<p>There are several threads here about mistakes made and lessons learned. Let's look at the flip side - what did you do RIGHT??? I'll start, as I am feeling a bit cocky at the moment, as after all the angst and worry, DD is heading off to a fabulous choice. </p>
<ol>
<li> In our family, everyone has weekend chores. After spring vacation in sophomore year (that's right - not junior) we made a requirement that DD had to spend a fixed time every Sunday afternoon with me in teh office/ door closed with two computers looking at college choices. We removed another set of chores as the trade. By the time Junior Spring Break rolled around and anxiety was rising in her peers, she was feeling pretty educated and had visited the majority of her choices. This made it easy to do #2,3,and 4 below. It also made her feel smart and confident when others asked her questions.</li>
<li> She applied Early Action (non-binding) to every school that offered this choice. This was very helpful, as we found out at Christmas that we had possibly shot too high based on the number of deferrals, and elected to do another safety school. In addition, it meant that the vast majority of applications were done by November 1, making Christmas break much more pleasant. </li>
<li> We had defined roles. My husband's job was to say "You know, it will work out. Calm down. You/she will get into a good school." Our daughter's job was to make all the decisions on what schools were interesting, and set the criteria for interest. My job was to find schools that met her criteria, and present them to her. As her criteria changed, I looked at new schools. I tried to see myself as her admin assistant, and her as the boss. Really changed the dynamics of the situation to constantly tell her "You are the boss - I am the secretary. Tell me what to do." That said, in a way she did the "fun part." Reading about a school that meets your criterion is much more fun than trying to find the needle in the haystack.<br></li>
<li> I told her that we would fly or drive anywhere she could find THREE schools that were viable choices in the same area. This worked well for us, as it increased her flexibility of thought, allowed us to see some schools that did not strictly meet her criteria, and lowered my stress. The school she is going to was completely outside my comfort zone initially. I couldn't be happier with her choice, nor could she. Flexible thinking. </li>
<li> I expected that she would not be ready for the search as a sophomore, and that she would complain and chafe at the requirement. Blah blah blah - my life etc. I sweetened the pot by having not quite so much research required for the first trip, and made darn sure we had fun. I made a big effort to be fun on the trips, and not serious. Sometimes she would still get irritated on our Sunday afternoons search sessions, but all i had to say was "I won't stay and help if you are nasty" and she stopped. She knew a research assistant is very valuable. </li>
<li> When visiting a college, I kept my mouth SHUT until I heard her opinion. Whatever she said, I found the truth in it, and encouraged her discriminating listening skills. I wrote down everything she said with pros and cons so that I could remember to read it back later. I knew it was working when she wanted to run fast out of a school that had been her top choice because what they were saying was not consistent with what she was seeing. We can't expect them to know how to pick a school unless they have experience using their judgement. If we discount it, we are making the decision.</li>
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<p>Great question. I am so hard on myself sometimes, it was actually difficult for me to shift gears and think about this one.</p>
<p>I think the best thing I did with D was always to keep the lines of communication open, ever since she was little. We had some tumultuous seasons in middle school and in senior year, but even then, we always talked. Now that she’s a rising junior, I am not so naive to think that I know all the details of her life, nor would I want to. But I think I know the important stuff (even the stuff she only hints at), and she still shares many of her delights and sorrows with me, large and small. Just yesterday we had a lovely mother-daughter morning and lunch, and I was so grateful that we could sit in that nice little restaurant and talk about college, friends, money, boys. I won’t say that it feels quite like a friendship – I still feel like mother, and I think she still feels like daughter. But she’s an adult daughter now, and IMO a lovely, interesting young woman whose company I enjoy, and that is really nice.</p>
<p>Some parents may dislike what I am going to say, but I think that the amount of research that I did on schools was very helpful. I quizzed each kid about what they wanted…small school or large, close to home or far OOS, urban or small town, big sports or no, choice of major…I researched schools that we could afford within those parameters.</p>
<p>Face it…there are thousands of schools and kids are way busy junior year. I made a spread sheet of possible schools with things like size, major, and very importantly for us, what merit aid is available and what you need to do to get it. From the chart, the student and I discussed, the student looked at the web site, we planned visits, etc. My D said, “Don’t let me fall in love with a school that we can’t afford.” I assembled a list of great schools that we *can *afford.</p>
<p>I let my DD follow her heart–into art school. (I’m the science minded parent). The best thing I did was research about schools in depth for her. At the time I discovered there was a pre-college program that allowed her to experience what she was signing up for. Best decision ever and been happy ever since.
