What do i do?

Paying for College
101

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<p>Did he say oral or verbal? All contracts are verbal (ie, all contracts have to be expressed in words, not gestures or images) but only some are oral. Oral contracts are just as legal and binding as written ones. I agree though that it’s better to get it in writing, only because written contracts are easier to verify than oral contracts. But both kinds are perfectly legal and both must be in verbal form anyway.</p>

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<p>She probably would have had standing anyway because the contract specifically benefited her. She didn’t need a separate contract but it was still a good idea to get one if only to spell out exactly what she wanted to receive. </p>

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<p>This is an excellent point. The talk of contracts is a sideshow. The OP should be counting her blessings that her father is providing at least some support and that she isn’t struggling under as much loan debt as a lot of other college students. She has a lot of advantages that she really needs to take advantage of for all their worth; if she makes getting at her dad the focus of her life it’s going to ruin whatever relationship they have and make it even less likely that he’ll pay what he promised.</p>

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<p>"if she makes getting at her dad the focus of her life it’s going to ruin whatever relationship they have and make it even less likely that he’ll pay what he promised. "</p>

<p>Given that none of us knows this family there is quite a bit of lecturing to the OP going on. She said her father has shown his promises are not kept, and clearly she has built up a lot of anger about that. It’s really between the OP and her counselor (when she can afford one) to speculate as to whether she should consider being nicer to him if she doesn’t want him getting mad at her.</p>

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<p>Mom2collegekids:
Yup, she majored in math education back in 2005 when math teachers were in high demand, so the debt seemed worth it at the time. She just accepted a fulltime position at a brand new private school for low income kids - salary is equal to public schools, but since there are all of 6 teachers at the school, they can’t find an insurance company that will take them. We can keep her on our policy through 2012.</p>

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<p>My point wasn’t to say that her feelings towards her father are unjustified or that she should be nicer to him or anything like that; my point was that she has very, very little legal recourse to force her father – or anyone – to fulfill a gift-promise. By focusing on this talk of contracts and video-taping him, she’s wasting time and energy on something that she can’t really control.</p>

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<p><<by focusing=“” on=“” this=“” talk=“” of=“” contracts=“” and=“” video-taping=“” him,=“” she’s=“” wasting=“” time=“” energy=“” something=“” that=“” she=“” can’t=“” really=“” control.=“”>></by></p>

<p>Yes agreed, and I think she’s been told by pretty much everyone on the thread that her legal options are almost nil. And OP seems to be gone from this thread so…time for me to go too lol</p>

106

<p>mom2collegekids :This is why I recommend it.</p>

<p>People are human and some don’t have good memories. I know that my own H has an awful memory for such things. Later on, a person (who is an otherwise honest person) might say, “I dont’ remember promising to pay back half; if I did, I would pay it, but I really don’t remember making such a promise.”</p>

<p>My younger son wanted a much pricier car than what we would normally buy for a child. Son offered to pay for the additional amount and agreed to make payments to us every month for towards that amount. We bought the car. Later, H really believed that son was supposed to pay back a larger amount. Since I witnessed the verbal agreement, I had to insist that our son was right. If I hadn’t been able to correct my H’s poor memory, my son may have gotten stuck for a larger amount (or at least it would have been an ongoing argument between them). My H is a very honest ethical person…he just has a really, really bad memory for these kinds of things…he’s not a detail person…especially when it comes to how much things cost. </p>

<p>mom2collegekids, that funny you mention that. my dad promised that I could get a small dog than a year later. He claimed he never said I could get a small dog and he refused to let me have one. Convenient memory or forgetful? you be the judge.</p>

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<p>Thank you everyone who added responses to my thread they have been interesting and insightful.</p>

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You’re married with a family, living with your dad, buying pricy cars, can’t pay for your school…???</p>

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<p>^^ OP is “quoting” Mom2collegekids. I was confused too.</p>

