And there is a huge distinction between classes in the Honors Program (or Cohorts as we like to call them).
Listen, I really feel for you. You remind me a lot of my brother. He also had housing issues every single year he’s been at college and he anxiously overthinks things to the extreme. You ARE overthinking it. In my themed housing community, I thought everybody was really good friends with each other except for me. It turned out to be that wasn’t the case, but the ones that were, were just vocal about it. Either way, I never made close friends with anyone in the honors cohorts. Even if I was the only person in that situation, it was still fine. They are NOT your one sole chance at a community at college. If you never move beyond “polite roommate” status with them, that is FINE.
You are not the only person in this housing community who has ever had to go random. There were many before you, potentially several concurrently with you, and will be many in the future. I also believe you are coloring everything with an untrue perspective. I find it really hard to believe that your director’s main point was yup, everyone in your suite might be the opposite of you and that’s a very dire situation and you should get really upset about it. Of course they might be different from you. You might sign up to live with a best friend and then it turns out he’s the total opposite of you. You might get married to someone and it turns out they’re the total opposite of you. Of COURSE random roommates in college might be the opposite of you, that’s an experience almost everyone in college deals with. And after college! I certainly don’t care for some of the roommates I’ve had post-graduation. But that’s why singles are so coveted.
I also think you are worrying too much about the random thing. If someone asks about it, tell them the truth: your roommates told you too late that they were bringing one of their friends in. By the time you found out, groups had already been worked out, so you had no other choice. No big deal.
But, I had no friends to begin with. And I’ve never really felt like I fit in with my roommates. Anyway, I’ve talked to my therapist about this, but even then that hasn’t been enough to help me cope (I don’t think anything will, tbh). When it comes to coping with stressors like this, he said that it’s not a good thing to be a Stepford Smiler (pretend to be positive and everything is happy when that’s far removed from reality) and be myself, yet the people I’ve talked to at school only seem to like me when I’m happy and get turned off by me being sad. Like one person said, if I’m sad then people will turn away from me. Even my mother said to immediately drop it and think about the positive (such as me being invited to join the Phi Alpha Theta Society for History) even though she very well knows that I can’t just drop things that are overpowering for me like that (such as this dilemma). I’ve tried both before and it hasn’t worked for me. I find it hypocritical that people claim to accept you for who you are yet only want to see someone happy and positive. So this has been really making me upset, overwhelmed, and anxious these past couple days and I’ve devolved to the point where I think this is laser-guided karma for being a friendless social outcast.
@wizman631, I have been reading back to your previous posts to get some background. It seems you are on the autism spectrum, and what you have been saying makes sense in terms of someone on the spectrum struggling and trying to adapt to a neurotypical world in which others’ brains are wired differently than how your mind is wired. This is not the same as being introverted or lacking certain social skills (many people think it’s just a matter of learning these things and applying them or just trying to be being more open and friendly). it really IS a profound, qualitative shift in how the world looks and feels to you. Not better or worse, just different, with its own plusses and minuses. There ARE plusses! I agree that in practice it must FEEL worse right now …and functions as a disability in that it’s as if you feel you are permanently living in a different culture that can never feel like home. I want you to be able to find that home in yourself and in the world.
There are therapists whose life work is trying to understand the overall experiences of people on the spectrum, including how the physical structures of the brain create differences… and helping…not just teaching surface social skills (useful and necessary as these are for you to learn and to apply in certain situations) but in really investigating how your brain works differently, how that affects your whole life, and how (without any magic or pat answers) you can begin to create a bridge to others that is also true to who you are. Even if your therapist now is good, I think it would be helpful if you could find one of these autism specialists, or at least tap into their work. Sometimes what works in “typical” therapy can be a bit at cross-purposes with someone on the spectrum because it’s assuming a certain paradigm that just doesn’t fit you. Unfortunately, the specialists who may have a better understanding are few and far between. I do think that several do therapy over the phone…but you would have to be very sure of their credentials if you find these. I think there are resources for people on the spectrum in the Boston area and also on the West coast (Seattle/Portland? I would have to look it up.) Also, there are many online support groups for people on the spectrum. It would be good if your university could organize an in-person support group. I imagine (since you go to a state university, which are usually pretty large) there are others on the spectrum that you could become friends with if such a group existed. Having another friend on the spectrum doesn’t mean that you can’t make neurotypical friends too but sometimes just the relief of having a friend or two with a deep commonality can break the isolation. Feeling less isolated could help you to be more genuinely positive and optimistic for those neurotypicals who expect the positivity.
