<p>I have a senior son who worked liked crazy in high school and we have seen how tough college admissions can be. It's not enough to have amazing test scores and grades, good ECs, recs and essays. It has to be AMAZING everything. The amount of effort to get into a top school is nothing short of overwhelming.</p>
<p>My dilemma now is what to do with my younger son (rising HS freshman). He has his eye on Stanford. He is more than bright enough, he is a straight A student without any effort. He COULD do it all. But he is a kid that loves playing with friends, daydreaming, playing Nintendo, napping, etc. His achieving Ivy League admissions super-freak admissions would take a lot of pushing/prodding because even if he wanted it, in the immediate he wants to have fun more.</p>
<p>So what to do? I certainly don't care. I would be happy for him to go to a SUNY and enjoy HS a little more. He is expected to get good (A's) grades and be a good citizen but otherwise if he wants to sit in a tree all afternoon, I don't care. But in this climate you have to decide in 8th grade what you are going to want in 12th grade. </p>
<p>And he SAYS he wants Stanford. In our community he is EXPECTED to want it....I don't want to let him ruin his own chances but I am personally NOT a believer that happiness comes wrapped up in Ivy.</p>
<p>I would merely tell him that the hs transcript is merely one part of the college applications he will be preparing in 3-1/2 years. In order for that application to stand out amongst thousands of others with similar transcrips, he has to find something he enjoys doing outside the classroom to set himself apart. If he is unwilling to do this assure him that his decision is okay with you and that there are literally 100’s of excellent colleges which would accept him, just not the uberselective colleges like Stanford.</p>
<p>Our son was like yours and chose to be in a “garage” band, hang out with friends and lifeguard at the lake down the street summers, activities which had value but were not resume friendly in the world of the hs high flyers striving for the Ivy League. That was fine with us, he had a wonderful 4 hs years and a wonderful 4 college years at RPI where he really blossomed.</p>
<p>One year after graduation he has a fun life with a good job in the computer gaming industry as a game designer and acceptance to grad school which will commence next September.</p>
<p>Our roles as parents at this stage in our childrens lives is to advise, guide and support. The exception would be if they were going off the rails in some way that is self-destructive.</p>
<p>I “pushed” son a bit because, in order to take advantage of the academic opportunities for which he was suited, he had to make some choices that were different from the norm of his social peers. I use quotation marks above because it was more a matter of explaining the situation and then supporting his good choices. ECs-that was entirely up to him. We supported with transportation, attendance and some cash as needed.</p>
<p>He is a junior now, is overworked but happy at his university, has a great group of friends, will have his third good internship this summer, and --knock on wood–so far so good.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a very balanced view of the situation. You should share with him exactly what you put in your post. You already get that life is about choices (and their consequences). Help him see that, let him know you’re proud of him either way (I’m sure you already do) and let him lead as much as you can. Oh, and try not to spend too much time on CC ;)</p>
<p>Does he go to a competitive school? Ask him if he likes the idea of prep school or something to that like. It would mean leaving home early, or paying 40k (extremely generous FA, though), if you live in vicinity, but it has it’s plusses. </p>
<p>You seem to have a good balance. Through middle school I was just like your son, taking hard classes and getting As sleeping in the class. It led to me getting bored in class and that is NEVER a good idea. Challenge him. Ask him to take advanced classes, try to show him sports.</p>
<p>Something that you may learn is that prodding and pushing only goes so far. After a degree there needs to be a pull, with a push. Try seeking interests… Sports… Chess… etc.</p>
<p>Oh, and tell your S1 congratulations (from me) for working so hard in HS. </p>
<p>My S2 was similar – easy A’s, studied but never knocked himself out. Also enjoyed sports, and hanging out with friends, and some unusual musical instruments. I fussed and worried also, and tried to push him to do a few more ECs, but in the end they have to do what they want to do. If you force him to be something he’s not, he’ll wind up at a school where he shouldn’t be.</p>
<p>And this is the important part. If you really want to go to Stanford or some other uber-selective school, you’ll have to do a lot more than you are doing now. The consequence of not doing more is that you are probably taking Stanford off the table. </p>
<p>It is a shame when kids don’t know the playing field when it comes to college applications, acceptances, etc. “Oh, if I had known, I would have done things differently.” As long as he knows the score, then he can make his informed choices. Glad to see that you support him, whatever he chooses.</p>
