What do i do?

Paying for College
81

<p>Frankly, I find your suspicious nature as it applies to your dad to be odd but, of course, my perspective is based on my parenting style and family dynamics. As a parent, my radar would be going off if one of my kids was making statements about wanting me to make payments if they weren’t able to hold up their end.</p>

<p>sk8rmom, you misinterpreted my post. I meant that if I can’t pay right away due to not having a job than he should still at least pay his half as promised. Because there’s nothing holding him back from paying his portion as he has a job. I’ve didn’t expect him to pay the full payment, just his half.</p>

82

<p>If you read my entire post you’d understand that lenders do not expect, or necessarily even accept, partial payments. It would still ruin your credit, since it’s YOUR name on the loan. Just forget about what your dad’s doing, or not doing, and accept the fact that you agreed to be responsible for this debt. That means make your payments, with or without dad’s help, or contact your loan servicer to make other arrangements.</p>

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<p>annikasorrensen, you stated the same thing in your posts(you don’t care about my situation and are saying that I shouldn’t expect people to be honest with promises). You didn’t verbatim say that, but it like you’re saying that. If you were in my shoes you would be doing what I’ve been doing. If you were in the same situation and a parent promised you. But it doesn’t affect you and the promise wasn’t made to you so you tell me to get over it rather than offer helpful suggestions.</p>

<p>Anyonelse have some suggestions that will shed new light besides telling me to give up etc.</p>

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<p>I will pay regardless cause I 'm not going to let my credit get ruined. To annikasorrensen and sk8rmom thanks for your contributions. I know that I’m going to have to PAY ALL of it if he doesn’t. So if you don’t know that fine I get your points and you don’t need to keep telling me what I know like they’re my loans etc. I mean no disrespect to anyone when I say that so please don’t take it that way. But I’m wondering what I can do to make sure he pays his half because every time I confront him, he say " I will pay my half, but defer it till you have a job"</p>

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<p>kittykat40,</p>

<p>My helpful suggestion is simply to move on and plan as if your father won’t pay and to be grateful if he does.</p>

<p>I simply do not have any suggestions on how to legally force him to pay (it doesn’t seem to exist) nor do I have suggestions on how to emotionally force, manipulate, blackmail, cajole, threaten, or merely reason with your father that would in any way guarantee that he will pay.</p>

<p>No, you shouldn’t expect people to keep promises–you can hope they will–and some people will and other people won’t. And when you have the law on your side, you can go to court over broken promises. But the rest of the time, a promise is not something one can bank on 100%.</p>

<p>No, if I were in your shoes I would not likely be doing the same thing. I have had to just walked away from broken promises. My husband and I had a family friend to whom we gave several thousand dollars to help him through a rough time. After several years, we had gotten back perhaps a few hundred dollars. At some point we just “forgave” the loan. It wouldn’t matter to me if it was a parent promise, a child promise, a friend promise. At some point one moves on because one needs to. So, no–I do not cling to promises that are broken. </p>

<p>I assess, and if it can not be resolved, I move on. All that energy trying to “force” someone to do something (regardless of promise) at some point is A) not going to yield results B) is going to waste HUNDREDS of hours with one dwelling in anger, frustration, moral rantings and poor-me sighs.</p>

<p>While it is difficult for you to see, my “helpful” suggestion is to move on. Cross your fingers that he’ll pay. But plan in case he doesn’t.</p>

<p>*But I’m wondering what I can do to make sure he pays his half because every time I confront him, he say " I will pay my half, but defer it till you have a job"
*</p>

<p>There is nothing you can do. You have zero legal options. All you have left is nagging and cajoling the old man.</p>

86

<p>“But I’m wondering what I can do to make sure he pays his half”</p>

<p>Sorry, but the truth is there is absolutely no way you can force your dad to keep his promise. You can keep asking, but you won’t get a different answer.</p>

