what score would you give for my essay?

<p>What score would you give for my essay and why? Any strengths? any weakness?
Any way i could improve my essay?</p>

<p>Thank you.</p>

<p>Topic: Do you think ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<pre><code> Yes, we need to confront our fear and adversity and we must challenge what we feel are new and unoriginal. The fearless confrontation during civil war, world war 1 and world war 2, allowed undeveloped countries to shift, and allow new innovative ideas to prosper. If people in the past decided to lay down in bed and simply relax, we would never have reached what is now. Winston, in a novel 1984 by George Orwell, decides to challenge the government in London by contradicting the laws given by Big Brother and try to follow Goldstein, the head of Brotherhood who Big Brother hates.
Instead of conforming to the rules, relaxing and watching television in the most depressive and totalitarian society, Winston decides to step in and make the right decision. By doing the complete opposite of the government's expectation, he was able to show the people and the world that change is always possible. An example would be when Winston brought a diary, illegal, and used it to write down his feelings. He knew that the rules given by the government was morally wrong so instead of having an easy life, he decides to contradict the government in as much ways as possible. He did not contradict Big Brother just to change the society, but because he loved a woman and he wanted to have the right to express his feelings. By doing so, he was able to achhieve his dreams to do what he feels is right. Although O'Brien, a member of Big Brother, captured Winston and put him in jail, Winston was able to show to the audience and the world that dictatorship and punishing people for no apparent reason is morally wrong and that society should change to make the lives of the people better. Ease can never bring difference in life. Instead, all it could bring is a stagnant society, where it will never change sociologically, economically, and politically.
In order to confront our fear, we must bring change in society. The only way to bring a huge difference, despite the probability of failing, is by confronting and make a difference and show the people that anything is possible. Without Winston, people would of never understood how cruel and self centered the leaders are in society. We would also never understand the punishment in communist society without Winston, who wrote down how cruel Big Brother and the world was. Not only did it show the cruelty of society, but it also shows how theres also betrayal in society to gain something that they want. To change the painful and undeveloping world, we cannot sit down and simply relax. Only through adversity can we bring difference to society and discover who we are.
</code></pre>

<p>can you ignore the previous one please?
sorry about that. i mean this one:</p>

<p>Yes, we need to confront our fear and adversity and we must challenge what we feel are new and unoriginal. The fearless confrontation during civil war, world war 1 and world war 2, allowed undeveloped countries to shift, and allow new innovative ideas to prosper. If people in the past decided to lay down in bed and simply relax, we would never have reached what is now. Winston, in a novel 1984 by George Orwell, decides to challenge the government in London by contradicting the laws given by Big Brother and try to follow Goldstein, the head of Brotherhood who Big Brother hates.</p>

<p>Instead of conforming to the rules, relaxing and watching television in the most depressive and totalitarian society, Winston decides to step in and make the right decision. By doing the complete opposite of the government’s expectation, he was able to show the people and the world that change is always possible. An example would be when Winston brought a diary, illegal, and used it to write down his feelings. He knew that the rules given by the government was morally wrong so instead of having an easy life, he decides to contradict the government in as much ways as possible. He did not contradict Big Brother just to change the society, but because he loved a woman and he wanted to have the right to express his feelings. By doing so, he was able to achhieve his dreams to do what he feels is right. Although O’Brien, a member of Big Brother, captured Winston and put him in jail, Winston was able to show to the audience and the world that dictatorship and punishing people for no apparent reason is morally wrong and that society should change to make the lives of the people better. Ease can never bring difference in life. Instead, all it could bring is a stagnant society, where it will never change sociologically, economically, and politically.</p>

<p>In order to confront our fear, we must bring change in society. The only way to bring a huge difference, despite the probability of failing, is by confronting and make a difference and show the people that anything is possible. Without Winston, people would of never understood how cruel and self centered the leaders are in society. We would also never understand the punishment in communist society without Winston, who wrote down how cruel Big Brother and the world was. Not only did it show the cruelty of society, but it also shows how theres also betrayal in society to gain something that they want. To change the painful and undeveloping world, we cannot sit down and simply relax. Only through adversity can we bring difference to society and discover who we are.</p>