<p>Excelling to get into Stanford is just the beginning. He must continue to excel to successfully get out of Stanford. If you have to push him now, he might go down in flames when you are not there to continue to push him. that’s not to say he might not, all of a sudden, mature and flourish. I’m just saying that he should start showing the Right Stuff now, and that has to come from him, not you.</p>
<p>You can show them the path, but it is for them to do the walking.</p>
<p>Even if he goes all out, there is no guarantee that he will get into Stanford. Better just to encourage him to follow his interests and take them where they lead; then let the chips fall where they may. No need for tunnel-vision and grooming for college. There are plenty of great colleges out there that will be happy to have him. (And CC gives one a warped idea of how hard it is to get into good colleges - there will be plenty that accept him!)</p>
<p>originalloog has it right. Academics are a small piece of the total equation. My older son was a top student, but we never knew whether his preferred afterschool activities would play well with college admissions. We were lucky that he joined a very successful science olympiad team at school and loved doing it. He also was part of another academic team. After school he played with computers. We looked for opportunities for him to direct that interest into more resume building activities, but I’d call what we did more nudges in the right direction than pushes. How did it work out? Well he got rejected from Stanford, but accepted at Harvard (where he had a legacy advantage) and is happily ensconced at the School of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon. </p>
<p>We knew the odds of getting into Stanford from our school were minuscule, so that application went out with eyes open. The chances at any of those top schools are small not matter what. You might find out what the typical activities as well as grades and scores are for kids heading to places like Stanford at your school. Give your kid the info and step back. I suspect the kids who do best at the uberselective schools are the ones that have the natural drive to get there. In the end I think it’s best for kids to participate in activities without too much agonizing about what colleges will think. When they fill out those applications they should do their best to sell themselves and then just see who likes them.</p>
<p>I like to think getting into places like Stamford happens not because you “knew” what it would take, but rather because you were naturally inclined to do them. Naive, I know.</p>
<p>Ooops! Should have read mathmoms, post first. Then I could have just said “ditto”. Added benefit is , kid won’t be posting about it all being a “waste” if he doesn’t get in.</p>
<p>My kid is a lot like yours - excellent student but unlike his older sister, really needs his down time. He wanted the dream reach school but wasn’t willing to ruin his life in hs to achieve that. Instead he pursued his own strange ec’s, one of which (magic) used to really drive me crazy. I can’t tell you how many times I told him to put the cards away and do his homework. He wrote his college essay about a magic show that he and his buddy put on and lo and behold was accepted early to Dream U - with a note that specifically mentioned the essay! If he had put the cards away when I asked he would never have been admitted…</p>
<p>Just encourage your kid to follow his interests. If tree-sitting is what he likes, then he should do it with passion and creativity. Maybe he’ll get into Stanford, maybe not, but at least he will have had a great hs experience.</p>
<p>my goodness but we are all so smart! I was going to say the same things that many of the posters beat me to. Show him the profiles, share you concerns and leave the ball in his court. </p>
<p>My 8th grade son shocked me by naming the school he wants to attend in the fall of 2013. I know that is likely to change but from here I can show him the admitted student profile and give him something to shoot for. That way he knows even in his 13 y/o “magical thinking” mode that it takes more than just the grades. I won’t bring college up again outside of school conferences(and his sisters’ experiences) for awhile but the seed has been planted.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone. I appreciate the wise words of experience. Sometimes, I end up feeling like a bad parent if my kids aren’t on travel teams at age 8, or sewing tents for street children in Bangladesh at 10. It helps to hear some sane voices!</p>
<p>We are in talks with our son and letting him start making some decisions with all the facts and all our support. </p>
<p>“magical thinking”-I like that phrase and it does quite aptly describe the behavior I’ve seen in some high school kids (mostly boys). </p>
<p>I won’t do the homework in a boring class that I’m taking and I don’t care about the mediocre grade that I get. I do really well in those classes that I find very interesting. I’m sure that University of XXX will see me for the genius that I really am.</p>