<p>WW - No need to be judgmental. Those of us who don’t want to have kids don’t insult or judge those who do (usually), and it would be nice to have the same respect.</p>
<p>Sassy - Did you get yourself taken care of after your assault? I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Did you know it happens to 1 in 3 women?? If you ever need someone anonymous to rant to you can PM me.</p>
<p>i was just joking. i don’t really care what other people do, lighten up.
FWIW I want to have 6 children, 4 girls and 2 boys (because I have so many good girls names)</p>
<p>k, I’m actually not 100% dead-set against having kids, you never know what will happen in life. It’s just that right now (at 17) I really can’t see myself being married - I have lots of deep close friendships, both guys and girls, but I don’t have much interest in dating and I can’t see myself sharing every single aspect of my life with someone (money, health, having all of the same friends) and living with them. And I want to be an attorney, which involves working all the time, and I also want to focus on writing and volunteer work and hanging out with friends. I’m not sure I want to have kids because that would require spending lots of time at home caring for them, and I 'm really not a domestic type of person. Idk. Like I said though, you never know. If I were to become pregnant (say, through Pill failure) I wouldn’t have the heart to abort it, though I think women should have the choice. And who knows about the marraige thing, maybe when I’m 35 I will find someone who also has a busy job who’s laid back and easy to live with. And maybe someday I will decide to have a kid, but I don’t aspire to it and feel a compelling need to. Although it is a great and wonderful goal for those who do. And it annoys me when people act like there’s something wrong with me when I say I don’t plan on having kids, or they just automatically assume I’ll change my mind. Because some people just want to stay single.
If I ever do have kids I like the names Alessandra-Rhiannon for a girl and Connor or Chase for a boy. My BFF is from a family with 6 kids and her mom has twins on the way.</p>
<p>Dramakitty92428, thanks for the concern. I really appreciate it during a time like this. I did go to the doctor to be checked out, followed by a visit to my university’s counseling center. I feel better each day that passes. Right now I’m in the anger phase of emotions, after dealing with denial, shock, and depression. I’m just really ****ed that the guy who committed the act has no remorse whatsoever. I’ve tried to be mature and have offered to talk to him about the situation, but he refuses to have anything to do with me.</p>
<p>But anyway, in regards to the thread, I don’t want to have kids now even more so because of this. I am such a control freak when it comes to aspects of my life. I’m going to be selfish and look out for #1 from now on.</p>
<p>Sassy, I really hope you report this guy to the police. He’s a scumbag that needs to be locked up NOW!
But I am glad you went to the doctor and counseling center. I hope you are okay!</p>
<p>dramakitty, I have dated people before but I still have a really hard time with the same things as you, about like, sharing everything with one person and having to live with them all the time, etc. I need to have time away from the people I’m dating sometimes, and even away from like my friends and stuff (comes from being an only child I guess) so I don’t even know if I could deal with living with someone constantly! I live by myself right now and I LOVE it!</p>
<p>^^Yeah. I feel like if I were married, I’d file for divorce in a month or two. I love being around my friends, but when it comes to living space, I need it all to myself. Now, that I am basically done with college, the first thing I did was get an apartment. No roommates. No having to worry about someone else’s mess. No having to worry about initialing my food so that people won’t eat it. No having to worry about someone destroying my bathroom. Living alone is amazing. People are like, “Don’t you get lonely?” I don’t because I can call my friends up or go to their places. No biggie. It’s all about effort if you want to make things work.</p>
<p>The funny thing is that I like to throw dinner parties but I don’t like when people stay over. </p>
<p>Coming home, I need my place of solace, some quiet time, 1 glass of red wine and solitude. I can’t imagine giving that up to a husband and a few kids. Unless…they were on a rental basis and didn’t speak LOL.</p>
<p>Sidenote: I think people underestimate the value of personal growth that occurs in one’s 20s. Alot of us are getting out of college, don’t have a clue as to what to do with our lives…etc. I don’t care if I’m being selfish. I don’t want to be bogged down by making decisions involving kids. Some HS “friends” of mine decided to have a family right after graduation and have the nerve to turn their nose down at me. I literally LOL at them because the pinnacle of everything starts and ends with babies.</p>
<p>I think it’s a bit much saying that the pinnacle of everything ends with babies…I don’t want them in my 20’s, but some people do aspire to having kids and raising a family and it’s great for those who want to do it. IMHO. But I do know what you mean, and it was rude of your “friends” to turn their noses up at you! Are you sure you didn’t accidentally say something to insult them? Or maybe they are just so busy with their kids that they don’t have as much friend time, and it’s nothing personal?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have too much issues with stuff like sharing the bathroom, messes, other people’s music, etc. I will probably be pretty laid back with that with my roomy in the fall when I start college, and I wouldn’t mind sharing an apartment with roomies to save money in my 20’s. The differerence between that and getting married is that with roomates you just coexist, but with a husband, if you want to do something like change your career, move, even go on vacation to visit relatives, you have to sit down with him and have this discussion and agree on it. I don’t want to have to feel like I’m getting permission to make my life decisions. Like with the kid thing, marraige is great for those who want it and I don’t mean to insult or sound better than people who want to marry. It just wouldn’t be for me. Also I have an agressive temper - sometimes I’ll be perky at school, then be *****y to my mom because of stress (not all the time, we get along and I’m nice lots of the time too). I don’t know if I’d be very good at having people at home all the time.</p>
<p>Sassy - you knew the guy?? Was he a date, friend, acquaintance? You don’t have to “talk to him about the situation”, he did something horrible to you and you do not have to rationalize/discuss ANYTHING with him! Go to the police! If they don’t have physical evidence they probably can’t convict him, but if you file a report it will still be important and make a difference. If he does it again to another girl and the police have a record on him with paperwork you filled out, it will be easier for the next girl to convict him.