87

<p>“But I’m wondering what I can do to make sure he pays his half”</p>

<p>Tell him that it’s OK to deffer it, but that you’ll except half.</p>

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<p>quote from mom2collegekids: “Sadly, there are parents out there that “promise the moon” and don’t even deliver a sliver, so it’s likely that this student has had her hand bit too many times and rightly fears that her dad will keep his word. By sending dad an email and then keeping his response, then later the dad can’t weasel out by claiming that he never made any such promise”</p>

<p>Exactly, I might send that email or record a conversation between me and him. My iphone 4 can record a conversation and I might do that without him knowing.</p>

89

<p>kittycat, there are two key things here: </p>

<p>1) The legal issue, and you might want to see if you can get some advice at a free legal clinic in your area (used to be in the “blue pages” of the phone book). I am not an attorney but I am highly doubtful that you have a legal basis to compel him to pay. And in some states recording conversations without the other party knowing is itself illegal.</p>

<p>2) The fact that you feel you cannot trust your father, which is something that affects a person for life. This level of distrust from a child has to be earned, it’s far deeper than an incident or two, and I’m surprised at the ignorance of people telling you basically to just snap out of it and move on. Good luck to you and I mean that sincerely.</p>

90

<p>* But I’m wondering what I can do to make sure he pays his half because every time I confront him, he say " I will pay my half, but defer it till you have a job" *</p>

<p>Well, you could write up a witnessed contract where it states that each of you have to pay back half. Or, use the email method and save the email.</p>

91

<p>I’ve been skimming the thread and I don’t understand why people keep recommending that the student get her father to sign some sort of contract. Even if such a contract was legal – and it isn’t so far – how exactly would she be able to afford to sue him for repayment if she can’t even afford to pay off her student loans? If she’s unemployed or underemployed.</p>

<p>I have to go with the people who say that you should proceed as if your father isn’t going to pay. It makes no sense to place your faith in someone who you don’t trust. You have no way of forcing him to pay any amount of your student loans. Even if you did get an email or a recording, he still might not pay and unless you can get him to make a contract (not a promise, not a, “I swear I’ll help you this time!”, but an actual contract) there’s nothing you can really do. </p>

<p>I just don’t want you to spend too much of your valuable time worrying about this issue.</p>

92

<p>^^^</p>

<p>This is why I recommend it. </p>

<p>People are human and some don’t have good memories. I know that my own H has an awful memory for such things. Later on, a person (who is an otherwise honest person) might say, “I dont’ remember promising to pay back half; if I did, I would pay it, but I really don’t remember making such a promise.” </p>

<p>My younger son wanted a much pricier car than what we would normally buy for a child. Son offered to pay for the additional amount and agreed to make payments to us every month for towards that amount. We bought the car. Later, H really believed that son was supposed to pay back a larger amount. Since I witnessed the verbal agreement, I had to insist that our son was right. If I hadn’t been able to correct my H’s poor memory, my son may have gotten stuck for a larger amount (or at least it would have been an ongoing argument between them). My H is a very honest ethical person…he just has a really, really bad memory for these kinds of things…he’s not a detail person…especially when it comes to how much things cost.</p>

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<p>I think that Gardna is right…this kid isn’t even out of school yet and is using words like forcing and confronting. At any rate, the contract would have to be in writing to be enforceable and the time to make that contract would have been before the loans were taken. Verbal contracts are generally, or maybe always (not a lawyer) unenforceable after a year, btw.</p>

<p>This reminds of the the girl in CT who sued her dad a few years ago after he stopped paying her tuition in her junior year. She actually won her case, but had a written agreement that predated the loans that she was forced to take in order to finish her degree. I’ll see if I can find the link.</p>

<p><a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost;

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<p>That’s an interesting find, sk8rmom, and the article itself highlights how rare this is. (I’ve never seen another case where such a lawsuit was even attempted, and I think the only reason this one succeeded was the fact that the student made specific promises to her father in exchange for his financial support (and kept them). </p>

