<p>Our daughter just got one of her acceptances to one of her top choices--Wellesley. Instead of people saying, "congrats," I am getting a lot of "can you afford to send her there?"</p>
<p>Instead of going into FAFSA, EFCs, etc. etc., what is the nice thing to say? She has applied to some other top colleges that do, in fact, cost money. I am a little frustrated and would like some advice because I feel that this is just the beginning.</p>
<p>I guess people don't remember that it is considered rude to ask about money.</p>
<p>BTW, we can "send her there" with our EFC and Wellesley aid :)</p>
<p>How about running with something fairly vague and then changing the subject? Something like, <nodding head=“”> “It’s true, schools <em>are</em> expensive these days, aren’t they? Oh, btw, will you guys be at the game Thursday night? I’m thinking we’re going to try to get there about 7:00.”</nodding></p>
<p>Last year, we had two kids at Hampshire College, and we got some of the same questions, “How can you possibly afford that?”, or worse, “How can you justify that sort of expense?”. I agree with Deborah that a vague answer along the lines of, “yes, it is costly, but with some aid from the college, it will work out”.</p>
<p>How about something along the lines of “Everyone gets a choice on how to spend their money, and this is ours.” Then drop it and change the conversation line.</p>
<p>Sheesh, you’d think you were gambling or snorting away the family’s fortune. It’s sad we have to deal with insufferable, rude people.</p>
<p>I morph from the “Yes, college is expensive these days” to “She’s very excited about all the opportunities the school offers. For instance, blahblahblah…” </p>
<p>I’d definitely mention financial aid. The fact that the person asked the question suggests that they aren’t that aware about the financial aid process. They may not allow their own kids to consider a school such as Wellesley when it may be just as affordable as their in-state public options. The information that you share may be valuable to them.</p>
<p>Congratulations!
Wow. That’s a new one to me. I guess I should be grateful our friends and acquaintances have a little more class and tact.</p>
<p>I think I’d just laugh and say, “We’re selling her little brother,” or some other nonsense response to hopefully give them the hint that they’re being rude.</p>
<p>If they really don’t get it, as gadad suggests, you could educate them if you are so inclined.</p>
<p>First of all congratulations to you all !
Sometimes people don’t think about what they say before it comes out of their mouths…and no one really knows other’s means of paying for college…I think our family sort of falls into this category</p>
<p>When my oldest got accepted to her first choice college , I ran into a woman I knew who had her youngest also applying to schools at this time. I had been subjected to her bragging about her two older kids ( who really are awesome ) for years…instead of her showing any happiness at all for us , she turned sniped and made negative remarks…</p>
<p>I got the same question. A vague, “we’ll figure it out” and a quick change of topic worked. Also, a joke of “we figured we wouldn’t eat for the next four years and we’ll take in boarders,” also was effective. </p>
<p>I always liked my mother’s response to questions that never should have been asked: “Why ever would you ask a question like that?” And a stern look. And a quick change of topic. It always worked.</p>
<p>People never cease to amaze me…why would they ask that??? Is it any different than asking someone how you can afford their car, house, vacation etc. It is none of their business!!!</p>
<p>You could tell them she got a scholarship to Wellesley…that’s what someone we know did. It was YEARS later that folks figured out it was need based aid.</p>
<p>I would just divert the conversation as others have stated…"we are thrilled with her acceptance?..then blah blah them to death until they walk away.</p>
<p>Just say “Yes.” And perhaps add that Wellesley is very generous to top students regardless of the financial situation of their parents. You might be doing someone with a high achieving son or daughter a favor by nudging them to apply to a top college instead of settling for the local CC or state directional for the perceived financial advantage.</p>
<p>I think that some people ask that out of a real need to know. I know that before I sent my two kids to college, I really wasn’t sure how people made it work and I certainly wasn’t sure how we would make it work. We had almost no money saved up, and didn’t HAVE a household budget and weren’t sure how we would pay. It helped me a lot that people (and CC people) said, “Well, we applied for financial aid and will get some needbased aid, and then our kid is applying to local scholarships, and though they are small, many colleges apply them against loans, and we find we save about $3000 ayear, because he/she is not eating at home or using the family car or shampoo or hot water and we are not paying for any EC’s, and Jr. is planning on getting work/study and will be contributing $1500 from summer earnings, and, oh, did we mention we took out a home equity loan for a few thousand and are delaying adding to our mortgage payment.”<br>
If someone were to ask me how I afford(ed) paying for private school for my kids, I would smile at them broadly and launch into a version of the info above… and watch their eyes glaze over… I consider it “paying it forward!”</p>
<p>(Along the lines of what holliesue said) Miss Manners recommends that you respond to personal questions with, “Why would you ask such a question?” with a quizzical smile on your face. Of course you may not want to offend and then vague references to FA would work. I usually just say, “Wow.”</p>
<p>I have been asked that and with two in college both out of state I get asked often. When asked how we can afford it I generally give a gigantic megawatt smile and say “We can’t.”</p>
<p>Hudson…I don’t want to highjack this thread but this isn’t really true. Wellesley gives need based aid only so the financial situation of the parents is the ONLY thing they consider when awarding financial aid.</p>
I consider it “paying it forward!”</p>