I have been in college for a month and a half and have no close friends I don’t even have that many acquaintances. My roommate and I didn’t know each other coming into college we live together just fine but she has found her friends on our floor and I’m happy for her but it just makes me realize how badly I crave friendship. I am also stressing because people are already figuring out who they’re gonna live with next year and fell like if I don’t find friends soon I will be screwed with my living situation for next year. I have tried everything it seems like. I joined a sorority, the club gymnastics team and the nursing club am not getting anywhere. I just want the loneliness to stop and am considering transferring.
“I have been in college for a month and a half and have no close friends”
This is very common. A significant number of college freshmen who appear to have found friends already are in fact basically hanging out with acquaintances.
It takes time.
What does the nursing club do? Does it take care of people who need help? Sometimes doing something that you care about and that involves helping others can just get you focused on a constructive purpose other than finding friends, which can ironically make it easier to “almost accidentally” find friends.
The right people will find you when you are your authentic self. Don’t be anything you’re not, and don’t try to fit in with people you don’t click with. Flying solo can be lonely, but it can also be a great time for self discovery and giving yourself permission to try new things and go on your own little adventures…just for you. Learn to enjoy your own company. If other people see you enjoying your company…they might want to enjoy your company, too:) Keep exploring clubs that interest you. Stay open and friendly. Bring enough extra stuff to share…extra pencils, extra gum, extra protein bar, extra ibuprophen. Be the person who can solve a problem for someone in need. Be someone with interesting ideas. This is weird…but my kiddo claims that a particular teeshirt that references a game she likes…got two friendships going, and opened the door to a fun date. Take some chances and let people know who you are, what you love. If you put enough of yourself out there, someone will have commonality and the intimacy will click. Don’t be afraid to talk to friendly strangers. My kiddo met one of her very best friends at the bus stop. Someone was reading a book she loves and she just said…Hey, good choice, I loved that book. Three years later, they’re rooming together.
The first thing I would do is talk to a college counselor. They can at least provide you with support while you are going through this. They may also make helpful suggestions. Since you are in a sorority I would volunteer for all kinds of things that they need help with. There should be many opportunities, and it’s a great way to meet people (working together on something).If there is an outing club, go on a trip one weekend. That seems like a relaxed way to meet people. Ask yourself if you are presenting as closed off or if you are conveying to others that you are open to making friends. Leave your door open when you are in your room and say hello to those who pass by. Two ways to make friends is by finding something to compliment them on such as “I like your shirt” or “I liked what you said in class yesterday. It really made me think about things differently” and just asking people about themselves. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Finally, if you are feeling shy remember that shy people tend to be focusing on themselves and how they are perceived. Don’t away about yourself. Focus on the other person and you will make friends. Remember, you got into a sorority. They accepted you, because you must have something likeable and relateable about yourself. WIshing you lots of luck. I’m sure it’s been hard, but it can get better.
PS-
I don’t know if you have a religion, but if you do, find a campus group that meets and talks about spirituality. If not, see if your counseling center offers any support groups. Both are ways to meet people in less superficial ways.
@MaryGJ is so right. It will happen when you are your authentic self. Keep putting yourself out there. Also find other facets of college life to be involved and focused on, your studies, sevice, etc. True friendships often grow out of unexpected circumstances.
When my only child was young her father and I often worried that she was lonely. One time we talked about it and her wise for her years self told us that, “there’s a difference between being lonely and being alone.”
One last thing, my daughter seemed to make a group of friends pretty easily her freshman year, and part of the group decided to share a dorm apartment last year as sophomores. By mid year last year, the friendships had all but fallen apart, they stuck it out for the rest of the year but by the end disbanded. Junior year, they have all gone separate ways. So what looks like amazing friendships from the outside early freshman may not be. Disbanding friendships that you think are real actually hurts quite a bit. My daughter has found better friendships from the people she developed relationships with over time. One of her better friends was her fiercest competition in one of their music groups even!
Hang in there, it will happen.