<p>Has anyone been in a situation when both parents are bound by a separation/divorce agreement to pay college tuition, but every year you've had to drag ex-spouse back to court to get him/her to pay their court-ordered share? It puts the parent who pays in a tough spot...either come up with the rest of the money yourself, keep going back to court, or see son or daughter have to drop out of college. Just wondering if anyone has encountered this and how they've solved the problem, or if anyone has found a set-up that works that protects the parent who pays and most importantly the son/daughter.</p>
<p>I’m very sorry you’re going through this, but the system is what it is. At least you’ll be clear of this mess in a couple years. (I’m entering year fourteen of my own family mess, and yes I’m very tired of it.)</p>
<p>I would say PLAN for it to happen. Expect it. That way you remove the hope that this year it will be different, and you won’t feel as disappointed when it’s the same deal every year. Pick a date a few months before the tuition bill arrives, and start early. It becomes a part of the yearly ritual. A pain, but at least you will be prepared for it. Know the steps of the process & have them written down so you can walk through it as matter-of-factly as possible. Try to separate the business transaction from your emotions. The emotions aren’t going to make you anything but crazy.</p>
<p>The lesson can include to have the attorney include something in the decree that approves the settlement that makes the failure to pay this timely subject to contempt of court [you have to look to state law to see if and how to make that possible]. </p>
<p>Then if she [or he] fails to pay, initiated contempt proceedings. That often gets their attention.</p>
<p>07DAD, that’s exactly what happens year after year; contempt of court proceedings are started and then magically just before the court date the money comes. But in the meantime we are stuck paying all the court costs in addition to tuition, etc., since tuition bills always come due long before the court date. We have thought about just letting their part of the bill go unpaid, but unfortunately SS is the one who suffers when he has to leave school. So we pay to help SS, then ex & spouse know that they’ve gotten away with it again for a few months so it only encourages it to happen every year.</p>
<p>I am wondering if anyone has a system where you pay for a semester, then the ex pays a semester? At least then SS/SD gets to earn their credits for the semester and it gives each party a full year to save for their next installment. If ex doesn’t come up with their semester’s installment at least you aren’t out any money.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, I don’t have advice, but I just wanted to say that I’m disheartened to see that you (and remarkably, several others as well) are having this experience.</p>
<p>What **horrible behavior **by the ex. I can’t understand why somebody would act like that when their kids are involved.</p>
<p>In the past, I’ve seen some decrees that order a trust set up and administered by a third party to avoid situations like these. But, the ability to have the court order this depends on the particular state’s Family Code or statute, and it usually is too late after the final decree is entered.</p>
<p>If you have any belief that the Ex is struggling finanacially rather than just being a jerk, you might look into whether the college has a monthly payment plan [I’ve seen some posts that indicate some schools have such a program]. If it does, the parents can alternate paying the monthly amount.</p>
<p>I beleve that there is a special place in Hades for jerks who do stuff like this to their kids. I’m divorced. We litigated our divorce so there was no agreement in the decree and it couldn’t address college under our state law back then. We divorced 17 years before college. We just mutually agreed his junior year in HS that we’d split college 50/50. He is a soph this year and both of us have lived up to that commitment.</p>
<p>Apparently you are the boy’s step-mom. It is a tribute to you that you are trying to make sure that there is the least injury to your stepson possible consistent with his biological mom fullfilling her obligations.</p>
<p>Thanks, 07DAD. College is a great experience and no student should have to have the stress of wondering from one semester to the next if they are going to be able to continue. </p>
<p>As for SS’s mom, yes, she does have financial issues, but they are a product of her own irresponsibility and trying to live a lifestyle way beyond her means. All the years she was living large is now hurting her son and I have no pity for her.</p>
<p>My ex-husband was responsible for 1/2. He dealt with it by taking out a Stafford loan in S’s name! ug. He told me he was “helping” him establish credit. It was a nightmare to untangle, as H had S sign the paperwork and told him it was for ex’s portion of the loan. Neglected to tell S it would be S’s loan. S didn’t have a clue. It was an important lesson–he now reads <em>everything</em> he signs, even if a parent puts it in front of him.</p>
<p>sryrstress, What an awful situation for your son! I’m sorry that his life is starting out with such a mess to sort out. I would not put it past my husband’s ex to do the same type of thing, especially with her poor credit. So sad that someparents aren’t thinking about their kids first.</p>
<p>Both my husband I and I were divorced with children from he first marriage. My ex and I had some issues ( for the first time in our divorced lives ) when it was time for our oldest to go to college. It put some strains on relationships , no doubt but we have been working together better since the initial problems.
Unfortunately , his second wife is not supportive of her step daughter’s education.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine what hell we will go through when it is time for my step-daughter to look for and attend college…her mother is just awful to deal with and thrives on any misery she can create</p>
<p>My therapist made an interesting comment years ago about parents and their children. He said as children grow older they “know,” and that they assess the parents not by the parents’ words, but by the parents’ deeds.</p>
<p>I believe a child will view a parent’s deceit in “helping” the child get a loan to avoid the parent’s obligation as unworthy conduct.</p>
<p>sryrstress-- you posted that the loan in your S’s name was a nightmare to untangle. Was your S able to get dad to pay the loan? It might be helpful to know if the dad’s obligation to fund 1/2 was under a decree and whether the court was willing to force the dad to pay off the loan.</p>
<p>"But in the meantime we are stuck paying all the court costs in addition to tuition, etc., since tuition bills always come due long before the court date. "</p>
<p>Are you using an attorney? If you are doing it yourself you need to talk to somebody about recovering the court costs–if he is in violation of the order and you have to take him to court, then he should pay the order PLUS costs to get it enforced. You are not asking for anything new–you are only asking for what is already agreed to, so court should be awarding you costs as well.</p>
<p>If your court is not doing that no wonder he is playing this game–there is no incentive to avoid the battle every year since you are the one out of pocket.</p>
<p>If you are doing this pro se, ask for some advice on how to recover back costs (may be too late) and then next time ask for costs.</p>
<p>Well, it won’t help you, but for others who may face this issue in the future…</p>
<p>Our agreement said that either of us could sue for a breach of it. If the court found in favor of the person who brought an action for breach, the one who breached would have to pay the sum due plus 10% interest from date of breach to payment, **plus the other side’s attorney’s fees ** and costs.</p>
<p>We are using an attorney (we don’t dare go to court without one), and we have been awarded our attorney’s fees in the past. The key is actually getting that money from her. I personally would rather she focus on paying the tuition bill so that SS is all set, that is our main concern right now. It’s just so frustrating to go through the same process every year and a judge see us there over and over and not do anything to make it stop. We can threaten to have her thrown in jail for contempt, but that hurts SS as well. He didn’t ask for any of this.</p>