Google the Asperger’s Association of New England (AANE) for information to help you dig yourself out of your isolation. Even if you don’t live anywhere near New England, I believe this could be the first step for you to find a network that could help. The website of the AANE has a phone number…maybe they could make a referral or give you suggestions of where to look closer to home.
Also, Google this TED talk by Alix Generous: How I learned to communicate my inner life with Asperger’s. It might help to give you hope.
Finally, I noticed you like meteorology and weather. Are there any classes you could take in meteorology as an elective or even minor in it? Is there a professor at your school who could link you with a club, people or activities related to weather to get involved in that?
@inthegarden
I am indeed on the autism spectrum, and I’ve been struggling to find my place in this world (nothing has worked for me - living in a suite, joining clubs, etc). Sometimes I feel like nothing can work and a lost cause on this campus. Once again I find it hypocritical that people claim to accept you for who you are, but only when you have a positive attitude at all times (Stepford Smiler).
I admit my therapist isn’t perfect, but definitely a step in the right direction. While it isn’t a center for autism, it’s known for working with people across all walks of life (Autism, Down Syndrome, Alcoholism, etc). There is a center for Autism but it’s too far for me to get to every week, especially since I don’t have a car on campus. It’s over half an hour away. I do live in Connecticut, which is in New England. For online support groups for people on the spectrum, is it exclusive to people with autism? Or are there allies too? Anyway, the reason I attend off-campus counseling is because I was told my campus doesn’t have the adequate resources for someone on the spectrum so I got deferred. And I also don’t have the money to visit 22 therapists and get treatment 2,000 miles away.
I’ve already taken the only course available on campus for meteorology as one of my science requirements and there is no meteorology major or minor on my campus. Rather, I’m a double major in History and Economics.
I did watch that TED Talk Video. Wonderful young lady she is.
Anyway, how does this have to do with my dormitory situation for next year?
Hi @wizman631,
I’m glad to hear your therapist situation is working well (or pretty well) for you and that he is someone you can trust and confide in.
What does this have to do with your dormitory situation for next year? It has to do with it because I think the dormitory situation (for you) is not so much a practical problem (because you know you will have a room somewhere) but a social and emotional one. Finding other people that you feel comfortable to room with, that also want to room with you is a social thing. Your feelings of hurt, embarrassment and worry about where you will fit into the dorm are a little overwhelming for you right now. And among the biggest challenges of being on the spectrum is dealing with social and emotional situations like these that are hard to decipher. You well know that you are “up” to most intellectual challenges whenever you focus on them…it’s the social stuff and not feeling that you fit in that’s hard. Isn’t that what is most bothering you about the dorm situation?
I also think it has to do with your dorm situation because I think if you had better support (a couple of other people in your life who understood you better…and maybe a friend on the spectrum) you would feel less isolated overall, so you wouldn’t feel so bad even if your suitmate situation doesn’t get better. Everyone needs to feel some areas of life are enjoyable or at least OK… then it’s easier to accept the parts that are painful.
As to online support…if you google Asperger’s forums or Autism forums you will find all sorts of things…some are exclusively for people on the spectrum to talk about life …others are for friends/family members of people on the spectrum and yet others are inclusive of a mix of people. Some, I believe are well-moderated and some less so, so it might be good to be a little cautious. It might be good to call or e-mail the New England association I mentioned (AANE) to ask for advice about specific online forums. Also, I imagine it wouldn’t hurt to ask them about different locations for support groups just in case something has been formed closer to you. Thirty or forty minutes away is actually pretty close for something as specialized as an autism center …I wonder if you called them and asked about support groups or other services…would there be someone living in your area attending who could give you rides or maybe a bus you could take? Even once or twice per month could help you to cut your sense of isolation. Also, statistically speaking, I think there must be other students on campus struggling with Asperger’s/autism too…I wonder if this autism center could do some kind of outreach to your university? It can’t hurt to ask. Sometimes it takes that person making the request and making the need known to make it happen.
I going to the Autistic Center would be feasible on a weekly basis if I had a car or a license. And telling me to think positively usually does the adverse affect for some reason. When someone gets exasperated with me for thinking negatively, I feel like I should be changing for them and not myself.
