@PurpleTitan, I am sure I can figure out what Oxbridge faculty look for, after I have taken the effort to do that. So far I haven’t even though I have them as an option. All I can say, again, is that it is very unlikely to be 5’s in APs.
What is it with personal attacks? No one is forced to post on this thread. Why not move on? The facts posted on this thread by me are all real, even if you don’t want to believe them.
Back to group activities, I have never forced him to do anything. He does what he likes. I am not a helicopter parent and I have no intention to start acting as one and forcing things on my son that he doesn’t like, just so he gets a leg up in college admissions.
For the same reason some kids pick wings off flies, ma’am.
If you read carefully, getting in to college wasn’t the reason why I said it makes sense to encourage him to engage in some group activities.
Is justonekid an only child?
@PurpleTitan, I would like to keep the discussion to college admissions please. What you consider personal development I may not, so why bicker over that?
@Madison85, Yes he is.
Just for the record, my son plays squash and cello, composes classical music, and is also taking lessons to be a conductor. However, he does play the piano as well. I am amazed really at the personal attacks people will get into if they do not like somone’s point of view. I have tried to be polite here, and will continue to do so.
This.
I agree that some sort of team/group activities are helpful, especially for a kid who is a natural introvert. Colleges are concerned that the students they admit will contribute to the school and be pleasant roommates.
Neither of my kids put in a lot of hours volunteering, but both did activities that were related to their interests. My oldest helped seniors use the computers at the senior center. My youngest taught origami and gave violin concerts at the senior center and also did a project that involved historical materials with the neighborhood association. Neither went out of their way to do things that would look good for college, instead they pursued their interests. In the end I think a large part of their admissions results was related to their essays which showed they both had a sense of humor and came across as nice people in addition to having the necessary academic chops.
Being polite is great. Really listening to what other people have to say, and considering other points of view, is great too.
Any good college counselor is going to (gently) give you a lot of the same advice we are giving you. Don’t fixate on Ivies (you never answered the question from Lucie - an Ivy grad, btw - as to what was wrong with Tufts, a perfectly fine school). Instead of indulging his ruthlessness, help him understand that there are a lot of different ways to get to the top. Blossom’s post was full of incredible wisdom. It just doesn’t sound as though you are ready to engage honestly with anyone. You’re going to steer him towards the schools you want, you’re not going to engage in any efforts to get him to think differently since you won’t yourself.
And plenty of the posters you are talking to have gone to Ivy or similar schools and are achievers / overachievers in their professional lives. You might not know this, but you actually don’t have to go to one of the 8 specific Ivy League schools to do well.
@mathmom, May I ask where they went to? If demonstrating sense of humor and niceness in college essays is the critical factor in getting admitted to highly selective colleges, then I need to start looking for backups for my son. This is worrisome.
@Pizzagirl, I posted a list of 15 schools in my first post. 7 of them were non Ivies. Did you miss that? I am sure there are many other perfectly fine schools. But 15 in a preliminary list is more than enough in my view. Ultimately, he will perhaps apply to 5?
I understand that you are more interested in changing my way of thinking than in answering the question I posed. But do you understand what I am interested in? Otherwise we will keep talking past each other.
Does one have to go to a top school to succeed in life? Well, of course not. But does it prevent anyone from succeeding in life if they go to a top school? If not, why this preference for, say, Tufts, and not, say Harvard?
You better worry more about his recommendations than his essays. Any student can have their essays fudged, especially with a ruthless parent in the picture. But unless you want to fake his recommendations, that is what will likely trip him up.
@intparent, I never worry about things I can’t control, and I taught the same to my son. As I said before, the recommendations will be what they will be. That is not something anyone can control, so why worry?
As for the essay, I know my son, and he would NOT let anyone guide him in his essay (he didn’t when he was applying to grade 7 private school) and he is not one to show humor and spend time on niceties. But I do not worry about that either as I cannot control it. What I can do is to find backups if humor and niceness is what schools are looking for the essays.
I’d love to hear from the student! Anyone else thinking the same thing?
We already know on what basis you picked the Ivies. Why those other 7 specifically? See, that list - heavy on tech schools even though you say your kid is more creative - and the inclusion of UCLA and UCB specifically - very much suggest a particular pattern, as those schools seem to box above their weight with a very specific demographic.
The approach being suggested is not “pick schools and ask people how you can fit your kid into them.” It’s “know your kid and then find schools that fit your kid.” You haven’t started this thread with “my kid is interested in XYZ, what are some suggestions”? You deliberately started with a list you don’t appear willing to budge on. Most of the posters here consider that an unwise way of thinking.
