Its just a rough draft. I’m just trying to get any suggestions on the style, quality, add or take away, etc. I’m open to any opinions.
I think the weakest parts as of now are the introduction and conclusion. Also, I think I should talk about my major a bit more? I know I’m like 70 words to long too, so I will be cutting it down a bit.
There is a chance I’d completely start over. I started early to make sure it is exactly how I want it.
Here’s the link to the requirements
https://admit.washington.edu/apply/transfer/how-to-apply/personal-statement
Thank you
Two years ago, I opened my first company at the age of twenty-one. I was inspired by other entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs. My close friend, who is more like my brother, persuaded me to start a service company with him. Passion and drive has kept me going through a life in which I find balance and perseverance. I have worked hard to have success in business, traveling and friendships. For my passion and experience in business is the reason I’m applying to this program.
The smell of chlorine will probably bring me back to running a service company for the rest of my life, because of the extreme highs and lows during those two years. When I was twenty-one, my friend and I started a roof cleaning company and quickly surprised family and friends of our success. My partner and I grew Aphrodite Roof Cleaning into a service company that was grossing about ten thousand dollars in sales a month, with great margins and exceptional reviews. We took pride in providing high quality work, efficiently, to all our customers. I learned the importance of the principles I formed in the decisions I made with the company, honesty, hard work, perseverance, efficiency and compassion. Founding, growing and managing a company is one of the most valued experiences I have in my life.
Traveling Asia right before starting college are the days I often refer to as my most valued two-month span of my life. I met and traveled with people from all over the world. Including South Africa, Britain, South Korea, Canada, France, Spain, Germany, Norway, China, New Zealand and Iceland. It was incredible to of gotten to know all these people in many different circumstances. Whether it was traveling throughout Laos with a Matt, from Britain and Rebecca and Sam from Ireland (an Irish couple) or enthusiastically enjoying a four-day set of scuba diving lessons from a young Frenchman. To even trying new, delicious, exotic fruits, such as a sugar-apple by a Chinese girl, while we enjoyed a mud bath. During my travels, it was important for me to move quickly, so I could experience all that I could in what felt like a short period of time. I went to five countries in two months. I stopped in Bangkok for three different circumstances, bought and sold a motorbike in Vietnam, riding it north to south the entire distance of the country and took pictures with exotic animals, such as a tiger.
Growing up with diversity is arguably one of the most important factors that helped create the man I am today. Today, one of my best friends is Ricky, he moved here from Mexico when he was six and we’ve been friends for over a decade. I love hearing about people’s stories about who they are and where they come from. I have developed a deep understanding of cultural awareness by the people I grew up with and have had the privilege to get to know so many people from all over the world, while traveling Asia.
Such range and mixture has enriched virtually every aspect of my life. When volunteering at the Special Olympics for three years and working with kids with various disabilities has been a special moments to me. Many times, I noticed a wonderful enthusiasm emanating from the participants and this was not only joyful to see, but also created for me an awareness of simple pleasure of giving back to the community. It doesn’t just stop there. My heart goes to people who need any sort of help. I met Brian in Vietnam who felt lost. He was thousands of miles away from home to get away from the pressure his parents put on him to take over the family business. Unsure of what to do, I listened to his story and gave him my warm opinion and he listened with an open mind. Giving back is an important aspect to life.
Although I am gratified of my recent accomplishments in academics, it wasn’t always like that. To say I struggle during most of my schooling would be a gross understatement. During school I was completely overwhelmed with my classroom and struggled mightily with the work others seemed to easily complete. Consumed with frustration because of the tremendous pressure around me, most people thought I was not living up to my potential academically, because I was lazy and didn’t care about my work. I was not sure how to change my path. In the sixth grade I was finally tested, resulting in a diagnosis of dyslexia. I was taken out of public school and put in a private school called Chrysalis, in Woodinville. Where most of my classes where taught one on one, giving me the crucial help I needed. This gave me the verb tools to catch up and succeed in school. My early struggles in school taught me the hard lesson, life takes perseverance, a level head and goals. With that anything is possible.
Now in my fourth quarter in college and looking back on my performance, I am proud of my accomplishments. I love running into my former tutors and watch their surprised expressions when I answer their inevitable question of what I have been ‘up to’ since graduating from high school. I enjoy telling them about my travels and founding a company, but especially my accomplishments in academics. I share that I have taken four classes in one quarter and finished that quarter with a three-point eight GPA and continued taking classes through the summer to finish my associates as soon as I can. At the end of this quarter I will have taken 12 classes in one year and will exceed my goal of a three-point seven GPA, which I set for my first four quarters. when I received an invitation to join Pi Theta Kapa Honors Society I felt my hard work was being acknowledged. I have met with an advisor during every quarter to make sure I take all the right steps to apply to the University of Washington.
My future isn’t going to stop at my education, but I plan to have a bright future in my career. I look forward to pursuing my interest in finance, economics and entrepreneurship in my years to come. I hope this personal statement has accomplished two goals. Firstly, that I would be a perfect candidate for University of Washington culturally diverse student body. Secondly, that I am properly prepared for my major with awareness of my career goals.