What is more important? College name or being debt-free? We are experiencing major parent guilt right now. My first born is applying to college. We have been good and saved $220,000 in a 529 for him. We qualify for zero financial assistance. My son is a great kid. Top of his class. Very high achiever. National merit commended. AP scholar, etc. He wants to be a dentist, which means he will have to spend an extra four years in graduate school which will easily equal an extra $200k in tuition. I would love for my son to attend a top 10 or 20 school, but that means he will have to use all the 529 money. They’re SOO expensive!! He will have to take out loans for graduate school. Or, he can attend a lower ranked school with a very good scholarship, but then we are judged and looked at as being cheap parents. This is horrible! I hate having this guilt. We are in Texas, but he hated UT Austin when we toured. We also have two younger children to think about and are saving money for them. I would love to know what other parents have done.
The dichotomy of Top10 and the rest being crap is a false one. Once you are able to get past this idea I would be happy to offer some advice.
Being debt-free is more important in my book, but we are not interested in name brand anything.
In your life, how often does where you went to college come up and how do you think it has impacted your life? If you feel it is super important that might be your answer.
My kids have explicitly told us that they do not want to have student loans so we won’t be going that route. I can’t imagine burdening my kids with that if I don’t have to.
I’m okay with him attending a non-top 10 or 20 school. I certainly didn’t attend one. But it’s shocking how much pressure my son is getting from his peers, and we’re getting from other parents. It’s weird. Even our relatives are making us feel like we’re some crappy parents for not wanting to dish out $80,000 a year.
If he can get into an in-state Texas public dental school, that cost may be under $200k. But if he can only get into a private dental school, expect the cost to be more like $400k.
I am past the idea. It’s the rest of society and the stupid US news rankings.
Your son needs to dump his peers and you need to lose your friends. It is a NO brainer to go to a less expensive school and save the money for Dental School. If your “friends” ask anything about his school choice, ask them to write a check for you.
Might there be a happy medium? If he does not like the state schools and wants to get out of TX, could you look at other schools with larger merit opportunities?
Am I right in guessing that part of the reason he wants to be a dentist is because it is a well-paying profession? Have him run the numbers on how much he could save over time with interest if he didn’t have student loan debt. That might motivate him for staying with one of his less expensive options.
I agree with Tumagmom — he might get an awesome scholarship at a smaller school.
In our case, we decided that debt-free was more important. Our son got into Cornell and CMU where we would have gotten limited financial assistance but ended up at ASU/Barrett on a full tuition merit scholarship.
Some people were a bit surprised that we did not shell out the money for an Ivy. Ultimately, we think we made the right decision and nobody is questioning it anymore.
My view on this (we are also from TX - my son also didn’t like UT or A&M and was going to professional school afterwards). Prestige does not matter undergrad if you are planning on going to med/dental/vet school afterwards. You want top grades, top test scores required (if any) for grad school and NO DEBT! Med school of any type are EXPENSIVE. Getting out without debt is a huge benefit.
What we did. Like you we saved a lot. Our son wanted out of TX. He got a great scholarship at and OOS college that had a vet school and great program that cost the same as in-state, lower actually. He got into vet school easily and is in his second year with top grades. Other friends are going into med school or optometry or dentistry and are doing great! He will graduate with no debt. The school he went to didn’t matter it was what he did there that mattered. Shadow, get experience hours, do what the dental schools want, spend your time on that and grades. Our son was able to enjoy undergrad at his state school, get a 4.0, be president of his fraternity, and go into vet school without being burned out like some of his classmates were. Just think of this. We never felt that we sent him to a “crap” school because it wasn’t up there in the top. He was in the honors program, he studied abroad, he had a great education with professors that actually spent time with him and got to know him. He never felt slighted and had a great time. Baylor and Rice are in TX and excellent pre-med! Look at their rankings for pre-med. They are private but he may get good merit. For other state schools look at Texas Tech. They are also very well known for their ability to get students into pre-professional programs. Also look at some of the schools out of state that offer high merit and may have dental schools at their campus. What did he think of A&M? Widen your search from top 10 to 20! He will still be successful!
I don’t think your S or you need to dump your friends. What you both need to do is simply articulate your long term plan. Look, your S want to be a dentist that’s great, but that means he’s playing the long-game, and that requires a different mindset than most other students due to the time and money needed. A simple response is that your S is planning on getting out of dental school debt free - that’s huge. Embrace your plan!
We actually have widened our search and are looking at schools ranked between 50 and 150. Around 80% of the schools he’s applying to are in that range. What I’m saying is that there is a lot of societal pressure to send your kids to a super high ranked school. Even here in Texas, everyone keeps telling him to only apply to UT Austin because Texas A&M doesn’t come close in prestige. We all know that’s BS. I know a lot of brilliant Aggies. I also know a lot of brilliant graduates from LSU, Alabama, ole miss, etc.
Ask your son what he would like in a college (urban/suburban/rural, large/medium/small, research or not, Greek or not, state/region of the US if it matters, etc) and put it on here.
Those of us on here will add merit aid and give you some schools to consider. Tour a few if you can.
There are a lot of schools between cwap and Top 10 - many offer decent merit even if not totally free. You should easily be able to find a school he’s quite happy at for less than sticker price if “Ivy or Bust” isn’t the mentality. Once you have acceptances and packages back, then consider how much his favorite choices are worth.
Some parents opt to go free ride. Others opt to be full pay. Many pick something in the middle (we’re in that group). There’s no wrong choice, but see what your options are before committing to one way or another.
When any friends talk about the money, bring up to them the cost of dental school…
You need to ignore the pressure. Every circumstance is different. We told friends the program our son was getting into , honors collage, early admit, very well ranked program in his major (ok his school is 162 in rankings undergrad overall - who cares) and our friends were impressed. If you care what these people think, and you shouldn’t, spin it properly. He is going to have a great opportunity, be debt free - or low debt so can widen his opportunities as to what he can do after graduation. For his friends, it won’t matter one bit after day one in college, he will have all new friends.
Truth
First off, you don’t owe friends/relations or anyone else an explanation for where your son decides to attend college. Second, even with his wonderful background there is no guarantee he would be accepted at a top 20 school - many fantastic students are rejected every year so even getting the choice to attend one is not a given. There are many schools between the top 20 and “crap” and with some advice from folks here you’ll be able to identify some fantastic schools where merit may bring cost in-line with what you want to pay for undergrad.
Honestly, I’m not sure he would get in. He’s not weird enough! 
I’m sure he is a fantastic candidate but so many great kids are rejected every year you can’t ever count on it.
I know this is hard and I have lived it so I feel for you. What I tell my well meaning acquaintances and family members is to worry about themselves. Our first born is just starting at one of our state’s flagships. That is what we can afford. Many of her peers (and their families) are taking out ridiculous loans to go to some prestigious (to them) out of state private. I think this is completely nuts, but I don’t tell them. It’s their life and their finances and I have no right to criticize their choices just as they have no right to criticize ours. If they insist, I tell them to move on. Stay strong and do what YOU think is best for your kid and your family not what everyone else thinks. I’ll chime in with some recommendations in a little.