<p>This is an interesting story for college parents dropping their child off to college:</p>
<p>Grounding</a> the helicopter parent - The Washington Post</p>
<p>What are your thoughts?</p>
<p>Mm… sorta generic? I was hoping for a shocker.</p>
<p>Is it possible to shock people on CC anymore? This crowd is obviously educated on the college process etc. </p>
<p>There are a lot of parents dropping their child off to college. How are you going to handle your relationship with your child? Are you going to call everyweek? What is your opinion on the helicopter parenting issue?</p>
<p>Eh.</p>
<p>I thought Morty talked about thsi stuff back when he was prez of Williams. Yes to the CC’ers this is old news and yawn worthy. Sorry. JMO.</p>
<p>“Is it possible to shock people on CC anymore? This crowd is obviously educated on the college process, et cetera.”</p>
<p>4Cookie – Maybe I’m just like my mother, she never satisfied.</p>
<p>I agree, nothing really new, but perhaps a more constructive approach than simply telling parents to sit down and shut up. Co-opt them!</p>
<p>I like this version lot better than other ones that seemed very patronizing.</p>
<p>This article says almost nothing, and the advice it does offer is too little, too late. To advise parents to only NOW encourage their kids to seek out diverse experiences and push themselves out of their comfort zones isn’t likely to happen if that encouragement has not already existed when the child was being brought up at home.</p>
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<p>I’d guess that reducing college costs isn’t a popular topic.</p>
<p>Considering what college costs, with all due respect to the article’s authors and all that, helicopter parenting does not even begin to come close to reality. Make that V-22 Osprey parenting (flies faster and longer than any helicopter, is usually louder, is very noticeable, and much more effective) and we talk.</p>
<p>We aren’t talking about dropping our kids off to the boarding kennel for the holidays. Young adults have not figured out how the system ‘works’ yet, and, dare I say, in the two universities in question, the typically very well off students will never figure it out on their own when something strange happens. </p>
<p>Just last week I found out one of DD1’s scholarships did not post to her account. The parental V-22 went into action, she was at the FinAid office bright and early and kept coming back like a drone until the issue was resolved (the day tuition was due :)). Had it been up to her we’d be still trying to resolve it via voice mail. </p>
<p>Here’s info on the V-22 for the aviation-challenged 
[Bell</a> Boeing V-22 Osprey](<a href=“http://olive-drab.com/idphoto/id_photos_v22osprey.php]Bell”>http://olive-drab.com/idphoto/id_photos_v22osprey.php)</p>
<p>It seems that it’s the colleges who are more concerned with the ‘problem’ of helicopter parenting than are either the parents or the students. Frankly, if your the institution charging 55k+ a year…then you should expect helicoptering…that’s too much money on the table to just let it slide until a kiddle figures out the way of the world. </p>
<p>So I’d say to the those involved in the move in day/admin/FA etc area’s of colleges…If you want your new students to model adult behavior … then model adult behavior…stop whining about the parents and just learn to deal!</p>
<p>Or, are you really concerned the parents might discover issues that students would just let slide?</p>
<p>And you create a class of adults who still cannot deal with problems on their own. You going to their office to dispute a bad review with the boss next?</p>
<p>I may have “helicoptered” a little during D1’s freshman year, but as the years go by, I back off more and more. I sometimes have to gently remind her to make a certain phone call or go to a certain office, but I would certainly never do it for her. I told her that if she did not meet all the documentation requirements for one of her scholarships, we simply would not pay that portion of the tuition - she would have to work extra hours to make up the difference. She followed through with the documentation. I would never make a phone call to her university on her behalf. She has friends serving in Afghanistan, the least she can do is make a phone call!</p>
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<p>My son talks to me about work from time to time - no big surprise as I’ve talked to him a lot about my work over the years. He has to deal with political issues at the office and I give him guidance on things that he shouldn’t do (there are more shouldn’ts than shoulds in the political context).</p>
<p>People need advice during their entire lives. I don’t understand those that think that 18 is the end of guidance.</p>
<p>When the children were very small, my method was to closely observe their capabilities and adjust my hovering accordingly. For example, when I felt they were competent to climb the tall sliding board ladder on their own without me climbing protectively behind them, since they had done it successfully twenty times previously, then I let them do it on their own and I sat on the park bench. The same applies when they’re older. Some kids need hovering for academics and some don’t. Some need it for executive function skills, and some don’t. They don’t all grow up in the same way and on the same schedule. The problem is that parents don’t always know how to navigate that messy transitional stage between doing it for them or helping them do it, and letting them do it all by themselves.</p>
<p>In our experience, middle school and high school administrations don’t make the learning of the transition process easy. They often brush off the kids, or treat them disdainfully or disrespectfully when they try to solve their own problems. They’re just kids, so the adults feel they can be dismissive. Then the kids get frustrated over being ignored and the parents reluctantly step in to avoid a major issue developing. Then the school staff lecture the parents about how they only want to talk to the students and parents need to back off. Ok, well then take the kids seriously and help them! We haven’t had any need to helicopter our college-aged kids, but some friends have. In many cases it was because the student (responsible kids too) had gone in to the financial aid office or registrar’s office multiple times and done what they could, but had not been able to resolve the issue themselves. It took a really angry dad to get the job done. </p>
<p>And I think when the university costs $55,000 a year, let’s not pretend the student is an adult who’s paying for that. Therefore, let’s cut the nonsense about privacy and not allowing parents to see grades unless the kids sign off. It’s ridiculous. Not a problem for our family, but it is for others and it’s not as though they’re terrible or irresponsible people either.</p>
<p>I think the only colleges that can tell parents to leave the kids in their hands and they can guarantee that the kids will graduate are the US military academies.</p>
<p>I would have found the article more useful if it helped draw a boundary between helicoptering & being an involved parent. It is a fine line.</p>
<p>I was a Boy Scout leader for my sons’ troop for many years. We operated under the concept of “controlled failure.” If a kid forgot his tent poles or enough food for a weekend backpacking trip, he jury-rigged a tent or went hungry & learned to pack better for the next trip. But if a kid got wet & began demonstrating symptoms for hypothermia, an adult stepped in to prevent a life-threatening situation. That’s how I view a parent’s role at college: controlled failure. We didn’t intervene with the small stuff, but stepped in to help with major things, such as health concerns, billing or financial aid problems, disciplinary issues, etc. Differentiating between major or minor issues is the challenge.</p>
<p>Btw, I was informed by a graduating college senior that “helicopter parent” is old-school; we are now “lawn mower parents,” mowing a path ahead for our kids. :)</p>
<p>There is a world of difference between having a conversation between parent and kid about work, school or whatever and actually interceding. One is fine. Other not so much.</p>
<p>The other is fine too. Sometimes it is necessary.</p>
<p>I love that phrase-lawn mower parents.</p>
<p>College is way too expensive to take a back seat. The only thing I do not do is monitor my DS grades. We talk a few times a week and I he gives me an update on his classes. I frankly don’t care what my friends nor DH say about my involvement in his college life. I can sleep at night and our bond has never been stronger.</p>