<p>Key Lessons Learned:
(1) Exaggerations abound from the "admissions-process" tell-all books, from current & recent students, & from envious parents as to whether the Ivies are attainable to anyone aged 17-18 within the human species. Besides my D, there were plenty of other S's and D's who were admitted with simply very fine records; none of them to my knowledge were super-human or some other evolved species. We went through a lot of unnecessary nail-biting as to the level of competition & the possibility she would be relegated to the lowliest of her safeties. So many naysayers & doomsday predictors out there, my goodness! The biggest myth? That only internationally famous adolescents are admitted to the Ivy League. (No, <em>I</em> am not exaggerating; plenty of books actually stated this.)
(2) It's not ultimately about test scores.
(3) Contrary to another published myth, college admissions are not irrational and "random." (This one also made us extremely nervous.)
(4) I now have a strong preference for not advising EA/ED apps unless simultaneous safety apps are also being submitted. Just because it happened to work out for my D does not mean I approve of the high-stakes Winner-Take-All Early process. When we saw what happened to friends, what trauma was revealed on CC, etc., I think self-protection needs to be in place. This has been well written about on other threads, with sensible strategies suggested; I second some of those strategies. I doubt very much that D#2 will be applying Early.
(5) We lucked out, but many students with records similar to my D's had to scramble after deferrals or rejections. Sudden new research, cross-country emergency visits, etc., during the school term became necessary. That speaks to the early start others have mentioned here. Though my D & I started the research in her sophomore yr., no visiting was done until midway Jr. Year. With D#2 (a freshman), this process is starting NOW.
(6) In summary, DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ. There are some wise, smart, informed parents & students on CC. Some of us -- maybe more than just myself -- should have trusted our instincts & innate knowledge more. I sense that most of us have been right about our kids & are more objective judges & better predictors than we assumed we'd be.</p>
<p>Things we learned with DS (who is a college sophomore) that we think will help DD (a high school junior).
1. Apply to at least one school with rolling admissions. Getting an acceptance early on really makes the rest of the application process and the waiting much easier.
2. Apply only to schools that you would attend. No point in applying to places that you really hate.
3. Apply to a variety of schools. What you liked in November (when you completed your applications) could be very different from your strongest preference at the end of April when you have to send your deposit in.
4. Visit the schools. I know that for some that just isn't possible, but DS saved time and money when he decided NOT to apply to several schools he visited. I should add that he did a ton of research before the visits, trying to narrow down the schools we saw.
5. Do things as early as is possible. DS started to look at colleges during his sophomore year of hs. By the beginning of his senior year, he already knew the schools he was applying to (except one that he decided on the day before the application was due...he had visited it early on and decided to apply at the last minute...). DS actually started writing drafts of essays in the summer. He was able to look on the school websites to see the topics. He requested letters of reference at the end of his junior year. He had all of his applications complete (except the last minute one) by the beginning of November.
6. Don't count on the high school registrar or guidance counselor to get anything right. Check EVERYTHING. Make sure that things are sent to the schools.
7. Check the student's transcript for accuracy of everything. Our son's transcript had another student's picture on it (don't even get me going as to why they even HAVE photos on the transcript).
8. Be organized. We used hanging file folders for each school and just dropped things in the file for that school.
9. Make copies of everything.</p>
<p>By "envious parents" I exclude CC parents. I meant parents in the community, from the same h.s., etc., who may be tempted to exaggerate in order to discourage an application to the same school of interest, etc.</p>
<p>I'm still learning, as my son is still in the process of applying to two more schools--ones with late deadlines--and still has one more live audition and three tapes to make (trumpet). I've learned that much as I hate procrastination, I have to trust my son. He always does get things done, even if barely in time.</p>
<p>I learned another kind of trust with son #1.There is absolutely no way we could afford tuition to any of the schools to which he applied, but he got an excellent need-based package, with low loans,(to his #1 choice school) and we are doing all right. Now I just have to trust again, that all will work out for the best for son #2. (Although, darn it, he will not be likely to get into his #1, since they do not have opening for trumpet this year, according to what we have heard.)</p>
<p>And I agree with the person who said to enjoy our kids while they are still here. I will REALLY miss my son next year! He's such a neat kid! How did I get so lucky?</p>
<p>What I learned:
1. As others have said, apply EA/rolling to school(s) you really like so you can get off the pressure path.
2. Be very careful re ED. Our S received "recruiting" letters AFTER his early apps were in which had an effect on his top 3 choice rankings. We had visited all, but he kept re-ranking as new info came in AFTER application. Don't assume your "research" is done once your apps are in. As others have said "favorite" in Nov.may not equal favorite in April.