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<p>One of my kids always brings up “promises” that were made, sometimes from a long time ago, and sometimes from recent conversations. The funny thing is that these “promises” always seem to come from selective hearing, a bit of dreaming, and a dose of serious exaggeration. Add in a healthy measure of extra optimism, discard some context and nuance, remove all preconditions, replace words like “maybe”, “possibly” and “if” with “absolutely”, “certainly” and “when”, etc., and you have your “promise.”</p>

<p>The little dog story rang a bell! My kid claimed the same thing, and of course we had said nothing of the sort (we can still remember the *actual *conversation). </p>

<p>LOL, too funny. And now I wonder whether kittycat40 might be my kid!!</p>

111

<p>this is a quote from snowdog " 2) The fact that you feel you cannot trust your father, which is something that affects a person for life. This level of distrust from a child has to be earned, it’s far deeper than an incident or two, and I’m surprised at the ignorance of people telling you basically to just snap out of it and move on. Good luck to you and I mean that sincerely."</p>

<p>I don’t know how to use the quote feature on this site. Yes, Snowdog my lack of trust towards my dad runs very deep and to my core.</p>

<p>Well my dad really did say we could get a “small” dog. No if, maybes or buts. It just had to be small.</p>

112

<p>[.quote]If you remove the period this sentence will be in a quote box

[/quote]
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113

<p>@kitty- I disagree with that quote. Completely. Some kids are just paranoid and/or self-centered. </p>

<p>My sister has cut off all ties to my dad because he stopped paying her tuition. The deal was that he would pay for each of us for 5 years (things have since changed drastically and he hasn’t been able to pay a cent for mine, DESPITE a promise, but it’s fine because I understand things change). My sister would register for classes, drop them, and then keep his money. She is now in her 7th year of undergrad. She cut off ties to him because she keeps saying that he “promised” to put her through undergrad and now he won’t- which is partially true. He promised to put her through school provided that she graduate in 5 years. The fact that she didn’t is her own fault, not his. </p>

<p>OP- You had a choice. You made the CHOICE to take out student loans. Promises are nothing but hopeful wishes and sometimes things change. The point remains that it is your debt. Debt can be paid off, but I really wonder if it’s worth severely straining your relationship with your father. After all, you only have one. My sister’s choices have forever changed her relationship not only with my father, but with the entire family. All because of money. You spend SO much time trying to figure out how to “make” your father pay, but the truth is there is none and there shouldn’t be. Yes, your father may have “promised” but it seems like he has a record of breaking promises. Quite frankly, you should have known better. </p>

<p>And if the debt is all in YOUR name (which it seems to be) there shouldn’t be THAT much debt anyway. Family is more important than money. Get a job, pay off your debt like you should as a grown adult anyway, and save your relationship with your father. It’s not worth it. </p>

<p>That’s all.</p>

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<p>A promise is a commitment by someone to do or not do something.</p>

<p>In the law of contract, an exchange of promises is usually held to be legally enforceable, according to the Latin maxim pacta sunt servanda.
Contents
[hide] </p>

<pre><code>1 Types
2 Examples
3 Conditional commitment
4 Religion
4.1 Christianity
4.2 Islam
5 Philosophy
6 See also
7 References
8 Notes
9 External links
</code></pre>

<p>[edit] Types</p>

<p>Both an oath and an affirmation can be a promise. One special kind of promise is the vow.</p>

<p>A notable type of promise is an election promise.</p>

<p>In contract law, a promise is a manifestation of intention to act or refrain from acting in a specified way [1]. It is so made as to justify a promisee in understanding that a commitment has been made. The person manifesting the intention is the promiser. The person to whom the manifestation is addressed is the promisee. Where performance of the promise is assumed to benefit a person other than the promisee, that person is a beneficiary. But in contract law, the word promise is commonly used to refer to promises which result in the promiser’s word justifying expectations of performance from which a legal duty will arise in term of results. For instance, A orally agrees to sell land to B. This is an offer. B agrees to buy the land and pays $1000 to A. This is an acceptance of the offer. If the land did not legally belong to A, his is a fraud and B is legally expected to recover his $1000 By virtue of this indirect recognition of the duty to convey promise accurately, the agreement is a contract.If the promise is obviously misunderstood, the contract is void. Some say that the contract is a promise for a promise.

