What Did You and Your Child Do Right?

Parents Social Lounge
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<p>Great thoughts above, especially about finding CC. One thought not mentioned (I think) yet that we did was to find a summer program for S where he stayed in the dorms for six weeks and took two college freshman classes for credit. He ate the food, missed his family, ended up with the top bunk bed, and generally experienced all of the little problems of college, without having to commit to four years at the place.</p>

<p>As it turned out, his number one pick fell so low that he refused to apply to the school after the summer program was over. And he now was able to look at all of the other schools we visited with a much more interested (and aggressive) approach, knowing a lot of things that he really wanted and had not previously known that he wanted.</p>

<p>This was the smartest thing that we did. It empowered all of his subsequent decisions.</p>

22

<p>Follow your gut. If you visit a school and your instinct tells you YES, then listen to it. Don't be a slave to rankings or prestige/name recognition. </p>

<p>Keep an open mind. At first S wanted a medium sized school. But the college he attends now has 16,000 students, and it's a perfect fit academically and socially.</p>

<p>Be sure the school has enough academic options if you decide to change your mind about your field of study.</p>

23

<ol>
<li>Realized early on that the guidance office did not have the knowledge of schools outside Ohio to be of much use.</li>
<li>Found CC (yah!).</li>
<li>Started the SAT/SAT II testing early enough to allow for retakes.</li>
<li>Visited a variety of schools early on - enable us to remove one whole class of institutions from our list.</li>
<li>Only looked at midwest and northeast by preference. This and #4 cut down the number of potential schools to a managable size.</li>
<li>Son realized that this is, to some extent, a numbers game, and that being rejected from a school that denies admissions to most is not a personal affront.</li>
</ol>

24

<p>Oh, along the lines of finding CC--</p>

<p>the best tip I got here was the idea of building a focused application that centered around a couple main points which could give the kid a title: e.g. my S could've been the trombone-playing astronomer.</p>

<p>This was discussed a lot a few years ago; I think Interesteddad suggested the "bullet point" approach, and he or someone else stressed the idea of present yourself in a nicknameable way.</p>

25

<p>Applied EA to his favorite 3 schools. Relaxed while everyone else wrote last-minute essays & worried.</p>

<p>Ditto on CC, early SAT/ACT testing, & spending a summer away from home in a dorm.</p>

<p>We only looked east of the Mississippi, and ultimately only in the Midwest & Atlantic states. Plenty of good Eng/CS schools here!</p>

<p>I like to think because this is child #3, we have this down to a science. I look back and realize how naive we were with the first one, but ya know, it all worked out.</p>

26

<p>Insisted that academics were always priority #1, no matter how great the ec.</p>

<p>Had each kid prepare fully before each SAT I and II, taking the latter only one at a time. Had each kid take the SAT I in Oct. of junior year, (prep program over the preceeding summer), leaving junior year free to focus on academics and SAT II's. </p>

<p>Trusted my kid(s) gut reactions when visiting schools.</p>

<p>Each kid applied to one EA school.</p>

27

<p>Best thing we did with both kiddos was have them apply as early as possible. Both had most of their applications completed by November 1. Along with that, both kids applied to one rolling school and at least one EA school. Both had multiple acceptances before Christmas. Both kiddos asked their teacher references at the end of their junior year of high school so the teachers would have the summer to complete them.</p>

28

<p>Best thing we did....visit, visit, visit. 3 road trips for S junior year and summer after: 6 hours north to NY, CT and Boston, 6 hours west to Phila and Pittsburgh, 6 hours South to DC and Virginia. </p>

<p>Turned around and did it the next year for D, unfortunately entirely different schools. Am self-employed so don't have to worry about time off.</p>

<p>They applied to many we'd seen (each applied to 10), a couple we didn't see, and didn't apply to a few we did see. I had them "grade" each school in various categories immediately after the visit, something you obviously can't do if you haven't been at the place. Silly I know but we actually used the grading to compare schools, or at least their initial impressions.</p>

<p>In spite of the probability both kids wanted to strangle me at the end of the last visit, I'll fondly remember those trips, just being alone in the car with them, knowing they'd be going away in a short year.</p>

29

<p>Best thing - going to the Colleges That Change Lives fair in fall of sophomore year. This started my daughter thinking about what she really wanted in a college, and what she would have to do to get into that college. Definitely built up some excitement! Then we followed up by visiting - had a great road trip.</p>

30

<p>Discussed and agreed on the financial ground rules early junior year, ie he would be responsible for paying tuition, books and spending money(he did have a $76,000 college fund at his disposal)</p>

