<p>I'm going to throw this out there in case there are parents who have had a child they didn't feel was ready for college... Our son who is a senior and who has not put in applications yet wants to do so soon. As his parents we've made it pretty clear we don't think he's ready for college, he has a 2.9 gpa which he always felt was good enough and he took his sat's October of his Junior year and got a 1980, he felt that was good enough. Now he wants us to support him in his college endeavors. I just don't think he is college material when "good enough" is good enough for him.... any parents ever seen anything like this? We have not, so any advice would be appreciated.</p>
<p>Perhaps he could start at a community college. Does he have a particular course of study in mind?</p>
<p>Research “gap year” on this site. Lots of food for thought there.</p>
<p>Well, he apparently wants to do something with the biological sciences. We have suggested both a gap year and community college, but he feels he has to go to 4 year university now and that’s where the conversation stops. We’d like him to show in some fashion that he can work and work to his potential, but I think it goes back to his mentality that what he’s doing is “good enough”. I honestly fear for his future. He is a partier when he can get away with it and for 18 months before we found out, that’s what he did in high school. I imagine the same would continue at any college. I am really stuck today because he wants to submit these applications and there is no merit money, no scholarships, no nothing due to his grades, we would be full pay… we cannot afford to send him to college as a full pay when he doesn’t value the education he is getting. I’m not sure how we can get this across to him… we are very frustrated…</p>
<p>I would either insist on CC first with the “deal” that if he has a 4.0 after one term (or two), that you will pay for a 4 year school which will also have a stipulation he maintain a GPA you and your DH set for him. I mean you are paying for it, you call the shots!</p>
<p>He could go to a four year school but commute (instead of living on campus), right? My sister chose that path with her son (who was also not ready to be on his own and handle college). It’s not community college – it’s a four year college – but they live in a city (not a big city) and he takes the bus there and back. My sister just knew he would not be able to wake himself up, do his own laundry, make it to the cafeteria on time, etc. plus handle the academic and social part.</p>
<p>I’m having the same concerns about my own son for the same reasons (he’s a HS junior). One idea I had was for him to do the application route but then ask for a gap year, so he’d know he would be going to college eventually, but his “freshman year” would be spent at a local CC. If and only if he got good grades and stayed out of trouble would he then be allowed to go away to college.</p>
<p>It is a little late for this conversation… but my take is to tell him what you WILL pay. Whatever it is, for four years, and he needs to figure out how to get an education with that. Let him know that he is free to live at home and attend a CC or a four year university to save money for two years (if there is a four year school in your area), then transfer (if the budget covers it and his grades allow it).</p>
<p>Of course he wants to go to a four year university. In his mind, it is one four year long party just waiting for him. I think you need to keep the conversation focused on what you can afford and what he wants to accomplish with his studies. </p>
<p>As long as he has a roof over his head and someone willing to foot the bill, he will party and slack on his grades as much as he is allowed to. Until there are consequences. If he were my kid, the consequences would hit right now. “Sorry, you have not worked hard enough in school to earn any merit aid for scholarships, and we are not willing to go into significant debt and/or spend our retirement funds to allow you to continue with your current grades and party expectations in a four year college at this time. So here are your choices.” He will likely have a hissy fit, but it is what I would do.</p>
<p>I think you just tell him what you’ve told us : “We are happy about your interest in education, but have our doubts and aren’t willing to risk it financially given your past behavior. So go ahead and apply, and do what you must to afford it. If you have a decent gpa by the end of the first year, we’ll (reimburse,payback, whatever) for that year and be open to talking about further financing from our end. If you can’t find the money, maybe we can look into working, or a CC you can attend for less, or even an online class or two to test the water.” If you flat out refuse to help him even explore his options, he will blame you forever. IMHO, that’s not necessary here. Put some daylight in there. Make it his decision to figure out. Don’t tell him he isn’t smart enough!</p>
<p>Be careful with the “he can’t” rhetoric. Separate the emotional support from the financial support. Encourage him without judging him or lecturing (I am no good at this, myself). And then stop talking about it. If you want him to say “Wow, I am sorry I was irresponsible and I guarantee I’ll do better” it isn’t going to happen :)</p>
<p>*crossposted!</p>
<p>You can set a budget, and require a specific GPA or the money gets cut off and he has to come home to the local CC. Leave the entire application process up to him. He needs to find the schools. He needs to make sure that the Cost of Attendance is within whatever budget you have given him. He needs to get the applications out. And he needs to outline a plan for what he will do if he doesn’t get in any of the places he applies to.</p>
<p>You have very valid concerns about how well he would get on. Peruse some of the “Freshman failed fall semester” threads. It’s very late in the game to just be getting to the apps now, deadlines have passed or are rapidly approaching. I agree with the community college idea if possible.</p>
<p>An added comment… this is a kid who could benefit from taking a gap year to earn money to pay for college after that. Many kids need a gap year because they are burned out from working too hard or they need to figure out what direction they want to go in academically. This is a kid who needs to figure out the value of a dollar and that he doesn’t want to be a barista for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>I have to ask, is the other parent (not sure if you are mom or dad) on board in synch with you on this? It can be a bigger problem to deal with if the parents don’t agree on an approach.</p>
<p>I hear the OPs concerns, but there are many kids with similar GPA and SAT scores who are successful in college. </p>
<p>The deal we had with our kids was that they had to maintain a 3.0 GPA in college (both had to do do to maintain scholarship money).</p>