3. Don't pay too strict attention to stats, esp. test scores. . S's weakest area was SAT (1310 after 3 tries) but strong program, GPA and recomms. really DO seem to work. He got large merit aid from Tulane - their stat profiles indicated he was not a shoo-in for that. He was accepted to 3 very competitive (buy not HYPS) schools and a safety. Waiting to hear from a HYPS, probably will be a no, but he is very happy with his options.
4. There is life beyond Ivies and the most selective U's and LAC's. Most of S' peers went EA/ED to the above. Most were deferred. Much weeping and gnashing of teeth. For whatever reasons, S chose not to enter that "lottery" and feels much better. It's not just parents putting pressure for HYPS etc. on kids. They unintentionally put pressure on each other, wanting to have "bragging rights" around HS halls. </p>
<p>What I would LIKE to learn - how can we help to reduce some of the pressure on our kids, especially the high achievers, so they don't feel a failure if they don't get into HYPS?</p>
<p>I've learned not to discuss admissions and applications with people - except here - and sometimes where people ask and don't have kids applying. I had lunch with a client a few weeks ago. I knew that her D was a senior and we had discussed college visits, etc last Spring - but had never gotten specific about application choices - we only mentioned that we were both planning "New England" road trips. I also knew that her D was interested in EA and rolling admission schools. So, at lunch I casually asked how it was going. She replied that her D had been accepted to a few schools (and named them)...but that she was torn about not having pushed her D to more selective schools- and that she thinks her D should have applied to Penn. She went on and on about how her extended family is now hounding her about why she never pushed her D beyond the limits of a certain group of family "legacy" schools because her D had the stats, etc. Ok, so you can imagine the headache I started to get as I ground my teeth in attempt to inflict as much pain on myself as I could for asking that question. Then she asked me how my son made out. I tried to be brief and just said "yeah, he went ED and got in" (hoping she wouldn't ask where - but she did) UPenn. She just nodded and went back to eating. We've spoken since and all seems well. But, it was TENSE for those few moments. I did a quick softshoe and talked up the downside of ED and the benfit of her D having so many great choices. She seemed to agree and brightened up about the wonderful merit aid packages that were being offered to her D. </p>
<p>I've learned much more than this. But, this was a huge lesson. Even in casual conversation - skip this topic!</p>
<p>I think the Ivies are important, but not all of life,</p>
<p>The general lessons that I would pass on (and do whenever I get someone to listen)
1. Be involved. The family is the child's advocate and no one (not counselors, teachers, coaches) knows his/her potential as well as you do.
2. Love thy safeties. They are out there. They are hard to find. Once you find them they are not so hard to love.
3. Aim high. You child may regret it if you don't.
4. Consider ED. Before you say that ED is only for the rich, TALK to the folks at the financial aid program. They are not your enemy.
5. Focus on 10-12 good fits. Accept that the choices are almost infinite and develop your short list early on. If you concentrate on 10-12 good fits in a range of selectivity, you will still have time to enjoy your child's last year at home. </p>
<p>What I learned about myself, my husband and my son?
