@greenbutton TYVM… you actually answered the question I asked.
My daughter went to the same university that @oldfort’s daughters attended but did not become involved in Greek life. And I think this was the right choice for her because she’s an introvert.
But what if she had gone through rush and pledged – say, because a friend urged her to give it a try – and then found out that Greek life was not for her?
If this had happened, my main concern would have been housing. If you pledge a sorority, you make a commitment to live in its house the next year. What happens if you break that commitment? What’s your financial obligation to the sorority (which, after all, can’t just fill your place with any random student since only members of the sorority can live in the house)? And how much difficulty will you have finding other housing on short notice?
I don’t understand the point of your post. Your children do not have to join Greek Life. If they hate the idea of that atmosphere, websites like College Data will list the percentage of students involved, so they can make an informed choice. It’s probably safe to say that colleges with a high percentage in Greek Life might be best avoided.
My D chose a college with no Greek life, but kids drink, as they do at all colleges. Your D’s can also choose to live in sub-free dorms. They can do research on Niche and Uni-go to determine how prevalent drugs are on campus. It’s very easy to avoid drinking and drugs at many colleges. There is a lot of info readily available. They should ascertain if there is an atmosphere on campus that makes kids feel pressured to drink or do drugs. Niche is a good website to help figure that out.
Please take a wait and see attitude. Every school and it’s sorities(as well as fraternities) will be different. The OP is worrying needlessly. You have stated your DD is not interested in Greek life, but IF she changes her mind, and IF she drops out, what will be the repercussions?
This is really going to depend on your girls, the schools they choose, and their sensitivity to ‘fitting in’ to what they perceive to be the ‘in’ crowd in their world.
When I was in college I was greek, and believed that was the only world that really mattered or did anything fun. Of course that was completely incorrect. But I was from OOS, at a big campus, and greek life ‘shrunk’ the university world to a more manageable level.
Looking back I wish I had done more outside that life (like write for the student newspaper!!). But at the time you would have never convinced me otherwise.
If your girls are strong enough to do their own things in high school, they probably will be in college too. If they care more about looking like they fit in to a certain social scheme, then I’d look for schools where greek life is not as influential.
Yes, you can leave sorority life. We had sisters do it for various reasons. I would never shun someone who did, but the bottom line is that they are just not in your social orbit after that - especially at schools where greeks live in their own houses most of their time in college.
Greek life can be wonderful but there are plenty of other things to do and experience in college too. It’s a shame to miss out on that.
I have a few friends that quit Greek life for one reason or another. One of them quit because they didn’t want to pay dues while studying abroad, which is not something I think people think about as freshman. For the most part they stayed close to the people they were close to, but grew apart from the people they didn’t know too well in the first place. It doesn’t seem to be too far off from the experiences after graduation of my friends who stayed in Greek life. Though it can be weird to have people stop saying hi to you because you quit your sorority.
I think this post is a bit premature, what one wants as a 15 year old is usually very different at age 18.
However, deciding to leave a sorority after joining is no different than leaving a sports team or other activity that you spent time in. Some people will remain your friends, some won’t.
All through the college search, our youngest stuck to her “I’m not into the whole Greek thing”, and “I don’t want to go to a school that is heavily Greek”.
I’m not sure if she even looked at the mailings from the Panhellenic Council we received before school started, or if those went straight in the bin. She did not rush, surprising no one.
By mid-first-semester, she put her name in for COB (Continous Open Bidding), surprising us a lot. She said she regretted, just a little, not going through Rush and wondered why and how she had developed such a negative attitude towards it all.
Chiming in that a lot can change in a relatively short time.
@AbsDad Of course you can disassociate. Depending on when you might lose your dues for that semester, but aside from money really not a big deal. D1 went to extremely Greek heavy school and had sisters drop because of budget or time. They were not shunned. In fact at that school all parties were open anyway.
D2’s roommate quit end of sophomore year - wasn’t convenient to get to house for meals and she figured the girls she were friends with would stay friends and they did. 2 other roommates waited until sophomore year to rush and got great bids. One got super involved as the chapter chaplain. The other ended up dropping since she was going to be gone most of junior year doing a study abroad. Really - no shunning.
If want the social things and small group of greek life, there are Christian sororities that don’t do traditional rush and of course as others mentioned, service fraternities (co-ed). But going thru recruitment doesn’t mean you have to take a bid if it doesn’t appeal and you can definitely drop later.
I’ve worked with two young women who left their sororities by their junior year. They simply didn’t like the vibe or the activities. One was at a big California state school, the other at Auburn. Leaving the sorority wasn’t a big deal, and did not have a negative effect on their college experience, or beyond.
I went to high school in a state where Greek life was powerful. I knew from watching older kids from my high school that it wasn’t for me. I’ll admit this was in part because I wasn’t sure I’d be admitted to a sorority I’d want to belong to…if I decided I wanted to join one.
There are colleges I wouldn’t want my child to go to if they didn’t want to belong. One example of this is Depauw. Just under 70 per cent of students belong to a Greek organization. My impression is that many of those who don’t belong to one are in the posse program…and an outsider isn’t going to be included in that group either. We had a poster a few years back whose D didn’t get into a sorority at first and she was miserable.
Quite seriously, when that high a percentage of students belong, it IS hard to have a social life without belonging. So don’t assume that there’s always a way to have a decent social life without belonging because there are schools where that may not be true.
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Yes, you can drop out of greek life and just stop paying dues. It will usually get you shunned by the remaining members. It is fairly common. Mindy Kaling wrote about dropping out of her Dartmouth sorority.
At my D’s college 50% of women join sororities. D had no interest and still has friends and a social life.
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There are lots of schools where Greek life is either non-existent, or not the dominant social force. Your daughters may be happier at one of those schools. Regarding drinking, I think it’s quite normal (and age appropriate) for some 10th graders to be rabidly anti-drinking and drugs. I know the media paints a picture of all high school kids drinking and having sex, but there are many who don’t.
However, kids do change.
My daughter was a goody two-shoes all through high school and even into her first two years of college (she describes herself as “insufferable!”), but when she went off to France her junior year, she became more interested in social drinking. She’s still not a wild partier, but she has done more partying than she could have imagined when she was 15. But she’s of legal age and I look at this as part of her growing up.
If your kids are still concerned about the drinking associated with some sororities when it comes time to apply, they should either look at schools that have service or religious sororities in the mix, or where it’s possible to have a good social life without joining one. Regardless of whether they go, there will be some drinking at their college. Even at Wellesley, which is known to be a sober school, there is still the occasional wild party!
You still have plenty of time for your kids to figure out which colleges should be on their radars.
There is no need to consider Greek life at all in college. It is only important for a minority of students at most schools. When looking at schools it is easy to choose those where the Greek presence is insignificant to other students. For example, less than 10% of UW-Madison students get involved in that. Plenty of social life without it. Kudos to your kids for not wanting that socially restrictive lifestyle. btw- the drinking aspect of life doesn’t need organization to occur (but then again, it can be avoided).
Many good choices for being in the vast majority and not in frats et al. A good reason to avoid some schools. I know of no school whose educational offerings can’t be matched by several without a huge Greek presence. People choose colleges that fit/suit them. The social life constraints of a school can be the fatal flaw and reason to eliminate it.
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