What Is FAIR?

<p>Periodically a student or parent will approach these boards that for whatever reason, they perceive that another person was treated with different consideration than they were, i.e. "It isn't fair."</p>

<p>I guess the administrators have decided that the individual thread (started in fact by another person) celebrating the success of Andi's son was also "not fair" or "against the rules."</p>

<p>I suppose they are the administrators' rules to write and to enforce. But in truth, was anyone offended by this lapse in adherence to the iron clad policy? I think this gesture a bit heavy handed considering how many of us, myself included, truly have been waiting to hear the happy news, and may not have noted it had it been embedded in the other, very impressive and also exciting, thread of acceptances.</p>

<p>I suspect that anyone made aware of the situation of Andi and her son last year would not have begrudged them this pleasure. And, I think that it would have been a chance to demonstrate what many of us practice...that treating everyone fairly does not necessarily mean treating everyone the same.</p>

<p>So---woo hoo- Andi and son....and all the other celebrants.... at least for the few moments this thread lasts.....</p>

<p>By the way, Happy Year of the Dog!</p>

<p>I think that they need to modify their terms of service to let people know that threads devoted to celebrating one individuals success are not allowed. I don't see anything against it.</p>

<p>I wondered what happened to the thread. I even did a search on my own name, because I had written my own good wishes there. I even checked to see if they merged it with another thread. Nope. I hope Andi saw my good wishes, because I don't remember what I said. I'm sure I was eloquent. :) If not, I know I was sincere. Maybe Andi herself asked for the thread to be removed? I'm sure it's not a decision that anybody made lightly, and I don't mean to second guess. Or maybe I do. </p>

<p>It is a tough line, I guess, to decide which individuals get their own threads? Only the ones needing help? I've even written those! And maybe the ones advertising their school play, or their published writing. We "know" these folks, and care. And those threads offering advice, of course. We all value them! I understand that it might seem a little biased to celebrate one student's success individually, while lumping together other equally laudable ones. I hope that celebrating one person's success never takes away anything from someone who feels they weren't treated equally. But what is "equal?" Answer that, and maybe it will help define "What is fair?" </p>

<p>All that being said .... </p>

<p>Andison's situation wasn't "equal." I know what is unfair: Andison, succeeding tremendously throughout high school, being a viable candidate at many top schools, working, waiting eagerly and anxiously, and getting rejected by all of them. That's unfair.</p>

<p>When we seek help on these boards, we write about individual situations. Otherwise, what's the point? We've got plenty of books and magazines for generic guides. When we share our situations, we share ourselves. Sometimes, other people care. I have written here asking for advice about my own children. Sometimes, my situation is too specific to garner much response. Or people don't know me well enough. Or maybe don't like me enough. Andi's situation was none of the above.</p>

<p>Andison represented all of our worst fears. That we would be excellent parents... that our students would be hardworking... industrious... active... involved... successful. -- And still not be "good enough." We lived vicariously through his rejections. Waitlists. Hope. Hope dashed. Plan B. Plan C. Yes, it was Andison. But it was also us. The thread, therefore, was not just celebrating Andison -- but there is plenty of that, make no mistake! The thread was celebrating wrongs righted. Hope fulfilled. Persistence paid off. So that maybe it could happen to us, too.</p>

<p>I'm sorry it wasn't appropriate.</p>

<p>

I agree -- why else would anyone spend any time whatsoever on this kind of board? In addition, Andison's situation provided a remarkable lesson in the vagaries of the college admissions process. As such, it is not just about Andi's particular successes as much as it is a real life example of what can go wrong, even for outstanding candidates. The lessons learned cross all kinds of boundaries, and it is worth sharing the successes just as we've shared the challenges. I actually think that the original thread about "Picking up the pieces" should be pinned at the top of the main menu.</p>

<p>So, while I can, I'd like to offer my congratulations and best wishes to Andi, Andison, and all other students who are battling their way back from disappointment in any aspect of life. Sometimes, things do eventually work out, so don't give up!</p>

