What score would you give this March SAT Essay?

<p>So I just wanted to see what you would give this essay. I will tell you what I got once
the responses stop coming. Here is the essay.</p>

<p>Topic: Should past mistakes be remembered?
Length: 2/2 pages</p>

<p>Mistakes are a vital part of human life. They essentially enable one to grow and learn throughout life. Without focusing on past mistakes, there will be no foundation to build on for future descisions. For this reason, it is of the utmost importance to remember past mistakes.</p>

<p>The life of William Smith, a classic novel set in the 1980's in the San Francisco Bay area, explores the life of a young buisness man, William. William has a plethora of ambitions but his most cherised one is to become a sucessful executive. He lives during a time of rapid economic progress and decides to exploit it. So he starts a coffee buisness in the downton area, invests in numerous stocks, and heads a small consulting company. However, even with the exuberant progress, William makes some key errors. He strategically set his coffee shop in the worst part of the city. Furthermore, he overspeculates the value of the stocks he invested and uses inefficient invesment techniques. As a result, William's buisness collapsed and he nearly went bankrupt. Instead of mourning over the past or more importantly, forgetting about it, he fixiated it in his mind. William remapped his actions, analyzed his mistakes, and essentially learned from them within the next few years. William started a small buisness and invested more prudently. Within a few more years, his company became renown throughout the city and he became a buisness tycoon. When asked about his initial failures, William states that those initial mistakes were key to his sucess. This man epotomizes how one can improve by looking back at past mistakes.</p>

<p>In addition, there are scores of real life events which full butress this statement. In the South East region of Western Anatolia in the 19th century, a young man by the name of Julius Peppers was working intently on his medical stidues. His career however, was marred by the inability to cure patients. In fact, Peppers accidentally leaked a laboratory virus called zoans, out ot the local region. His mistakes were so perlious that they killed half the population and sent Peppers in to a despondent state. Peppers, however, kept his resolve and decided to look back on his past mistakes to correct the future. He studied intently and vigorously for the antidote. In the end, Peppers was the only doctor in the region to find the cure and became a home town hero. In just a short period of time Peppers went from a sadistic and clusmy doctor to a resolute hero. He proved how beneficial it is to fixiate past mistakes in your mind in order because of the important didactic purpose they serve.</p>

<p>Indeed past mistakes serve as a didactic purpose. They lay a foundation for future progress by ensuring that one will not have to be set back by the same obstructions. If one wishes to continue through life without impediments, one must learn from the past.</p>

<p>I was laughing while writing this essay. Lets see if you catch something really off in this essay haha. If you do, you will start laughing too haha!</p>

<p>Sounds like you’re story telling; not much analysis.</p>

<p>I only skimmed.</p>

<p>I think 5. You just have way too much facts without backing them up with analysis. The examples should be brief facts and then in depth analysis</p>

<p>The first example is decent, though it has a lot of detail that is probably a little superfluous. The second example is not sufficient; it needs more analysis and needs to be further linked to the thesis. Also, there are several grammar and usage mistakes that could get you dinged a point or more. Don’t use long, complex-sounding words because you think they’ll help. If anything, they hurt the strength of your paper, which should be built around a solid thesis (yours is strong, but on the vague side, I think) and supported with concrete, well-detailed examples.</p>

<p>I would give this essay a 5, though it could drop to a 4 and I wouldn’t be shocked.</p>

<p>Oh, Julius Peppers? If you’re going to make up a doctor, at least pick a less well-known football player.</p>

<p>Oh, and one last thing. Stop using big words incorrectly. Based on what my teachers have said about essay-grading, it drives readers insane.</p>

<p>As a SAT ‘noob’, I want to know why you think that the second example needs more analysis and is weakly linked to the thesis. I didn’t find anything wrong with it.</p>

<p>I’d give it a 4 or 5. You have the two examples, but not much analysis, too much background.</p>

<p>develop how your examples relate to your thesis, and try to say “one” less. “one” is better than saying “he” but it is still unsatisfying. I wouldn’t be surprised to see 4 and 5, so a total mark being 9 or even an 8</p>

<p>Thanks for the input guys. The reason there is so much bg info is due to the fact that both examples were made up. So to make it seem more believable, I added bg info but way to much now that I see it. So next time I will dive into the analysis. </p>

<p>and @FawksGoldman</p>

<p>Yeah I hate using big words incorrectly but in 25 min time pressure, you really dont have much time to rethink detail. I just tried puffing up the essay but I didnt use too many big words. But yeah I get what you mean. it makes you sound more pretentious.</p>

<p>so…whats did you actually get?</p>

<p>I got an 800 (80 mc and 11E)</p>

<p>Some you of you guys were pretty close. I really thought I would get a 10 though haha!</p>

<p>^your luck ahhh, lol
any tips, beside practice??</p>

<p>@Prodigy</p>

<p>I cant speak for the essay except for the fact that making up examples does not cost you as my essay shows. I was able to get an 11. I did read 12 essay in 12 days and this
<a href=“Page not found – Experts Corner | Applerouth”>Page not found – Experts Corner | Applerouth;

<p>As for the mc, 3-4 practice tests. There is a book called testmasters twelve grammar rules. Its by Larry Krieger. That guy goes over every rule that comes up on the test. Yup, around 12 rules are used on the test. Take the tests, analyze each question and which of the 12 rules it is. For everyone you got wrong, take special note to those and read the rule again and again in the book. Also look up that specific rule online since there are so many grammar resources online. </p>

<p>Pretty much what I did.</p>

<p>

The life of William Smith -> “The Life of William Smith”
buisness man -> businessman
“William has a plethora of ambitions…” Good word selection, but “plethora” has a pejorative tone. “Myriad” would be a better choice.
He strategically set his coffee shop… -> He strategically sets his cofee shop… (tense consistency)
stidues -> studies</p>

<p>I cringed when I read your essay. I don’t quite understand why you posted it. I’m not sure whether or not this is an April Fools day post. Hopefully it is. And for those readers who think that OPs approach is the sure path to an easy high essay grade, consider the possibility that someone at College Board, or perhaps someone at one of your reach colleges would chance to read your made up examples. (The SAT scores includes the essay).</p>

<p>Why would you choose to make up examples when it is evident from your writing that you have the skills to answer the question with a high level of integrity and obtain a good score?</p>

<p>@fogcity</p>

<p>Yeah. This is the first time I ever made up examples on the actual exam. Although I did it once before on the real thing, I only made up 1/3 of my examples and that too was a personal experience towards the conclusion. I ended up with a 10 that time. </p>

<p>During this one, my mind initially froze and I couldnt think of anything. I know thats pretty sad considering the prompt lol. So I made up the examples. My reasoning was that if you can include personal experiences which you have no way of proving, then these fake/tweaked examples would be fine. The problem with me was that it took me too much time to formulate real life examples. Making them up came to me much easier for some reason. </p>

<p>I thought that colleges look more towards the MC part than the essay part but I am probably wrong.</p>

<p>@Zephead</p>

<p>Most of the spelling errors are only on here because I typed it really fast. For the most part, it has very few spelling errors.</p>

<p>I did laugh at the Julius Peppers bit, though, so even though it was a bit of misplaced humor, it still worked!</p>

<p>Same. Well not while writing it though. I was in a real tight situation and as you can see, wrote whatever the came to my mind. After time was called I took a big sigh of relief and then laughed in my head. One for being dumb enough to include Julius Peppers but it was better than Michael Jackson lol. I really didnt think this would get anything above a 9 though.</p>

<p>I probably would have wound up with something ridiculous in a pinch, too. Anyway, more power to you!</p>