<p>We have a bizarely high iq family, but we’ve never told our kids thier scores, because, anyway, you’ve still got to do the work. There is not a separate unemployment line for the high iq…nor is there a place on the resume to list the iq. Also, I just think we tend to take those tests well, for some reason, which is not, unfortunately, a skill set much in demand in the labor market. Anyway, I really recommend boarding school. It gives a kid the chance to take responsibility for thier grades and life with the safety net of the studyhall, which gives them an opportunity to develop the study skills he’ll need no matter where he goes to college.</p>
<p>This sounds a lot like my son. Similar GPA, aces tests, but didn’t turn in homework. Didn’t care. No interest in EC’s.</p>
<p>He is a senior now and so far has gotten off to a better start. I think he is seeing somewhat the consequences of his actions. He won’t be able to go to his ‘dream school’ because we can’t afford it without merit aid.</p>
<p>In his case I think it was a combination of immaturity, boredom, know-it all-ness, and possibly some degree of attention deficit. One of his teachers called him the ‘absent minded professor’</p>
<p>I am hopeful he is turning a corner. He knows he needs to do well this year or he will go to community college. And he very much wants to go away for college.</p>
<p>He also had a couple of wonderful teachers who didn’t give up on him, whose opinion he really respected.</p>
<p>“After two years of unfulfilling, low wage jobs, the kid decided to go to college and made Dean’s List every semester. Would he have done so if he had gone directly from high school? Doubt it.”</p>
<p>Yep, that was me. Chrismom, my parents were tearing out their hair because I would not play ball in high school. I had the highest scores and lowest grades in my class. Letting me flunk out and work was the answer. You just might end up attending a Harvard commencement (or two) ten years from now. You never know.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Bravo. My friend, after having difficulties at work, was sent for an IQ exam and evaluation by a psychologist whose research revolved around proving people with ADD had higher than normal IQs. She diagnosed him with - surprise of surprises - ADD along with a 149 IQ. Only turns out years later that ADD diagnosis was completely incorrect and he actually was bipolar. I don’t know about that IQ number, he’s a smart fellow but who knows and who cares. He would have been a lot better coming out of the office with the correct diagnosis and a lower score.</p>
<p>It is astonishing to me that so much credence is given to this number when its validity as a metric of intelligence can be neither rigorously proven nor empirically validated. At least not to my satisfaction.</p>
<p>And even if it was all that important or valid, the notion that someone should use it as a crutch, excuse or bragging point, or be anything but eternally grateful for any innate talent, is astonishing to me.</p>
<p>And excuse me OP, I know I hijacked the thread here with my soapbox. I couldn’t resist.</p>
<p>
Okay, this may be nitpicking and I’m not a psychologist though I could play one TV, but there are concentrated clusters of high IQ people, because after all there are areas that have multiple employers of same.</p>
<p>If I stopped and thought about it, I could probably come up with three dozen people I know who would test at 125 or above with a fair chunk of them at over 140 and a handful in the 150-170 range.</p>
<p>Now with academic magnets like UCLA, USC, and Cal Tech, and employers like JPL, Northrop Grumman, some world-class hospitals, and some top creative and financial employers, it’s not all that surprising that you have a lot of very bright people concentrated in one area. </p>
<p>It humbles one and I’ve long since learned not to make any assumptions when I sit down to a table with a bunch of strangers somewhere. There have been a few times that I’ve had the strong suspicion that I was the dumbest one at the table and I’ve had to work at not moving my lips while parsing the words of others.</p>
<p>All of which was very useful as object lessons in teaching my D that she needed more than being bright to get by.</p>
<p>Personal side note: TheMom and I are very well matched in multiple dimensions and sometimes when looking at other couples that I’ve met socially, I’ve inferred a significant difference in IQ between partners and have wondered “How do they do it?”</p>
<p>TheMom confessed that one of the things that attracted her to me was that she didn’t have to explain everything to me. The feeling is mutual.</p>
<p>TheDad: You sound like a contented, companionable couple. Sounds lovely.</p>
<p>Effects of differences in spousal IQ. Great idea for a thread, TheDad.</p>
<p>ya know I don’t really know what my Hs IQ is, he is smart but has a narrow focus-. I dated guys who were more intelligent( probably)- but I went for beauty instead of brains I guess- plus I like to win the arguments.