@wizman631, are you thinking that people at the Autistic Center might urge you to think positively? I hope I didn’t tell you that or imply it. I guess the closest I would get to saying that, would be to encourage you actively explore any avenues YOU happen to find that might be good opportunities for YOU to feel happier for yourself (and not for anyone else’s convenience or approval.) I imagine you might think this is insulting if you feel you have already tried everything possible your whole life without people giving you credit for trying. So I realize any suggestion I might make would have to seem like a good idea to you before you would try it . I’m just brainstorming possibilities, is all. And I realize you have been dealing with it for years without finding a solution and it’s exhausting. The people telling you to be positive haven’t been in the middle of this Asperger struggle and don’t personally know what it’s like, so for you, the asking for positivity may not feel very realistic. I agree that your life is not an easy one, and that most people don’t understand what you are grappling with. They may see that you are intelligent, you have good health, you are fortunate to have parents sending you to college, etc so they may wonder "why can’t you just learn to act like everyone else, and why can’t you be happy? " If they lived your life for a week they would get it, but no one else can live in your brain. That’s the reason I thought that maybe being in a support group of others on the spectrum, or making a friend or group of friends on the spectrum on campus who understand this struggle (and won’t ask you to be positive when you don’t feel positive) could be a freeing experience for you…a place where you can be yourself without explaining everything.
I think some of the strongest good attributes that many people on the spectrum have in common are honesty and sincerity. These are fantastic traits. But unfortunately, the extreme honesty and sincerity of some people on the spectrum are areas that neurotypicals misunderstand sometimes, or get annoyed with. It’s often something bullies exploit too. I think maybe (for you) your honesty is one of the reasons it bothers you so much to be asked to be positive and act happy for others. Maybe you don’t want to be fake, and if you are feeling sad or discouraged you want that to be accepted as your reality. Then you feel even worse because your reality is not being accepted. You want to know that someone who calls you a friend, is a reliable friend . If this friend could accept you as you are, maybe you would feel you would have reasons to hope and be positive in a real sense. But you don’t want to feel that someone is trying to control your moods for their own convenience.
Now I’m going to try to describe what a neurotypical person might be thinking in this situation. Some of the people who are telling you to be more positive are telling you this because it really does help THEM feel better to be positive whenever they are feeling sad, so they think it will work for you too. They are trying to help and they really don’t understand that it has the opposite effect on you. You’re right that some other people may be telling you to act happy and feel positive out of their own need to feel happier around you, it’s true. But even if they are mostly caring about their own feelings, they think that if you both act happy around each other, eventually the activity of pretending becomes enjoyable enough that everyone’s mood really does gets better. They are not seeing it as being fake at all, but as part of the process of creating happiness and a bond of friendship. Some people also may view faking happiness as a privacy thing. They don’t feel comfortable sharing sadness or fear with others, so acting happier when they are not happy is kind of a protective guard. So they are surprised and a little uncomfortable being around a person who is being very honest and open with their moods and so they try to get you to act as they do. But it’s not necessarily out of any bad motive on their part…it’s really just how THEY cope, just as you have ways that YOU cope that are different from theirs. Hope this clarifies a little for you where some people may be coming from if you feel they are manipulating you to be a certain way…hope I haven’t said more than you wanted to read or made it even more confusing.
Since I have no support system on campus, I’ve talked to my mom about this and one of the options she told me about was commuting for next year. IDK if that’s good for me either because that would pretty much destroy any realistic opportunity for me to make friends (note, I have not had one good friend since kindergarten). And I just fear getting into a car crash everyday if I were to get my license.
Also, for honesty, what do you suggest I do about that?
It’s very hard not to have a support system. I’m glad to hear your mom is there for you, yet it’s good and courageous to want to take steps away from home too. Would it be possible to live at home but stay on campus more hours of the day than just your classes…or maybe live on campus but go home more frequently than you have been? No one should have to feel so alone and miserable all the time. But you would feel very good it you could succeed in some ways on campus after slogging it out for so long.
About honesty, I don’t know. I think honesty is a very admirable trait. I wish more people were more honest (but kindly honest…sometimes brutal honesty is too much.) I wouldn’t suggest that you try not to not be honest but I wonder if you could be more choosy about how much to tell and who to tell things to for your own protection. I do agree that a good friend will often be there for you even when you’re not positive (though nobody can be there for a friend all the time for obvious reasons.) The problem is, it can take months or years for anyone to develop a friendship to that point. Most people do not make friends instantly on that deep and loyal level from the first moment of friendship. It builds slowly through shared experiences and it might take a long time before people talk about anything very personal. Most people (no matter how happy they look) already have plenty of problems of one kind or another to deal with so they are looking for friends who will bring more easy enjoyment than difficulty into their life. So if a new aquaintance doesn’t know you well yet and you are honest with them about difficult things early on, it will scare them away. It’s nothing personal…that person would probably reject anyone who was honest about difficult things early on. They want to have a build-up of enjoyable times with you for a good while before they will be able to tolerate more. Not everyone is like this, but probably the majority.
