<p>I think some of this is a cultural thing as well and not simply ability to pay. I did not have college funds saved up for my kids either and have taken out loans to help pay for it as part of how it will be paid for (a middle income family cannot usually pay it all out of current income). For my husband and myself, our parents funded our college and grad school. It just was never a consideration to have out kids pay for their education. That in no way means it is easy for us to pay for it! In my cultural heritage, parents provide education. It is just the way it is and is never discussed otherwise. So, we have come up with ways to fund their education (on top of need and merit aid) and grandparents have also helped the grandkids with education. It just is how it is in my cultural background. It is the first priority but it doesn’t mean we easily can afford college. It will take many years to pay for all of it. This is the gift we feel we give our kids and they then have to support themselves when not in school (and I have read of people supporting their kids after their education is done but I am not into that). So, everyone’s approach to this is different no matter the income level of the family.</p>
<p>I saved a little each month for college from the birth of each kid for college. When they were babies and toddlers, they got one or two toys instead of big Christmases, and the rest went to college savings. I was shameless and impolite when grandparents wanted to give them presents, and I asked for contributions to their college funds instead. When there’s more than 1 kid, the numbers just go up and up. Then when you add mortgage payments, dance or karate lessons, camps, school fees, clothing, car payments and insurance, and all the other expenses of raising a family, it’s amazing that anyone saves anything. Ultimately, after 18+ years of saving, I’m barely able to cover the cost of tuition at our state university for 4-years for our kids (let’s say $50K per kid, for several kids). Wow. It may not seem like much money to many, but it’s a huge amount to me. </p>
<p>We told each kid that we’d do our best to get them through our State’s flagship university, if they were admitted. The state system offers every major, so that was our baseline goal for financial commitment. Anything more than that, they’d have to borrow and be personally responsible for the excess. I would not co-sign loans, based on relatives’ bad, bad experiences and my advanced age by the time they graduate. </p>
<p>If they chose to go to a more expensive school for the same major that they could get at a state university, they needed to consider whether they’d end up with debt that could damage their ability to go to grad school later. If they chose to go to a cheaper school, or were an RA or earned scholarships that brought the cost of their school under our state’s university’s cost, any savings could be theirs to use for study abroad or grad school. </p>
<p>Ultimately, one ended up graduating from the state university without debt and is now borrowing an ungodly amount of money to go to grad school. Another is an OOS student at another public university, with scholarships that brought the cost under our own state’s school. Another kid is applying now, and has put the state university’s cost on the refrigerator in big red numbers…a very cost-conscious consumer.</p>
<p>I should add that they all understand that a job loss could mean the disappearance of their college money. Likewise, they understand that I saved this money for their college instead of my retirement so I expect them to support me in my old age (HA!). The financial advisors all say that we should tell our kids to borrow money since they will have a lifetime to pay it back, but we won’t be able to borrow for our retirement. I feel very stupid for using this big chunk of money for our kids instead of my own future, and will probably regret it. Still, as parents we want our kids to have good futures and we all do the best we can for them.</p>
<p>We’ve saved for our children’s college expenses since they were born, and they’ve been fortunate to have gotten cash gifts from grandparents and other relatives. Still, like most people (perhaps not as many on this site;)), we are limited as to what we can afford and came up with the following strategy:</p>
<p>First, we wanted our kids to have some “skin” in the game, so tuition is a 50/50 split. We cover room, board, books, fees, etc. (generally about the same everywhere). Once the parental total cost reaches a set number (actually turned out to be quite close to our FAFSA EFC), the child is responsible for additional costs. Also, true merit scholarships (and not what we perceive as standard discounting) count towards the child’s portion, thus rewarding them for their academic achievements.</p>
<p>In this way, our kids have to balance cost vs. perceived value and (hopefully) learn to make adult choices. DS went to the extreme of making cost most important and took the full tuition scholarship at a lower ranked school; DD, we fear, will be more than happy to spend whatever it takes to go where she wants, regardless of cost or value.</p>
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<p>And that in itself is a very “adult” lesson and one that we’ve tried to instill in the kids.</p>
<p>The next question is how that extra semester, 5th or 6th year is handled, for the large numbers of kids who no longer graduate in 4 years. I regretfully made it clear to my kids that their money would only last 4 years. At times this has resulted in some stress and (and a few summer school classes). </p>
<p>This is a huge issue for many kids who lose track of graduation requirements, change majors, drop classes, take lighter loads for higher GPAs, have schools that only offer required classes in particular semesters (or limit enrollment in required classes), do internships or take semesters abroad. </p>
<p>It’s hard enough for most parents to come up with 4-years. I think any discussion of finances has to include a discussion of graduation expectations.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses everyone. I’m just upset with my parents because I’ve been told my whole life I have to work hard to get into the best school I can and they will find a way to pay for it. I feel as though I have held up my end of the bargain by working hard in school, ec’s, etc. Now that I am about to apply to schools, they are backing out of their promise, saying that I may have to go to a cheaper school if the fin aid packages aren’t good at my dream schools (if I even get in). I understand times are tough with the economy and everything, but they made a promise. Also, sibling currently attends expensive private which parents are paying for…just doesn’t seem fair.</p>
