Post Your UF Essay! Read answers and criticism

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Florida
1

<p>I figured this is a good way to kill some time before the 10 day countdown. I was speaking to Lansing through private messages and this is a good way to see what others wrote in their applications. </p>

<p>Since nearly all of us have sent in your applications, I don't see any fault on a moral basis that would lead to copying of each others' essays. So I'll go first. Make sure to add the big disclaimer at the beginnign and end of your essay. </p>

<p>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!If you're going to submit your own, please comment on at least one other person's essay in this thread to keep it alive!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!I will be continously commenting as well.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>

<p><essay starts="" here="">
The half-naked woman stared at me with her perfect teeth, white enough
for a toothpaste commercial. The strangest part wasn't her clothing
(or lack thereof) but the fact that she didn't know she was looking at
me dead in the eye. There's something curious about why it is that all
lawyers' offices insist on being littered with beauty magazines. I
hadn't come here for tips on how to become a better lover; I made an
appointment with Mr. Smith (the names have been changed to protect the
innocent, the guilty, or the simply confused) to have a question
answered. In my mind, there was nothing strange about a teenager
looking to found his own company</essay></p>

<pre><code> Indulge me for a moment as we rewind to the beginning, to what
</code></pre>

<p>factors made me who I am. How far I can kick a ball won't exactly
merit me headline news, and how quickly I can explain how quartiles
function to a dazed statistics student won't land me infamy in
mathematics circles. What I'm certain of, however, is that I refuse to
accept a life of mediocrity and that what I'm destined to do will be
regarded as average, like a movie with too many clichés and a cheap
ending.</p>

<pre><code> When I first arrived in the United States from Brazil, a man told me
</code></pre>

<p>that from the moment I step outside my house I would be prejudged,
criticized, and possibly forgotten and that I could depend only on
myself. I have no fall back plan, no trust fund to support me in case
I fail; there are no connections to facilitate me in finding a
respectable job and no "get out of jail free" card.
When I was 15 years old, I made an oath that I would accept nothing
for free and I would refuse pity due to inadequacy. From that day
forth I have worked two jobs in different industries and several odd
jobs at any given time from systems administrator to sales associate.
I would finance my own car, pay my own bills, and become
self-sufficient in nearly every aspect of the word.</p>

<pre><code> Two years ago I decided that it was time to pay back for what
</code></pre>

<p>opportunities I was given and maybe earn some good karma along the
way. I was tutoring a 14-year-old boy from a local neighborhood as
part of a community outreach program, and I asked him to print an
assignment. He looked at me calmly and said, "How? I don't have a
place to type it." My calling was to do what was in my power to
change these circumstances.</p>

<pre><code> Dedicated to this cause, I would use the proper channels for the
</code></pre>

<p>task. I called the Florida Bar Association and scheduled a free
30-minute consultation with a local lawyer. The plan consisted of
three parts: to become incorporated as a non-profit organization
(under my father's name as executor until I turned 18 years old), to
seek out donations of broken or old computers, and to donate them
refurbished to underprivileged children. With the signature of a
16-year-old boy, Tech Hands, Inc. was created.</p>

<pre><code> I yearn for a place where I'm free to discuss the impact of corporate
</code></pre>

<p>outsourcing or the rising importance of the Chinese language with any
passerby. What truly matters to me is seeking an unforgettable college
experience and the knowledge available in those four years; knowledge
that will help me transform my life into more than sound and fury.
<essay ends="" here=""></essay></p>

<p>Cheers!</p>

2

<p>Ill just say what I said before. Your essay has a nice touch in the beginning, like in novels. While getting the point across, you sublimily add in what youve accomplished as well as what youve done in your own time. It shows that you care about your community and are very active. The nonprofit organization will really impress them. Youll be a shoe-in with your stats.</p>

<p>PROMPT: How will your individual background, experiences and personal identity influence your educational pursuits and your contributions to the campus community at the University of Florida? </p>

