<p>D completed 4 of 5 official visits, all to Ivies. She has decided which school she likes best of the 4. She would still like to visit school 5 (non-Ivy), but is realizing she may have to skip her final visit since is seems that they might not be able to schedule it before D has to respond to the other 4 colleges. What does she do now? All of her application materials will be submitted to the first choice school by Nov. 1, but she won't have a likely for aother 2 weeks after that. As we understand it, given the highly competitive nature of the school, admission is not a done deal but "looks very, very good". So what do we tell the other schools in the meantime, since they're all asking for a decision? We don't want to tell them "no", because if D doesn't get in her top school we'll need a Plan B. On the other hand, we don't want to be unfair and keep them hanging. Should she say no to 2 of them, and tell the 3rd that they're her second choice and ask if they would take her if her top choice doesn't work out?</p>
<p>This is where things become tricky.</p>
<p>Colleges 2-4 will all be able to figure out that’s where they are on her list, when you don’t rush to get the application in to their admissions by Nov 1, or aren’t persisting in the likely letter discussion.</p>
<p>You can wait for them to call, and have a prepared statement, or you can take the initiative and have your child call. I’d lean toward something like this:</p>
<p>“I’ve finished my visits and X has turned out to be my first choice. I’ve submitted my application to them, and will know if I’ve been admitted by about mid-November. If I’m admitted, I plan to go to X. This was a difficult decision for me, because my top choices are all such great places to go to school and compete. If school X doesn’t admit me for some reason, I hope I can still contact you and be considered for a spot on the team. I’ll let you know as soon as school X makes their decision so you’ll know where we stand.”</p>
<p>I wouldn’t necessarily tell 2-4 in which order they rank with you just yet. They all understand how competitive admission is to these schools, and the decent thing for the coach to do is NOT to pressure you in to taking a “bird in the hand” if they are able to guarantee admission, but to allow you a couple of weeks to see if Plan A will work. Some of the Ivies offered to slide the Nov 1st deadline back a few weeks to accomodate last minute visits, and to give us a little more time to think. Especially for kids with a fall competition schedule, asking for a quick decision is tough.</p>
<p>For a kid who is a very strong candidate athletically and academically, I’ve come to believe a coach who thinks he is the second choice will be able to hang in a few more weeks. </p>
<p>HOWEVER:</p>
<p>There’s a delicate balance here. You want to be fair to the coaches. You want your child to match with her top choice. The risk to you is that if your child’s 2-4 choices get tired of waiting, they may offer their likely letters to other athletes before your child hears back from her first choice college. I don’t really see a way around this other than to ask the other coaches for a little more time. The rest of the process is out of your hands: you don’t know if other strong athletes are demanding likely letters or else they walk, or if those athletes are also still taking their time looking around. </p>
<p>This is the part of the process everyone hates. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Now how do you do this without the “likely letter”…Same problem, all D3 schools.Top school the hardest to get into, coach assured child “he would get in ED”, child believes coach and is ready to burn all his other bridges, mom is paranoid etc etc.Child had a hard time picking between 1 and 2, would still go to 2, admission without coach help NOT a sure thing…What to say to coach at #2?</p>
<p>Hi Oldbates,
I’ve been reading your thread on this topic (DIII). I don’t have any experience with that division, so have held off on commenting. </p>
<p>Isn’t it similar to Ivies, though? As I said above, would the best choice be to ask Coach #2 to wait until #1 has made an admissions decision? I can’t think of another way to approach this. Maybe someone else can! </p>
<p>I know you wake up with a knot in your stomache over this. My only other advice is to keep finding virtue in the 2-4 choices in case they are suddenly the only options available. As in GFG’s case, these other choices are also top notch. It’s easy to slip in to finding reasons to dislike those programs in an effort to make the best decision, but helping your child “like” several schools until this is all over can make the process more positive.</p>
<p>Thanks river. I’m trying to encourage my son to keep his options open without being dishonest.But I also figure the coaches are doing the same thing.I appreciate your input.</p>
<p>I think Riverrunner is giving great advice as always. Coaches are well aware that they’re competing for your athlete and will be clear that their school is not your athlete’s first choice if you’re not applying ED and/or pushing for a likely - regardless of whether it’s an Ivy or DIII school. So I don’t think you have too much to lose by being honest about that. But I’d also encourage your athlete to be honest about the fact that he/she isn’t sure he’ll get in that #1 school and would love to keep the option open of attending the other school if possible, emphasizing how much he also liked the other school(s) (if it’s in the final group of schools being considered, that should be true). Our S did have the experience of having the window of ED being extended for him - e.g. he applied RD and then changed it to an ED application after the ED deadline had passed but before ED applications were being reviewed - so it might be possible to change an application if for some reason the preferred school doesn’t work out. I’m not suggesting that you discuss that possibility with a coach now, but just keep it in the back of your mind as a possibility.</p>
<p>My son is in the same situation (D3 LAC’s). Pretty much all of the most competitive schools usually have solid athletic programs. The 3-4 schools he is being recruited by asked him to apply ED, he was upfront with the coaches and told them he was applying EA (not ED) so he could review his acceptances and compare his options. Coaches understand that their top recruits are being sought out by a number of schools. My son even told each coach where he was being recruited and the top 3-4 schools he would consider. The truth is that the coaches already know who they really want on their rosters and that those potetial recruits meet the schools academic standards. They are also aware that the commitment phase is uncertain, competitive school always have the numbers on their side, and always end up with an adequate recruiting class to sustain their programs.</p>