:o</p>
<p>But ya I agree about written IQ- my brother supposedly has a high Iq but is d<em>u</em>m*b. if you know what I mean- the absent minded professor isn’t a cliche for nothing.
;)</p>
<p>Try putting him in the company of other sharp kids in a setting that interests him. I think you mentioned he likes math - if you get him among some top notch kids in math, (eg. an ARML team from your area [The</a> Official American Regions Mathematics League Web Site](<a href=“http://www.arml.com/]The”>http://www.arml.com/) or an online community such as [Art</a> of Problem Solving](<a href=“http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/]Art”>http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/)) his perspective may change when he realizes there’s a lot of things that are of interest to him that others are better at. So maybe he won’t ever work hard to do the AP European history assignment, but if he gets a passion for, say physics, you’re a lot further ahead.</p>
<p>I have found in dealing with kids it’s like a game of chicken, “who has more to lose and who cares more.” When a kid thinks you care more than he does, then it’s a losing battle.</p>
<p>^^^^^^^^what she said!</p>
<p>There are some very good ideas in this thread. I had a kid like this except the gpa was MUCH lower than a 3.1. This kid consistently drove teachers crazy by earning very high grades on tests and not doing one bit of homework or busy work. Kid would also hand in entire research papers that didn’t answer the assignment-- because, according to teen wisdom, the assignment was “dumb.” Sigh! I’m SO glad those years are behind me. </p>
<p>What worked:
- counseling that focused on school, motivation, purpose in life
- boarding school (Financial aid and grandparents kicked in to fund one year and it was the kid’s best year. Unfortunately, the funds dried up.)
- eventually, kid went off to college (a respectable state flagship) and found out that in order to meet their own goals, they would have to buckle down… ended up studying hard, taking a gap year and transferring to a program at a top 25 uni</p>
<p>You don’t say your son’s age but I would try to find a counselor tomorrow-- one who will speak to both of you because you need some guidance on how to deal with him. </p>
<p>Next, I would require volunteer work. Maybe it would be more humbling to work retail but I think your son might be passive aggressively rebelling against having to meet other people’s high standards. Frankly, he may be self-sabotaging for fear of failure.</p>
<p>Third, I would nurture his interests. Math competitions, art of problem solving or something similar would be ideal. He needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life.</p>
<p>And lastly, if it is financially feasible, I would look at boarding schools. You can still get apps in for next year and I think you can still get the testing done. If you want to make a real difference in his life, look at this option if you can because a boarding school would offer him structure and a fresh start.</p>
<p>To the OP…</p>
<p>When parents tell me that their smart child isn’t putting forth effort at school, I tell them this…</p>
<p>Take that child on a campus tour of the coolest college within a 3 hour drive on a day that your child has off from school (or could miss) and the college is in session. Don’t “ask him to go,” happily state that it’s time to start exploring colleges and that arrangements have been made. 