<p><essay starts="" here="">
Dozens of people were running past me, all of them strangers. Children were clinging close to their parents without a clue in the world. Many were hugging and kissing, while others were shouting. I had never seen these kinds of people before. They had distinctively different features. I saw people with green, blue, brown eyes. Every one of them came in different sizes with brown or even yellow hair. A large sweaty man ran by me and dropped a large case. He quickly picked it up and ran frantically towards a corridor. The lights around me flashed unknown words that I had never seen. A large voice came out of machines announcing an unusual message. I hung onto my brother and grabbed his right hand tightly. I was four years old and my family had just arrived in the United States.
For as long as I can remember, my family was always hardworking and dedicated. Before my family immigrated to the United States in 1995, we lived in Vietnam. Post war scars left Vietnam crippled and filled with poverty. We desperately needed a new life; a new life that would fulfill not only our dreams of freedom, but also our dreams of financial security and a chance for a top-notch education.
After immigrating to America, my family was confused about what to do in a new environment. Eventually, my fifty-year-old parents and twenty-year brother were forced to acquire minimum wage jobs because of their incomplete education. Everyday after work they would come home tired, broken down, and depressed from their jobs. One day, after school I asked my older brother what any puzzled eight year old would ask. I asked him why he worked at that job if it made him so unhappy. The response he gave me would change my life. He told me that he was forced to work at that job because he didnt have a chance at a good education like I have right now.
I finally realized the great opportunities in the United States that I was taking for granted. My only job was to work hard and succeed in school. Unlike myself, my brother was obligated to work at a minimum wage job until he was twenty-five years old before he was able to attend college. Seeing my parents and brother work forty to fifty hours a week showed me the importance of an education. It proved to me that without an education, I too could look forward to a minimum wage job.
I was determined to have a new perspective on my future. In a free country such as the United States, education is a given right, unlike the rare opportunities for education in third world countries. With my new mindset,<br>
I believe that I will be able to bring my persistence and desire to succeed to the University of Florida. My educational pursuits might change, but whatever I choose to do, I will always strive to be the best. By attending the University of Florida, my ethnic and social backgrounds will add diversity to the campus. I will be able to educate others by relating my familys hardships and proving that hard work and dedication ultimately lead to success.</essay></p>

<p><ends here=""></ends></p>

3

<p>I'll start with the commentary that i sent to Lansing through PM. What I said was that I loved is the emotional touch. Especially the allusion to the Vietnam War, the family depression and the attention to detail like the man dropping the suit case.</p>

<p>It definately appeals to the search for minority influence at UF</p>

4

<p>Ruo: As I've said it before, you had a great essay. The beginning is interesting and it pulls in the reader. I think thats one of the most important parts of the essay. You speak about a community service project you began, which is always a +.</p>

<p>Lansing: I really liked your essay because I can relate to it. The beginning was great, it was a real attention grabber. :) I loved how you pulled everything in the end. </p>

<p><essay starts="" here="">
To reach one’s life destination, you need to overcome obstacles along the way. My journey began as my mother and I departed from Cuba, leaving my family behind in search for a better future in the United States. Being seven years old I was excited about coming to America and had high hopes for the future. Elementary school was a reality check. Kids teased me because I didn’t know a word of English. However, I kept quiet, paid close attention in class, and ignored my detractors. At home, I would bury myself in my books, knowing that things would only improve if I began to read avidly. In two years I learned to speak, understand, and write English. I earned top grades, became involved in school activities, and earned the respect of my classmates. As I entered high school, my journey took me on the path to discovering my abilities, which would boost my confidence and make me the person I am today.
Ever since I was a child I knew that I had the potential to do great things. In high school, I joined the Future Business Leaders of America, not knowing that this organization would be the key to my success. I became a member of the Braddock Executive Board and a Florida State Officer my junior year. As the Vice President of Special Events, I was able to develop planning and organizational skills which benefited me greatly. My leadership skills and dedication allowed me to become the Chief Executive Officer for Braddock FBLA my senior year. In addition, as a two-year State Parliamentarian, I have been one of five student leaders who have guided 13,000 members statewide in the support of State and National charities such as the March of Dimes and Ronald McDonald House, as well as assisting in business leadership development. While serving FBLA, I have maintained excellent grades and served the community, for which I have earned several prestigious awards. Living in a country that has offered me great opportunities, I realize the need to give back. Service to the community is my way of expressing gratitude. I hope to take part in other beneficial community service projects and learn even more about business as a member of Phi Beta Lambda.<br>
My drive for academic excellence has been evident since my arrival in the United States. My desire to prove myself allowed me to breeze through the ESOL program in one year. Moreover, that drive continued through high school, leading me to take Honors and AP classes. After overcoming the language barrier and proving that I could accomplish anything, I have decided to pursue a major in Finance and obtain my Masters in International Business. My goal is to take global business to new heights and achieve more than most Hispanic females ever dreamed of.
The University of Florida would be the ideal institution at which to proceed with my education and my service to the community in my ongoing endeavor to achieve success.
<essay ends="" here=""></essay></essay></p>