<p>We were willing to go $5K over our EFC of $28K, and strongly advised D against any options that would result in her having more than $20K in debt after college. She instead chose an OOS public with a significant scholarship that brings the cost in line with our in-state (and very close to home) flagship. So, she now has some flexibility to take on unpaid internships or a summer language program or full year abroad. Had she chosen one of the selective LACs to which she was admitted, she’d have needed to work during the school year and full-time during vacations to make it all work. </p>
<p>Our family had more college savings, but we ended up needing to provide financial support for an elderly parent that needed aides in order to stay at home, and trips several times a year to visit or help provide care. That’s life, and I’d make the same decision over again. I don’t think she’s the kind of kid who would want to know that she was off at a really expensive private school at the cost of a grandparent being forced into a nursing home.</p>
<p>And to the OP, life’s not fair. Lots of families had their financial circumstances upended with the financial turmoil this past year, and many other families who may not have been as directly affected are stretching to help out extended family members who have been hurt. I’m sure that when your parents originally told you to go for any school you could get into, they meant it. Things have apparently changed. You can apply to a full range of schools, but you need to find some public schools or private schools with strong merit programs that you can love. Believe me, they’re out there.</p>
<p>One of the newspapers featured a story last week about students at top five law schools who can’t find jobs and who are graduating with $200K in debt. They can’t afford to do public service law, and worse, even the firms that have hired have been sending their new hires off to do public service work at the firms’ expense, crowding out many of those who previously could get those jobs. Some of those students are now coming to the very late realization that graduating with a boatload of debt may not be a good thing.</p>
<p>You can have an excellent experience at many, many schools. Keep your mind open and keep looking.</p>
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I can only relay what happened in my family … in late 2008/early 2009 our college savings (in 529 accounts) shrunk almost 40%. We went from only having to worry about the last couple semesters of the last kid … to only having about 1 1/2 of our 3 kids covered. The downturn of the last year has caused MAJOR financial changes for lots of families and I would think have caused major adjustments of what many-many families thought they would be able to do for their kids.</p>
<p>We saved since they were babies. We saved enough to pay each kid (2) through 4 yrs. at an instate public. That was fine with them. Both wanted the big sch. atmosphere. They applied to the state u’s they liked and happily went there. There was no angst. S1 ended up with fullride at state u. We are paying for S2.</p>
<p>OP, I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but nothing in life is guaranteed – or even fair, as arabrab pointed out. I’m sure that, at the time, your parents meant it when they said years ago they would find a way to pay for it. It probably was doable then with some combination of savings/income and a modest amount of loans. But given the state of the economy in 2009, I suspect their savings plan has taken a big hit (I know mine has!) and loans are getting harder to find and then pay off. There’s nothing you can do about it. So take one last whine to get it out of your system and then – work with your parents to come up with a viable list of schools that fit into your current college budget.</p>
<p>curious123 - I’m sure you feel that the rug has pulled out from under you. I’m sorry that your parents aren’t able to do for you what they hoped to do. Have you discussed with them your feelings about your sibling’s expensive school? Are they open to asking your sibling to apply for a loan or other aid? Everything doesn’t have to be “equal” between siblings but I think it is fair to suggest to your parents that both of you should make some sacrifice.</p>
<p>The way you describe it, it doesn’t sound fair. Has your family’s financial circumstances changed? If so, I hope your parents will explain the change to you so you don’t feel like you have been misled. </p>
<p>We told our first daughter if she got in, we’d find a way to pay. That was two years ago when my husband was nicely employed and I could have easily found part-time work to augment his income. Now, as the second daughter is rapidly approaching college, our financial picture has radically changed. My husband is unemployed, I just returned to full-time work, mostly for the benefits. I earn less in a day than he used to earn in half an hour. We are tottering dangerously close to the edge of bankruptcy. </p>
<p>Needless to say, the rules have changed for our second daughter. We’ve been completely open with her, though. She understands how different things are now. It’s utterly unfair, but she knows the changes are not of our choosing either. </p>
<p>I hope you have a good relationship with your parents, one where you can openly discuss these kinds of things, and ask why the change. </p>
<p>Congratulations to you for holding up your end of the bargain. You sound like a wonderful student for whom great things lie in store.</p>
<p>^Agree with the above. We have money saved up for college. But we discussed with freshman D that if something really bad came up, like unemployment, we might have to use that money and that could affect her college plans.</p>
<p>No family knows what is around the corner…and we all have to adjust. I won’t be using the college money to buy a new BMW or update my kitchen, but if we had to use the money to survive, I wouldn’t hesitate.</p>
<p>80% of instate public college tuition, R&B, fees and books for no more than four years. </p>
<p>Anything else is on you, so spend your parents money wisely.</p>
<p>i get zilch. It’s all on me.
We’re Lower middle class, so i should get decent packages from most of my schools, but odds are i’ll be taking out hefty loans and hoping for the best</p>
<p>c’est la vie, it’ll teach me character</p>
<p>We only saved enough for each of our 2 kids to go to our flagship U. S did apply broadly & was given significant merit aid making it not quite so expensive to send him to a school he preferred. He did apply to several schools known for good merit aid as he does realize that we’re eying retiring, perhaps in the near future as H has already been with his employer >40 years. </p>
<p>D saved us some $$ by going to flagship CC for 3 semesters & summer school & transferring to join her brother at the private U where both are now enrolled.</p>
<p>We are also fortunate that we have been in a position to save, H has a steady, good job, and that a relative has contributed to the kids’ tuition as well.</p>