</p>
<p>Pick a resident college - those will have the most campus activities, clubs, etc. If your child likes sports, try to pick a school that has that “rah rah” spirit.</p>
<p>Don’t pick a top elite school that would be impossible for him to get into even if he did start making the effort. That would be self-defeating, because he’d realize he’s too behind to ever qualify. It’s better to pick a mid-tier school that will take a 2.8+ GPA.</p>
<p>Pick a school that has fab facilities, several dining venues, super nice dorms, etc. Don’t deal with much/any of the academic aspects - except if touring fabulous lab facilities might be of interest.</p>
<p>The school should also be a very attractive campus.</p>
<p>Call the school in advance to find out what their tour consists of; if it doesn’t include touring the rec center, the dorms, the dining venues, the inside of the best campus library, ask for how you can tour those places. Ask if there are any other “must see” things on campus that aren’t included on the tour. Also, ask where the popular off-campus eating hangouts are. Ask, where the best places are to eat on campus.</p>
<p>Arrive an hour early, and either eat at one of the recommended on-campus venues.</p>
<p>Then tour. Ask about on-campus activities, clubs, weekend activities. Skip any meetings with “admission counselors” or any academic meetings. Then tour the places that weren’t included on the tour. Get a snack or drink at a cute on-campus place. </p>
<p>When it’s time to leave, eat at cool off-campus place or at least drive by or walk thru the off-campus hangout areas. </p>
<p>the point isn’t to overwhelm him with the academics; the point is to get him thinking…“This isn’t ANYTHING like high school. I want to go to someplace like this. I’m going to do what it takes to get thru high school, so I can go to college.”</p>
<p>I have seen this method “work like a charm,” but you have to be disciplined not to say, “well, you’ll need to buckle down, if you want to go to a school like that.” Your kid is smart, no one will need to tell him that.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>BTW…this also works for students who are doing fine in school, but don’t seem to want to “think about college.” DS1 was like that. However, just one visit to an awesome school, eating pizza at some cool off-campus hangout, and walking thru “The Strip” got his “college engine” started. :)</p>
<p>I just tried that with my youngest and she is now even more deadset against going to (residential) college! (Actually, when I look at things through her eyes, I kind of agree with her perspective, and there are other paths to take for her right now.)</p>
<p>Her older siblings are both at Ivies and she has been hanging around campuses for some time, so maybe she is just jaded.</p>
<p>I think the best way to “play chicken” is to sit down with your son, tell him that anything worth doing should be done well, including school, and that he is not doing that. Then tell him, therefore, that as far as you are concerned, it is fine for him to drop out and get his GED. </p>
<p>I am curious to hear what his reaction is.</p>
<p>Being in an environment where he’s not THE smartest kid might help. There are public and private schools where kids have to have a minimum IQ score. The OP’s son would be on the low end, or middle of the pack. That can be a nice wake-up call. </p>
<p>The Hoagies link to gifted education programs in California: [Hoagies</a>’ Gifted: Schools for the Gifted](<a href=“Schools for the Gifted Child | Hoagies' Gifted”>Schools for the Gifted Child | Hoagies' Gifted)</p>
<p>chrismom</p>
<p>When I was in high school, I was very shy and didn’t fit in so I ditched every chance I got. I missed about 55 days of school per year for my entire HS sentence. I took the tough classes, but socially was a misfit. I was a tomboy who worked on cars and rode motorcycles. I didn’t fit in with any of the girls- not girly enough and definitely didn’t fit in the the boys- I knew more about mechanics than they did. So I skipped school. I would go one day and miss 2 weeks. Or attend the morning class and skip out after lunch or vice versa. I didn’t have any friends or belong to or do any ECs. I took night classes at the CC- things that I was interested in. I graduated HS with a 2.5 GPA and had missed a total of 210 days of school- not counting the partial days I missed.</p>
<p>My parents were ready to tear their hair out. We had many arguments about the importance of school. I can still hear my mom yelling at me about how I’ll regret it one day. (It’s been 28 years and I still don’t)</p>
<p>Funny thing is, I knew I wanted to go to college. I applied to one college and got accepted. The hardest part of college was attending classes every day! After two years I couldn’t decide on a major so I joined the US Air Force- just for 4 years… by then I would know what I wanted to “do/be”. I retired from the Air Force 5 years ago- travelled the world and met a lot of great people. I still don’t have my degree, but have taken more classes than i can think of. I take classes in things that interest me and not a school’s idea of what I should take for a degree. Was this the path my parents thought I would take- NO! But it was a path that worked for me.</p>
