what did you do right?

Parent Cafe
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<p>By the pure number of discussions and posts on this forum one would think there are a lot of us parents who care about their child(red) education. Many of the families have had multiple very successful stories about good university and/ national science awards. If we take a look at the big picture, what are the top 3 factors that you will contribute to your satisfying results? Let’s not count the religious ones here and focus on the admission stage of the game only. </p>

<p>Of course there are exceptions to every rule. However, for those families who have all of their children got into their dream schools. There got to be some general contributing factors. </p>

<p>We had a quick discussion with DS about this and we dismissed “gene” as a major factor. What we agree on are: Culture, and financial capability. </p>

<p>Being an Asian family, we value education and set up high expectations from very early on. It burns in their brains that a good education is the foundation for whatever they want to do in their life. Started at a very young age, our children were exposed to the Asian culture – from Chinese school to piano lessons etc. </p>

<p>Of course, a lot of these activities require financial capability. We are fortunate to have basic capability to provide our children with the some extra. We buy houses in the best part of the town to enroll them in the best public schools. That gave them the environment and peers to excel. When one HS did not seem challenging enough, we could afford to move to another city and get a house in the district of one of the best HS in the country. Had we have more $$ available, we would have send them to summer camps and may be SAT preparation classes etc. </p>

<p>In the 80’s, many Chinese students like me came over to States to get their advance degrees. Many of them married to another student and form a family with two Push here Dummies. These families all have the common factors like ours, except with a lot more $$. Based on what have been posted in different forums, most of their kids are in T10 schools, namely HYP. </p>

<p>On the other hand, I would assume not every kid from a middle class family with advance degreed parent(s) get in a T10. So, other than luck and health related issues, what are the major contributing factors to get a kid into a T10?</p>

<p>disclaimer: I know that not everyone wants to go to a T10 school, and going to one of them does not equal successful in life etc.</p>

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<p>Hmmm…major contributing factors…</p>

<p>The passion that one has for an EC and the “evidence” of that passion outside of the school environment is one thing that many T10 successful applicants have. As a parent, that requires exposing kids to many different things, allowing them to try a lot of different things, supporting them in their endeavors, and looking for opportunities outside of school (summer programs, research opportunities, honor band auditions, etc.) for them. </p>

<p>All of the above takes time and sometimes money. Again, the financial factor.</p>

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<p>DII – I know you’re trying…but…</p>

<p>First question was: “what are the top 3 factors that you will contribute to your satisfying results”</p>

<p>Second “question” was: “for those families who have all of their children got into their dream schools. There got to be some general contributing factors.”</p>

<p>Final question was: “So, other than luck and health related issues, what are the major contributing factors to get a kid into a T10?”</p>

<p>So…are you asking for the contributing factors for a kid being admitted to a T10 (a frequent thread on this site) or…are you asking for the contributing factors for a kid being admitted to their “dream school”/satisfying results?</p>

<p>(Have you posted any of your son’s EA/rolling admissions yet? Would be interested to know…)</p>

<p>But …to answer your T10 “dream school” question…For our child in a T10 school, it was the spectacular opportunities, and teachers, at the highly competitve public high school . No outside review courses or tutors needed, either. For us, it was worth the small house and no fancy summer opportunities for kids or fancy vacations for us. </p>

<p>Will hopefully be able to report on same contributing factors for non T-10 satisfying results in another year or two…</p>

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<p>^^ I am asking from the family point of view, not the e/c, scores, etc factors. </p>

<p>I believe I did post the rolling admission to OSU when it happened. Wish I didn’t but… …</p>

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<p>Towards their education in general, I had older D pick which elementary school to attend ( we had been looking at lots of schools, public and private), and younger D picked her high school ( she wanted to go from family size alternative school to inner city comprehensive), so far things are turning out well for each.</p>

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<p>I think, let my kids develop in the direction that fit them, watch and encourage, offer opportunities.

imo, summer camps are great, esp. camps for gifted (like CTY, etc.) because they have opportunities to see other parts of the world, get to know their good peers outside school, outside their daily routine. But SAT prep is not necessary. Many good kids get perfect SAT without any prep class.</p>

<p>I appreciate this thread and parents like DadII.</p>

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<p>What if a kid has a “dream school” that is not T10?</p>

