<p>My niece is a senior and, in two weeks, will likely know where she is going next year. But, while she had moments of real enthusiasm along the way, there were many more when I felt like we were sucking the joy out of her life to discuss/plan for college. We had major meltdowns along the way and real push back about how much of the last 18-months was focused on college. There are many things I regret in this process but SAT prep is not one of them. The amount she’s been awarded in merit scholarships because of the improvement in her scores (which are nothing like the top CC scores) was worth every penny.</p>
<p>The kid sounds pretty normal to me. If he doesn’t want a tutor, don’t get him a tutor. He will get into college, and the next six month may bring many changes in him. I have two boys. The older scored really well on standardized tests, and his grades were pretty good. He wound up only applying to 4 schools, and got into all 4, but he was not at all interested in the process, and I admit I filled in what I could on his applications. (Name, address, etc. - I wasn’t even allowed to read the essays until after they were submitted). My younger son wants to go tour state flagship, and is not interested in visiting other schools. I will try to get him to visit a couple of others, especially because UMD CP is pretty tough to get into, and he’s not a shoe-in. The only studying my older son ever did for standardized tests was maybe looking at a few SAT questions of the day. My younger son studied the math section for a couple of hours. His scores were not as good, and I offered to send him to class, but he’s not interested. They were not abysmal, and he is registered to take the SAT again and to take the ACT, but he may or may not study. I do think it’s a good idea to make him aware of the stats of schools you think he may be interested in.
Good luck.</p>
<p>Community college until he is ready to move on.Give him a chance to mature and decide if he really wants to go to college at all.</p>
<p>My dd has pretty much hated the whole process. I took her to a college fair her sophomore year and then last year (Jr year) we went on some visits. She HATES the formalized visits and really just wants to walk around on her own. I told her that you can’t ask questions as easily or get information and she said she doesn’t need to. </p>
<p>She has decisions to make on where she wants to attend in a few weeks and everytime I bring it up she tells me I’m putting too much pressure on her. So I have just stopped talking about it. I don’t know what else to do.</p>
<p>But there were some things I put my foot down on. I sat her down Jr. year and told her that we were investing a significant amount of money in her education and as her investors we had the right to ask for a few things. I made her pick 4 schools to apply to (1 financial safety), and she ended up applying to more. I made her visit one school that wasn’t on her original list. I felt like she could humor me that much.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you in the next few years, it is definitely an interesting ride!</p>
<p>Op,
Your son sounds like where my son will be next year. I’m at a loss for what to do, but Kat’s list looks like a great place to start. One thing I do notice, however, is that the level of frustration and grumpiness does tend to correlate with the amount of time of video game use, and when I limit the amount of time allowed on video games, the mood generally improves.</p>
<p>My S’s weren’t overly interested college stuff as juniors (except S1 was very interested in the military) Neither took any prep courses. S1 took the SAT twice and S2 took it once. When I suggested to S2 that he should consider retaking to up his score and expand his options, he refused saying he would go wherever the first score took him. I said "OK…your decision ". Neither were really interested in visits as juniors. They visited after acceptance. S1 concentrated all his efforts on a NROTC scholarship.</p>
<p>Both wanted instate big state u’s. They did well enough to get in and off they went. Both had the time of their life in college,loved their big state u’s, graduated in four years w/ good gpa’s and no debt and are now gainfully employed,self-suffcient young men. It all worked out with minimal stress.</p>
<p>Let your S know you’re willing to help but it is ultimately up to him knowing that he will have to live with the results of his decisions…not always a bad thing.</p>
<p>My son was the same way. And when we visited a school, his little sister had more questions than he did.</p>
<p>I agree with having a college guide book like Princeton Review or Barron’s or whatever, available, and also telling him that if and when he wants a tutor, you are willing to pay, but that he can also apply with the scores he has, or retake without tutoring. It’s up to him.</p>
<p>In senior year, when my son was still acting uninterested and even at time, resistant, I told him that he did not have to go to college (he was #2 in his class, but likes practical things), and that it was fine with me if he worked the following year. I meant it, and he knew I meant it, and it was said pleasantly, even enthusiastically, not as a threat.</p>
<p>Rather than nagging him about visiting, I told him that he could schedule visits and I would let him know if I could make it. Then, I went out.</p>
<p>When I came back, he had made a color-coded schedule of visits. He ended up at a top college: once he realized it was up to him he really got going. But I would have been fine if he hadn’t. Nothing wrong with a year of work.</p>
<p>Every kid is different so this may not have worked with another young man, but it worked with him. Main point is that this behavior is pretty normal and may change in the fall.</p>
<p>He screams at you and only wants to play video games in his spare time? There are a lot more issues here than not being able to get him interested in colleges. No, this is not a normal “boy” reaction. This situation cries out for some firm discipline and family counseling. Any 17-year-old who would scream at his mother has major problems.</p>
<p>OP, are you the parent or the student? The posts I saw about ACT/SAT scores were written as the student. If your son is asking questions about which is better and how to get scores up why do you think he won’t do the work?</p>