Please PM me if you ever need to talk!! I hope you’re OK! Did you tell anyone you know, like your best friend or your mom?</p>
<p>Everytime I come home for Christmas, I get labeled as the “girl who forgot where she came from”. That’s not true at all. If that was the case, why would I visit lol? Their concern is when am I going to settle down and/or when will I have a baby shower. Ridiculous and annoying.</p>
<p>I’m from a traditional southern town where girls and guys often get married to their “high school sweethearts”, stay their for the majority of their lives and raise kids who follow in their footsteps. You know the stereotypes of the jocks who still wear their HS varsity jackets or the southern belles who grow into overbearing PTA moms? That’s my hometown.</p>
<p>Their nose-turning has more to do with them thinking I don’t have the right priorities, that a woman’s best role is that of a mother and wife, while standing by your “man”. Me going out-of-state for college, aspiring to be a world traveler and experiencing new things isn’t “lady like”. To them, I should instead focus on finding a male suitor instead of actually following my dreams.</p>
<p>How old are you? 20s? They shouldn’t be freaking out.</p>
<p>I’m 22. See how ridiculous that is.</p>
<p>What career do you want to have? Must involve traveling…business, military, anthropology?</p>
<p>Dramakitty92428, I did know the guy, but only as an acquaintance/friend. When I met him, he had a girlfriend, so I thought there was no physical attraction there on his part. Obviously I was wrong because he decided to assault me when I was incapacitated. I got drunk for the first time to the extent that I was blacking out/passing out. I was also a virgin, so he had his way with me and I couldn’t put up a fight. And, to top it all off, it happened on Valentine’s Day. Happy V-Day to me.</p>
<p>I’ve thought about filing a report/pressing charges, but a part of me doesn’t want to do it. I really just want answers. That’s why I want to talk to him. I just want to know what possessed him to do something like that to me. I thought we were friends, but now it’s really hard to trust people, guys especially.</p>
<p>And yes, I’ve told my mom and certain trusted friends. Without their support, I wouldn’t be in as good of a state that I am about the situation.</p>
<p>you know marla in cloverfield?</p>
<p>that happens</p>
<p>What are you talking about? (Marla)</p>
<p>And Sassy, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was that recent. What did your mom/friends say? Was the guy violent with you? (I know assault itself is violent, but was it brutal)
You seriously should press charges. If he is the type of guy who would do that to you then I’m sure he’d do it to someone else. Sex predators often escalate over time and get more and more violent in their assaults.
Was he drunk as well?</p>
<p>
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<p>One of the problems starts being as you get older and your friends start to marry off, they become less willing/able to have a bunch of people over to just hang out. If you can find a bunch of other singles to chill with when you’re older you should be fine, but otherwise you might not be able to keep up all the connections with friends you had when you were younger.</p>
<p>Dramakitty92428, he wasn’t drunk. He was completely sober at the time. His roommate has talked to him about it and confirmed it with me that he was sober. He also wasn’t violent. He just had his way with me when I was blacked out/passed out and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. My counselor described what he did as sexual assault/date rape. It just sickens me because I thought we were friends and nothing more. He obviously felt differently I guess and decided to make his move that night while I was incapacitated.</p>
<p>God, I’m just so upset right now about this. I just want it all to go away.</p>
<p>randomgrandeur, that’s definitely my hometown as well! Half the people I know got married and/or had babies straight out of high school. I personally have no desire whatsoever to EVER live in my hometown again, I want to travel the world as well (anthropology major for me). I also have no desire to “settle down” at all right now, nor even in the semi-distant future (and most of them would be horrified if they knew I had dated non-white guys). I ended up going to school in-state, and I like it but I’m definitely ready to ■■■■ for sure. I really want to go to grad school in a city, or at least another region of the country. Right now I am looking heavily at UT-Austin and Arizona State (I’m from Alabama). My mom wants me to go to Bama for grad school, which I do not want to do (well, for one, Bama is my school’s rival… but also I am not interested in their program AT ALL!). Basically she wants me to still stay close to home… she kind of freaks out when I’m further away from her than I am right now (my school is only about 45 minutes away from her house… she nearly had a month-long stroke when I was in France last summer and even when I was in San Francisco for a few days last fall, she wanted to talk every day multiple times to make sure I was okay). </p>
<p>Sassy you should DEFINITELY report this scumbag to the police. There is no rationalizing with people who would do something so ridiculous and cruel to another human being. You shouldn’t be trying to talk to him, you should be trying to convict his ass! What a terrible person; he doesn’t deserve to walk around free. And if he did it to you, he will most likely do it again and if nothing else, you will certainly save some other poor girl from going through what you are right now.</p>
<p>Sassy, I wish I could go over there and hug you and make you hot chocolate or something. I hope that your mom and friends and whoever else you told were kind and supportive and yes, AUlc is right, I addressed that in the PM I sent to you.</p>
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<p>I’m the same. I don’t ever want to get married. I don’t even want to live in the same house with somebody for an extended period, even if we’re not married. </p>
<p>For some reason, not many people can understand how someone could never want to wed and are convinced I’ll change my mind one day.</p>
<p>Sassy,
Someone else might know the answer to this, but is it possible to file an incident report/make a statement to police and decide later about pressing charges? The roommate’s statement of what this &^%$ did might also be valuable should you decide to press charges (and he should do it sooner rather than later). </p>
<p>We obviously can’t tell you what to do, but we can support you. It took a lot of courage to confront what has happened, and I am immensely relieved that you are seeking support from your mom and professionals. Focus on your own healing. You won’t find closure or healing trying to discuss your assault with this scum-sucking sleazebag, and if pressing charges is even a remote possibility, you REALLY don’t want to have contact.</p>