<p>Does that make the kid and the parents failures? Good Grief…</p>

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<p>^^thanks. </p>

<p>So far, it seems that smart parents + $$ are the best combo.</p>

<p>1sm, please read my disclaimer.</p>

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<p>I don’t think you can dismiss “genes” as a major factor when asking how many students got into top 10 colleges. I think that is an illusion. MOST students who are accepted at top 10 colleges ARE smarter AND more accomplished than those who aren’t accepted [ I don’t want to start an argument here,I know there are DA’s, athletes, etc who are accepted, but lets’ be reasonable]. Top grades, test scores, incredible EC’s, incredible letters of recommendations are not achieved in a vacuum or by only sheer hard work by an “average” student- smart students are often more able to do extremely well in the classroom [with ease in many cases] AND have the time, energy and interest to do extremely well in outside interests .</p>

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<p>My kid isn’t in college yet, but I know I’ve done right by allowing her to choose her own directions, being sure she has opportunities and encouragement, and that when something doesn’t work out, letting her understand that it was just great that she wanted to try. If she wanted lessons, I found them…gymnastics, glarr! Singing–wow! Always made sure she got age appropriate books on things she was interested in, to keep it fun. Tried to make sure she saw me learning, and enjoying learning. I don’t think she’ll go to a top 10 college. But I do think she’ll enjoy learning and achieving throughout her life, and that will mean success for me.</p>

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<p>My D, who is a senior in HS is sitting here reading Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness” and I told her you asked this question, and she said:</p>

<p>“How do you measure success? If someone is happy and has a family, not necessarily out in the world earning lots of money, they can consider themselves successful.”</p>

<p>So I measure success by having a daughter like this.</p>

<p>(I don’t care if she goes to a “T10” as you so quaintly term it. She’s not my performing organ-grinder monkey, for crying out loud.)</p>

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<p>We are a professional family who highly value education. Neither of our kids showed the least bit of interest in any top 20 schools…in fact, neither of our kids ever read or saw US News to know the rankings of the schools they were applying to.</p>

<p>What was our “key to success”? We loved the kid we had on the couch. Each of our kids had some strengths and some weaknesses they brought to the college application process. Both applied to one reach school…but in both cases did not attend that school (one didn’t get accepted, one didn’t choose to attend). Both kids had ALL of their college applications done by October 15…except that each did then choose to add one school (in both cases, the reach) at the last minute. Both did early applications EA to at least two schools. Both applied to one rolling admission school. BOTH chose the schools to which they applied. Our input came BEFORE application time when we discussed distance and finances. Neither criteria was an issue for our kids. Finances were not a consideration…we didn’t qualify for need based aid anyway. Both got merit awards.</p>

<p>Dad II…I’m not really sure what you’re asking. There are about 3000 colleges in this country. There is at LEAST one school for every applicant that will meet their needs and desires. In my opinion, there are probably MANY schools that will do this.</p>

<p>Oh…one thing…no dream schools. Our kids were told up front that they should only apply to schools they would be happy to attend if accepted…and that included the safety schools. </p>

<p>Neither of our kids has tippy top CC stats and neither of them applied to those top schools…and you know…we didn’t care. </p>

<p>Key to success…be flexible and understand there are PLENTY of options for every college applicant.</p>

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<p>WHY do you wish you didn’t post this? You should be proud of your son’s admission to OSU. If that is his final choice, again…be proud. It’s a great school with many opportunities for its students.</p>

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<p>May be what I wrote came out wrong.</p>

<p>Basically, for all the practical purpose, we are done per college admission processes. Both our children did very well and we felt good and proud as parents. So, we took a step back to look at the big picture and trying to come to a sense as what are the major factors that got us the results. I am just using a T10 as the reference point.</p>

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<p>Getting back to the OP’s actual question of how or even if a family can contribute to the odds of college acceptance rather than a debate on what defines “success”…</p>

<p>After years of reading CC posts and our experience in the college search a few years back, there does seem to be a trend of students who get into the highly selective schools (T10 or not):</p>

<p>The truly brilliant: not the really smart, not National Merit, not even the 2400 SAT’s; but those whose brain is really working in a different dimension.</p>