Having frank discussions with your student about tuition costs etc (esp. OOS) is very wise.</p>
<p>Informing myself about SAT Subject Tests when they were in the first half of high school so that they could make appropriate choices about what tests to take at what time, even if that time happened to be before 11th grade.</p>
<p>Actually, this was not an original idea. Back when I was in high school and the tests were called Achievement Tests, my chemistry teacher – who had many sophomores in his class and who taught a curriculum that was a very good match for the test – told us all that if we were getting As in his class, it would be a really good idea for us to take the Achievement Test at the end of the year, even if we had not taken the SAT yet and even though the whole idea sounded bizarre. I did as he said and got my one and only 800. There was no other subject as well taught in our high school – it was unheard of for anyone to get an 800 in anything other than chemistry.</p>
<p>I remembered this experience when my kids reached high school and did what I could to find out what Subject Tests they should take. They were not ready to think about this themselves (few 9th or 10th graders are), but one of them ended up accepting my advice to take two Subject Tests as a 10th grader and got 790s on both.</p>
<p>I really looked for merit money schools for DD (and really wished I had realized the wealth of info on CC earlier) and asked her to apply to one. That one school is where she has just completed year two on a full tuition scholaship.</p>
<ol>
<li>Starting earlier than guidance recommended. Visiting big, small, urban and rural prior to junior year helped D focus her search.</li>
<li>Requiring at least 1 or 2 applications be “parent’s choice.” D did not want to apply to one particular school but I thought it would be a good fit for her. We argued about it but she did apply and then I dropped the subject. When she revisited on the accepted student’s day she had a very different perspective. What she thought she wanted at the begining of senior year and what she ended up choosing were very different - you guessed it, she selected one of the parent’s choice schools without our interference (other than to make her apply.)</li>
</ol>
<p>Lots of good advices here. I wish I had known CC before my S1 applied for colleges. He really only wanted to go to state flagship and he got in. I should have researched more options for him.</p>
<p>I was also the “admin assistant” to my S’s college application process. The best action I took in that regard was to understand, as he entered HS, what a good schedule would be for all the various tests, college visits, application process, etc. AND how that could be worked into his schedule. This, along with his hard work, reaped rewards.</p>
<p>For example, he was able to survive taking three AP classes as a sophomore (AP Calc BC, AP Spanish Language and AP Euro History) and starting taking the appropriate/desired subject tests shortly thereafter. This method continued into junior year.</p>
<p>By scheduling carefully, he had enough time in his schedule to take (or re-take) various tests, maintain a rigorous HS schedule (ending with 10 AP classes and two college level math classes) and his ECs. By fall of senior year, he was done with all testing (except for his HS classes) and could focus soley on his SCEA application, followed by his RD applications.</p>
<ol>
<li>Instilled my kids with a love a reading from an early age - they both had stellar CR scores (especially as boys) which I think were very helpful in the college admissions process.</li>
<li>Both kids applied EA, or priority to at least one school and had acceptances before Christmas.</li>
<li>Started college visits spring (actually Feb for S2) junior year, and listened to older son when he said he didn’t need college visits until he knew where he was in.</li>
<li>Found safeties they liked.</li>
<li>Let my kids do what they enjoyed and then sold that to the colleges instead of trying to be what they thought the colleges wanted.</li>
<li>Let my kids opt out of APs they didn’t want to take. Guess what you don’t need AP English to get into a top 20 college!</li>
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<p>Currently Admin. Asst. in the pre-transfer search as Happykid is at our local community college and will finish her AA next May. My job this summer includes
helping her prepare for the Spanish CLEP
and
reminding her to get suggestions of 4-year programs to visit in the fall.</p>
<p>When son (talented in many areas) was hesistant to hone in on an idea for a major, we didn’t pressure him. Instead we spent several months playing a light hearted game, “What do you NOT want to major in?” </p>
