<p>I agree–file a report at the least; what he did was entirely illegal.</p>
<p>Didn’t the counselor you talked to encourage you to do this?</p>
<p>My counselor talked to me about it and said that it was up to me to make the decision about whether or not I wanted to press charges. I know I should, I really do, but a part of me just can’t bring myself to do it.</p>
<p>And, to top it all off, guess who decided to write me a message on Facebook today? It’s the guy. He wants me to talk to him about what happened and said that he doesn’t want me to press charges. Can you believe it? This week has been such a doozy. I don’t even know what to think right now.</p>
<p>PRINT THAT MESSAGE. Save it. Give a copy to your counselor and to the police with any report you file. Do not communicate with him. Block him on FB, your cell and anywhere else he can contact you.</p>
<p>Sassy, I too always like to look for the good in people, and usually choose forgiveness over the option of holding a grudge. But in this case, its obvious what this guy did is not some simple little “mistake”. Taking advantage of you while you were unconscious shows he has an appalling disrespect for women (treating them like some object to achieve his sexual ends) as well as the law. If he had been drunk one might be able to make a thin argument for poor judgment at the time, but him being sober probably shows he’d contemplated the moral consequences of his actions and still didn’t feel they were significant enough to make him stop what he planned to do. Based on the facebook message, it also sounds like he may have even picked you as his victim because you are perhaps a very forgiving person whom he felt sure wouldn’t press charges. Don’t let him take advantage of you even more by letting him completely get away with what he did; he’ll never learn his lesson that way and will probably continue to do this to other girls whom he regards as easy targets.</p>
<p>I know its hard to gather up to courage to press charges but you’ll be a stronger person for it afterwards, and you’ll know you protected other women from the same fate. So please do go ahead and print out that message, cut off contact (you don’t want to be friends with someone who doesn’t respect you I’m sure), and talk to someone about how to charge this guy with sexual assault.</p>
<p>press charges, unless you want the next girl to go through the exact same thing you did</p>
<p>Sassy,
I looked up info about date rape and my souces all said that it’s often more traumatic when you know the guy than when you don’t, because there is a breach of trust. Also, most women don’t report it because the definitions can be fuzzier and for lots of other reasons. It reminded me of what you described about feeling about all of this, you you aren’t alone!! (Like I said earlier, 1 in 3!!!) </p>
<p>Everyone else on CC is right, go to police! Print the FB message!</p>
<p>It definitely would have been easier to deal with if it was a random stranger. The fact that I knew him and hung around some of his friends makes things really difficult to deal with. How can I expect to continue hanging around the people who are our mutual friends? I don’t want to put them in the middle of this. I don’t want them to feel like they must choose sides.</p>
<p>They should choose sides, though. Everyone should know what a scumbag their supposed friend is!</p>
<p>Don’t let him walk away thinking he has the upper hand!!</p>
<p>If your former mutual friends decide not to hang around you after they know what has happened, they’re not such awesome friends. I understand you don’t want to force them to pick sides but frankly there’s really no other choice, unless these friends/aqquiantances mean more to you than your self-respect and this guy’s future treatment of other women.</p>
<p>People lose mutual friends in things like break-ups and divorces all the time; don’t worry too much about this aspect of your problem, I’m sure you can make new friends and move on with your life afterwards.</p>
<p>Also, its not like you can share friends with guy now anyways; the thing he did to you is not of such a forgiveable nature that you can just talk to him and around him day after day like nothing has happened.</p>