<p>My son did not get into his two dream (reach) schools, which we would have sent him to had he been accepted. He did get into all his other schools. He likes them all, but likes some more than others. </p>
<p>Our Problem: </p>
<p>He will receive a full-tuition scholarship at one of the schools (Guaranteed National Merit Finalist Scholarship. It's a school that was on his list before he even took the PSAT.) The other schools are mostly full price ($50,000+). My son's a very bright kid that focused on sports and maintained a B+ average, with some honor and AP classes, but his GPA was not high enough to earn a merit scholarship at the schools to which he applied. </p>
<p>At this point the NMF Scholarship school is not his top choice. My husband and I feel very strongly that he should go there. He liked it, just not as much as one or two of the other schools. The schools are all equal academically. The difference for him is the campus "feel." We did visit all his schools before he applied to them, so his "feel" is based on a three hour visit/tour and the tour guide's personality.</p>
<p>He's very young in his grade having just turned 17 at the end of the year, and we're not sure he can really get the "big" picture here. And of course the economy being what it is there's always a concern as regards to future parental income. (Which is weighing in on decision.) We do have some money saved for college (about half), and already know we will not be receiving any financial aid. My husband feels like it's a "done deal," but I feel conflicted. I wouldn't send my son to a school where I didn't think he would fit-in and thrive, but his disappointment is causing me to think emotionally.</p>
<p>We're leaning toward making him go to the Scholarship school. Would you make your child go? We haven't told him this yet, but we would be able to buy him a used car and pay for part of graduate school or law school (which he has expressed an interest in attending) if he goes.</p>
<p>One parent’s opinion: The more you’re gonna pay, the more you get some say. (Move over, Johnny Cochran!)</p>
<p>If the scholarship school is just as good in most important respects as the full-pay schools, and there’s no particular reason your son should be unhappy there, then that’s where he should go. This would be the responsible choice on his part, since he’s playing with someone else’s money.</p>
<p>I assume you’re talking about the difference between, say, Ohio State and Michigan, and not, say, Harvard and Southwest Louisiana Tech.</p>
<p>My advice is to have him revisit as an admitted student, including an overnight visit and class visit, the scholarship school. He may well change his mind as you point out the first impressions are superficial. I know of a kid who got accepted into one school significantly more prestigeous than his other admits. Even though he barely visited before applying and claimed not to like the city it was in, it was a very different story after he was admitted. He may also want to revisit the school he thinks of as his current first choice (again with overnight and class visit if possible). As for what I would do if he didn’t change his mind, it is a tough one. I would discuss with him for sure, but probably let him go where he wants to go in the end…four years is a long time.</p>
<p>I have been in a similar position, and I let my sons make up their own mind.</p>
<p>Before they applied to college, my husband and I had told them how much we were willing to pay each year, and that they would have to make up the difference – jobs, loans – if their costs were higher. I think that this is a fair way of going through the college process with our kids. I don’t think it’s fair to change rules in the middle of the game unless, for instance, there have been major financial changes since they applied.</p>
<p>Older S chose to go to the school that would pay him to attend. It was his second choice school, a second tier school where his stats put him at the top. HIs first choice didn’t give him any money. He happily went to his second choice, and then flunked out after his first year. Frankly, he may have graduated from college if he had gone to his first choice because it was a first tier school and he would have been surrounded by academically hard working peers, not the type of peers he hung around with at his second choice school. However, at least I don’t blame myself for his flunking out. He made the choice, not me.</p>
<p>Younger S selected an expensive private school over a public that would have cost little. He had to take out loans and work summers and during the school year to go to his private school. He is a junior who has been on the dean’s list throughout, and has blossomed in that college including through his participation in a variety of productive ECs.</p>
<p>So… my advice is to let your son make his own decision.</p>
<p>He’s a smart guy who --if he works to his potential in college --probably could get fellowships, etc. or other support for graduate/professional school.</p>
<p>Your money, your choice. His money, his choice.</p>
<p>First, at some point students have to grow up and understand the realities of the world. $100,000+ is a LOT of money. You are being very generous by essentially saying that you will give him a substantial part of the savings. He may sulk for a time, but he’ll get over it.</p>
<p>Second, my view differs radically from most other CCers. Except in the very broadest terms, I don’t think that you can know much about “fit” before a student actually gets to a school and lives there. So in my view his preference is probably based on nothing more than an adolescent whim (a kind of whim which is, to be sure widely shared and creditted by other adolescents and CC posters).</p>
<p>We all could give better advice if you’d name the schools.</p>
<p>I’m also curious about why you allowed your son to apply to some schools that apparently you now don’t feel are worth your paying for him to attend. I think that such decisions should be made before a kid applies, not after he is accepted.</p>