<p>
[quote]
I hope Andi saw my good wishes

[/quote]
I sure did binx, and they meant a lot. As a matter of fact I was in the process of posting another response when it closed. :(
BUT .....hey
It's OK , the party was fun while it lasted!!!!!!!!!!! And thanks for starting the celebrations Sybbie- even with your dog licking your feet <strong>lol</strong> I know you're all out there and now we'll celebrate on the celebrations thread (and, oh yeah, SA) along with everyone from the class of 2010. </p>

<p>I want to let you all know again how much all your advice and good thoughts have helped us get thru this year. Sheesh was I desperate when I first posted !!!!!!!! We understand "what went wrong now" and are making a comeback.</p>

<p>Happy Year of the Dog to you too---it's gonna be a good one. Hey Sybbie I think your dog was getting in on the celebrations too!</p>

<p>PS Robyrm- womens tennis final sure fizzled eh?</p>

<p>andi, I am so pleased that your son has been recognized for his accomplishments and accepted at a great school. I'm confident that this won't be his only acceptance and he will have many excellent schools to choose from come May 1st. I was interested at your comment that you understand "what went wrong" the previous year. Come May, when all of this is over FINALLY for your family, you will post a "What I've Learned About My Son's Application Process" thread so others will also learn and heed. God's blessings to you and your family!</p>

<p>Another thing that made Andi's thread so valuable is the full circle of the process and what it will teach all the parents of juniors now gearing up for that spring trip to colleges, and almost certainly planning to go from Williams to Brown to Yale to Wesleyan without stopping at some other less selective colleges...</p>

<p>I second quiltguru's suggestion of posting a thread which would be a beneficial sticky for all others using CC. The analysis of what you did and didn't do and what your family did this year that made such a different outcome might help others to overt the difficult time and anguish andi's family endured.</p>

<p>It would shed light on a what can be for some people a very confusing and overwhelming process. I wish there was something like that 5 years ago when our family started the process for the first time.</p>

<p>Again, congrats Andi and andison.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

<p>I'm not familiar with Andi's/Andison's story. Is there a thread somewhere that I could read or was it removed? Sounds like there is much of value to learn.</p>

<p>Agreed, it is not your usual acceptance to college story. My goodness, andi and her son have been through a lot and deserve some "special treatment!" Congrats again Andi/andison! Tks. for sharing your experiences, first the bad and now the good! So happy for you. Tears in my eyes . . .</p>

<p>Mombot:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=47867%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=47867&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>quiltguru
[quote]
you understand "what went wrong"

[/quote]
Definitely what went wrong was just about "everything" <strong>lol</strong> but I have a list of the biggies and that list was compiled from feedback I got here. It WILL be interesting to see how the rest of the process pans out with the "new" strategy. And I would LOVE to make a thread about the whole thing when it's <em>done.</em> Praise that day!!!!!!</p>

<p>Alu
[quote]
planning to go from Williams to Brown to Yale to Wesleyan without stopping at some other less selective colleges...

[/quote]
YES! So important. Places we missed the first time around and have now discovered. WPI - what a wonderful school for science oriented kids.</p>

<p>If someone can quickly find it, this thread reminds me that andi has, indeed, posted at least one very memorable and informative "what I've learned" post in another thread.</p>

<p>andi, I will try and resurrect it, but it is so true that now is an excellent time as junior parents head off on their trips between February and June.</p>

<p>not successful in finding it yet, but this may be a helpful thread on the subject for junior parents at this time
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=57227&highlight=Scenario+Admissions%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=57227&highlight=Scenario+Admissions&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>andi, you are an fantastic mom and good friend to all of us on CC. Your willingness to share your pain, your mistakes, and your celebrations so that we and our children may learn is amazing.</p>

<p>The one thing that keeps me comming back to CC and the parents forum is the sense of community that has been developed and the sories that connect us in this particular forum. </p>

<p>Many of you I do look at as extended family and I have learned so much from you. Those of us who have been posting or lurking for any period of time may even find ourselves sharing the stories of our CC friends with others, not so much from a ohhh, point finger perspective as much as thanking those who have been so gracious to share their stories that provide us with so many life lessons and teachable moments. These are kids that I will probably never meet live in this life time but I hold them in my heart like my own.</p>

