<p>Wow, people! I can’t believe what I just read.</p>
<p>First, can we all please stop criticizing each other for our parenting styles? All families are different, and different parents and their college students are comfortable with different types of relationships, different degrees of closeness, different levels of verbosity. There is also obviously a wide spectrum of opinions about whether or not men are capable of or should be capable of communicating as effectively as women, an opinion that varies with cultures, nations, families, etc. As we on the internet are members of an international community noted for its diversity, I would like to suggest we accept different points of view with respect and tolerance. I am glad to know so many people are happy with the amount of communication they have from their child at college. (For myself, if I do get phone calls, it seems like too much; if I don’t get any calls, I think it’s too little. I guess I am just going to complain no matter what.) However, as I know we are all in the process of adjusting to a new type of relationship with our just-departed-for-college-kids, I think if someone is feeling that they would like to hear from them more or less, it is more kind to respond in sympathy rather than prescribing how much or how little contact is desirable. </p>
<p>Second, I feel that the question of drinking on campus is very important. I am a retired college professor and as a graduate student was the resident director of a dorm on an Ivy League campus for many years. I also live in an Ivy League University town (there are other campuses around as well) and I have observed the general tendency Mummom mentions about the increase in drinking on campus, and particularly an increase in the character of the drinking (more heavy drinking, more extreme drinking practices, like kids drinking the vomit of other kids at a party). I think that it is a common thing to picture life at college as similar to what we experienced when we were students. It is very very different. A lot of us may not realize what our children are experiencing or seeing, and when a student says, “there’s a lot of drinking,” I am not sure all of us realize just what that really means.</p>
<p>That said, obviously, there will always be drinking on college campuses. The administrators of college campuses and the residential counselors who collaborate with them to safeguard student health expect this and work hard to curtail serious injury. I believe Mumom makes some very important points about students on campus who for one reason or another, might not want to immerse themselves in the drinking culture. Some have medical or religious reasons, some might be in training as athletes, some might simply not be that into partying. I feel that saying that someone who is not into drinking “has no business on a college campus” is very much out of line. No one should be told they have no business on a college campus because of their lifestyle choices. It’s my impression that campuses used to work harder to create non-alcoholic venues and alternatives to the almost institutionalized drinking marathons that now take place regularly (and almost every night, not just on weekends). I also do perceive a significant shift in the undergraduate student culture towards more heavy drinking and the concomitant hookup culture. Further, these facets of student life, which once represented only a component of the campus culture, now almost completely dominate it. Those who express a preference for a different lifestyle come in for some very intolerant and nasty put downs. It is my hope that any student on a campus who is not into a given aspect of mainstream campus life, would feel comfortable, supported, and would be able to find some like-minded friends whose life has a different focus. </p>
<p>In the meantime, I for one, would appreciate hearing from other parents whose kids also are not as into the drinking scene.</p>