What to do? I hate my son's common app essay!

<p>Last night, ds submitted his first application. He hasn't asked us for any help but I insisted that we print it out before submitting and we went over it together line by line to look for any errors. I know that he had written another whole essay and asked his teachers to look it over and in the end, he threw it away and started fresh with a whole new topic. He then gave the new one to his teachers to proofread again and they loved it. His dad and I hate it! His dad is a college English teacher. I have a degree in English from a top 10 school. </p>

<p>The problem is that he tried to be a little quirky and has a sentence fragment in the middle of his paper, oh, not once, but twice! His English teacher circled it and said how she loved that he set that line apart from the rest-ugh. Seriously, he wrote something like this:</p>

<p>A B C
and then on another line alone, fragment D.</p>

<p>EFG
and then again, fragment H standing alone .</p>

<p>DH and I both said he needed to bring those fragments up to the preceeding paragraph but he refused to make the change. I tried to tell him that his HS teacher is not as experienced as Dad (remember College English Teacher!) and I also had a good grasp of the English language and we really wanted him to make the corrections. He also had some minor things we wanted corrected like a few unnecessary words but those things pale in comparison to the hanging fragments! Quirky-I think NOT! Both Dh and I said we would mark those WRONG if we were grading the paper. It could even possibly be seen as a mistake in just spacing as if he didn't print preview or had trouble uploading the pdf. </p>

<p>OMG! What can we do? The first app, his early pick, already went through but I do NOT want to pay for another 10 app fees with a mistake like this. It seems like a risky, waste of money to me. DS says he will absolutely NOT change a thing. He had 2 Eng teachers (both AP teachers) and an entire group of students in his writing club read the essay and they all said they LOVED it so we are really outnumbered. </p>

<p>He is a top student, straight A's and a 35 ACT, so he is applying to some very selective schools and I believe this will really hurt his chances. English has always been his forte. He started college English classes in the SIXTH grade and is currently in a high level English class at college in addition to his regular HS classes. The substance of the essay is fine, very creative and tells a lot about him but I can't stand that the son of 2 English Majors is going to send an essay out with what I consider blatant MISTAKES! </p>

<p>Help! How would you handle this if it was your kid? I couldn't sleep last night just tossing and turning about this.</p>

<p>You have proofread it and have given your opinion to improve it. Your job is done. Let him submit his essay his way. That is how I would handle it.
I don’t know that this is so serious it calls for seeking Divine Intervention- “OMG! What can we do?”</p>

<p>It is his essay. He has heard your advice and chosen not to take it. Let it be. I am guessing it will not be a deal breaker in any case.</p>

<p>There comes a time when you have to let go. You gave your advice.</p>

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<p>Tell him if he doesn’t correct it, then you won’t pay for the app fee for additional schools. But, if he is admitted to a school, you will reimburse him the app fee for that school, and you will be making crow for dinner.</p>

<p>I really don’t like my D’s writing style either, but her English teacher loved her common app essay too, so I let her go with - her writing, her voice. Let it be!</p>

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<p>So is the English teacher who liked that construct a high school or college English teacher?</p>

<p>But, as English majors in college, have you seen works of English literature that have sentence fragments standing alone to make a point? Perhaps the various high school and/or college English teachers he has shown the essay to approve of it for that reason.</p>

<p>If anything, ask son to have it read by guidance or college counselor at school…in other words, someone who is reading it the way the admissions people will, not as creative work. They might agree or disagree with you but that’s all you can do. My Ds had some of their essays reviewed by college counselor and it was very helpful. English teacher read them, but only for grammar, structure, etc not for content…which is appropriate since essays should reflect the applicant, not their teachers.</p>

<p>I’ll be the first to say it: been there, thought that, it worked out fine.</p>

<p>I teach high school English and my kid had an awkward scientific statement in the middle of his essay. I told him it was distracting, extraneous and sounded pompous, but he would not take it out. He got into a bunch of good schools and I was happy to give him the last laugh. Try not to stress.</p>

<p>If you can’t let it go maybe you can convince him to compromise by submitting one grammatically perfect essay for every eight schools he applies to.</p>

<p>My question: Why does it matter to “Mom and Dad English”? Is he planning on majoring in English? Those adcom people know that the kids make mistakes on their common application. If you try to fix it, you’ll feel better, but he wont. Please, he’s applying, not you or Dad.</p>

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<p>I would give my opinion, even if it had not been solicited. You’ve done that.</p>

<p>Then I would leave decisions about the essay up to my kid, because it would be her application and not mine. That’s the step you need to take now.</p>

<p>Then I would try not to harp constantly on it once the deed was done. That would be the hardest part.</p>

