What Would You Score My Essay?

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>I'm taking the SAT this Saturday (lol) and would like to know what you'd rate my essay. It's from Practise Test 8, if anyone wants to know. Thanks! :D</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>"Traditionally the term "heroism" has been applied to those who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or to protect others. But one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes."</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>"Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?"</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>"A hero is not necessarily someone who braves physical danger, but rather someone who makes a great effort and risks a great deal for a worthy cause. Especially nowadays, there are other ways of making a stand than putting oneself at physical risk. Sometimes, other types of action, such as speaking out, are all that's necessary to make great changes. Several examples from history demonstrate this; in order to change many others, somebody has to speak out.</p>

<p>For example, take feminism. Even just 100 years ago, in the most developed parts of the world, women were not allowed to vote; working women were looked down upon, and consistently paid less than their male peers. Nowadays, such things would be unacceptable - but the social norms of that society more than permitted it. It was only due to the action of people like the suffragettes, who spoke out and lobbied for women to be able to vote, and sold newspapers providing a new point of view, that provoked a change. Although the suffragettes rarely put themselves at risk of physical harm, nevertheless they were shunned for what they did. One suffragette's husband refused to talk to her. Another's family described her as "bringing great shame... to the family name." Newspapers portrayed the suffragettes as harridans who should be forcibly shackled and gagged. Clearly, they knowingly risked a great deal of public scorn. Yet, without them, women would not have the freedoms they do today. They were certainly heroines.</p>

<p>Or take racism, which, due to the non-violent action of a few brave people, has become mostly eradicated today. But, many times, these people had to say or do against the public norm, and were shunned by the community for it. When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus to a white man, she fought not physically, but with words: "The only thing I was tired of," she said, "was being looked down upon..." At the time, Rosa's views on the issue were considered so radical that a great portion of the community refused to have anything to do with her or her family after that. But those few little words sparked a tumultous change and thanks to Rosa's bravery, racism has decreased sharply. Does she not, then, deserve to be called a heroine?</p>

<p>Finally, in the 1980s, the sport of tennis was growing greatly. However, the greatest tennis event in the world - Wimbledon - was shoddily run. Its linesmen were half-asleep and often didn't call the scores correctly, you had to bow to the Queen, and yet nobody in tennis said a word about it. This was probably because they were scared of being denied entrance to the All England Club, an extremely prestigious tennis club that was connected to Wimbledon. However, one year, a brash young player named John McEnroe stood up against what he called Wimbledon's "stuffy, affected" policies by refusing to attend the victor's banquet after he won. He was the first winner ever to be denied entrance to the All England Club, but Wimbledon heeded his words, despite his fellow players chastising him for them. And it's a better tournament today because of it.</p>

<p>In short, standing up against something is indeed sometimes necessary, even if we risk being ostracized because of it. Without it, the world would be a much worse place. Should we not praise those who do so and call them heroes?"</p>

<p>If you see anything that's wrong - sentence structure, grammar, anything - please mention it so I'll know what to work on :).</p>

<p>Anyone :)? 10char…</p>

<p>I think overall… your essay is pretty good I would give it a 10/12</p>

<p>I think “freedoms” in the first paragraph should be replaced with the word rights. Also I think your last example weren’t good as the other two. It’s an okay example in my opinion. Overall, I would say your essay is pretty well written.</p>

<p>hey,
Your essay is good.
Try to avoid cliches and colloquiums. Make sure to state your thesis clearly in the intro.
Remember that 1-2 nuanced example(s) is better than 3-4 general examples.</p>

<p>If you keep those points in mind you should get 10-12</p>