<p>My sister who is a lawyer was the one who pointed it out to me about FERPA. A student doesn’t need to be a minor to be dependent on a parent’s tax return.</p>
<p>I will enjoy pointing that out, oldfort. Thanks.</p>
<p>In case your school for some reason does not consider oldfort’s anonymous sister to be an authoritative source, you might point out that the Department of Education agrees:</p>
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<p>[FPCO</a> Frequently Asked Questions](<a href=“http://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/faq.html#q5]FPCO”>http://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/faq.html#q5)</p>
<p>So I guess the parents have to present the tax forms. That probably explains why the college does it the other way. This really is not a problem.</p>
<p>My 3 have graduated. I honestly racked my brain and can’t think of a single time we picked up a phone duirng college years and got in some administrator or professor’s face, or spoke directly to any student or their parent – about anything. We did tons of phone coaching about choices and resources the student have on campus which s/he might not have known about due to their age. </p>
<p>The first year S-2 went to begin college in California, I broke rank and phoned a dean to ask whether the reports of Los Angeles wildfires in canyons meant a Northeast freshman unfamiliar with all that should do anything particular. He reported he had fielded many calls from overseas that day to reassure all. I had questions about their emergency notification system to students and he satisfied my concerns. </p>
<p>Only one time post-college we’ve had to jump in and be a stronger voice with authority than our D could muster. Our working D was in an apartment off-campus with grad students and new college grads. Two molotov cocktails were thrown at a bedroom window, starting a fire outside (one) and spreading gasoline inside (the second one didn’t ignite). The object of the bomb was the graduate student. There, my H phoned local police because, as she described it, when they interviewed her there seemed insufficient concern for her safety as the remaining resident, once the object-student had been removed and protected elsewhere. Even then, my H took the tone of finding out all they were doing, and learned from the detective on the case that they were still guarding the house with police cars for a few more weeks until they were sure it all settled down. She moved out, on advice of the police not to remain. Her landlady absolutely wrecked her, took the security deposit, wrote D a nasty letter, denied any problem with the neighborhood, and even then – although I wanted to wring this woman’s neck, we instead advised our D to go to small claims court against her over it. D didn’t and I wished we could have been on scene to help her through those steps. I think it was just too traumatic and we accepted her inability to press the matter in court, where we might have been able to as older, tougher personalities.</p>
<p>^^^^^That’s a life threatening situation, and in those cases, you close ranks and do whatever it takes to keep your loved one safe, whether they are your child or some other adult you care about. That must have really unnerved you-I know I would be very shaken up.</p>
<p>Which is entirely different than stepping in to handle something that any adult should be able to tackle, such as disputing a grade, a job evaluation, a bill, or some other such problem. That’s why I agreed with someone up thread who basically said, “we have a general philosophy about this, but it is not so rigid as to exclude action that is mandated in certain circumstances.”</p>
<p>I don’t see why some of us are making a judgement on which incidences warranted parents’ intervention and others didn’t.</p>
<p>^^^^Because the OP asked a question and this is an open forum where we often state our opinions on all manner of questions, most of which are in some form judgments?</p>
<p>Nosy mom checked the spring courses schedules early several years ago and noted a conflict with two of the math/science sequences son was already in (no prior conflict). Emailed the Honors program maintaining anonimity for son (different last name helps) and relevant departmental chairmen before registration began. Got thanks and the timing was changed begfore busy students would have had to or mess up their scheduling. Large flagship U has very nice, accomodating professors (better than the flunkie taking emails in the Honors Program- she didn’t get that both sections of one course met at the same time as the other course, of no use to sign up for either- knew there was a reason I emailed more than one person/place to begin with). In fact, the change was made before one professor had a chance (within a day or two) to look into it. I figured I had the time and knew the system from my days there. I was prepared to give them trouble over having an Honors Program, getting students into a sequence of courses and then making it impossible to keep going. Pleased that even in a huge research U individuals are nice and work for the students’ benefit.</p>
<p>Not really. Why not just state what you would or would not do without passing a judgement on what other people are doing? I don’t think we are here to set a barometer.</p>
<p>^^^When you say “I would never step in to help my kid dispute a grade!” That’s an implicit judgment of the alternative.</p>
<p>“Why would anyone send their kid to Baylor rather than to Harvard?” That’s a judgment, quite clear.</p>
<p>No, I actually wouldn’t read it as such. When someone says, “I would never step in to …” it just means he/she would never do it with their own children, for whatever reason. But I do not think he/she is necessary passing a judgement on someone else who would step in for their children because of their personal reason.</p>
<p>I would intervene because of my own experience and my relationship with my children, but it doesn’t mean I would expect others to feel the same or do the same for their children.</p>
<p>Then we must agree to disagree. I’ve seen “judgments” on all manner of subjects from most of the regular screen names that I recognize at one time or another on this forum, no matter how gently they are couched. It’s to be expected on message forums.</p>
<p>As to the OP, was there a particular situation with which you were wrestling, or were you just trying to generate discussion in general?</p>
<p>We intervened when there were medical problems (helped to find a doctor, made appointments, talked to the Dr afterwords, etc.). Everything else was on “giving advice when asked” level.</p>
<p>@Nrdsb4: I don’t have a particular situation that is bothering me at this moment but I do think at times about whether or not I am involving myself too much and so I was interested in how other people think about this question.</p>
<p>^^^^^Thanks. I kept wondering if you were going to finally come back and relate a specific experience which had come up regarding you and your college kid.</p>
<p>I think many parents often wonder if they are doing it all right. I’ve certainly second guessed myself more times than I can count and now that I’ve only got 6 more months to make my mark, I’m very thoughtful about the possibilities that I may have let my kid down in some way through action or omission. Raising kids to adulthood is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure.</p>
<p>It pains me to have to point out that someone who passes judgment on other people passing judgment is herself passing judgment.</p>
<p>two college students…intervened once when my d had a difficult first semester, and helped gather info from the office of disabilities, as to what options she had. Then handed it over to her to write the letter, etc. She followed the required process and worked out the issues and preserved her status by doing so. with my s, only time intervened was in talking with college’s clinic m.d. as he had to have surgery while at school and the m.d. was the one recommending this. did fly up to be with him during the surgery.</p>
<p>annasdad - it is funny that someone from your kid’s school actually identified you on CC. Maybe you could have a fan club now. I am sure they will enjoy some of your old posts.</p>
<p>Actually, this is at least the second one who’s identified me. You’re right, oldfort, I may be developing a fan club. Maybe I could sell T-shirts and make some money.</p>