When would you tell your child to transfer home?

Parents Forum
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<p>And when would you tell them to stick it out where they are, if they're not in state or a few hours away when they could be in town? I'm curious in both a general (use any personal beliefs/experiences) and personal kind of way. </p>

<p>My mother called to tell me that my school is raising tuition two weeks ago, and we're already paying $18,000. (This is the school I ended up at after my EDI school took away finaid money) I spoke to some friends about it, and some of them pay what I pay for one term for the whole year. (About $6,000). I've made great friends, some upperclassmen friends as well, I feel like I do activities I enjoy here, I've made the Dean's List once so far, and I've met with people about self-designing my major, I've spoken with some connections to local Museums (I want to persue Museum studies), I have a great work study job that I love, and generally seem to be what you could call 'thriving'. However, another $2,000 in tuition would be quite burdensome, I hate the cold, I feel like having only three classes is rather limiting, I miss my friends back home, the town my college is in is not known for its thriving culture (and by extension, has about 3 museums total), and the smallness has become an annoyance (people I don't speak to, or even know, have decided to complain about me talking to people THEY talk to). </p>

<p>My home school, ASU, is the seemingly polar opposite of what I wanted: A small LAC with the same sort of attention given as in my high school, where people know teachers, and each other. But it's also much cheaper, as it's in-state. My old friends are there (or around there), there are plenty of museums in Tempe as well as in Phoenix (which I can reach easily by rail), they have a Museum Studies Major, an Honors College I can apply to as a junior, and I'm used to sunny warmth year round. </p>

<p>My advisors here have offered to talk to people about financing, relooking at the complicated aspects of my family's finances, help me with scholarships, talk to people, and financial aid, so that there could be a possibility that I could stay. My parents are telling me to think my options through, but I was curious as to what you (as parents) would say both to me, and to other kids.</p>

<p>When would you tell them, or try to convince them to go home? What is a "good" reason for a freshman to want to give up on their current school? How long should a student try to stick it out where they're at for before they decide they hate, dislike, or feel ambivalent about the place they're at? What are bad reasons for wanting to transfer, and when would you convince them not to, as their mom or dad?</p>

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<p>Post is a little broad and confusing but if it’s only 2K sounds like you could work during the summer to earn it and contribute.
Sounds like a very good environment that you are in and ASU is huge and good experience to live and mature away from home.</p>

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<p>My intention was to be broad, as I felt like I was curious about more than just my own situation, as I was reading over this thread: [Anyone</a> Else have a child who is having a hard time making the transition?](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/990317-anyone-else-have-child-who-having-hard-time-making-transition]Anyone”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/990317-anyone-else-have-child-who-having-hard-time-making-transition). </p>

<p>If it makes it less confusing, I suppose I’m asking when do you (as a parent) think you would say: “Okay, maybe you should transfer because of [whatever reason you deem important enough to transfer for.]” Would you ever tell your child (or even insist to them) that it would be best to not stay at the same school? Would you suggest transferring to your kid for any particular reason?</p>

<p>That is my question. The lead up was the reasoning for why I was curious, personally. :]</p>

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<p>No, I wouldn’t suggest my kid transfer unless they were totally miserable after the first full year.
A commitment is a commitment and kids learn about keeping them and being responsible. As parents we often enable our kids to shelter them but we only hurt them in the long run.</p>

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<p>I think students should consider transferring if they have given the school a good shot and have decided that it’s not a good fit academically, socially, financially, etc. The transition to college is difficult for some, and it’s ok not to like some things, but it should not involve long periods of feeling miserable. Sometimes it does not take a full year.</p>

<p>As a parent, I would not tell my child to transfer home unless he was facing a medical problem or some kind of personal meltdown that necessitated leaving the college scene. Another scenario would involve sudden financial changes, as in our family having to go from contributing $15K to zero because of a job loss or some other financial crisis. </p>

<p>It sounds like you’re in more of a grey area. You like some parts of your college but not others and your parent is not sure it’s worth the extra $2K. I think you and your parents should talk about whether you think ASU is a better value for the money than your current school. This is the decision that a lot of people have to make when they are first choosing a college. School X at $10K vs. School Y at $20K. Based on the info you have provided, I would say it’s not a question of when a student should transfer or when a parent should tell a student but a decision by you and your family about which situation is better for you academically and financially.</p>

<p>One thing that seems to be extraneous is how much other students are paying. Schools are sophisticated in figuring out how much they can get from a family by looking at the FAFSA and CSS info. and they also throw merit aid at certain students. Unless you get a really wide sample of students you may not hear from those who are paying as much or more than you.</p>

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<p>It’s late, but I’ll comment on the FA thing (comparing to other people, bit) real quick like: The girl in question is my friend, and I know it’s a struggle to pay that 6k for her, like its a struggle to pay 18k for me. (Her dad is a musician, mine, while not my custodial parent, is in Business). </p>