<p>The truly unique; includes athletes, actors, politician’s kids, etc. Not the class president or the state math champ.</p>

<p>The truly inspired: the students who seek out ways to follow their passions beyond what is readily available and create a path if none exists. Not just volunteering to build houses.</p>

<p>Beyond that, I think the colleges are looking for students who can succeed academically, and who will contribute to the college community in any way the college defines. This is where the dice roll comes in since there is no concrete way to determine that definition, although different schools may have different “personalities”.</p>

<p>So the question remains how much of this can be influenced by the family (other than politician’s kids, of course). Genes do have a factor in the part where the college wants to be assured that the student will succeed academically. I always say DS got his brains from his grandmother (who was Phi Beta Kappa in the 1940’s and got a doctorate in Statistics when I was 10). He started reading at age 2 1/2; a big surprise and I don’t think it was because I read to him since he was born! He had a large vocabulary, much of which seems to have come from comic books. He always has tested well; never did any outside planning for standardized tests. He was driven from within to achieve high grades. We were fortunate to live a good school district but made sure his home environment allowed him to explore many different areas. The school system did support enrichment at various levels, although not at all levels. Once he narrowed down his interests, we helped identify ways to develop those interests (and financially supported them, such as summer programs).</p>

<p>But none of this made him truly brilliant or unique, and did not make him all that different from the many thousands of other students. And none of this was directed towards college acceptance; it was directed to him achieving his own desires. One of his best influences was his middle school math team coach; she was invaluable in supporting his math development; I still am thankful she was part of his life. The GC at his school was very helpful in making sure he had the appropriate level of classes to be considered at the selective schools. We also encouraged him to find a few ways to earn money, which included tutoring and library page. So the contributing factors would be a rich home environment, support of academics, assisting with passions when possible, and keeping an eye on the school to make sure they offered appropriate support.</p>

<p>And this is no different than the other thousands of applicants. His applications were to schools that were highly regarded for a variety of reasons, particularly in his passion. Some of them did happen to be high on different rankings but were not selected for that reason. At that point, it was why did the colleges want him instead of the others? We can only guess; in a couple of instances I think it was because he applied to a different college within the university than others with his same academic achievements. So his enrollment would help raise that college’s numbers. The instate school was almost certainly because of his academics and test scores. The place he chose was probably because of his passions combined with his academics, and it was the best fit of his acceptances. </p>

<p>So in the end the family might be able to contribute to the students meeting the dream school floor requirements, but after that it’s all up to what the students themselves have made of themselves and what they seek to achieve.</p>

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<p>Dad II, your thread title contradicts your disclaimer. You are equating doing things “right” with getting into a top 10 school. Which is probably what some here are reacting to.</p>

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<p>My guess is your son got into Chicago right, top 10 school, EA?
And not to burst your bubble, but I know 2-3 kids graduated from Stanford and their lifes are not set. In fact, one graduated Phi Beta Kappa and doing a glorified project management job.
I think your thread seems a bit arrogant.
non-top 10 poster</p>

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<p>How can genes be dismissed? Is the idea that all children start out with the same abilities? </p>

<p>Nor do I believe in one “dream school” for a student. That’s an idea that gets a lot of press for several reasons, one of the reasons being pressuring parents into believing that if they love their kids, they will take on crippling debt. </p>

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<p>Luck. Like or not, it’s luck.</p>

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<p>DadII, something I did right in the college application process was grow with my understanding of all the nuances of the process, learning from each kid’s situation in time for the next kid. As did you. </p>

<p>Before that, I think we emphasized education and communication within the household. We never talked our kids out of their passioinate, impractical high school hobbies–which became their majors-- which they hope will continue into viable careers. A crazy trust in them and the world.</p>

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<p>I think another element of helping kids develop to the best of their ability is to remind them that, no matter how smart or talented they may be, they are going to meet others along the way with greater talents, greater intellect, greater ability, in certain areas at least. I’ve seen a few kids crash and burn because their parents repeatedly told them when they were young how brilliant they were; somewhere along the line, in middle school, high school, or maybe not even till college, they encountered other kids who – shock and surprise – were more brilliant than they. I can think of a few kids, really smart ones, who checked out rather than try to compete.</p>