<p>Make him change it.</p>

<p>I’m a copywriter and I have seen sentence fragments, especially ones that stand out as their own paragraph, be very effective. Of course, I haven’t seen your son’s essay and have no way of knowing what it sounds like. But the fact that two English teachers like it just tells you how subjective an essay can be. Since your son is obviously a good student, you’re going to have to let him be the last word on this one. Are any of these apps EA? Is he possibly waiting to see those decisions before he submits the rest? It’s possible those first few decisions will tell you whether the essay is a problem.</p>

<p>His Dad is a college English teacher. Dad didn’t like it! His AP High School English teachers loved it. DS never showed his college teachers. Heck, we didn’t even see it until last night right before he submitted it.</p>

<p>I understand that it’s his choice BUT I really think it will hurt him. He has a great shot at some good schools and to me, this WOULD be a deal breaker. If it was anywhere else on his application, like the supplements or short answer questions, I would let it go but this is his MAIN common app essay. It is a “OMG”, big deal to me. </p>

<p>I guess the problem is that we have never interfered with any of DS’s work and now at this late stage in the game, he is not open to criticism from us and the discussion got rather heated since he was so adamant about not changing a thing. I don’t know how I could say I’m not going to pay for his apps if he doesn’t change it. That doesn’t seem reasonable but haven’t any of you been in a spot like this and had a good outcome dealing with your kid? Any hints and tips? There should be some way to “help him see the light” without this turning into an all out battle. The thought of just letting it go makes me crazy!</p>

<p>It sounds as if the rest of your son’s application will be sufficient to demonstrate that this is a young man with a firm grasp on the rules of English grammar and usage, who made a deliberate choice to write his essay the way he did, for effect.</p>

<p>Poetic license, if you will.</p>

<p>If his overall writing had been poor, his English grades weak, and his test scores in critical reading, writing, and literature had been mediocre, the colleges might have questioned his abilities. In this case, it will likely be apparent that his abilities are adequate for college work.</p>

<p>Maybe they’ll remember him as the kid with the sentence fragments.</p>

<p>You asked for opinions, so here goes:</p>

<p>As a technical writer/copy editor, I have run into the same problem with S13. My policy is to explain what’s wrong, explain why and what I think should be done to change it, and argue back only once. It sounds like you’ve done that. Now it’s his. </p>

<p>My overarching-never-fail mom rule of thumb (which plan of action has a “worst case” that’s more significant?) doesn’t apply here (gasp!). Either way, worst case is no acceptance and no-one knows why.</p>

<p>On the bright side, it’s possible that twice is actually better than one instance because they may be more likely to understand that it’s a construct since it happens twice. </p>

<p>And - the most important thing to do with every bit of a college application is to make the reader say “that’s interesting, I want to know more/see more/think more about this person” so perhaps your S has the right idea after all.</p>

<p>English rule of thumb: only break the rules if you know the rule and can explain why you are breaking it. Sounds like your S passed that test.</p>

<p>LOL! DeskPotato, this cheered me up: “Maybe they’ll remember him as the kid with the sentence fragments.” On, the irony of it all!</p>

<p>I’m a journalist by training, and I think you are making way too big a deal of this. Look at all the success he’s had academically without your intervention. Why are you doubting him now? Let his voice be HIS voice. Is a sentence fragment really worth damaging your relationship with him?</p>

<p>You could actually show him how you are envisioning the essay. Normally, I wouldn’t be in favor of a parent actually making the edit, but obviously it isn’t like you’re writing the essay. It’s just the one way that he could look at it and judge for himself whether it’s better or not.</p>

<p>But if you do this, some suggestions …</p>

<p>Compromise between what he wants and what you want. Which means you could make the fragment into a complete sentence, but keep it as a separate paragraph to keep the emphasis. </p>

<p>Don’t make a big deal out of it. Simply hand him a note saying you respect that the ultimate decision is his. But you wanted to be sure he understands what your suggestion is. And all you ask is that he give it serious consideration. And that if he isn’t sure, he could even make your changes in some of the apps - and keep his version in others.</p>

<p>And then don’t say anything. In the end, this is his life. He has to live with the consequences of his decisions. And really, he’s a good student who got feedback from his teachers, wants to be independent, and cares enough to write and re-write his essay. The situation could be oh so much worse. I know, you want the best for him. It’s driving you nuts. As a writer, I get it!!! But I think this low-key way of suggesting the changes is the best shot you have. (And I agree with others - the fact that he’s doing this twice is GOOD. They are much less likely to think it’s a mistake.)</p>

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<p>In your son’s defense, everything that I’ve read in this thread comes across to me as highly critical. More than it comes across as highly concerned. (Please pardon the sentence fragment.)</p>