of this I decided to attend Utah Valley University for the current semester. I spend a considerable amount of time on BYU’s campus as most of my friends out here attend the school. My application is as follows below (feel free to skim through, it is long). My high school offered dual-enrollment and because I did not do well in some of these classes I believe it really hurts my application. I would greatly appreciate any insight or recommendation as to parts of my application. Thank you:
High School GPA: 4.0 (Weighted) 3.7 (Unweighted)
Dual Enrollment GPA: 3.0
Transfer College GPA: 3.4
Extra Curriculars(checked boxes):
Community
+Received award for community service
School
+Actively involved in school clubs
+Received a school service award
+Served as an officer of an official school club
+Served as student body officer of entire school
Art
+Participated in an art/multimedia contest
Athletics
+Participated in one or more HS sports
Math/science/technology
+Participated in an official math/science/computer science camp or contest
Speech
+Participated on high school debate team
Wrtiting
+Worked on staff of school website, yearbook, or other major publication
Employment:
+Employed while in high school or during summer
+Employed at least 15 hours per week for one or more years
+Started/ran a business for a year or more
-Additional Details:
Started eCommerce retail outlet in 2011 specializing in clothing, electronics, mill finish aluminum, and cosmetics. Started car dealership in 2013. My businesses grossed approximately $35,000 in 2014, $20,000 of which taking place in the months of November and December. I am expecting growth in 2015.
Noteworthy Accomplishments/additional details:
1.-Elected president of DECA and FBLA school chapters(2013/14), five year member of these clubs
-Competed twice regionally for FBLA
-Competed four times regionally for DECA; placing first once and second twice for the written portion of the Marketing Management competition as well as placing in the top ten overall three times for this event.
-Member of student government four years; served as treasurer of this club as well as treasurer for student body funds (2013/14)
2.Church involvement
-Serve as usher/greeter (2011-Present)
-Manage sound and computer systems for church services (03/2013-Present)
-Teacher for children’s church (11/2013-Present)
-Volunteer time for church upkeep as well as church events that serve community such as work in inter cities, service for local charities, and a sports camp free of charge for children in the area. (2010-Present)
3.Recognized by Board of Education and community for organizing a fundraiser to benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Raised over $1,000 for this cause (October 2013)
Essays:
A. What is one of the most difficult things you have ever done or experienced? What made it difficult and what did you learn? (250 words maximum):
Throughout my first two years of high school, and for a good portion of my life prior, most would describe me as a quiet and shy kid. Breaking this state of being has been and continues to be my most difficult struggle. Deep inside, I’ve always had a fear of looking silly, being rejected, and a fear of talking to people, but at the same time, I always had a desire to be a leader, a “social butterfly,” and connect with many different people. I believe it was when I wished to make a bid for class treasurer that I began to tackle this hurtful and negative way of thinking. I knew if I wanted to win a school-wide election against a fairly popular classmate, I would need to become better at socializing and connecting with people. Having a best friend who was strong in social areas, I began to mimic some of his techniques and manufacture some creative social skills of my own. As I began to see that my classmates were accepting of me and I seemed to be making more friends than ever before, socializing became more natural and easier for me. I learned a more confident way of being as well as the value in networking and building relationships. Changing my outlook on life in this way has helped me to be more comfortable in all situations and has enabled me to be positive; now, I feel I can overcome any struggle that comes my way.
B. Step 1: Given the choice, which CES school would you most like to attend, and why? Please be specific (250 words maximum):
As I collected my carry-on bags and left the airplane, I set foot into an atmosphere very different than the one I was accustomed to. I had just landed in Utah, where I had come to visit the BYU Provo campus and my best friend who attends the school. Walking the streets of Provo, I was greeted by everyone I passed with friendly eye-contact and a warm “hello”. Although a non-member, I have had the dream of attending BYU for many years. Initially, a great education at a very affordable price, as well as attending a school that matched my personal morals and beliefs, were my primary reasons for wishing to attend the school. After seeing it for myself, however, I knew this is the place where I belong. In the four days I stayed on BYU’s campus, I did not encounter a single person who did not have an overly kind and caring spirit. This is the atmosphere I would like to become a part of. I boarded the airplane for the flight back to New Jersey feeling just a little melancholy. I did not want to leave. I realized that attending BYU Provo would not just give me a first-class academic education. It would help me to become the kind of person I want to be.
C.D. Please share your reasons for seeking admission as a Transfer student - specifically, we invite you to address your intended major and your career/life ambitions. (250 words maximum) - I still am composing this essay.