<p>D is not a drinker, but really doesn’t care if other people are. She’s found plenty of non-drinkers at the parties with the heavy drinkers. She can take it or leave it, but she likes to be around other people and also understands the difference between the relationship with a long-term friend and a new friend. When she needs something deeper, she has plenty of old friends to call.</p>
<p>However, she really CANT stand the whole regimented eating thing with the cafeteria. She cannot manufacture hunger at a specific time and not be hungry when she is. I think her food plan will be much more flexible next term. Other than that, she hates having an early class, because she also cannot manufacture tiredness when she isn’t. :)</p>
<p>I’m having a problem picturing a party scene of cold sober kids having fun with the sloshed kids. I’m sorry and I don’t mean to offend, but I’m just not buying it. Unless I was the designated driver, after these kids had two or three drinks, they’d have lost me. I’d be on my way to another entertainment. I think it’s a pretty well established fact that drunks lose their charm if you’re not drinking along with them.</p>
<p>Maybe something in the middle there - sober kids in great spirits, laughing and dancing around, with friends who have had one or two drinks who are in great spirits, laughing and dancing around. I can see it.</p>
<p>The cateferia near her dorm is terrible. She spent less money this year and eat much better. She was in a very popular dorm right next to a Starbucks coffee shop and it was reasonably noisy because that’s where everybody socialized. This forced her to study at the nearby library.</p>
<p>Well, the sober kids might be making the sloshed kids do stupid kid tricks, all the while taking pictures that could be used in the future for extortion. Or they could just be taking advantage of the sloshed kids. I think that drunks don’t lose their charm if you are playing poker with them, at least not until their money runs out!</p>
<p>Mummom, You seem to be under the impression that there is no middle ground here. Just like ‘real life,’ there are lots of parties where you have some that don’t drink, some that do (but not anywhere to the definition of sloshed) and some who are sloshed. And actually, if memory serves, often times the sloshed provided ample entertainment on how to be an idiot. Personally, I was never much of a drinker and always had a great time. Its more a frame a mind than actual BAC (blood alcohol content).</p>
<p>BUT if two drinks would lose you, I’d consider yourself lost. Let’s just say that if I had two or three glasses of wine at a party and you called me a drunk, I’d be pretty insulted, albeit still very much charmingly so. I might agree that if you aren’t drinking and everyone else is ridiculously drunk, it’s not fun. But in a large party I don’t think it’s necessarily an either or proposition for the most part.</p>
<p>edit: I see I cross posted with many and anxiousmom said it far more succinctly than I did. Must be the wine.</p>
<p>Mother of a college senior here- ie 4th year- I WOULD BRAG about the son who was independent enough to not need to talk to parents. There have been past threads by/about mothers of sons- we don’t hear from them.</p>
<p>Well, first of all, you seem to be confusing your college days and your present life style with your kid’s. Also, I didn’t think we were discussing my personal drinking habits. But as I said, I am not surprised. I see a great deal of defensiveness from parents who know their kids drink, not just here but all the time in real life. I love your image of sophisticated cocktail parties where Buffy and Chip have no more than a few glasses of wine, engage in witty repartee and dance the night away; however, that ain’t happening. Kids are “partying” for one reason: to get sloshed. There are good reasons why kids may not choose to drink: for one–it’s illegal. A pretty good reason for some thoughtful kids. Also, there are probably more kids than you realize who can’t drink due to health issues or medication. So these kids enter college, many away from home for the first time, dealing with many pressures including academic, and their social options are limited. Twenty percent of freshman enter college as nondrinkers. This dwindles to ten percent by sophomore year. It is tough for many of these kids to find their way. Study after study shows that drinking is different on the majority of campuses today than it was in the seventies. I didn’t see too many parents cite their kids as complaining about kids nursing a couple of glasses of wine over the course of an evening: their pet peeves were about drunks. Just tryin to keep it real.</p>
<p>The only real “pet peeve” I’ve heard is about the dining hall - too crowded, not the most convenient hours and the food is just “OK.” But honestly, just like his not-so-beautiful, dark, old dorm room, I think my son just thinks it’s all part of the “college experience” and he’s not really complaining too much at all…at least not yet!!</p>
<p>And as far as the conversation below:</p>
<p>“On another topic, my S speaks to both me and my husband very frequently. If it eases his transition–why not? Personally, I don’t think a son’s not speaking to his mom for weeks on end is necessarily something to brag about.”</p>
<p>“Mother of a college senior here- ie 4th year- I WOULD BRAG about the son who was independent enough to not need to talk to parents.”</p>