When you are around someone you think you trust and like, or someone you don’t know well but hope to have as a friend, it’s wise to compromise a bit while still staying basically honest. Sometimes there are softer ways of telling the truth that people can accept and listen to more readily. For example, telling people briefly how you are feeling or what you are thinking but then letting it go for awhile and willing yourself to drop that part of the conversation to talk about more positive subjects that the other person is interested in even if YOU are not feeling positive is not necessarily being dishonest, it’s just allowing them their share of the conversation and showing interest in them. If you like that person it’s good to be willing to do that to show you care about them (just as you want them to be a good friend to you.) You might feel sad about something but also genuinely happy that your friend is enjoying a cheerful conversation with you, making it more likely that you can keep the friendship going. It might seem like a weird concept, but some people are able to feel two opposite things almost at once, yet both are true. For example, you might be feeling bad about something someone said, but good that you made a higher grade on a test than you expected, or good that the weather was interesting that day. It’s a matter of what you decide to focus on…really you get to be in control of what you decide is most important and which of your feelings and which conversation will help you the most in the long run. So, you are still being honest but choosing the conversation that will work best in your life. I think a lot of people are actually willing to hear some less-than-positive things. But they really don’t have the answers any more than you do, and get frustrated to keep talking about things that they have no solutions for. They feel very relieved when you can move on to an easier topic. …when you move on, it kind of conveys to them that you will solve your own problems and people admire people who can do that. As long as you stay honest with yourself it’s not dishonest to stay private about anything you choose in front of other people. Some people find that when they are feeling bad, it helps to cope by focusing very hard on something or someone outside of themselves. They may ask another person a lot of questions about the other person’s feelings, thoughts, interests, hobbies or make little jokes, etc. just to lessen the intensity of their own feelings for awhile. This can be hard for people on the spectrum to do because, just the way the brain is organized makes it hard to guess what others might be thinking or feeling at that moment (you know this better than I do) but making a point of asking and then listening to that person and then asking more questions might help you to honestly take away some of painful things otherwise going on in your life. Easier said than done. I’m not on the spectrum but have sometimes experienced depression and I know how hard it can be to focus attention away from yourself when going through intense feelings of isolation.
Wow,it’s getting really late…you are probably already asleep and I should be too!
I usually go home once every two-three weeks on average. And like I said, I don’t have a license or a car (I personally fear that I’d crash everyday on the way there). Honestly, there isn’t much of a rush to get your license unless you’re being given your own car or have younger siblings to drive around. Same with my other two triplet siblings up in Massachusetts for school. I already submitted my Themed Housing Application yet my General Housing Application isn’t due for another few weeks or so and the Housing Deposit is due March 30. So I pretty much have my hands tied either way.
I think most people struggle to find a balance between pretending to be happy and being too honest in our feelings. To explain it from my point of view, most people will be turned off by someone who is overly negative and brings bad vibes to a conversation. It’s hard to always be someone’s support system and listen to someone’s problems, especially when you’re just in the “getting to know you” stage with them. It’s definitely okay to touch upon things that are bothering you – “ugh, don’t you find this dorm process really stressful?” – but it can be uncomfortable for others to always have to talk about sad feelings with people they don’t know so well.
However, once I’ve gotten past the getting-to-know someone phase and consider them a closer friend, I’m willing to listen to the negativity because we have a close relationship. The conversations get more personal and intimate because our relationship is that way, too. By building a relationship on more positive, enjoyable steps, we can work our way up to more emotional and personal conversations. So I agree with inthegarden. It’s not faking it, it’s being able to choose what conversational tone works best in any given situation. You don’t need to say “yeah, the roommate process is going great!” but you can frame it in a way that allows for a mutual conversation instead of focusing too much on the negative personal feelings.
Personally, I have a bad habit of venting too much and not giving other people a chance to talk about their own problems. For example, I’ll go on and on about what a bad day I had at work, and then add at the end, “so how was your day?” or “anything bothering you too?” I need to fix that, because people don’t want to listen to me be negative for twenty minutes. Instead, I should say something like, “Work was so overwhelming today. Don’t you ever feel like there’s too much to do and not enough time?” because that gives them a chance to tell their own anecdotes or perspectives, but still allow each other to talk about our issues together in a lighter way.