<p>Of course, now I have a son and daughter and my mom is laughing at me…it’s payback time. Both kids are extremely bright. Son determined at the early age of 13 that once he was done with high school, he was done. He’s too smart for that, so we saved our money and enrolled him in the Principles of Engineering Design through the JHU CTY program. He was very upset at having to go to school during the summer but after 5 days into the 2 week program and calling home every night about the neat things they did that day… and me pointing out that what he was doing was similar to going to college (at least the Jr/Sr years of college), he changed his mind about college. From that point on, he came home and said I’m going to college and I’m going to be an engineer. He’s a senior this year, still doesn’t study, doesn’t apply himself… and yes I can hear my mother in my mind when I think about how he could have straight A’s if he would only APPLY himself. I always refrain from telling him that- it didn’t make me do any better… He has a 3.5 GPA and will not get into a top 20 school, but we’re ok with that.</p>
<p>sorry for the novel… </p>
<p>Have you found a “trigger” for getting him to turn in his work or do better? My best friend got me to thinking about this…when my son was younger- telling me he did a lot of things for the attention. Granted we gave him a lot of negative attention (grounding, tv and computer loss) but it never seemd to work. She told me we needed to find his “trigger” What could we do in order to give him positive attention. We noticed that money was important to him so we paid him for his grades but only A’s and B’s. He had to pay us for the C’s, D’s and F. This for both the homework and report card. Report cards were- $5- A; $2.50- B. Then if he got a C or D he would pay us $2.50 and $5 respectively. F’s cost him $20. The first report card he made $12? I was very happy to tell him to “keep up the good work” because I didn’t like paying him MY money. Pointing out what he could have made if the C’s were brought up to a B or better yet an A. Not harping on those grades (boy was that hard! I’m a harper ) The next report card there were more B’s than C’s and the one after that - just one floating C- the class that wasn’t interesting. We worked the same deal for homework. We talked to all his teachers, made sure they would initial his homework, so we would know he had turned it in and it was their grade not a classsmates, and that he gave us ALL his homework- not leaving out the “bad grades”. A=1.00, B=.75; C= -.75; D= -1.00 and F= -2.00. By then end of the year I was paying him about $50 a month for his work. He still had a few bad grades and by the time he hit 10th grade, we were done paying him, since he figured it out.</p>
<p>So I guess what I’m trying to say is find a way to positively reinforce what you want him to do, step back and let him fail (if that’s what it takes), let him take a course at a college so he can see what it’s really like. And don’t forget to BREATHE, this too shall pass. </p>
<p>Good luck</p>
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<p>Batllo, is there ever a thread in which you don’t come across as a jerk? That’s totally unfair.</p>
<p>What part of that description is unfair? The parent describes him as such.</p>
<br>
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<p>Her older siblings are both at Ivies and she has been hanging around campuses for some time, so maybe she is just jaded.
<<<<<<<<<</p>
<p>Are you saying that your child is not the “college-bound” type? Or, maybe she’s the type that needs a “gap year” first? If so, that would be a different issue. Since kids tend to “only know what they know,” they sometimes make the mistake of just thinking that college will just be a dreadful 4 more years of high school.</p>
<p>However, I do agree with your point that if she’s been on her siblings’ ivy campuses a lot then she may either be turned off by the whole competitive aspect of colleges, or she feels that going to a “non-ivy” college would suggest that she’s not as smart as her siblings. More to the point, since she’s been on her siblings’ campuses, she already knew that college was very different from high school. </p>
<p>My suggestion is really more for kids who really haven’t explored a college campus - more than just attending a game at the stadium.</p>
<p>Yeah, but it’s still a good suggestion, anyway, whether it clarifies for the kid that further schooling right away is the way for them to go or if it makes them realize it’s not for them. College is different than high school (firm grasp of the obvious), and the kids really do need to want to be there. If they want to do something else for a while? It doesn’t even mean they won’t go later.</p>