How much he (and we) really wanted him to get into his first choice. The other 7 schools on his list are wonderful places at which he would have received a wonderful education; had he not been accepted at his #1 I'm sure we would have rationalized and moved on. What I'm trying to say is that I'm GLAD that we all put so much time and energy into the process so that had it not turned out we would never feel that we hadn't tried hard enough.</p>
<p>jmmom,
I do know that the Bragging Rights syndrome exists in some schools, thankfully not in my D's. Yes, they "unintentionally push each other," as you say, but in our case it was because my D's classmates thought she was underselling herself by choosing only a safety EA. They pushed her to select an Ivy because they cared about her & thought she had a good chance. Turns out they were right, so I'm glad she followed their advice</p>
<p>I think one thing I found was that the schools I thought were the best fit for him when the process started were probably the worst and that there is a big difference between a 17 year old and an 18 year old. In the end the kid may have had more sense than the old man or at least a clearer idea of what he wanted.</p>
<p>The other thing I learned is that this whole process was a lot better back in my day. You took the SAT's and the ACT once. There were no prep courses. You read the college catalogues. Filled out three applications in December and mailed them off. Waited for the answer to come back in April and picked if you had a choice. When you got there in the Fall you were surprised it didn't look much like the picture - but you were really really happy to be away:-)</p>
<p>When you got [to college] in the Fall you were surprised it didn't look much like the picture - but you were really really happy to be away:-)</p>
<p>Exactly right, Patuxent--and pretty amazing to think about now. Of all the things I could tell my kids about my youth, they would probably find this the most reckless of all: "What? You didn't research and visit every single school you were thinking of, and rewrite your essays a hundred times? You believed the College Board people when they said you couldn't really study for the SATs? You didn't even have a resume? What kind of people do I come from?"</p>
<p>I'm OK with most of the research and college visits that have become standard--but all the stress and strategizing and obsession with college rankings? I agree: The process was better in our day.</p>
<p>I've learned that CC or a similar anonymous outlet is probably the best place for a parent to find support and unbiased personal information on the process. A simple "How are things going?" at the grocery store can be construed either as an offensively nosy question or an invitation to a half-hour monologue about GC ineptitude, SATs vs. ACTs, and how the 7th grade science teacher ruined little Oswalds chances at the Ivy League when she didnt recommend him for honors earth science in 8th. </p>
<p>Im one who thinks todays admissions process is far better. I made my own college choice based on some pretty ridiculous and ignorant criteria. Dont think it would be possible to repeat that mistake in the current environment (provided I had internet access).</p>
<p>great question ... this is the advice I will give my child ... (not in any particular order)</p>
<p>1) Preping for college will take 3 tacts ... find things you interested in to do beyond academics (ECs) ... take the hardest courses you believe you can do well in (B or better) ... do a few prep tests but don't go nuts about the tests</p>
<p>2) Embrace the opportunity to check out LACs (I'm jealous)</p>
<p>3) Consider multiple dimensions of schools (city/rural, big/small, etc) including some ones I would have not been as clear about for example, Mini's entitlement index</p>
<p>4) Think about safeties, matches, and reaches</p>
<p>5) Ranking are guides to highlight additional schools you might want to consider and not in any way the be all or end all</p>
<p>6) Make a decision on what is right for you regardless of other's preferences or opinions ... parents, significant others, or friends.</p>
<p>7) (Proable dicussion for child #2) Think about where sports fits into your college experience ... you probably will have a range of education/level of competition choices.</p>
<p>8) Merit aidwill be out there ... think through how you want to approach it</p>
<p>9) I recommend you go to the school that has the best feel which has the highest caliber cohort group of students (where you feel you will do fine ... "B" average or better).</p>
<p>10) Get many opinions on topics ... talking through things helps clarify your thoughts</p>
<p>11) And of course ... USE CC AS AN INVALUABLE RESOURCE!</p>
<p>I've learned (yet again) that my daughter is not a younger me, but a different person. We have enough traits in common that I sometimes forget that, but it became very clear as we searched for colleges.</p>
<p>The main thing we learned is that you can break all the common wisdom rules about "preparing" (no tutoring, no SAT prep, no summer programs, no "good" high school, no EC awards outside of the school) and still get into the right college for you. That maybe somehow they can see who "you" are intrinsically, without the rough edges smoothed off.</p>
<p>Corollary to the first observation--I learned that I worry too much, and that everything I read and heard made me question our approach at times (and S may never let me forget.)</p>
