<p>ESSAY PROMPT
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:
As people become more knowledgeable and experienced, they eventually realize that complete equity and justice--whether in politics, in education, or in day-to-day events--will never really be achieved. Even so, they are encouraged to continue to hope for and fight for fairness. But shouldn't people put their energies to better use? There will always be unfairness in life, and becoming an adult means finding ways to make the best of this fact. </p>
<p>ASSIGNMENT:
Should people accept unfairness and find ways to make the best of it? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>
<pre><code> Unfairness exists in every facet of life. It is nearly guaranteed that unfairness will never be completely removed from our lives; the world that we all live in is not perfect. However, that does not mean that we should not continue to fight for equality with all of our passion. If we do not combat inequality, it will continue to persist and grow in our society. Instead, we should continue to fight for equality; although we may never vanquish unfairness, it is important to eliminate as much prejudice and inequality as we can to make the world a better place.
In the Civil Rights movement in America, supporters of equal rights for African Americans did not stand idly by; they took action and fought vehemently against racial discrimination, thus gaining African Americans important rights that have improved the world greatly today. For most of American history, African Americans were seen as less human than white people; they were enslaved, and then when set free, were faced by segregation and racial discrimination from the oppressive Jim Crow laws. Instead of just trying to make the best of the unfair situation, Martin Luther King took action. He organized bus boycotts in Montgomery and non-violent in marches on Washington and Birmingham. By doing this, he was able to bring national attention to the plight of all blacks and win important Civil Rights legislation. His decision to fight against unfairness improved the status of African Americans and proved successful in making the world a more fair place.
The issue of gay rights has been another significant issue that through protest and activism, has won important steps towards equality. Gays and lesbians have long been treated with disgust, because they simply happen to have a different sexual orientation. For example, during Bill Clintons presidency, he proposed a dont ask, dont tell policy for the military, encouraging gays to hide who they truly are. Today, through gay activism, such as gay-pride marches and famous openly gay people such as Ellen Degeneres, people have become much more accepting of gays and now in many states, Gays are granted the right to marry, which they have long sought after.
The Civil Rights Movement and Gay Rights Movement are examples of how activism and the willingness to fight unfairness were successful in making the world a much more equal place for all people. Without such participation, the world would have continued to subjugate such citizens. Thus, activism is necessary in our world to make it a better place for all.
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<p>Not going to give it a number, but a few comments:</p>
<p>The first paragraph is too wordy and basically repeats itself in circles. </p>
<p>I like the examples, although I would frame them in terms of their benefit in America, rather than the whole world. Obviously, gays don’t have more equality everywhere in the world. </p>
<p>The grammar could use some work. For example:
For over 400 years, Africans brought to America were seen as less “human” than whites. They were enslaved, and when set free faced segregation and racial discrimination.</p>
<p>Thanks. I got an 8, but I thought I should have gotten a higher score. Maybe it’s because my essay only filled up slightly less than 1.5 pages? I have relatively small handwriting.</p>
<p>An 8?! I’d give it a 10 or 11. Your essay was a little short, but I actually enjoyed reading it, and that’s coming from someone who’s ranted for hours about the pitfalls of political correctness.</p>
<p>The only changes I would have made would be to have elaborated within each paragraph on what the world might have been like had these activists not fought for social justice, to have added one or two examples of LGBT activists (though “through gay activism” is correct, it leaves the reader wondering a little), and to have written in bigger handwriting (or at least made the spaces between letters and words larger). As unprofessional as it’d be, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that many of the SAT graders place a lot of stock in the essays they receive being of “correct” lengths. I don’t agree with such a practice, but there’s not much anyone can do about it. You’ll have a lot more freedom with your writing in college, and if you can write this well I’m sure you’ll get into a good one.</p>
<p>I’m surprised it was only an 8. How was your handwriting? Did you copy it here exactly as you wrote it–same vocab? leave in any grammar/spelling errors, etc.?
(fwiw, it is still possible to get an 800 in writing with an essay score of 8–if you get 100% on the multiple choice).
I was able to see one of my kid’s SAT essays–he got a 9. The topic had something to do with types of governments (this was several years ago). His essay seemed pretty weak and was less than one page,with only a couple examples. The essay scores seem so subjective.
An 8 isn’t bad, though. It shouldn’t bring you down.</p>
<p>Someone please answer me this: How much do they take off for misspelled words? I think people can be very good writers but poor spellers, and isn’t that what spellcheck is for? If they allow kids to use calculators for math, why not computer with spellcheck for the essay?</p>
<p>They are not supposed to “take off” anything for poor spelling. IMO, though, if a lot of words–especially fairly easy ones–are misspelled, it can’t help but make a bad impression on the grader. These essays are scored very quickly and I think “impressions” matter.
Handwriting, as long as it is legible, isn’t supposed to matter. But it also gives an impression. (I’d like to see a study of handwriting samples used to rank the writer’s “intelligence”. . . I believe that some types of handwriting just look “smarter” or “dumber” than others.) Graders can’t help having these “impressions” in their minds, and that could be reflected in your score. Just my OPINION, but I don’t think I’m alone in this.</p>
<p>I copied it exactly; same vocab and left in all grammar/spelling errors. You can see how repetitive I was with words such as “unfairness,” “fair,” and “better” haha. My handwriting isn’t the neatest but it is definitely legible. I was hoping for a 10 and I thought my essay was decent, so I was pretty surprised with the score.</p>
<p>Handwriting and spelling shouldn’t matter because no one will ever see handwriting usually–since everything is typed nowadays. Colleges aren’t judging kids’ essays based on handwriting and spelling skills because their essays will be typed with spell-check. All I’m saying is I think this whole SAT essay thing is unfair and unrealistic to judge anyone on.</p>
<p>Scoring on the SAT is holistic. That means the score is the result of the total impression created by multiple factors. Control over grammar, usage and conventions like punctuation and spelling is one category of evaluation. The degree to which it affects the final score can vary depending upon whether or not errors in this area negatively affect other categories as well. Another important category of judgment is the smooth and consistent progression of ideas. If lack of punctuation results in a reader having to interrupt the flow of ideas in order to decipher sentence structures and untangle ideas, then it will be far more significant than if the essay can be read smoothly in spite of the errors.</p>
<p>A score 6 essay may have a few grammatical errors, but they will be few and far between. This essay has a moderate number, but they don’t derail communication. A larger problem, however, exists when we look at the flow of ideas. Here needless repetition, wordy and awkward constructions, lack of transitions and other conventions of coherence can lower a score. I believe that is an area where this essay needs improvement to score higher. A comparison between this essay’s opening paragraph and another can illustrate the point.</p>
<p>The original:</p>
<p>Unfairness exists in every facet of life. It is nearly guaranteed that unfairness will never be completely removed from our lives; the world that we all live in is not perfect. However, that does not mean that we should not continue to fight for equality with all of our passion. If we do not combat inequality, it will continue to persist and grow in our society. Instead, we should continue to fight for equality; although we may never vanquish unfairness, it is important to eliminate as much prejudice and inequality as we can to make the world a better place.</p>
<p>The alternative:</p>
<p>Injustice exists in every facet of life and it is unlikely it can ever be completely eliminated. Even so, we should continue to fight passionately for equality. Rather than allowing injustice to persist and grow, we must eliminate as much prejudice as we can in order to make the world a better place. </p>
<p>You can see another example of the same kind of contrast in sylvan’s post above.</p>
<p>The score of the student’s essay reflects basic competence but not superior mastery (for a high school junior/senior) of expository writing.</p>