<p>My ex-husband sent me an email today that because he and his new wife believe that children should live with their parents for as long as possible, including while the kids are in college, that he will not pay for D's college since she has chosen to go to school out of state. Father lives in Miami (he's Cuban and Costa Rican and claims all hispanic kids live with their parents in college), moved away from his kids 11 years ago, has paid child support, which ends on the kids 18th birthdays. While he pays child support, he has little involvement in their lives. </p>
<p>The divorce agreement states that he should contribute to college expenses provided that he is financially able. He has a good job. His wife is an architect in Florida and owns several houses in Florida that are underwater with the housing crash. He spends a lot of money bailing out his wife's business. We've been divorced since 1998 and I doubt he has saved a cent for the kids college educations.</p>
<p>The kids and I live in Illinois, and the divorce agreement took place in Illinois.</p>
<p>Can a non-custodial parent not have to pay because a child is going away to school and not living at home, which (suddenly) is against his culture? This is a rule he suddenly imposed; he has never communicated that until the end of her senior year. In D's case, she got a full tuition scholarship to an out of state public. We still have to pay for books, room and board, personal expenses, etc. D and I are exceptionally grateful for this scholarship. It would not be worth bothering forcing her father to pay half except for the fact that D's younger brother is a junior. I don't want to set a precedent that it's ok to not pay anything for D when S's college education is looming on the horizon, and won't have the same opportunities as D.</p>
<p>Quite frankly, I think H is only interested in his new family and 3 step children with his new wife. I think he wants to have no obligation to his own children at all and is trying to get out of it. The question is, can he?</p>
<p>Divorced or not, there’s never a requirement that a parent contribute a dime for college costs…and unless there is language somewhere in the agreement that stipulates a legal requirement to contribute, my guess is he doesn’t even have to have a reason to say no.</p>
<p>The OP did say the divorce agreement said he should contribute “provided he is able”. Sounds to me as if he very might “be able”. Might take a lawyer to make it happen, and also might be worth doing so, especially given there is a slightly younger sibling going to college in a few years.</p>
<p>This situation happens all too commonly, and it’s why I advise anyone going through a divorce to address this in the decree. All too often the “of course I’ll help when the time comes” morphs into “I never said that” or “my new family comes first.”</p>
<p>I do think states treat this differently as well, but I don’t know for sure. Yes, the agreement says he should provide for college if he is able. But that is very loose language.</p>
<p>Why not look up the tuition cost of any college your children could attend and still live at home and ask for 50% of that cost as a contribution? 50% of something is better than nothing and it seems like a reasonable compromise.</p>
<p>I think you should contact a lawyer in your state and run this by him/her. Most people here aren’t going to have the legal knowledge/experience to give you an accurate answer on whether/how much he legally must pay. (Including myself. )</p>
<p>You are pretty much out of luck… In YOUR BEST CASE SCENARIO… The reality is that he can say he is willing to pay 50% of the cheapest community college in your area while the kid lives at home and the court would rule in the favor of him providing help with college and if you choose to let her go somewhere more expensive, then it is your responsibility to pay the difference. But, most likely you would not even get that much out of the situation and you would pay more in legal fees and attorney fees then you would see in tuition money from him.</p>
<p>And its the loose language that basically makes me think the phrase is meaningless. Its too subjective, and again…the fact that there is no legal obligation for ANY parent to contribute to a child’s college education is a valid defense. Moral obligation? Perhaps…but no legal obligation. We read here on these boards every day about parents who are able but unwilling to contribute a dime. I can’t imagine any court compelling a contribution when its not required of a married set of parents.</p>
<p>Actually the decree says that BOTH parents, including myself, must make a “fair and equitable contribution to college education” unless we are financially unable. The amount he is asked to pay for 1/2 of D’s room, board, books, and personal expenses and is less than what he is paying right now in child support, and once S is in college, will probably be around the same or less as child support. </p>
<p>We got divorced in 1998 and I start saving right away for college. College savings was a major reason we got divorced - he refused to save, and preferred to spend money on a collection of over 3,000 CDs and DVDs and other gadgets. It’s funny that the irresponsible parent can find a way out, but life isn’t fair I guess.</p>
<p>I am definitely going to talk to an attorney - I was hoping to avoid that - but I think it is inevitable. Thank you all for your opinions though!</p>
<p>Yes, please contact a lawyer. Your ex’s contractual agreement may not be as meaningless as a lot of people in this thread (most of whom, I suspect, are not lawyers) seem to think. When there’s a contractual agreement, what’s “meaningless” is the general rule that parents are not required to contribute to college. It’s not a “valid defense”; it’s legally irrelevant.</p>