<p>I definitely don’t hear from him too often, and that is something I’m likely to brag about. To me it’s a sign that his transition is going well - and that makes me happy. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing if sons are calling “very frequently,” needing mom and dad to help ease their transitions. I just personally would prefer it the way it’s been so far with my son. Heck, I’d love to speak to him every day like I did before college. But honestly, I’m also glad he obviously doesn’t feel the need to speak to me that often. I’m happy he’s busy and having fun and working hard. To all those mom’s out there not hearing from their sons - be proud of your independent young men!!!</p>
<p>mummom - may I ask how you know so much better than I do about what goes on at those parties? Do you actually attend those parties? Have you partied with your kids? Why do you need to call them Buffy and Chip? Not Lin-Lin and Jack Wong? Or Tiara and Tyrone? Wait, only rich WASPy kids get sloshed, because they are entitled.</p>
<p>Yes, you are in the known, and the rest of us are just living in ignorance bliss.</p>
<p>I always love it when some parents come on to tell others how they know the “real world.”</p>
<p>I think I side with Modadunn and oldfort on this one. My sons are moderate drinkers, not bingers…there is a difference. I wish they didn’t drink at all but I can’t make all their choices for them. However, just because a student chooses to drink doesn’t mean he chooses to binge, just like a person who chooses to eat some cookies doesn’t mean he chooses to snarf down the entire package.</p>
<p>My boys love to dance and love to party…but they certainly don’t love to get sloshed, and so they don’t.</p>
<p>china^^Just my point: it’s socially acceptable to “brag” about not hearing from a son, but not the opposite. Somehow with daughters it seems to be different. But moms who have first semester freshman sons who miss their families should feel just as proud.</p>
<p>My daughter loves to dance - ballet, hip hop, or whatever they do on the dance floor. She’s been going to clubs with us since she was 15 or 16. D1 doesn’t drink to get sloshed. Has she? Most likely. boysx3, maybe your boys should get together with our girls.</p>
<p>The Chip and Buffy was a reference to the genteel cocktail parties Modadunn was referring to. A joke, oldfort. Sorry if I was not politically correct.</p>
<p>I don’t make excuses, I am not defensive and I don’t live with blinders on or under a rock either. If parents care to sit in some ivory tower so they can look down on all the little people because they’ve done a perfect job… I guess that’s their choice. As for me, there are things I wish my kid didn’t do and there are things for which I couldn’t be prouder – It’s a little bit of a tango at times, but he’s growing up. He is a man of character and I say that without one shade of doubt OR defensiveness.</p>
<p>And really? not all parties are ragers. Son has specifically mentioned very small, low key parties among friends.</p>
<p>You know, a lot of the parties are themed and fun, and yes, D has said that some of the kids are really out of control and they are not interesting. She did have to bring one girl home one night. But, she’s avoided going out with her since then. She has a lot of fun, and no she does not stay out til the sun comes up, but she does go to the parties and has a very nice time with the kids who are not out of control. It’s not some bachanalia on college campuses. They have got a tremendous amount of work to do and most are only going out one or two nights a week. She’s an honors student, but she also likes people, in all thier many facets. Good luck to you. I think flexibility is a really good thing to learn in life. You know, “live and let live.” that one.</p>
<p>mummom - sorry, but I definitely was NOT trying to make your point. Just the opposite. I guess I really do disagree with you because I do think NOT having my son call me too often IS something I want to brag about (I’m proud of his independence), and if he was calling all the time I personally would NOT be proud (why would I be “proud” that he feels the need to call me because he misses me?) I’m not saying I’d be embarrassed by it - just not proud of it!!! I know he loves me; I know he does miss me - I wouldn’t feel proud if he felt the need to call and tell me this.</p>
<p>And sorry to everyone out there who’s going to jump on me for my double-standard: I do have a son and a daughter. And yes, it is different for a boy and a girl. But that being said, I wouldn’t want my daughter calling me too often either. I truly do want my kids to be independent. But I do admit that I look at the situation differently for my son and my daughter. Sorry - that’s just how I see it.</p>
<p>ooetrygirl^^Wow. Are you a parent? Who CARES? No wonder so many of these kids are out of control. Amazing. Do you have a kid in college? If so , do you read the police blotters?
Every weekend bunches of kids being taken to the hospital due to drinking? And this at every school in the nation on every weekend? Who CARES?</p>
I might agree that if you aren’t drinking and everyone else is ridiculously drunk, it’s not fun. But in a large party I don’t think it’s necessarily an either or proposition for the most part.</p>
You know, “live and let live.” that one.</p>