So what should I do? Change myself to please others or do something else? And still not sure over whether or not to sign
The Housing Contract or commute?
And I do have people who I text but I’ve hardly been getting responses (especially lately) and they never reciprocate and go out of their way to text me. It feels one sided. And it’s not just therapists who tell me to think more positively but these people too.
Every year, this is a drama on campuses all over America. Every year, people end up living with random people. Every year, people deal with it. And they make friends with the new roommates, or they don’t, and they still deal with it.
I don’t want to be harsh. I remember your other threads, I know things are tough. Many of us will repeat what we have said before: you are much too negative. Be glad you have some people to text. If those people are telling you to be more positive, maybe it’s about time you listen. Stop focussing on how bad eveything is. IMO, from what I have read so far, you seem at least a little less depressed than the posts from last fall. I see some improvement. Keep seeing the therapist and be positive.
I think you will not feel true to yourself if you change on the surface in that Stepford way to please others. On the other hand, you clearly do want friends. The problem is when the people you want as friends want something out of friendship that is different than what you want. They seem to want positivity and fun times, joking around, doing activities or hanging out and not being serious or problem-focused, at least in the beginning stages of friendship. And a friendship needs to be at least 50% about what the other person wants as well as the 50% of what you want. (The easiest friendships are when both people want the same things more like…80% of the time.) So, the answer, ( to me) if you want these friends and want to stay true to yourself, is to do one or two or BOTH of these things:
- You find people who want more or less what you want. I think you will most likely find that in a support group or friendship group with other people on the spectrum or other people dealing with life problems ...but of course there willl be people on the spectrum that you don't like at all and there could be people not on the spectrum that you do click with well...but either way, it's a little hard to find those people (as you have found!) It could happen though!
- You don't change yourself in a fake way but expand who you are by gradually learnings skills to adapt...learning how to TRULY shift your moods to some extent and shifting the focus of your attention between positive and negative things WHEN YOU WANT TO like...when it's necessary for getting the things that are important to you in life, such as friendship, a great job, etc or just when you want to relieve yourself of miserable feelings for happier ones. It may seem weird and it may seem like a betrayal to yourself but it's not. Just as your brain changes and your thinking expands every day when you learn new concepts in economics and history, your (and everybody's) character and personality expands and becomes better whenever we learn more adaptation skills. It's not a betrayal of who we fundamentally are but a way of maturing and becoming more able to live in the world.
Myself, some days I feel like a joyful person no matter what is happening. but there are others where I feel sad no matter what is happening or anxious/irritable and I either give in to the feeling or counter it. It’s more work to counter it, but I’m usually glad I did. If depression is bad, it’s too painful to tolerate without doing something. I imagine your loneliness can feel that way and you seek to relieve it by talking about the problem with a friend. Then it gets worse if the friend tells you to be positive (like it’s so easy) and then leaves you alone. Then you’re worse off then ever, right?
What if you could get yourself to feel better even without going to a friend for help…I mean, so much better that you actually DID feel some actual positivity by the time you saw the friend and didn’t have to fake it? Neurocognitive/physiology science is finding that doing fairly intense physical exercise…especially when you are depressed or anxious… can do amazing things to change your moods and your brain in a good way. When you’re anxious and lonely, stress hormones such as cortisol build up in your brain and do all kinds of horrible things to shoot your anxiety level up even more and wreak havoc with your general health. Your immune system can get too revved up also, and to cause more damage. Exercise and stretching has been found to be incredibly effective and quick in reducing the cortisol and putting the calming neurotransmitters your brain needs into your system to lift your moods. Meditation is another thing that helps a lot of people. I know you’ve said you’re not athletic or into sports but I bet you could do some of these: a very brisk walk for a mile or two (or five ), run, bicycle, swim, use a bicycle machine, step machine, lift weights, take a yoga or aerobics classes do some calisthenics in your dorm room when you can’t get out. I’m sure there must be a rec center at school. It doesn’t matter whether or not you think you’re good at it…or whether you fell you WANT to do it… it will work to make you feel better. Then you can cope with almost anything else in your life (people, schoolwork, unexpected hassles) better. Eating well is incredibly important to moods…proteins, carbs,lots of vegetables and fruit and not too much sugar. Enough B-vitamins. Some people react badly to additives and dyes in food and I have read that people on the spectrum may be more sensitive that way. You might want to experiment to see if you do.