<p>3togo - thank you for reminding me of another thing I learned, re taking the hardest courses S/D can handle. I shudder at what my thinking was back in 8th grade, making HS curriculum choices. I was worried that all Honors courses would be too much pressure for my S. Luckily I talked to a friend in what I call my "mothers' spy network" who told me he'd do fine. I had no IDEA how important that decision would be for college admissions. Why? because I went to college in the middle ages, as some others, when we went by pictures of the school (if that), and - do you remember this? - if you had good grades, good SAT's, etc. you got in to every place you applied? None of this valedictorian, 1600, 5.0 rejected from 5 schools. Our kids DO have it tough.</p>
<p>1) No one knows what gets any particular student an acceptance, a rejection or a deferral. The good parents and posters here can speculate, sometimes even make an educated guess, but they don't know for sure. The ramifications to me are that BWRKs with solid academic records who are not nationally or internationally gifted, do get into highly ranked colleges, (I know of one accepted EA to Yale), now their odds are definitely lower than the Olympic athlete, but probably higher than non-existent! Present yourself and your accomplishments in the best way you can, then go on with life. Posters here do underestimate kids' chances, which is as it should be, but when you, parent, are assessing your child's chances, be realistic, not pessimistic or optimistic. I think I was too pessimistic, I don't think this changed the final outcome, but I feel some guilt for downplaying DD's abilities and chances.</p>
<p>2) The safety is the most important school, you should have one safety you at least like and want to attend, but you don't have to "love" all your safeties. My daughter taught me this piece of wisdom - have a safety that is close to home (particularly if your preferred schools are far away), that you can attend financially with no parental input. I saw my daughter mailing an app to an in-state rolling admit university, a school that I thought she had decided NOT to apply to. "What are you doing?" "Mom, if something bad happened to you, I might not want to go so far away, I might not be able to go away." "But you don't like this school?!" "Yeah, but I can get my education for free." This may be the college admissions equivalent of a pre-paid funeral plan, but of course she's right. Have an ultimate safety, you don't have to particularly "love"it.</p>
<p>3) The anxiety builds to a crescendo the last 2-3 weeks prior to notification day. Rolling admit schools are great - do it, do it, do it. They won't prevent all the anxiety unless the big schools are a good fit, but they will tone the anxiety down to the last 2 weeks.</p>
<p>4) Know your child - are they decisive, do they want to make a decision then go with it, are they the type to have lots of 2nd thoughts, become overly stressed or relatively laid back, how much do they procrastinate. Once you know your child, then trust your child, they must have some ownership of the process for it to be successful, even if you have to set the deadlines and check to be sure they are met. He won't be the first kid writing an essay on Dec 31.</p>
<p>Great advice, all.</p>
<p>I did learn something over the last 3-4 months that my son's been in college. To take care of my health. I had let it slide and developed problems...I am on a strict diet now and exercising. I was at high risk of stroke and heart disease including a family history of dying from heart disease early. I figured that if I died now, my son would be covered as far as financial matters are concerned but he still needs my guidance (however much he may deny it and want to be independent). </p>
<p>I'm not being melodramatic about it, or at least I hope I don't sound that way. But this is very important now...and it's very doable. That was the surprise part.</p>
<p>Oh, one more thing
5) Visit the GC early, if nothing else you will learn whether or not the office will be much help in the future. CC is a great resource - the best! - but only that GC can write those letters. In this same vein, learn about SAT/ACT/SATII testing schedules, you may want to plan the soph/junior year around these tests. Because of previous planned vacations, my daughter only had one shot at each test prior to ED deadlines. It worked out OK, but she would possibly have had better SATII scores had she not taken 3 tests in one day while she was ill.</p>
<p>Oh goodness, I knew I wasn't done
6) Freshman year is not too early for - a low key college visit (my current 8th grader found schools he liked tagging after his sister last year, it is still far from real for him, but at least he's thinking), encouraging activities that they like or introducing them to new ones that they might stick with, and start a folder for any awards, clubs, etc they receive or join - they are not going to be into college admissions at 14 , they shouldn't be, but when they are juniors, and are actually starting to think about applications, they won't have to scramble around trying to remember that award from 9th grade - you can turn the folder and the app over to them.</p>
<p>cangel - re your #4 - very wise. re your #2 - what a very wise and beautiful daughter. </p>
<p>Also, can't agree more re S/D having ownership of the process, even if you are the "application manager" or, as my husband says to my S and grandson (yes, we have them almost the same age) your "first secretary." I cannot imagine the nightmare if S/D ends up not pleased with choices or unhappy at school they end up and all of these were set by parent, not S/D.</p>