<p>The OP and the others recommending some kind of contract are missing that key element; the OP isn’t offering her father any kind of consideration in exchange for his money. If the situation had been, “Daughter, I’ll pay off half of your student loans if you teach me how to use the new Facebook” or “Daughter, I’ll pay off half of your student loans if you promise to make a 4.0 gpa”, then she could get her father to make a contract. (And it’s important to note that litigation can take months and collection can take even longer). Without that element, it’s not a contract at all (written, oral, or otherwise); it’s a gift-promise, and you can’t sue someone to make them give you a gift.</p>

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<p>I’m not familiar with that rule. All actual contracts are verbal and they don’t have a preset expiration date (unless the people involving in the contract choose to make one).</p>

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<p>I don’t think you can have an oral contract that supercedes a written one (like a loan).</p>

<p>So, when loans are written (like student loans), a student would have to get something in writing to show that a parent agreed to pay half.</p>

96

<p>sk8rmom, The contract between that parent and child apparently came after the dad had agreed to paying half the tuition in a divorce agreement in a state that recognizes that. I actually know of someone who did that years ago (a child of divorced parents who sued her ncp successfully for failing to pay tuition, which was in the child support order) but I’m really not sure the OP has quite as strong a case because her parent is the custodial parent and is letting her live at home.</p>

<p>kitty, I agree with the other posters-- the loan isn’t going to accept partial payments. It is a much better idea to ask them for either a deferment or an income-based repayment schedule. The latter would reduce your monthly payment. If that’s low enough for you to afford half, you could then ask your dad to pay the other half.</p>

97

<p>Yes, I noticed that and wondered if the girl (perhaps with her mother’s prompting) did that because the child was not a party to the divorce agreement (and wouldn’t have standing to enforce the contract?). The mom may not have wanted to fight that particular battle all over again…and who could blame her?!</p>

<p>I have an attorney friend who says that a verbal contract is not worth the paper it’s printed on…so I avoid them if it’s anything that I may need to seek a legal remedy for down the road!</p>

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<p>Didn’t someone once say oral contracts aren’t worth the paper they are written on?</p>

99

<p>You can’t force your father to help. And the more you nag him, the less likely he may be to help. He said he’d help. Why are you obsessing about this so long (three years, now) about it- he hasn’t missed a payment yet! Are you worried about the new woman in his life?</p>

<p>Be grateful for everything he has given you until now. You aren’t homeless, you have means of transportation to and from school. You have insurance and food and everything else. I’ve known families that have completely pushed their kids out of the nest the day after the kids graduated from high school. And you have about half the amount of loans that my daughter is trying to repay.</p>

<p>And, praise God, next month it will be two years, so my husband will be released from obligations as co-signer for her private loans!!!</p>

<p>Before you ask - yes, I am struggling to help my daughter financially. She could only find work as a substitute teacher and moonlighting hours at another job, and since her student loans could not be consolidated she is paying $600 a month on them. So I moonlight and pay half of her monthly student loan payments . But I do it of my own free will, and she doesn’t expect me to do it. Last month she had to stick a tank of gas on a credit card that I carry for her in case of emergencies. She called immediately to tell me to deduct that amount from the check that I send.</p>

100

<p>*And, praise God, next month it will be two years, so my husband will be released from obligations as co-signer for her private loans!!!</p>

<p>Before you ask - yes, I am struggling to help my daughter financially. She could only find work as a substitute teacher and moonlighting hours at another job, and since her student loans could not be consolidated she is paying $600 a month on them. So I moonlight and pay half of her monthly student loan payments .*</p>

<p>That is very kind of you. </p>

<p>While it will be great to be relieved from the legal obligations as a co-signer, you sound like a caring parent who will want to help even when it’s only your D’s credit that is at risk. It doesn’t sound like she’ll be ready to take on full payments once you’re “off the legal hook.”</p>

<p>I hope others read this as a warning about such loans. I don’t know what your D’s intended career was, but if it was education (full time teacher) or some other profession that has a lowish starting salary, taking out private loans for that can sometimes be risky and unnecessary.</p>