[edit] Examples</p>

<p>My friend promised me she would be there for my birthday.</p>

<p>My friend promised to do as I say.</p>

<p>My stepfather promised not to be cruel to me. -Cinderella

[edit] Conditional commitment</p>

<p>In loan guarantees, a commitment requires to meet an equity commitment, as well as other conditions, before the loan guarantee is closed.

[edit] Religion</p>

<p>Religions have similar attitudes towards promises.

[edit] Christianity
Main article: Oath</p>

<p>In Christianity, a distinction is made between simple promises and oaths or vows. An oath is a promise invoking God as a witness.[2] A vow is a solemn form of a promise typically made to commit oneself to a moral good with God as witness, and binds oneself to its fulfillment over time.[3]</p>

<p>Some groups of Christians, such as the Religious Society of Friends and the Mennonites, object to the taking of both oaths and affirmations, basing their objections upon a commandment given in the Sermon on the Mount, and regard all promises to be witnessed by God.</p>

<p>See also biblical covenants and biblical alliance.

[edit] Islam</p>

<p>In An-Nahl, god forbids Muslims to break their promises after they have confirmed them. All promises are regarded as having Allah as their witness and guarantor. In the Hadith, the Prophet states that a Muslim who made a promise and then saw a better thing to do, should do the better thing and then make an act of atonement for breaking the promise.[citation needed]

[edit] Philosophy</p>

<p>Philosophers have tried to establish rules for promises. Immanual Kant suggesed promises should always be kept, while some consequentialists argue that promises should be broken whenever doing so would yield benefits. In How to Make Good Decisions and Be Right All the Time, Iain King tried to reconcile these positions, suggesting that promises should be kept ‘unless they are worth less to others than a new option is to you,’ [4] and that this requires a relevant, unforeseen and reasonably unforeseeable change in the situation more important than the promise itself arising after the promise is made.[5]

[edit] See also</p>

<pre><code>Contract law
Asmachta
Documentality
</code></pre>

<p>[edit] References</p>

<pre><code>Plato, The Republic (ca 370 BC) Book I, 33IB
Cicero, De Officiis (ca 20 BC) I, C. IO, III, cc. 24-25
Decretales of Gregory IX lib. II, tit. 26, C. 27, canon law did not enforce all promises
Reinach, The Apriorischen Grundlagen des Bürgerlichen Rechtes (1922) §§ 2-4, that all rational societies need to have some way of making promises binding
</code></pre>

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<p>romanigypsyeyes "My sister has cut off all ties to my dad because he stopped paying her tuition. The deal was that he would pay for each of us for 5 years (things have since changed drastically and he hasn’t been able to pay a cent for mine, DESPITE a promise, but it’s fine because I understand things change). My sister would register for classes, drop them, and then keep his money. She is now in her 7th year of undergrad. She cut off ties to him because she keeps saying that he “promised” to put her through undergrad and now he won’t- which is partially true. He promised to put her through school provided that she graduate in 5 years. The fact that she didn’t is her own fault, not his.</p>

<p>OP- You had a choice. You made the CHOICE to take out student loans. Promises are nothing but hopeful wishes and sometimes things change. The point remains that it is your debt. Debt can be paid off, but I really wonder if it’s worth severely straining your relationship with your father. After all, you only have one. My sister’s choices have forever changed her relationship not only with my father, but with the entire family. All because of money. You spend SO much time trying to figure out how to “make” your father pay, but the truth is there is none and there shouldn’t be. Yes, your father may have “promised” but it seems like he has a record of breaking promises. Quite frankly, you should have known better.</p>