<p>Let him take the lead on deciding on his final college list.</p>

<p>Completing our eight college visits by the end of junior year.</p>

<p>Using the Common Application for 5 of 6 applications.</p>

<p>Attending every evening info session sponsored by the HS guidance office-I think there were about 6 of them starting frosh year.</p>

<p>Taking time during our campus visits to wander around the campus on our own and visiting the CompSci building which resulted in a number of impromptu conversations with faculty.</p>

<p>Getting all his apps in by the end of October. This eliminated avoidable stress and I think resulted in better merit scholarship offers. I'm almost certain it did from Case.</p>

<p>Spending time with his guidance counselor. Unlike many other posters here, his GC was wonderful and had tons of info at his fingertips. When he expressed interest in Rensselaer, his GC told him to give Case and CMU some consideration too.</p>

<p>The result was a very stress free and fun experience for us all. And now that he is a college soph he is enjoying the fruits of his labors.</p>

31

<p>1) Began process early. This involved reading books, and cc.
2) Began college tours early.
3) Took sats early to allow for retakes (took twice, and the test results came back late second time-I thought they were lost forever, but results came in 2 weeks late).
4)S applied to some rolling schools he liked, and a couple of EA schools that he liked. It makes everything more relaxing. He was accepted to one rolling school in mid-October!!!
5)Filled in Profile and fafsa on time for all schools
6)Apps were started in the summer before senior year and all apps were completed by the third week of October
7)Had S check with schools to make sure all paperwork was received. Yikes, one school lost his transcript and it was sent out a second time.
8)Made sure that son was applying to a few schools where his stats were in the top 25%
9)Encouraged S to go on some college interviews in his senior year.
10)Last but not least, read all of your helpful advice on cc!!</p>

32

<p>The first best thing we did was to spend a disproportionate amount of time and energy researching, visiting and learning to love safeties. And I really mean “we.” Even though the final decision was the student’s it helped his parents’ peace of mind immeasurably to know first hand that his safeties were fine schools where he would fit in and get an excellent education. </p>

<p>At each safety we spent a full day and night on campus at each and really took the time to get to know the school. This included eating in the dining hall, interviewing, touring special interest departments, shopping on the main-drag, talking to students, etc. Back home, my son kept up a dialog with the admissions directors he'd met on campus. The less selectives were more communicative than the elites, I guess because they had to try harder and this just made him fonder of them.</p>

<p>In other words, the less selectives got as much attention as the super-selectives. Of the five to six safeties he pre-selected, three were eliminated, but we drove away from the other three with confidence that these schools would be a great place to spend four years! I don’t think we could have come to that conclusion had we skimped on time or focus. </p>

<p>The second best practice, I think, was to complete and send off several RD applications before hearing from his ED choice. These included both his number two and three choices as well as two safeties. He posted his ED application and forgot about it [well, at least put it out of mind] and concentrated on writing knockout applications for other schools. Again, for me, this was essential sleep-at-night strategy.</p>

33

<p>"The first best thing we did was to spend a disproportionate amount of time and energy researching, visiting and learning to love safeties."</p>

<p>Yup, fine. But if you apply to an ED or SCEA or multiple EAs and get lucky, you can chuck the entire bin of safety school pamphlets and apps and take the last half of December off, or at most focus on a couple of reaches.</p>

34

<ol>
<li><p>Read several guidebooks, but steered toward those that provided essays and a sense of the college's culture and other strengths. (There wasn't a lot yet on the web when our first one applied.)</p></li>
<li><p>Kept a clear focus on finding a handful of attractive colleges that spanned the range of "degree of difficulty" in admissions (reach, match, safety).</p></li>
<li><p>Made sure the kids took all the relevant tests but did not place extraordinary emphasis on tests relative to other qualifications. Test scores weren't a fixation of either kid.</p></li>
<li><p>Encouraged kids to find one or two special EC's to pursue (these changed over time) but didn't drive them to join all kinds of clubs or, for that matter, any specific activity if they didn't initiate their involvement or enjoy it.</p></li>
</ol>

35

<p>Ah, but that assumes your child is ready to make a binding decision early in the fall. My son still doesn't know which school he wants to attend & it's already March! He refused to get any aps in until the last moment for each school. In any case, we let him decide how he wanted to handle things, since he's the one who will be attending & he's already gotten one acceptance with a scholarship. Hurrah! He's waiting to hear from the other 7 schools, but doesn't seem stressed & now that he's gotten into a school we visited & were all comfortable, things are fine at our home.</p>

36

<p>


</p>

<p>Well, actually my son did apply ED and luckily and happily was accepted, but even in retrospect I would still advise carrying on with the other applications. Had the news on December 15th been a deferral or worse a rejection, I don't think he would have had the same energy and vigor to go after all of his RD schools.</p>

