<h1>1) The name of this autobiography book is called Kaffir Boy written by Mark Mathabane. His real name is Johannes. This special, and wonderful woman, who have similar qualities like my mother, that I admired for her strong character is Mujaji Mathabane. She is the mother of Mark Mathabane. Here are the reasons why Mujaji Mathabane is a special character to me, and the qualities I admired the most about her.</h1>
<pre><code>The story begins when Johannes was a very young, poor boy who lived in Africa. His mother decided to put her son in school so he could get a good education. However, Johannes didnt want to go to school. He wanted to hang out with his group of friends who were gangsters. Johannes was under the influence of his gang group who told him that they hated school, and believed education was a waste of time. Mujaji brought her son to school, and he got accepted to go to that school by the principal. Johannes vowed that he would never go to school. Something happened to him that made him changed his decision about not going to school. After he came home from playing soccer, and got news from his neighbor that his mother went to his grannys house because she got beaten up by his dad, Johannes ran to see what happened to his mother. Seeing and hearing what his mother had to say made him questioned her why she wants him to go to school and have a good education. Her reason was that she wanted him to have a better future than hers, and dont want him to end up like his father. Even though his parents were illiterate, she explained to him that if he goes to school he would be able to register a job because he could read and write. From that day on he went to school, trying to learn everything he could, and studied very hard because of what his mother told him about having an education. After he attended at his school for a while, he started hating the school because he was always getting a beating from the teachers for lacking proper uniforms, and schoolbooks, his mother told him not to give up, and stay in there for a while so she could find a job to pay for his school. Later on, he came out to be the top student of all his classes. After he applied to couple colleges that he wanted to go, he got accepted into Princeton University, which was his dream to get into that college. In the end, he was proud of what he accomplished in his life, and was thankful for having a wonderful, loving mother who encouraged him to go to school, and have a good education.
The first quality I admired Mujaji Mathabane is her determination. Her determination to put her son into a school to make him become an educated person even though they were living in poverty, and her husband rejected the idea. The second quality is her self-confidence. She believed if she gave her son the education he needs, her son would be literate and become an important person someday. The third quality is her encouragement to her son. Mujaji always told her son to believe in himself because if you believe in yourself you can do anything.
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<p>^^ There's my essay. I just want to know what do you guys think of my essay? Good or bad? Do I to change anything? Yes or no? Thanks! :D</p>
<p>The essay was quite bad; however, most of us have written a bad essay or two in the rough draft phase. I'm not going to go into grammatical errors, because you have a more serious problem: your thesis isn't supported by the bulk of your essay. Most of your essay is plot summary, which is a major mistake when it comes to analysis or comparison. Try to cut out almost all of the plot summary and elaborate on the points that you make in your last paragraph, then re-post.</p>
<p>I'm really bad at essay. I did what you told me to do. I still think it's horrible but here goes nothing. </p>
<pre><code> The name of this autobiography book is called Kaffir Boy written by Mark Mathabane. His real name is Johannes. The story begins when he was a young, poor boy living in Africa. His mother decided to put her son in school. However, Johannes rejected the idea of going to school because he was under the influence of his gang group who despised school, and believed it was a waste of time. Something happened to him that made him changed his mind about not going to school. Johannes ran to see what happened to his mother. Seeing and hearing what his mother had to say, it made him questioned her why she wants him to go to school so much. Her answer was she wanted him to have a better future than hers and his father. Even though his parents were illiterate, she explained to him that education is the key to the future and success. With education, he could get any type of job because he is educated. He came out to be top student of all his classes. In the end, he got accepted to Princeton University, which was his dream to get into that college. Johannes had accomplished his goals in life, and was thankful he listened to his mother about putting him in school.
My favorite character from this book is his mother. His mothers name is Mujaji Mathabane. The reason this character is special to me is because she reminds me of my benevolent, caring mother. My mother wanted me to repeat third grade which I deplored the idea. I deplored the idea of repeating third grade because I didnt want to get made fun for being dim-witted, and I wanted to be with my friends who were going to fourth grade. The reason she wanted me repeat third grade was because I was doing horrible in my grades, and she wanted me to improve. She told me I wont have any regrets of being held back, and that I will thank her someday. Ever since that day, Ive begun improving in my grades, my study habits, and did well on my tests. I became more intellectual instead of being dim-witted in my classes. My mother was right about what she said. I did thank her about her decision of putting me back when I was little.
The first quality I admired the most was her determination to put her son into school even though they were poor, and couldnt afford to pay. Eventually she found a way to pay for his school. The second quality that I admired was her encouragement to her son. Her encouragement to her son was to go to school so he could be an educated person to get any job that he wanted. She told her son to always have self-confidence because she explained to him that with self-confidence, one could do anything. The third quality was the way she cared a lot about her son. If she didnt put him in school, he might have stayed as a gangster in his group. Her son would blame her for everything, and she would regret that she should of done what she thought was right for him when she had the chance.