<p>And if the debt is all in YOUR name (which it seems to be) there shouldn’t be THAT much debt anyway. Family is more important than money. Get a job, pay off your debt like you should as a grown adult anyway, and save your relationship with your father. It’s not worth it.</p>

<p>That’s all. "</p>

<p>I’ve been passing all my classes in college with A’s and B’s. I’ve been taking a full load of classes every semester and I am moving towards my degree in a timely manner. So me and your sister are not alike. I’m not dropping classes and taking his money after doing so. He hasn’t given money towards my degree so far. I have a 3.49 GPA by the way.</p>

<p>I made a choice to take out the loans after my dad promised me that he would pay towards the school loans. Promises shouldn’t be broken except in extreme circumstances. Like if he died, lost his job etc. </p>

<p>Just because your parents broke their promises with you doesn’t mean it is okay or right or should be accepted. Two wrongs don’t make a right. If my father cares about the relationship than he will keep his promise regarding my school loans. Unless extenuating circumstances occur on his end.</p>

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<p>I agree that if your dad promised he would help with your loans, he should. But it is a personal promise between the two of you, not a legally enforceable contract. Should people keep promises? Yes, of course they should. Will the law force people to keep promises? No, not unless they meet all the requirements to be considered a contract - your situation does not.</p>

<p>Legally there is probably nothing you can do to force him to if he does not (which you do not actually know yet). Even if you did get him to say it in writing, it does not meet the requirements to be called a contract. There are several requirements for a contract to be enforceable under American law. An important one your situation fails to meet is what is called “Consideration”. This means that there must be an exchange of something of value - a good or a service - between the parties for there to be a contract. Although your dad promised to help with your student loans, he received no "consideration’, nothing of value in exchange. So under American contract laws, you have no legally enforceable contract. Even if he put it in writing, without consideration there is no contract. </p>

<p>The best thing is to focus on your studies and try and keep your loans to a minimum. You are spending a lot of time and emotional energy anticipating something that you do not know for sure will happen. Hopefully your dad will make good on his promises. If he does not, then you will have to find a way to pay for your loans as you are the only one legally responsible for them. The only way you could have ensured your dad would pay is for him to take part of the loans in his own name at the outset. Now all you can do is hope that he does as promised. But legally, you do not have any way of forcing him to do so. </p>

<p>I hope he does. Good luck.</p>

117

<p>It is your choice to hang the balance of the relationship with you father over a single promise that hinges on money. </p>

<p>You sound obsessed about making him keep his side of the promise (whatever that may be, we all agree we are only hearing a single side). Post #114 just is starting to get a bit obsessed, though I presume most of that was a cut and paste from some wiki site. </p>

<p>We are not a therapy group and not qualified to help beyond giving some opinions, pointing out some resources, and sharing some of our own life experiences. If you find that you are having problems beyond simply the logistics of coming up with a backup plan for paying off your loans, perhaps seeing a therapist may help you work through your anger and disappointment.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

118

<p>The temper tantrum continues. The imaginary little dog lives on. Somewhere a dad is kicking himself, wondering where he went wrong, and how his little kid turned into this.</p>

119

<p>MisterK: I’m new here but have noticed the topic of children who want their parents to help pay for college strikes a nerve with you. Asking parents to help pay for college doesn’t seem like an outlandish request to me: college is expensive, teenagers have few resources, the adults who are responsible for them for 18 years do have resources at their disposal. You don’t have to agree, but your responses to young people can be so snarky that I’m just wondering what ax you have to grind - care to share?</p>

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<p>Snowdog: You’re new here, and you’ve noticed an evil strawman that you’d like to erect and then tear down. Go for it. Then go back, reread, and see if you can identify the actual topic.</p>

<p>By the way, you’re not the imaginary little dog, are you?</p>