<p>Reading CC, it would seem that most HS kids are high-achievers w/strong scores and GPAs, ready for applying to prestigious schools, and their equally intuned parents. I think that’s an overall unrealistic portrait of the average HS student who intends to attend college. (I’m ignoring dropouts and low-achievers altogether.) Only on CC do you get handwringing comments on “only ACT 29” and “only a B+ student”.</p>
<p>I think many kids are initially overwhelmed by the choice and variety of schools, the daunting SAT/ACT tests, the option to select and apply to multiple schools, and often, the pressure to “get into” a prestigious school. There are CC posters who scoff at schools that rank “below Top-50”, who claim those schools aren’t “worth the money”, etc. So it’s easy for parents to worry too.</p>
<p>As a parent of a “B+/ACT 29-ish” DS, we set our goals within those parameters, and didn’t seek to present him as a stronger/better student nor did we succumb to family pressure for him to apply to a “Top 20” school. We looked at his strengths and weaknesses, his interests, our honest assessment of his maturity, etc. Collectively, we put together a short-list of interesting/suitable schools, and went “campus visiting”. Both the visits, and even more so the face-to-face interaction with college admission officers sparked our DS’ interest. Not the guidebooks, not the tests, not the prep class, etc. DS did lean on us for advice re: “best fit”. Other family members’ inappropriate opinions were tuned-out. Admissions process did successfully sort itself out, and he’s admitted to his 1st-choice “best fit” school. But we (I) did need to hoover a bit to get the applications done, and OP may find herself in same situation.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the feedback. It was interesting reading each and every one of them. I liked NJsue’s very basic and logical response. I did have DS look at the Fiske guide we took out of the library, and he did see the SAT/ACT scores for some of the colleges we have already visited. It seems that had an impact. </p>
<p>I am trying to nudge him to own more of this process. The reason for trying to up his standardized test scores is so he has more options. I think we are slowly but surely getting there. </p>
<p>Thanks again for all your comments.</p>
<p>Marsian, my 17 yo D and I have shouting matches. It doesn’t mean she has major problems!</p>
<p>My S knew he wanted to go to college, picked one out and that was that. He only visited the one school, applied ED, and was done. He took the ACT and SAT once each. I did have him apply to a rolling admission safety also. He is doing very well in college and all my worry and stress over the process was unnecessary. As many posters have said, your S is very typical, and will get there. If he doesn’t want the tutor and doesn’t improve his test scores, he may limit his options, but that will be his decision.</p>
<p>Re: test prep - my son didn’t want to spend time in a class/tutor taking practice tests. He suggested he spend the Saturday mornings sitting for the ACTUAL test, and potentially, having it count. To him it was a better use of his time. He took the SAT & ACT three times. We did not have any score reports sent to colleges (you do miss out on the free score reports) or even to his high school (which is a little hard to arrange, but can be done) until he had seen the scores. I would not have suggested so much testing, but it worked well for him.</p>
<p>^ That would work well except for schools which require all scores to be sent, not to mention the expense of taking the tests 3x each.</p>
<p>My DS did not take a test prep class. He took the SAT and ACT each twice (once in fall of junior year and once in the fall of senior year). I’m really not in favor of the whole pay for test prep idea. I think the SAT/ACT ought to be a test that shows what your kid learned in high school, not what they learned by spending a bunch of money to have someone teach them how to take a specific test on a Saturday morning. It reminds me of the “teach to the test mentality” that is in our public schools… </p>
<p>If your son wants the help that’s one thing. But it doesn’t sound like he does.</p>
<p>We had a similar challenge at our house until I took away Internet, access to bank acct, phone, TV, and car keys. That got their attention. Then we had a meeting and I put a plan in place with deadlines. It took all the aggravation and anxiety out of the process. I told my kids I would not harp or bug them but if the milestones were not met - you guessed it - no Internet, access to bank acct,phone, TV, and car keys. They actually ended up asking me to help them and for our opinions…Milestone 1 - testing, Milestone 2 - list, Milestone 3 - Visit schedule, Milestone 4 - Essay for common app, Milestone 5 - applications submitted. I made both of my kids submit ALL applications by Oct 10, senior year. I really didn’t care that many of them were not due until Jan…they both had one tough month getting everything done but then it was done. Both kids got into all their schools, all ranked in the top 50, and had quite a few choices…</p>
<p>That’s great that worked for you, momofboston, but my S is so stubborn I can guarantee you it would not have worked with him. For one thing, he didn’t even have his license, nor a cell phone, and rarely spent money on anything. Taking away his internet would have resulted in him reading instead. Of course he didn’t care about ‘top 50’ schools either.</p>
<p>Erin’s Dad, the only school we came across that required all test scores was Pomona, are there many others?</p>
<p>Told my S he is out the day after graduation unless he goes to college. No college and he’s on his own and the cell phone, Internet, car and everything are mine and stay with me. It worked.</p>
<p>Madaboutx, I can’t imagine making that kind of ultimatum to my daughter. If I did, I don’t think she’d want to be in my life as an adult (assuming she stuck it out to finish school).</p>
<p>I initially wanted my son to finish all of his apps early. Drove me crazy that he wouldn’t do it that way, but he did get his EA apps out on time and then methodically completed one app after another. One was sent off the night before the deadline but he got them all in and I’m sure did a better job of personalizing them to each college by focusing on one at a time. He was accepted to all of them. As it was, we had 3 long months to wait for most responses anyway. What was my hurry?</p>