This is happening to me too, and not just on this thread.
I think this is worthy of its own thread!
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Yep, and even that is relative. For some, canned beans are a bizarre luxury. Only a spendthrift would pay 80 cents for 1 cup of cooked beans, when a pound bag of dry beans costs just $1.50 (even less in bulk!) and makes 7 cups of cooked beans.
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I’m curious how you square the idea of helping your kid buy a house with not wanting to “actually support my adult kid’s basic life necessities.” Isn’t shelter a basic life necessity? Not trying to pick a fight, just trying to understand.
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I think if you are able to gift your children when they are young, you are extraordinarily privileged. And I say that in the best way.
Even though my in laws are never ever going to outlive or spend their money, they never have given us anymore than $1000. My in laws gave the grandchildren a similar amount last year but was unhappy that some of them didn’t thank her so I don’t think that will happen again. However gifting is a bit tricky because they don’t know how much their last years will cost them.
My mother has no extra money to give.
So I think that gifting is a very personal thing based on your family experience and wealth.
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Because I would rather see my kid enjoy my gifts to them now while I’m alive than when I’m gone. And because we can. We helped with a down payment for one kid, and some significant home improvements for the other.
Sorry I started this 
Someone put out a table with a crazy range for upper middle class - i’d have to go find it - it was like $110K to $370K and I just noted $370K is rich
But it is all subjective.
It was just an insane range that stood out for its width.
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I started another tread with this question.
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I understand that. It’s the wording of not helping with basic life necessities but helping them buy a house that feels incongruent.
Well, I thought I started a new thread but it isn’t showing up. Grrrr!
Here’s my take on helping buy a house -
I would help with the downpayment but not so my D could live beyond her means. It would still need to be a house that she could qualify for on her own.
And yes, I know this comes from a place of great privilege.
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I’ll bite. We only helped with the down payment because we could. Our kid had the money in the bank for that down payment but we didn’t want him to totally use that. He did contribute, but we added. That left him with a little nest egg for home issues which we all know home owners have when they move in. Like buying a new fridge, and replacing the HVAC system less than a year later.
We gave both kids cash for house furniture or whatever too.
When we are no longer here, there will still be a house to sell as their inheritance if we spend everything else.
They are very appreciative and neither has ever asked for money. Both are self supporting so, our contributions are voluntary. We are happy to help.
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This is exactly what we hope to be able to do for our D.
“Self supporting and contributions voluntary” and I’d add “not necessary but appreciated” ; )
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You did.
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So weird! It’s not showing up for me anywhere and I’ve refreshed the site twice. @CC_Jon
That’s a fair question!
In general, I would not want to be in a situation (barring medical needs, short term emergency situation, something like that) where I had to provide a roof over my adult kid’s head. Like month-in, month-out covering rent, mortgage payment, or having him live at home with me.
In the past, I would never have considered helping ds buy a house. One can have shelter (a basic life necessity) by renting rather than owning. But now, I feel like if my ds could rent for $X (AND afford that) but be able to make a mortgage payment on a home within the same range as his rent, but just couldn’t buy because he didn’t have a $200k down payment saved up (my kid lives in California), then I might be inclined to give him the down payment.
Does that make sense?
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Yes. And thank you for taking the question in the spirit intended.
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I read online, some people claim they can squeeze out 22 meals out of that rotisserie chicken.
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Who is starting the thread “what we lost when schools got rid of Home Ec”?
I remember those “plan meals for a family of 6” (lots of large ethnic families in my town) for $25/week assignments! And I remember the teacher suggesting that we invest in TWO crockpots, so that there would always be a hot meal ready when we got home from our fictitious jobs! (idea being that you could start tomorrow’s dinner while you were making salad for tonight’s dinner by chucking in the wilted spinach and carrot peelings to the clean crockpot while the one in use finished cooking the delightful stroganoff/god knows what).
But seriously- learning to iron a dress shirt or hemming a pair of pants just makes sense if you are cost-conscious!
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I loved Home Ec. I went to a middle school where everyone had to take home ec, including the guys, and everyone had to take wood and metal shop, including the girls.
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