<p>I know since I have been posting/ lurking, my heart did go out to the kids that were part of the Yale EA massacre of december 03. During a time when it seemed that april would never come, I was grateful for Thedad counting down the days to acceptance letters to the tune of the 12 days of christmas.</p>

<p>I remember Evilrobot being accepted to Yale and passing it up for a full ride at Vandy and how he came back and gave us feedback on the wonderful first year he had. Lesson, there is life if you cannot attend your "dream school" you just make new dreams and it all works out fine.</p>

<p>Many of us went through the admissions process with Candi, who was taking care of her family and dealing with her own illness and her acceptance to Yale and a host of other great schools. No one would have ever though that the deposit to hold a space would become a big deciding factor in choosing a school.</p>

<p>How many of us gasped when we heard that Soozie's D and Orangeblossom's S were in car accidents? How many of us were so happy to hear that Soozie's D a year later is dancing and hasn't missed a step and were grateful for the new but totaled car that kept OB's son safe?</p>

<p>We remember how dishearnening it was when Berurah's son's college acceptance but the money did not come with it. We all rejoiced together when the admissions with the money came rolling in and for one shining moment no matter what colleges we attended we were all blue devils fan because her son was living his dream with aid that made it possible.</p>

<p>I remember rushing home and diring up by computer while taking off my coat to find out what happened with Roby's, Bandit's, Simba's, Marite's , Kat's, dig's, Momsdream's and other's kids during the admission process. </p>

<p>I remember how sad Alu when she shared one of her D's rejection and how sad she was sitting in her office because she knew she would have to put up a brave front for her daughter. We all at cyber icecream with her. A few days later drank cyber champagne with her celebrated big when the Stanford and Princeton acceptances came and she wrote about seeing her D's red hair waving across the campus. When she sent her first born off to school and wrote about how much she missed her, many of us knew how she felt.</p>

<p>When Katrina hit the golf coast schools, we wanted to know what happened with every one's kid who got displaced and when we did not hear from Cangel for a few days we were worried. My heart goes out to Jmmom who has been a stauch supporter of Tulane and said that they were sticking it out only to find out that her son's program has been discontinued and now they must start the search again.</p>

<p>I watered up 2 days ago reading minnesotamom's posting about her and her son.</p>

<p>So almost a year later we remember waiting for days on end and getting excited when we saw andi's name posted only feel her disappointment when she said nothing yet and the waitlist schools did not come through. So yes this has been a long night in the life of andi and andison and we are all waiting (some like me almost impatiently) for the joy that comes in the morning. Who would have though that a single letter could touch so many lives? </p>

<p>The stories that I have read her on CC are the stories that resonnate in our hearts and are etched in our memories. They are also the stories that we want to hear how they play out because they are the stories that we remember, and we share with others. They are the stories that we tell others when they think that things are hopeless to remind them that there is hope and at the end of the day you are where you need to be.</p>

<p>They are the ties that bind us as parents, as students and as a community here on CC. I don't count it robbery when one is singled out because I know that we've still got enough love, happiness, compassion and empathy to go around to everyone who so graciously tells their story here and Sinners alley is never out of free drinks.</p>

<p>FWIW: There are certain kids/families in whom I'm almost personally interested...and it's very, very hard to find the news about them in just one great big thread (particularly now that it has grown huge)...is there some "middle groiund" way to deal with this? There really ought be some way we can follow the progress (good and bad) of the kids/families we've grown cyberclose to without have to plow through just one huge huge hard-to-read "one-place-only" thread! Please? Maybe?</p>

<p>Oh, Sybbie--that was SO perfectly-expressed! Congratulations on one of the best posts I've ever read!</p>

<p>It IS a good idea, as new members join our forum, to remind ourselves about past struggles, victories and lessons. I really believe in helping and supporting others, and so do many of the rest of you. All of the stories referenced in this thread, especially Andi's, may be important to someone down the line.
I consider it my personal mission to help parents and students who are dealing with disciplinary issues and/or emotional growth struggles. We DO have a unique community here- complete with bickering! Thanks, all.</p>

<p>I nominate Sybbie's post for a...dang...whatever we call those Cc writing awards! :)</p>

<p>Sybbie-thank you for your post. I felt everything you wrote.</p>