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<p>"My favorite character...." suppose to be the second paragraph and "The first quality" is the third paragraph. :/</p>
<p>Okay, it sounds a little better, but you still didn't get rid of the plot summary. Your whole first paragraph should pretty much go - nobody wants a summary of the book unless that was your assignment. You need to base your entire essay off of what is now your third paragraph. Initially, you want to state what it is you're going to prove in the rest of your essay. So I would imagine you'd have something about how your mother is similar to the mother in the novel in your thesis and then support it in the following paragraphs. You've already written some of the support; you need to delete alot of the essay, shift the paragraphs accordingly, and then elaborate on the points you made in your current third paragraph. Still, it's better than your first try, and if you keep editing you'll approach an acceptable finished product.</p>
<p>What if the person reading my essay doesn't know what's the book is about?</p>
<p>Don't worry if the person doesn't know the book, they don't need to. They need to know the character- his growth, not just his accomplishment, talk about the relationship between mother and son and how it paralels yours. You need to do some serious consolidation of sentences. Some sentences are almost a repeat of the one before. For example:</p>
<p>In the end, he got accepted to Princeton University, which was his dream to get into that college. Johannes had accomplished his goals in life.</p>
<p>Could read: Getting accepted to Princeton fulfilled his life dreams, and for that he was grateful.</p>
<p>You see the difference? Take some sentences and put them together. When explainning the characters, give them personallity- stubborn, tough, hardworking...make them real</p>
<p>I like your choice of book and characters-it fits your circumstances very well. Now show that relationship.</p>
<p>Parts of it are extremely redundant. You could say the exact same thing in fewer words. Examples:
[quote]
autobiography book
[/quote]
You don't need to write both words.
[quote]
gang group
[/quote]
Pick one or the other.
[quote]
Seeing and hearing what his mother had to say made him questioned her why
[/quote]
You can't see a sound, so just stick with "Hearing". Also, use "question why", not "questioned her why".</p>
<p>What school are you applying to? If you want anymore help, let me know.</p>
<p>^_^ Thank you! :D No wonder I got a C- in my English class.</p>
<p>Currently I'm in Pomfret Academy. The high school I'm planning to transfer to as a boarding student is Worcester Academy. Here's my third time doing the first essay.
*- means new paragraph</p>
<pre><code> *The title of the book is called Kaffir Boy written by Mark Mathabane. His real name is Johannes. My favorite character was his mother. Her name is Mujaji Mathabane. The reason she is special to me is because she reminds me of my benevolent, caring mother, and how her relationship with her son is similar to my relationship with my mother.
*The first quality that I admired was her determination to put her stubborn son into school when her son didnt want to go. Johannes reasons were that going to school was a waste of time and he rather hang out with his cool gang. Unlike Mujajis decision[ o.o; I dont know how to start this one
is that right?], my mothers decision for me was she wanted me to repeat third grade. I deplored that idea because I didnt want to be made fun of by other kids for being dim-witted, and I wanted to be with my friends who were going to fourth grade.
*The second quality that I admired was her encouragement to her son. Her encourage to her son was to go to school so he could be an educated person to find any job that he wanted. She warned him that someday he would thank her for doing the right thing for him. She was correct because his desire was to get into Princeton in order achieve his important goals. Mujaji told him to always have self-confidence. She explained to him that with self-confidence, he could do anything.[Im sorry Citymomsgirl. I didnt want to use your sentence because I would plagiarizing I think. ;-; I had to come with a different one but I like yours better.] My mothers explanation for me was because I was doing horrible in my grades, and she wanted me to improve. She told me I wouldnt have any regrets of being held back, I would do better if I got held back, and that I will thank her someday. Ever since that day, Ive begun improving in my grades, my study habits, and did well on my tests. Like Johannes, I became the top student out of my classes. I became more intellectual instead of being dim-witted in my classes. My mother was right about w hat she said. I did appreciate about her decision about putting me back when I was little.
*The third quality was the way she cared a lot about her son. If she didnt put him in school, he might have become a gangster and wouldnt make good decisions about his life. Its a possibility that he might blame her, and she would regret that she should of done what she thought was right for him when she had the chance. I believed I would blame my mother for not putting me back when she had the chance. I think I wouldnt become this smart if it werent for my mother. Im very thankful that my mother cared a lot about me.
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<p>That was a really bad essay. It sounded like a really long list.</p>
<p>[shrugs] I don't know what to do</p>
<p>How is it a really long list by the way?</p>
<p>Take out some of the abouts, and it is MUCH better than before....tweak it some, look at sentences that are next to each other and you will see that sometimes you repeat words. And sometimes you put to many words in a sentence:</p>
<p>I did appreciate about her decision about putting me back when I was little.</p>
<p>I did appreciate her decision of putting me back when I was little.</p>
<p>*The second quality that I admired was her encouragement to her son. Her encourage to her son was to go to school so he could be an educated person to find any job that he wanted. </p>
<p>Secondly, I admired her encouraging her son to go to school so he could be an educated person and be able to find any job he wanted.</p>
<p>ps- its not plagerizing, I am helping you by showing how to tweak a sentence. Feel free to use these two, and look for other ways to fix the sentences. it really very minor changes, but as you can see the sentences flow a little better.</p>
<p>Alright I'll try my best to see and make changes in my sentences. Thank you.</p>