Adcoms are looking to build a community. They want students who want to contribute and participate in their community, not just what the school can do for them.
D2’s private counselor told us this one story. He was advising an Asian family in CA. The student had won many math and science competitions. He was in the chess club and liked to play video. The counselor told him to try to do something to give back to his community. The student said it wasn’t for him and he felt it wasn’t necessary with his outstanding grades and scores. His parents also supported his decision, or maybe they just didn’t want to fight with him. His top choice was MIT and few other top schools. When the results came out, the best school he got into was Berkeley, which he regarded to be his safety. His parents later told the counselor that they should have listened. The counselor told me that his job was to advise, not to enforce.
“Does one have to go to a top school to succeed in life? Well, of course not. But does it prevent anyone from succeeding in life if they go to a top school? If not, why this preference for, say, Tufts, and not, say Harvard?”
A “preference for Harvard” is a meaningless concept, because close to all 30,000 kids who apply “prefer” Harvard but only a small handful will be admitted.
@Pizzagirl, I know that the main interest for many here is to change my list. I am sorry to say that it wouldn’t happen. So, either people accept that and move on, or we can keep going around in circles. In other words, I am asking for directions to a place downtown, even if you or someone else think that this other place uptown is where I should be going.
So, what do you think? Agree to disagree and move on or keep talking in circles?
Tufts rejected more than 80% of those that apply to it as well. So why this preference for Tufts?
@oldfort, my kid’s school is 80% white if not 90%. Nobody volunteers outside of the school mandated few hundred hours. Nobody has time with the intense course load. This school places 15% in just HYP each year and 25% in top-20.
Tell me, why is “giving back to the community” as arranged by the school not enough?
JustOneMom, are you even a real mom or just a person who baits people on internet forums ? I have to admit you don’t talk like a real person and especially not like a mom. Your vocabulary and diction appear contrived to me as well as just about everything else you talk about. At any rate your amusing and certainly have all of the CC regulars riled up. I keep picturing you has Lady Grantham from Downton Abby (the Maggie Smith character)
Pizzagirl hits it with this: The approach being suggested is not “pick schools and ask people how you can fit your kid into them.” It’s “know your kid and then find schools that fit your kid.” You haven’t started this thread with “my kid is interested in XYZ, what are some suggestions”?
Elite adcoms aren’t as bedazzled by “ruthless.” As oldfort says, they want kids who fit their college communities, kids they can like in multiple ways, not so dogged that they look scornfully on a job or think volunteering is padding.
“I have always taught my son to not care about what people think of him, and do what he wants to do.”
Some of us are telling you: if you continue, your son is not going to have it easy with elite adcoms. You and Dad aren’t making the admit decisions.
“I never worry about things I can’t control, and I taught the same to my son.”
We’re really taking about the different sort of things you can encourage, that will serve him many ways in the long run.
Btw, I’m not a fan of Hernandez. She’s been out of direct admissions decisions for a long time. Even if she has a few buddies in the biz, she’s no longer reading a few thousand apps, looking at the current crop.
Older son got into Harvard and some other schools, attended Carnegie Mellon - majored in comp sci, minored in physics.
Youngest got into Vassar, Tufts and U of Chicago. Went to Tufts and majored in IR.
I despise Hernandez, but I did read the book. 
You don’t want your kid’s recommendation to say they are ruthless grade grubbers. I didn’t see my kids’ college teacher recommendations, but I did see some other ones along the way. They often talked about their sense of humor, the way they were an asset to the class and in the case of one comp sci recommender how creative my kid was. (news to me)
@Lookingforward, I understand that the community here loves to pick colleges for others. I have to say again, that’s not what I am asking for. I have picked a list already. You may not agree with it, but it is not your list.
What I want to know is what are the necessary criteria to put in place for these schools. I am not asking for the sufficient criteria - the proverbial “shoe in” - as I know that there is not one. Some people have been very helpful there. Others are upset that I am unwilling to change the topic to “The list is wrong, let’s burn it up and build a new one.”
I am not forcing anyone to post on this thread. People doing it out of their own volition. I do not understand why people don’t simply move on if they are so much in disagreement with what I am asking for. Do you know?
As I read the responses on this thread on the necessary criteria, I do realize that my son misses some key ones. But fixing those will require totally breaking and rebuilding his personality. I disagree with that approach. I believe that kids should just be themselves, and not what the adcoms want them to be. This may be yet another topic where we will have to agree to disagree.
@Mathmom, Thank you. It seems that Harvard, UChicago, and CMU are not good fits for my son then. This is very helpful.