5

<p>To Ana: I like the connection to other cultures and Cuba. The honesty about the teasing and nice vocab (detractors!). Good call to lead it into the school achievements like the FBLA and whatnot. It'll show the readers why you did the things you listed, makin them become more then statistics</p>

6

<p>Sorry about that.</p>

<p>I really liked your essay, Lansing. It was very well developed, with a clear purpose from beginning to the end, demonstrating your ability to not only write well, but also develop thoughts and reason in a very organized and clear manner. You took the prompt head on... basing your essay around the theme of education, answering the prompt extremely directly, which I think is a good thing. For me, and others, we used experiences and stretched them to fit what the prompt was looking for, but your life experiences seem to lead directly to this question.</p>

7

<p>gosh I threw my essay together in like 10 minutes, lol. I hope it doesn't hurt me too much, but I have great stats anyway.</p>

8

<p>All your essays are really good and from what I've read your stats are too...which makes me think that almost everyone applying to UF is well qualified =/ How will they make decisions when many applicants' essays,grades,recommendations and test scores are good?</p>

9

<p>Here's my essay your opinions are greatly appreciated!! =)</p>

<pre><code> Calm down Jackie, don't stare; it's okay to be afraid, but whatever you do just don't cry. I continued repeating this to myself in an attempt to find comfort in a lonely place. I washed my hands. I snapped on the pale blue medical mask. I stretched my hands into the tight latex gloves. Fully equipped, I walked into Mateo's room; my eyes searched from corner to corner. I couldn't believe it. Was this little boy really the reason behind all my precautions? Mateo's hopeful brown eyes instantly found mine, and that's when I realized he was not only missing his eyelashes, but his childhood as well.

 Sitting in front of me was a little boy who loved football. A little boy who wanted to sit down and have some company, no, a friend. And that's exactly what I became, his best friend. Mateo and I shared our interests and insights. He taught me how to play Mancala and to look at people for who they are, not just for how they look. In return, I taught Mateo how to dance the Macarena and the reality to the story "The Little Engine that Could". I remember how Mateo refused for me to teach him how to dance but after a lost game of Mancala , he had no other choice. While Mateo was a bit different from what I was used to teaching, no dance competition could amount to that moment.


The time I spent with Mateo was indeed nothing I could have prepared for. The doctors and nurses provided Mateo with extensive treatment in an attempt to restore his health. However, I gave Mateo freedom from his entrapment. I allowed Mateo to escape from his room that he was so forcefully imprisoned in, I lifted the barriers of tubes that separated me from him. I gave Mateo someone to talk to, to confide in, to rely on.  


 Interning at Miami Children's Hospital, I have found that the best way to make a difference in any event is by taking it into my own hands. Mateo and all the other children at the hospital have shown me how short life can be and if I want change I can't sit back and wait for someone else to do something, I must ignite change. I will bring some of the activities that I am most passionate about to the campus community at the University of Florida. Fortunately, I will be able to continue my leadership position in Health Occupational Students of America at UF. I will also bring my talent to the Dazzlers; I know dancing for the Dazzlers won't be to amuse Mateo, but it will be able to spark smiles out of some Gators. Although some may argue that at the University of Florida you are just a number, with over 750 organizations I see it as countless opportunities. Whether it's in a school of 4,000 or 30,000, I never have been and never will be just a number.

</code></pre>

10

<p>Damn good jackie. It reminds me of the tone of voice and monologuing in the movie Meet Joe Black (that's a compliment) where the father is talking about getting hit with emotion, a dervish. </p>

<p>Good stuff</p>

11

<p>LOL I haven't seen it yet....but thanks yours was really good you have accomplished much more than the average seventeen year old, and I'm sure the admission officers will have no problems seeing that.</p>

<p>PS- It's Great to be a Florida Gator!! =)</p>

12

<p>great essays guys!
i was truely impressed!</p>

13

<p>Heres my essay, please comment :)</p>

<pre><code> Frustrated and disappointed, a seventeen-year-old boy sat on the curb at Narita Airport in Japan waiting for the bus that would take him along with his luggage to the hotel, but he was missing something, his luggage. For four long days, a boy who took everything in his life for granted lived in country about which he had no knowledge, although he appeared as a local. With just the clothes on his back he depended on the good will of the people of Japan to give directions and help. For four days he experienced how it felt to stand in someone else’s shoes. Little did he expect that out of this misfortune, which made him know how it felt to have nothing for once in his life, he would gain an understanding that every little thing in life matters.

