I have a history of depression and I just recently began my freshman year of college. I go to a rigorous art school and I commute about 40 mins to an hour every day to and from school. At my college, it is required to take a min of 16 credits a semester and I believe currently I am taking 18, with 6 classes. Ever since the beginning of school, I have been constantly stressed out. The school constantly says take care of yourself while normalizing constantly not sleeping. There have been plenty of nights where I have gotten maybe two hours of sleep a night. I told my school counselor about my troubles and she asked how many hours of sleep I got. I said 6 if I don’t have a lot of homework and she had the audacity to say push to 7 hours of sleep. Not only do I not have time to sleep but I barely have time for a social life. I have cried countless times during the semester. I cried today. There is not a week that I don’t cry. I am trying to speak to a therapist and take meds now, but I am waiting until winter break to take my meds because the last time I did I threw up constantly and felt sick. It feels like I never have time to breath and the course is demanding. I have thought about crashing my car multiple times and have tried to self harm. I am currently still in the semester. We have “thanksgiving break” this week. It isn’t even a break because it consists of 2 days off. I don’t know if I can take 3 more years of this hell. I am not sure whether to try to minimize my classes for next semester or transfer to another school or just take a break until next fall. I am just mentally at my limit. I am never happy and I don’t want to spend 3 more long years in school and eventually kill myself.
Also if I am to take a break from college I would be studying and practicing my art skills.
Can you talk to your parents? Or go to the school’s health clinic and tell them what you wrote here? Or call a hotline?
Whatever you do, do not hurt yourself. Your life will not always be like this, things change, and things get better. But right now it sounds like you need some help.
Let’s start with the title of your post…if you are having thoughts of suicide now please call the suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Or you can text 741-741. There are people who are trained to help you on the other end of these lines.
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with school and have a lot on your plate. You have to prioritize your health and well being over everything else, even if that means taking a medical withdrawal this semester. You can return to school when you are healthy and more certain about your path.
Have you spoken to a therapist recently? If the meds you should be taking have side effects, your physicians can try a different med…please talk to them and do not wait until winter break…it takes anti-depressants awhile to reach maximum effectiveness so it’s important to take the meds according to what your doctor recommends.
Is there any way to drop 2 of the 18 credits? No? If you’re on a semester system, you’ve got about two weeks to go, correct? Hang in there, and ask your advisor if you can plan a lighter load next semester. Unless you are on a scholarship, it doesn’t make sense that you HAVE to be full time.
I think this poster needs professional help.
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time.
Please, above all else, stay focused on the all-important truth that your life is more important than any college program. If you have to pull the plug on school, do that. Nobody wants you to lose your whole life over something that is, ultimately, completely optional.
Art is a thing to study because you truly love it. I mean, really, if you wanted to be this miserable you could be studying something lucrative that you hate, right?
To me it sounds like you need time to regroup and focus on your health. You’re only a few weeks from the end of the semester, so if you’re doing okay in your classes and think you can finish, there would be advantages to that; but again, if your life is at stake, get a doctor to sign off on a medical withdrawal and get out of there. If you can finish the semester, then taking next semester off seems wise. You need to re-evaluate what you want to do, as well as get the medication situation in hand, and you can’t do those things without time, rest, and support.
This is obviously not the only art program on earth. If the culture is this “burn the candle at both ends” then it may simply not be a good fit for you. How are you supposed to develop into the artist you want to be if you can’t be healthy as a person? There are other options. Take a step back, get help and support, and think it through once you’ve had some time to recover. It’s really, really okay to take a breather and regroup. College shouldn’t be a race - you have the rest of your life to be an artist - do what you have to do now to ensure that the rest of your life is a good, long time.
I know you feel this way and i know its a horrible feeling but please don’t do anything because you know you can get through this because you have before. Maybe if its okay with the people paying from your admission to take a break. during the break decide if this break will be permanent or actually a break. Also, find or continue an old hobby of yours to re group with yourself. YOU MATTER!