Both of my daughters say they have almost no interest in Greek life, but would be open to it if they found one that suits their personalty - which is to say, very quiet and laid back. I’m not naive enough to think they will never have a drink, but they are both VERY anti drug… like militant anti drug. They are in 10th grade now, and have been asked to go to drinking parties. They tell me about all of them, and of course, they do not go.
So, I went to college, and attended lots of parties, but I was never in a Greek organization.
I’m assuming if you join, and hate it, you can just drop out at any given point? And if you do drop out, are you generally shunned at that point?
Unless the college’s student population is heavily involved in fraternities and sororities (e.g. Washington and Lee or Dartmouth, where most students join them), they can be ignored by students not interested in it.
why not choose to go to a college that is not heavily greek? That’s what both my kids did, as they were not into that scene. I’ll just say I know a young lady who went to a (very selective) school that was very Greek and she dropped out after the first semester and went somewhere else the next year. The point is, if the school is heavily greek, that’s hard to avoid.
@AbsDad Everyone is forced to choose. If you want to be part of large and active greek scene…that’s a choice. If you want a city school, or a school that’s less expensive, or to study dentistry, or to have an active drama society…it’s all about choice.
There are plenty of schools that have little or no Greek activity (to @donnaleighg 's point I believe). If you want to avoid it…select one that doesn’t have it. If they love the college in every other way, then they have to choose if that overrules the Greek life concerns. In the end…everyone makes a choice.
As for joining and hating a Greek organization…it’s not like buying dinner. Greek organizations take months to join. You’ll know before you join if you hate the members. Even after joining…you can always choose to quit.
If they truly love a heavily greek college in every other way, they’ll find their group there.
I never, ever went to a frat party. The only time I ever even went into a frat house was to pick up my friend’s little bro who needed some help moving.
That said, there are really only a handful of colleges that are extremely heavily greek. If they love everything about a college except the greek life, there is likely a very similar college to that one that isn’t heavily greek.
By the way, a LOT can happen and change between 10th and 12th (and beyond) grade.
Even at colleges that have large Greek presence, there still are plenty of students who are not.
In addition, at many colleges, the Greek organizations invite others to join in their events. My kid went to a school with less than 10% Greek, but still was invited to their parties, and outings.
So if they love the college in every other way…they will likely either find friends who don’t join sororities…OR they will decide to join.
And by the time they actually GET to college, they might completely change their minds about this.
I will add, we did tell our DD that if she wanted to go Greek, she would have to pick up some of the financial obligation for doing so.its not inexpensive.
I’d focus much more on whether the fraternities/sororities or campuses as a whole have heavy drinking/drug cultures or not.
And if it’s the former with the heavy drinking/drug culture and they are influential, keep in mind that even if one “finds their group” and avoids the scene, one may find the campus environment not to be optimal for one’s personal living/studying conditions.
This exact issue was one reason why some friends I knew transferred out of one public U notorious for it and why I refused to apply to some Big-10 colleges my older cousins who were fraternity/sorority officers when they attended. Even though my sorority officer older cousin’s sorority didn’t have a heavy drinking culture, the rest of the fraternities/sororities were a totally different story when she attended by her own account.
Many colleges have at least one sorority that is more service oriented than others. And I believe all Greek houses do some kind of community outreach…at least all the ones we know bout do.
Back in the Stone Age, that wasn’t necessarily true.
There is a period between accepting a big and actually being initiated into a sorority. If you hate the sorority, you simply wouldn’t go through initiation. There may be some girls who would shun you, but certainly not all or even most (unless, of course, the reason you don’t like the sorority is because you don’t like the girls who are members). Also, girls who go through recruitment typically meet plenty of girls in different sororities. There are also girls who go through initiation and choose to resign later. I know a couple girls who, for various reasons, chose to leave their sororities after freshman year. It wasn’t a big deal - they have plenty of friends, including former sorority sisters.
My daughter goes to a school with a huge Greek presence. She chose not to join a sorority, and has never been invited to a Greek function, but she has her group of friends and has a social life she’s happy with. So even at a heavily Greek school, non-Greeks can find their niche.
If they feel the same way when they are in 11th grade then don’t even look at colleges that are super Greek. There are so many schools out there that you will likely be looking for a way to take a few off the list. Also some colleges have wellness dorms which may be a good fit for them as well.
Many schools don’t have fraternities and sororities anymore. My own alma mater got rid of them in the 60’s, and their absence on campus was one of the factors that tipped the school in my favor and convinced me to apply ED over my other top choice.
Kids can change a lot between 10th grade of HS and college. Also, even Us that have Greek also have lots of happy kids that are not in the Greek system. Both of my kids attended a U that has a Greek system. Neither of them felt any pressure to join a frat or sorority. One of our son’s best buddies was in a frat. One of D’s buddies was in a sorority. They both found their tribe and were happy and got a good education.
As far as I know, neither of my kids did much drinking at all in HS and moderately only in college. Their main concern was they already had health issues and they didn’t want to worsen them with alcohol.
Funny part was the ‘80s were no different than fraternities/sororities now in this respect. The sorority my cousin was in was more of a service oriented one at her Big-10. And while all fraternities/sororities do perform some kind of community outreach, it’s mostly lipservice/window dressing from what I’ve observed of the ones in the Boston area and my cousins’ accounts at their respective universities…including the Big-10 campuses.
Even so, there were many others on her Big-10 campus then as now which had heavy drinking/drug cultures which are likely to turn off other students even if they don’t take part in fraternity/sorority activities.
I can answer your question, OP. I joined a sorority in a misguided combo of loneliness and a big rush effort from my friends already in it. After seeing it from the inside, I knew I couldn’t stay. I wrote them a nice “this isn’t for me” letter, hand delivered it to a sister, they asked for my (expensive, paid for it myself) pin back. Many of my “friends” never spoke to me again, but some had no problem and my other friends just said “thank goodness you quit”. I often shake my head at how easily I fell for the fake attention and “love”, and there’s a scar there, but life is just chock full of learning experiences
Yup, but I think most people who discover it isn’t for them make that decision well before initiation.
This will depend upon the school. She should expect that not all of her sisters will understand the decision to drop out, and may be shunned by those girls. On the other hand, she can meet a lot of non-greek people. If anyone is going to shun her, IMO it’s not a relationship worth having.
I am just going to throw it out there…Just because a school doesn’t have Greek life, it doesn’t mean there is less drinking, drug, partying, or less cliquey.
Both of my kids joined the same sorority at the same school, so they were sisters in more ways than one. They had different experience. The older one had all of her best friends from her sorority and the younger one had more friends from her ECs, but they both had built in social live through their sorority. If they had decided to leave their sorority, maybe a handful of sisters would have shunned them, but they wouldn’t be invited to many mixers. On the other hand, if your kid didn’t care for Greek life mixers (parties) then it wouldn’t be a big deal. Many off campus students have their own parties outside of Greek life.
Both of my kids drank (maybe quite a bit) while in college, but they didn’t do drugs and it didn’t make them less popular with their sisters or fraternity brothers.
BTW - I think most parents love to think their kids would hate Greek life because of what it stands for (Animal House).