Ever since my trip, my view on the world as changed, and I hope that I can share my insight as a student at the University of Florida. The first impression I received when I visited UF was that this was my dream becoming a reality. A beautiful environment and a friendly community made me feel that I could be the best that I can be and accomplish great things on the campus. With a new understanding and appreciation toward the things and people in life, I know that I can use my peer-to-peer skills and leadership attributes more effectively to work and cooperate alongside other UF students by discussing and listening to every detail mentioned. If it were not for my incident in Japan, I still might be a type of person that views certain ideas and objects with little value. But I have changed for the better. My dedication to my work from preschool to highschool combined with my new perspective on life can help me contribute to the great campus of UF during my stay and the many years after.

Thankfully my luggage was returned the final day of my stay in Japan, but the luggage was not important anymore. What was important is the gaining of a new perspective on the world that made me a better person. Being able to see that every item, small or large, can affect the outcome of a situation, and will assist me in making decisions more wisely in life and my upcoming years in college. In light of this, every choice that I make, whether it is to attend a certain class or dedicate hours to the community of Gator Country, becomes important just as every puzzle piece is key in finishing the picture. Life is a very valuable thing and I need to make the best out of what I have as of right now because one day all of it might be lost and unlike my luggage it may not be able to be returned.
</code></pre>

14

<p>I really would love to hear advice for my essay! pleaseeee :):slight_smile:
Any thing I should change or improve, let me know :)</p>

<p>–</p>

<p>Collecting the missing pieces of my puzzle took me to retrace the steps of countless number of people forced to make to their way to the gas chambers. The infinite piles of shoes and hair left me numb for consecutive hours, every time I passed by them. The piles of leftover ashes were heavy to understand. I cried to the point that I fell down. Unbelievable stories and horrendous things sawn gave me the piece of me that I was lacking. </p>

<p>Throughout my life, I always asked myself “Can a single event or accomplishment be so transformative that an adolescent matures into adulthood overnight?”. I realized that maturity is a natural byproduct of time, yet I now believe that the process of growing up can be greatly accelerated by some experience. I had one such experience which was most impactful because before it I was ignorant of who I was and where I came from. As early as fourth grade I realized my knowledge of my Jewish roots was truly lacking when I faced an inability to answer some of the most basic questions posed concerning Anne Frank, World War Two, and Judaism asked by my classmates, me being the sole Jewish child in class. </p>

<p>In subsequent years I learned more about the Second World War and the Holocaust but not enough to keep me satisfied. I was, after all, the granddaughter of survivors. It was incumbent upon me to know and understand everything, particularly the extent to which my grandparents and their peers suffered during those dark times. But the information I sought was scarce to be found, even when I asked my grandparents. Intuitively I understood they tried to protect me from the pain they endured, but I also believed they were making a mistake by not sharing their experiences with me and the world at large. </p>

<p>For years, I had to find contentment in gleaning bits and pieces of the Holocaust victims’ past through school material until last year, when I learned about the March of the Living. “The March” is an annual one-week pilgrimage to the Nazi concentration camps in Poland followed by an additional one-week stay in Israel. The March’s mission is to educate its roughly ten thousand Jewish teenage pilgrims in the horrors that befell European Jews and others during the Holocaust. It is also meant to highlight the miracle of Israel which was, in part, created from the war’s ashes. </p>

<p>The effect my visit to places such as Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Majdanek had on my psyche cannot be overstated. The riveting, heart-wrenching accounts related by the survivors who accompanied us gave me the long awaited insight into my grandparents’ experience and an understanding as to why they were so reluctant to share it with me. </p>

<p>I returned home a different person. I was a young adult who now not only saw herself and the world through new, mature eyes, but inspired to change the world’s wrong perspective about Judaism and history. I know that where ever life might take me, I will always carry this urge; I will take this new part of me to University of Florida to spread this love of learning the unknown.</p>

15

<p>god my essay seems horrible compare to yall’s lol</p>

16

<p>So this is my essay that was accompanied by my application sent in 40 minutes to the application deadline >:)
Let me know what you think, I know some things may seem awkwardly worded, but I kinda liked it that way… Stats are pretty good for UF, let’s see what happens :)</p>