<p>Initially he’d only offer up things like “NOT Creative Dance” and “NOT Women’s Studies”. And I think fairly early on he said "NOT Music’ (which was progress… he had music teachers saying he had enough talent to be a Music Major… his preference is to keep it as hobby/fun//phew). Then one day he actually said a real subject - “NOT History”. By the time we visited colleges spring break junior year, he had already decided “NOT English”. Somewhere along the line there was a “NOT Seminary” choice too </p>
<p>So we started visiting colleges with strong programs in Engineering (familiar territory for DH and me) and/or Math and Sciences. Then he on his own started to eliminate school that did not offer Engineering. It’s all an evolution, and best done in a low pressure way. </p>
<p>Had we not made this much progress, school selection would have needed to be broader - that would have been ok too.</p>
<p>I totally agree with this point. APs come down to one test - if your kid is having a bad day and they don’t do well there isn’t a second chane. Lots of work for very little payoff. Also, if your kid is majoring in Chemistry and they get a 5 on the AP Chem test, many schools will still require them to take the intro chem class because not all of the material is covered in AP classes. APs are good for gen ed requirements.</p>
<p>I encouraged my daughter to look at SUNY Binghamton because of its “value” (cost to quality) and she ended up picking it (was not the cheapest after scholarships, but in the same ballpark as other candidates). Other than me suggesting it, I did no further urging.</p>
<p>-I kept going back to school, class by class, to finish my own degree. It took me his entire childhood to do it but I felt driven by my own desire for a BS plus wanting to set the example that education is a priority.</p>
<p>-Discussed college finances with him from freshman year in high school. Made it very clear what we could afford (in-state plus room/board), how much we would co-sign for in loans (very little) and what role scholarships would have to play if he wanted to go somewhere other than flagship. </p>
<p>-Chose the safety school first. It forced him to get serious about his need vs want list. Once he had a safety he was truly excited about, the whole process was far less stressful.</p>
<p>Rising Senior DS… loved to read at an early age…790 CR
Is applying to 5 EA schools this Fall
Found 4 Safeties he loves
Definitely let him do what he loved and will portray an authentic kid
to admission officers
Is NOT taking AP Lit this year, but is instead taking 2 English
electives he is passionate about.</p>
<p>LOVE the advice from CC poster’s who have been there, done that… I follow directions well…LOL!!</p>
<p>I set up a separate email folder called “important college emails” in which I placed all incoming emails from colleges, including confirmations, passwords, and things like that.</p>
<p>I also kept a running list of college usernames and passwords on one page on the computer so that we always knew where to find them when we wanted to login to find something. On this list, I also wrote down the date on which each college expected to release admission information. As admissions came in, I added admissions information, including scholarships and honors programs. This was very helpful and prevented us from having to scamble around to find what we needed.</p>
<p>Did not freak out when he made it clear that he would end up in the military</p>
<p>Did not flinch when he choose Team Sports over a real class senior yr.</p>
<p>Stayed on top of all the deadlines for the ROTC scholarship and made sure he did too</p>
<p>Did not force him to look at “top” schools all over the country where ROTC would pay tuition when he told us (emphatically) that he really wanted to go to our big state u.
He was right.</p>
<p>Did not whimper,moan, beg him to change his mind when he chose a dangerous career (that he is super excited about).</p>
<p>S2:</p>
<p>After dragging him thru school for the first eleven years, told him he was on his own to keep up with stuff his senior yr.</p>
<p>Told him CC, Trade School or college would be fine with us…whichever he was most interested in… no pressure to go to college if he didn’t think it was his thing.</p>
<p>Went along with his idea to sign up for Dual Enrollment classes at the CC sr. year.</p>
<p>Didn’t let on that we had doubts about his chances of success at big state u. </p>
<p>and…the #1 best thing we did was allow him to return to college for spring semester and try again even though he failed most of his fall classes freshman yr. Telling him we believed he could do and and holding his feet to the fire bolstered his belief in himself.</p>
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