<p>In addition, any course with less than a C grade had to be reimbursed to us by the kids. The cost of retaking would have been on THEIR dime. We also agreed to pay for 8 semesters of college…no summer classes or additional college terms. We are NOT a bottomless pit of money.</p>
<p>Luckily, we had no issues…both graduated in four years and had excellent college GPAs. DD did take 15 credits one summer to free up some time for the double major she decided to take! She paid for those courses. </p>
<p>Perhaps you can come up with a plan that will make your son accountable for his college performance.</p>
<p>intparent, you are right, he sees it as a 4 year extension of his current ways… Greenbutton, thank you, I will assist him in submitting his applications with the notion of a way to pay for his choices. This is a conversation we have had but I will have it again. I will say that as parents we both have the same concerns and thoughts and have had for quite some time. Perhaps we went about addressing it the wrong way to him, I’m not sure, but he has to step up…</p>
<p>I like the idea of him applying to wherever he has chosen, but taking a year at the community college to prove himself before going, I’m going to strongly suggest it. </p>
<p>I just want to thank everyone, I was slightly afraid to post, but I’m so glad I did, and I’m glad there are people out there willing to share on this topic, not one often found here. We have two children and they are vastly different, our son has really thrown us for a loop. One thing I will say, he’s extraordinarily bright, IQ has nothing to do with his situation, his situation is one of lack of desire and we have tried for years to get him to understand his choices have consequences… it’s an uncomfortable position for us to now be in, I can honestly say that…</p>
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<p>You need to be careful with this. Some colleges will allow a gap year after being accepted as a freshman, but not if you take classes other places. So you would need to understand the situation with each college. I am also not sure how telling them this ahead of time affects his chance of admissions. He could just go to CC, and then apply as a transfer student after one year, too.</p>
<p>Also, you need to be aware that he can’t borrow too much money without you co-signing on the loans. Realistically, it is very difficult for a kid to borrow/make enough money to cover the cost of many colleges on their own. If I were you I would be VERY reluctant to co-sign with him. There is more info on this over in the financial aid forum.</p>
<p>Let me tell you that a student like this can still be successful. Many years ago my ex-H was a slacker in high school. He ended up at the local community college for two years, then transfered to our state flagship for his last two years. Got his BA, kicked tail on the LSAT, and ended up graduating from Georgetown Law School.</p>
<p>I have twins and I have one in that boat… He wants to go to college. His older sister is in her third year and she talks to him a lot. She told us not to worry that kids like that surprise you. Mine is just lazy and I have told him if he gets an D the first year, he is coming back home. I think they just need to grow up, so I am happy that he wants to go to college.</p>
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<p>The most worrying issue isn’t necessarily his stats, but the attitude that they’re good enough…especially that GPA. THAT’S troublesome. </p>
<p>Your son sounds like a younger CS major friend of mine who outright stated "If I can get a B or an A without effort, that’s cool. That attitude’s toxic, especially in the current college admission environment and moreso…life. :(</p>
<p>What do you want him to do in order to earn the privilege of going to college? </p>
<p>You mentioned community college for a year. Would he need to earn a specific GPA, and a specific number of credits, in order to go to college after that? What would those numbers be? Reasonable, clear, specific, agreed-upon expectations will help avoid conflict later on.</p>
<p>2.9 GPA and 1980 SAT IS good enough for many many roads. </p>
<p>A whole lot of people live their life by the “good enough” rule and do “well enough”. He is who he is. </p>
<p>I think I’d recommend some kind of business major rather than something with biology. He may surprise you and do well enough in college and make a good enough salary when he graduates. Not everybody is academic nor do they need to be. </p>
<p>I’d also recommend a low cost in-state public. </p>
<p>Many deadlines haven’t past yet.</p>
<p>intparent, we are very hesitant to sign any loans for him. I don’t think he will pay them. He did have enough money to pay for CC but then he just decided to spend all his money on his latest hobby, so he has no money, just what we would pay for CC.</p>
<p>cobrat, I could not agree with you more about his attitude. It is THE problem, he doesn’t think he should have to work for anything, he was so used to breezing through his work with A’s that when that stopped he never felt the need to adjust…</p>
<p>pizzagirl, don’t sweat it, I expected a lot of that actually, I’m thankful parents have just stepped forward in support.</p>
<p>ADad, before senior year even started we told him we wanted him on a full schedule with A’s, this year is an easy year, he’s just fulfilling the remainder of the requirements, instead he gets out every day at 1, didn’t take a full schedule obviously and he does have a couple of A’s including his Calc. class, but Physics is a C and two random easy courses were a B- so obviously he diid not heed our advice for Senior year. I guess to go to college I want the same thing from his as our daughter who happens to be a work horse… a full course load with nothing less than a 3.25. Our daughter is in boarding school but the rules for us are the same, thankfully we don’t have this problem with her…</p>
<p>ClassicRockerDad, thank you, knowing the kid and who he used to be Statistics was something he just got… I think he could be successful in any field if he put forward the work ethic, therein lies the problem. Even our local University down the street is expensive, they require all Freshman to live on campus, although living 3 miles down the road perhaps they would make an exception if he gets in…</p>
<p>You wanted him to fill his senior year with A’s? </p>
<p>In high school, you have to take required courses to graduate with little choice. Yes, colleges DO have core requirements, but there are hundreds of choices. Some kids do much better in college because they are choosing the courses they are taking…and the schedule.</p>
<p>Like I said earlier, there are thousands of college kids who have the same stats as this young man. And there are many colleges who will accept him. It is up to HIM to make the grade so he isn’t asked to leave.</p>