<p>The provision at issue may be ambiguous, but interpreting ambiguous agreements in light of the parties’ intentions is exactly what courts are supposed to do. And, no, the provision would very likely not be interpreted to allow him to get away with paying the cost of the least expensive community college. I doubt that was the parties’ intent.</p>
<p>My own divorce agreement specifically requires that my son’s parents are both required to contribute to his college (and graduate) education in relative amounts proportionate to our incomes. My ex’s attorney wanted to limit the obligation to the cost of an education at the state university (Rutgers), but I refused to agree to any such limitation, even though it would have benefited me financially. My son comes first. And I’ll never in a million years understand the thinking of parents who are financially able to contribute to their kids’ education, but refuse to do so.</p>
<p>Uh…okay while this is common; it’s not a requirement of being Hispanic, and it’s not mandatory considering how many different cultures are represented by “hispanic”. I’m hispanic, and my family never once mentioned this to me. O_o</p>
<p>It does sound like the wording in the contract is ambiguous…however…the argument could be this…</p>
<p>Since the NCP has consistently paid child support in an amount that is equal or greater to the amount the he is expected to contribute for college, AND he has NOT requested a decrease in child support because of lack of affordability, he can’t really claim that exactly one month after the child turns 18, he now can’t afford to pay a similar amount or less without demonstrating a very recent and new serious circumstance (such as: loss of job).</p>
<p>KEEP copies of that email. Don’t remove it from your computer. His email implies that he WOULD pay if the child commuted from home. His email implies that he would at least pay half of the cost of the local state university (I don’t think it implies half of the local CC.) Be sure to get the COA for the local university if the child commutes to school. (It will be higher than you think because colleges don’t just count tuition, fees, and books for COA for commuters.)</p>
<p>So, at a minimum, he could be held responsible for half of the commuting COA for the local state. </p>
<p>The OP is right…Her ex thinks he can just “move on” with his new family. His priority is keeping the wife #2 happy and raising her kids. There may also be the issue that “her kids” aren’t going away to college, so why should he pay for yours to go away.</p>
<p>Splitting books, room, and board in half is much less than many people pay in tuition & books alone. </p>
<p>This is a very minimal amount the father is expected to contribute to the education. He clearly simply wants to take no responsibility for his own children, and is coming up with excuses.</p>
<p>In the OP’s shoes I too would be afraid of the precedent set. </p>
<p>No-one can say for sure what he is legally obligated to do. Only an attorney can look at the laws in the particular states, the divorce agreement, etc. and decide from there whether it’s likely to make it through or not.</p>
<p>It’s sad that kids get stuck in these situations. My friend’s Dad told her he would “pay for any college she wanted.” Then, he decided he didn’t want to pay any more than the divorced wife (whose income is considerably smaller). So, she was suddenly attending a school she couldn’t afford. Would have been forced to transfer out, had she not been extremely resourceful and lucky to get a job as an RA as well as graduate in 3 yrs. Why people do things like that, which hurt their own children the most, not the ex, is beyond me.</p>
<p>I think you would be reasonable to ask for 1/2 of the tuiton, 1/2 cost of books, 1/2 commuting cost and 1/2 insurance as if she went to a local school.</p>
<p>This would meet the intention of the divorce agreement and be fair to your ex.</p>
<p>Anything more is being generous on the part of your ex (which he doesn’t want to be) and greedy on your part. Anything less is unreasonable for your ex.</p>
<p>Has D contacted her father? Can she go for a visit? If the money is between the two of them, it might be a better feeling all around. Does D know the new kids in the family? Maybe a visit could be the start of good things for the younger set – challenging, but worth a try.</p>
<p>Don’t forget 1/2 cost of food and housing (since D will be using mother’s electricity, water, food).</p>
<p>This is not like the OP is asking father to pay half of Harvard.</p>
<p>D applied to a state school and got FREE tuition. </p>
<p>Making further qualifications (oh, she should be commuting) is clearly just his way of trying to get out of paying as much as possible.</p>
<p>What’s next? Oh, she should have gone to CC for two years and then transferred to a local college? Oh, an AA degree should be enough? Oh, most Hispanic people in the US don’t go to college at all? (That would be an interesting one to find the statistics on).</p>
<p>Come on.</p>
<p>We don’t know the whole scoop here, but meh. I can’t imagine costs at a state university minus tuition could be more than he was expecting to pay when they were raising the kid together, or more than he is expecting to pay with his current kids.</p>
<p>That said, unfortunately, they clearly made a bad choice marrying each other having kids together. So, you have to live with the ramifications of that, which may mean things aren’t going to be “fair.” What’s important here is protecting the daughter and helping her be successful…if father doesn’t want to be a part of that, well, nobody can do anything about that.</p>
<p>Get an attorney. With tuition covered by scholarship, he has it easy having to come up with half of the rest. Let him go under the microscope with regards to his finances and whether he can afford to pay. My guess, he is calling your bluff. He might must agree to pay half of what is left after the scholarship, rather than take the risk of having to pay half AS WELL as his and even your legal fees.</p>
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