<p>the best view of what’s going to happen I think is to look at the experiences of college athletes in your community who have gone through this. I see it kinda breaking into three groups:</p>
<p>top recruits (multiple officials, coaches proactively call the athlete, offer likely ltrs, etc) = they get in to their 1st choice</p>
<p>mid recruits (need to push a bit for officials, they call/email coaches, no likely ltr freely offered, what you’ll hear is the coach saying “if admissions clears you then we’ll send you a LL”) = they get in to 2nd choice or 2nd tier team schools</p>
<p>low recruits (no officials, forced interaction with coaches) = they don’t get in, for their sport</p>
<p>so if your kid is in the top recruit group it’s a 98% that the school she wants, she’ll get. gfg your d sounds like a top, top recruit, I’d say it’s a done deal at whatever school she chooses. Assuming the coach is behaving as described above in the top recruit category.</p>
<p>Although, it doesn’t make the waiting any easier:)</p>
<p>pacheight, I think you nailed it, both in your analysis of coach behavior revealing likelihood of admission, and GFG’s D’s chances.</p>
<p>For those of us who have walked this walk, and those to come, we parents always want to guard against that slight possibility that we’ve misread the cues, or that something horribly unexpected will happen. </p>
<p>I hope you will all stick around CC for the next couple of years, because your experiences are going to be so helpful. Admissions for athletes is a moving target and your stories are invaluable to the next round of families trying to figure this out.</p>
<p>Hang in there, GFG, MJP and Oldbates. I found CC to be a great place to vent my own insecurities, anxieties, 2 AM freakouts, etc. This saves you from sharing them with your child and/or other parents of non-athlete seniors who have no idea why you are stressing about this, or even what you are talking about!</p>
<p>Well, referring back to the original post:</p>
<p>DS did commit to school B and the Coach clearly agreed to support his app. As far as reading tealeaves, we heard back within 24 hrs, so while its not near instant blackberry response, I thought that was pretty encouraging. They accept about 1600 students each year, so hoping the coach has significant say over at least a couple of those admissions? DS did tell the coach that he is applying EA to school A also.</p>
<p>I did definitely get the feeling that the coach was more inclined to support him because of the combination of academics and athletics, as the school is not known to be an athletic powerhouse. I expect it makes his job easier with admissions when the kid is well within their academic range.</p>
<p>Coach C knows we’re not applying ED to his school but remains interested, and Coach A we have not contacted yet. Will probably see him at a tournament within a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>Oops, got my ‘what to tell coaches threads’ mixed up. I’m referring back to the other coaches thread :)</p>
<p>River-you are so right. I have gotten SO MUCH info and support here. I live in a rural area, and most kids goes to SUNY or the local CC.There is no such thing as a coach who can advise or help us-one of our “star athletes” is being recruited by (gasp) SUNY Cortland!Whoa!!!To use the sports card to get our very bright motivated S into a top LAC is beyond their imagination. I had never heard of any of this stuff, just knew it had to be a good thing for him to be a top (but not national)athlete in his “niche” sport in NY, and had him fill out recruiting forms. He thought it was a hopeless exercise, and Williams, Midd, CMU, Amherst, Carleton, Macalaster etc all come calling. </p>
<p>The combined wisdom of the CCers has really helped us know how to handle this, and it appears very likely we will see results.</p>
<p>OK, here’s a late night vent: As per the advice given, I had given D a suggested script of what to say to the various coaches when they call. Well, two of them called last night, and one tonight, but D couldn’t bring herself to say what she needed to. She likes them all so much and feels ungrateful just saying no. She plain chickened out. So either they ALL think she’s going to commit to their school, or they all think she’s being deliberately vague and has no intention of committing. YIKES! I wouldn’t say D is shy, but she admits she is not good at saying no to adults. (Hmm, that sounds worrisome. I’m sure she can say no to creepy adults, though, lol)</p>
<p>So sorry, GFG. I’m sure this is frustrating. Just because she’s a smart, gifted athlete, doesn’t mean she knows how to negotiate in the world of adults! Sooner or later, they’re going to ask her “point blank” which school is her number one. She’ll be able to respond, but judging by our experience, the conversation can get ugly if the coach tries to push for a different answer. My advice is to be standing by to help her end the conversation if you hear her drifting into saying things she doesn’t really mean. This will be over soon. Then you can celebrate, and I promise, this is the hardest part.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for all your advice and comfort, riverrunner. No matter where D ends up, a nice thing is that you and I can arrange to meet each other at Heps!</p>
<p>I loved the script Riverrunner wrote for her, so that’s too bad. But I wonder if she could instead send emails to the coaches who are not the top pick? My kid is much more comfortable in writing than she is on the phone.</p>
<p>Going back to the 3 scenarios that pacheight described, here’s #3:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Could a 4th scenario be that the kid gets in to the college and has the opportunity to walk on? Has anyone been successful going this route?</p>
<p>Sure - in my S’s sport at an Ivy, successful walk-on’s are not uncommon. It’s just that that route of course does not assist with admissions decisions.</p>
<p>to theGFG…my S had a wonderful experience with several coaches… he could easily see himself on any of their teams… it was very difficult for him to have to say no to any… in his heart he knew which one he wanted… and why… finally, one coach said I have to know by 10pm this Thursday… a few tears were shed after that call… </p>
<p>you may want to sit with your D and practice the conversations before they happen… like practicing a sales call…or a presentation… give her a chance to work on how to say what she needs to say… which questions might be coming at her? we had a few practice sessions here in our house… and if you are not the right person, perhaps her coach can role play with her? Good luck…</p>
<p>“that was awkward” was what my d said when informing us she just told a coach “no”. btw, they seem to always call my d’s mobile phone, and on a Sunday (best chance of getting them I guess). </p>
<p>And it’s hard for kids to say no to a coach who has recruited them and in some case even coached them. D said she almost said yes, just to not hurt his feelings.</p>