<hr>

<p>I have had a habitually conflicting childhood. Now, it’s not been ‘habitually conflicting’ with a negative connotation, but rather a positive one - in my eyes at least. My mother is Filipino, my father Indian; my mother is Christian, my father Hindu; my thought process open-minded, my parent’s thought process grounded in generational belief. The viability of what I call my ‘anti-thetical life’ has brought me into the expected confused, debate-prone and explorational mind I have today. Through having these perplexed ideas of self in mind, I’ve started on paths to try and define ‘self’, for myself. These explorations have led me to come to three conclusions: I have a thriving need for travel, I cannot function without serving others, and I need to lead a life in which I find the most benefit for the most amount of people (Hedonic Calculus in a way, but don’t get me started on that).</p>

<p>That’s it though. I don’t know much else about what I want to do. Actually, I want to do everything. I’ve individually studied personality psychology, and have found that the want to do everything and thinking I have the ability to do everything is an innate part of me. Through all of this I have however found anecdotes of what I want my ideal future to look like and to feel like. I know that my ideal future is one where I am free to explore, but still have conditions in which I can travel to the most elevated ‘me’ I possibly can.</p>

<p>I wish to pass through the streets of India and learn the charm and mystery of the hawkers selling their measly 30 rupee chana. I wish to walk the streets of The Bronx and listen to the future US President debating the legalization of cannabis with his fellow 13-year-old classmate. I wish to stroll the red brick paths of the University of Florida, jet-setting between the creative, passionate thinkers of Matherly Hall and the open-minded, argumentative future world leaders in the International Relations program. I wish to speak my mind, debate international politics with the sensational UF Model UN team, make a worldwide difference and be surrounded by individuals looking to do the same. I wish to have late-night philosophical conversations over a greasy slice of Leonardo’s pizza. I long to travel through the world, my education, my mind, to be challenged by each new day. I long to live an intricate, well-woven, international life.</p>

<p>I covet an environment where I can inhale the life of others around me, and exhale life into the lungs of every individual in every corner of the world. For me, the good life doesn’t start with something just good, it’s a first-class ticket into the minds of every individual in the world.</p>

17

<p>bump</p>

18

<p>any opinions on my essay?</p>

<p>In modern day America, “the good life”, to many people, is an image conjured up of a luxurious lifestyle with no financial stressors. Social media has played a major role in promoting this “good life” phenomenon. NBA teams Instagram receipts of million dollar dinner bills like it is just another casual Wednesday night event. Celebrities brag over social media and post pictures of cars that cost more than the average American’s home. With our news feeds constantly being bombarded with reminders of what we can never have, it puts even more of a burden on society to feel the need to portray an affluent lifestyle to the world.
Unfortunately, while chasing these unrealistic lifestyle objectives, many people lose sight of the fact that they are already living the good life. If people took the time to put down their iPhones for five minutes and appreciate what they already have, they might finally be able to experience the contentment that they have been searching for so desperately. When we are 80 years old and we look on back on our lives, we are not going to think back to how much money we spent on our cars and whether or not we wore name brand clothing. Rather, when we reflect back on our lives, all that will matter is whether or not we spent as much time as possible with those who mean the most of us. We need these introspective moments in our lives to take a step back from the world we get so caught up in and get back down to earth.<br>
To me, “the good life” is such a simple thing. All I need to be happy is my family and a few of my closest friends. I was lucky enough to grow up with certain blessings afforded to few. This taught me at a young age that while material goods can bring a temporary sense of happiness, the only way to feel truly gratified is by surrounding yourself with the ones you love and working on goal-oriented activities. To me this has always seemed like such a simple concept, which is why I never understood how some people can devote their lives to chasing dreams of material comfort and then wonder why they end up disheartened and ultimately unsatisfied.
Attending the University of Florida has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, and it has also been a dream of my parents ever since they graduated from UF. My parents met and fell in love on the grounds of the University of Florida; this is where they shared the happiest times of their lives. They are now two of the happiest people I know, but not because of their financial successes. They are happy because they lived the good life each and every day of their college experience. I know attending the University of Florida would be the perfect way to ensure I end up just like my parents.</p>

19

<p>I’m afraid there won’t be too many replies to this thread YET, as most UF applicants are in prayers. I would say Nov.1st to January 1st are devoted to prayers, in hopes of getting in hahaha.
After this period is finished, you’ll see us pop up gradually before we all come storming in! I plan to make to the Class of 2019 Decisions thread mid-December. Along with it, I would like to ask those applying to share their essays with the public (and maybe even future UF applicants) I think it would be a great service! When that time comes, I’ll post mine too.</p>

<p>As for the essays here already, they were a really nice read! I enjoyed them, each with their own unique style :)</p>

20

Love this essay. Were you accepted?