<p>I love the idea of EA and rolling acceptances but none of the schools that he was interested in fell in this category so it was not an option.</p>

37

<p>For both of ours:</p>

<p>Focused on finding the best programs available for each child, not just the school with the best overall reputations.</p>

<p>Attending summer sessions at their top choice schools. He subsequently completely ruled out the his first choice while she solidified hers.</p>

<p>Listening to school recommendations from others who know your child. Their suggestions can be real eye-openers. A hallway recommendation by my son's math teacher changed his life.</p>

<p>Keeping VERY organized helps a lot.</p>

<p>Ignoring advice from incompetent guidance counselors and following your heart. Advice on CC is priceless.</p>

<p>Applying to one safety with rolling admissions. Having an acceptance in hand in January helps the long wait until April.</p>

<p>Accepting the fact that the definition of "scholarship" changed since I went to school. There are very few true scholarships that don't have a financial need aspect to them.</p>

38

<p>
[quote]
Yup, fine. But if you apply to an ED or SCEA or multiple EAs and get lucky, you can chuck the entire bin of safety school pamphlets and apps and take the last half of December off, or at most focus on a couple of reaches.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>But if you don't research those schools and like those schools, you have gained nothing! Yes, EAs and rolling admit schools are the best safeties to have, because you know early enough to target the other apps, but only if you are completely happy with the safeties.</p>

<p>I think a lot of high stat CC type kids are like my daughter was. She had 3 safeties. and was admitted to all of them with most of her expenses paid at each. But, she had very specific criteria, and she honestly didn't "love her safeties", there was one that she would have been happy attending once she got there, but not overly excited to go</p>

39

<p>I think blossom said it best and these should be used as jumping off points:</p>

<p>Love the kid that you have not the one that you wish you had</p>

<p>Know if you have a marigold or a hot house flower</p>

<p>After that what worked for us:</p>

<p>Have the money talk. Use the calculators doing both the FM and IM methods. Show them that it is an elm, spruce, oak, apple or whatever tree in the back yard not a money tree. </p>

<p>We started the process early. If there was a group event; colleges that change lives tour, Barnard College- College planning weekend, we attended as it did open her up to schools that would have not been on her radar.</p>

<p>In our house, the visits, spending the night attending classes talking to other students were really important. Asking the important questions instead of asking why do you love your school ask what gets on your nerves about it because after the bloom falls off the rose it is quite a different picture. As a person of color it was important to ask if the school does a good job of valuing diversity or do they merely give lip service. Do you truly beleive that the school valuesyour, supports you and is supportive of you as a person of color on this campus?</p>

<p>If you have daughters, it is one thing to hear them say, I don't want to go to /look at an all girls school. Tell them that they are not they are looking at a women's college. If you can fit it on your list visit one, talk to people who have attended, go to their open house in your area.</p>

<p>Keep in mind while you are taking them if the drive is 3 1/2 hours will will not be a 3 1/2 trip when they are coming home for breaks unless they are taking their own cars.</p>

<p>It is just as important to know what you don't want in a school as much as it is knowing what you do want. Visit the small, medium, large urban, suburban, rural schools.</p>

<p>Look at each school from the perspective of if this the only school that you are admitted to could you live with it. This process will really whittle down your list.</p>

<p>Take no school for granted in the application process.</p>

<p>Keep back up files of the essays application, e-mail copies to yourself, to your job, etc so when your computer crashes on december 29th and you have to go into the city while you are on vacation to retrieve your laptop from work your kid can still finish the application.</p>

<p>Insert self addressed stamped post cards in the evenlope with everything that has to be sent snail mail (teacher recs, transcripts, etc) you will sleep better at night.</p>

<p>Yes March is the longest month as winter breaks are now behind us. The tension really does build in your house. Don't talk about college during this month. To keep from having your own march madness in your hous do something , anything not related to college or the admissions process as a diversion from waiting.</p>

40

<p>The best thing I did was keep my hands off my son's applications. His essays and applications are quintessentially him. Admissions people may find them strange, or may decide they are unique. However, no matter whether he is accepted or rejected, it will be for the right reasons. This makes March an easy season in my household. </p>

<p>The second best thing I did was let my son figure out for himself which colleges should be on his list. Yes, I had some ideas, but I didn't share them with him. I held my breath hoping all the colleges on my "list" would send him literature because I knew he'd never heard of some of them. (They did.) His final list varied by a few schools from those I would have chosen. However, after all, he's the one going to college, not me. </p>

<p>The third best thing I did was to sign on to CC so I could answer questions my son had, but mostly so I'd have an outlet for my energy and wouldn't hang over him.</p>