<p>I think you should tell him what you will be able to do for him if he accepts the scholarship. That’s important information. </p>
<p>What would be the finances if he didn’t take the scholarship. My thought is that if you actually have the money to pay for the other school but prefer a different option, then let him decide whether to have the college experience of his choice or the big picture of his choice. However, if you or he will have to borrow or sacrifice a lot, I’d tell him to take the scholarship and make the best of it. How would he feel at the more expensive school as the scrimping and struggling student as opposed to being free to take advantage of every ammenity at the scholarship school? That’s a biggie for my daughter and may play a huge role in her decision (we have a similar choice). She wants to travel abroad and do absolutely everything without worrying and weighing the money. Today, anyway.</p>
<p>Take him for another visit. Arrange for him to spend a night on campus. Be honest with him and explain your financial concerns. </p>
<p>Your situation is another reason to remind parents to have the discussion about finances BEFORE the kids begin their college search. Be upfront with them rather than let them falsely believe that they will be able to attend whatever college they choose regardless of the bottomline costs.</p>
<p>If he truly does like all the schools, the decision should be a no-brainer. If I understand the math correctly, he will save a minimum of $100,000 over four years by accepting the scholly.</p>
<p>Plus, that school is showing him that they really want him, which will pay dividends throughout his time there.</p>
<p>No one can relate to your situation because there are always personal factors involved that only apply to your situation. But on the surface, I would hope that my smart NMSF kid was good enough in math to make the right decision.</p>
<p>We are hoping that our HS junior gets a good scholarship opportunity like your son. If so, we will put her remaining college money in a fund that she can use for grad school or for getting a better head start in life after college. Imagine the possibilities of having $50-100k in the bank fresh out of college, or having a grad degree debt-free.</p>
<p>Some of the posters on this thread are the really informed people, so at the least you should pm them the names of the school. They can give you really good advice about schools. (Note, I’m not one of those people.)</p>
<p>My 03 cents. I am anti-debt for undergrad kids, as much as is possible. Though I believe the economy will have improved by the time the entering classes graduate, I also believe that an undergraduate degree is becoming, today, what a high school degree was for our parents generation. OTOH, if money isn’t much of a problem, I have a strong belief that “fit” between a kid and a school is, while elusive to describe, one of the best ways to insure actual graduation. </p>
<p>You’ve gotten some good advice. Take him for a visit. See if you can’t get him an overnight with a student. Call the admissions office and let them know the kind of kid you have and see if they can match him up with someone similar. </p>
<p>This is a difference between $40K for four years of room and board vs. $200K+ for four years of you paying everything. $160K+ difference. While it wold be nice to know the schools in play, it’s hard to imagine it being worth it. That could fund all of law school, or a grand tour and downpayment on a very nice house. Or your retirement. He’ll find a way to like the scholarship school, it’s not like he’s going off to spend four years on active duty in Iraq.</p>
<p>Thank you for doing the math electron blue (great name. Is that a reference to the REM song?)…</p>
<p>No, with that kind of economic difference, I am reminded of the old CC adage, “Love they safety.” That’s a steep tax. too steep to make economic sense. Ymmv, of course.</p>
<p>“I’m also curious about why you allowed your son to apply to some schools that apparently you now don’t feel are worth your paying for him to attend. I think that such decisions should be made before a kid applies, not after he is accepted.”</p>
<p>Plenty of schools automatically review student applications for merit aid, and a separate scholarship application is not necessary. Tulane and George Washington, for example.</p>
<p>We were in the same boat and had our daughter attend the least expensive option, which is still a very good school. She thanked us over Christmas Break after talking to many of her friends who will end up with college debt when they graduate.</p>
<p>It is difficult to value someone else’s finances. For some a difference of $160k means sacrificing retirement, going into debt, etc. For others it may be an amount that would be nice to save but not earthshaking or lifechanging.</p>
<p>Agree he should go to the school with the most money offered. Also, don’t let him take out loans. He is too young to realize the ramifications. My D’s dream school hasn’t told her yet about merit money. But I will be in the same situation soon if she doesn’t get what I think we need to justify her going there.</p>
<p>It’s a school that was on his list before he even took the PSAT.</p>
<p>So before 11th grade it seems- My D had a school on her list from when she was younger too.</p>
<p>The difference for him is the campus "feel.</p>
<p>That is important- can he stay overnight?</p>
<p>If he is not really excited about college- has he considered taking a year off? He is young as you say ( although he turned 17 in jr year, that is not unusual), and IMO it is better to start school a little older when they are really ready, than trying to rush it.</p>
<p>( BTW my D1, after planning on going to a certain school all through middle and high school, ended up attending a school that was similar but very different.- she attended Reed College, but she had planned on attending Evergreen state college)</p>