I’ll try to finish up.
Once the cortisol in your brain has gone down after exercise, the anxiety is not so overwhelming and you feel better it gets easier to make good changes for yourself in another way…Choosing what to focus on. When you feel bad, everything does feel negative, but when you feel better you can see the positives that truly exist. There will always be negative aspects of every day and every situation Some days may mostly feel negative…one problem after another. But the reality is, every single day will have something good about it, no matter how small. If nothing else, there is oxygen in the air to breathe (even if it’s polluted,) you will have food to eat (even if it’s not your favorite) and there is usually help to be found if you get sick or injured. There are great books, beautiful, funny or fascinating things and interesting weather (don’t know what is your favorite weather.) Some people will try to be helpful though they’re imperfect (maybe having a lousy day themselves.) That’s where the focus comes in. I don’t mean being Fakey Stepfordy but acknowledging the real truth: hardly anything is all positive or all negative . You can learn to see both and choose which to put your attention to, and that does make it easier to make and keep friends. Many people don’t need you to be totally positive but they don’t want to be pulled into despair, either. Balance is a good thing, @wiseman222 , and most things in life are not one extreme or another. So, about these people you are texting and they’re not texting back…is there at least a mix of some positive and negative things in your texts? If all negative, it would make sense if they don’t want to text back or they’re afraid to initiate a conversation.
As to your dorm situation, I don’t think anyone but you can really make that decision! I don’t know if there’s really a totally right or wrong way, either. It’s up to you, what will make you happiest, and what will make you grow most as a person. If the dorm situation is just too stressful and lonely, if you always feel bad there and see little potential for it getting better, then maybe living at home would give you enough happiness everyday to focus better on your studies. If you feel less distressed, then maybe you will be able to send off a calmer vibe and make friends during the hours you are on campus. On the other hand, if sticking it out and staying in the dorm will make you feel proud and hopeful for the future, and you have a good game plan for coping better and feeling better, then maybe staying would be a good thing to do. Do you have a gut feeling about which feels better to you?
e only thing I think would not help is doing what you’ve been doing…pretty much waiting for someone else to accept you as a friend while you do everything the same as you have done. I’m not saying this is because you’re not a good person to be a friend with…it’s because this way of doing things puts you into the position of having to wait for OTHERS to do something…instead of putting YOU more in control of getting what you need and want. And there’s just no way to predict what others will or will not do for you…it’s best when you can be more in charge of feeling happier.
If you were my kid, I would say sign the housing contract for next year and keep looking for other options. A lot can change between now and September. You could get your driver’s license and commute, meet some new people who want to live off campus, or you could become more at peace with yourself and living in the honors dorm with new roommates. But I think you should sign the housing contract so you have it as a backup.
My nephew has autism and had a new rooming situation every year when he was at UC. He is a wonderful person, but it has taken him a long time to develop friendships with people his own age (he is now 29 and has a nice group of friends). The way I look at it is that he was slower to develop in that area, but faster in some others. He volunteered with Habitat, urban gardening, and LARPs. Based on his experience, I would say find some things that you like to do, that keep you active, and with people who are kind. The friendships will come. Best to you.
Wizman, I also have an autistic nephew. He has a degree. I have seen him make incredible progress socially. He is now 26. He began going to conventions for things he was interested in, such as Dr. Who and Thunderbirds. He began making videos about those things and built up viewership. He uses facebook and through FB, met other local people who shared his interests. It’s been slow, but he now has a group of people he sees regularly and is happy. Your path might not be firm now, but it’s taking shape. Keep being positive. Any small step is progress.
Update:
I’ll start with the positive. I started applying for summer jobs last week during spring break and I’m getting a much more positive response than last year so far. I’ve got a callback for one place, and for two others I got invited to apply and send in a resume after inquiring if they are hiring. One is a retail store in the center of my hometown and the other two are campgrounds 5-6 minutes away in the next town over.
Now, as far as my suitemate situation for next year, as bad as it is right now, it could either be better or worse next year since they’ll probably be complete strangers. Since I found out about them “forgeting” to tell me, we haven’t really communicated and one of them was never friendly with me to start with (never acknowledging my existence). I applied for Themed Housing already (they can’t kick me out since I’m in the Honors Program) and the general housing application is due March 3. I might have to force myself to go the Stepford route to gain friends next year, regardless of how false it might me.