<p>I am a TRIO student (one of the government programs I qualified for) and telling my TRIO advisor how much I pay did evoke a rather shocked “Where do you get that money from?” Which led me to believe others similar to me do not pay anywhere near as much as I do, and I am well aware that when prices go up, they generally go up for students they think can afford to take the extra hit. (I would more than likely be among them.) </p>

<p>ASU’s total price for me would clock in under 18k.</p>

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<p>Two of Happykid’s friends were back home and at our local community college the second semester of freshman year:</p>

<p>1) Attending OOS, full pay, chose university for the major but changed the major the first week of classes. Didn’t do at all well in classes. Parents pulled the plug not just because of the grades, but also because the new major can be studied closer to home for a lot less money.</p>

<p>2) Attending a university in the UK that attracts many US students, full pay, thought it was her dream school. Didn’t like the relatively limited interaction with her professors, didn’t like her living situation, packed up and moved home at winter break.</p>

<p>Sit down with your parents and do the math. Clearly you love your current school. However if money is going to be an issue, in the long run it may be a better move to head home.</p>

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<p>If we’re talking about a private school, I always factor in a 5% increase in costs (tuition, room and board) EVERY YEAR. You may be able to make it through year 2 if costs only go up $2K, but what about years 3 and 4? Run the numbers…if you know you won’t be able to make the finances work, why not transfer now?</p>

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<p>If the issue was only FA - I would say to stay and try to make the money work. But you have said a few negative things about other aspects of the present school - from the climate, to the number of museums, to the school being too small. If it feels too small to you now - as a freshman - it will continue to feel smaller as you become older. You also mentioned having to design your own major - while ASU offers a major in Museum Studies and has a Honors program. Unless you are leaving out more things that you love about your present school - it seems to me that transferring to ASU would be the way to go. If you were my child - that is what I would recommend.</p>

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<p>If ASU’s Museum Studies major has a good reputation and good placement, that would be enough to sway me as long as your credits will largely transfer. (I think ASU is good on this front, but I am not sure.) You might want to talk with one or two professors from ASU’s department and take a look at actual course offerings this past fall and spring to see whether the courses you’d like are actually being offered on a frequent enough basis. Trying to touch base with some students in that major might also be helpful. (Barrett should have a faculty advisor designated to work with students in that major – might be worthwhile asking them who that is.)</p>

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<p>I agree with SDiegoMom that I wouldn’t suggest my kid transfer unless they were miserable. But I disagree that college is a commitment that you should feel you have to stick with. Families pay a lot for college and usually choose on somewhat limited information. I don’t think there is any shame in transferring. Sometimes a college is not what one expected and sometimes a student changes his/her mind about what they want. A student has the responsibility to make a transfer work and not depend on their parents as much as they might have in high school.</p>

<p>And I have a good reason to be in favor of transfers: If my mother hadn’t transferred after her freshman year, my parents would never have met and I wouldn’t be here. Now wouldn’t that be a shame? ;)</p>

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<p>The things you find out after the fact, of course! Tuition here hadn’t gone up for awhile from what I’d heard, and this year the president is retiring. His final moves are to raise tuition and to allow the College room to keep raising it every year if they so desire. The financial stability (“financial impregnability”) they bragged about means they’re about 2.5 million in debt - or so I’ve been told.</p>

<p>I would have to say unless something horrible happens, I would argue that a student should finish whatever term/semester/year they’re in before transferring, simply because it’s a horrible waste of money to not go a full semester/term. </p>

<p>On a personal note, I wouldn’t say I love (or hate) my school. I love the people here, but I have a rather long list of things I dislike, some potentially more valid than others (My AP credits don’t take care of any gen-eds, vs. I loathe the cold and I find winter horrible.) Having talked quite openly with friends about it, I find many of them are also underwhelmed; I would say a good 5 or 6 of us are evaluating how much we like it here, and considering transferring, with myself being the one most actively considering it. Still, I hope that my problems aren’t just the results of seasonal depression (I’ve never really had to deal with blizzards before) exacerbating things. My own parents have been rather neutral about the subject, but have encouraged considering finances, as I pay the bills. </p>

<p>Some of it I imagine is freshman frustration, but we all agreed ‘adjusting’ to college itself wasn’t the problem - this was never my dream school (so I feel like I didn’t expect something particular from it besides something broader like the helpful community of an LAC) but for those who came here as their first choice, they too are looking around and finding reason to consider other options. </p>

<p>Some don’t like the major deparment they want, some are here because it was made affordable and they didn’t get into their far-reach dream schools (my roommate last term expected to get into Yale), some dislike the atmosphere of the school, as small becomes suffocating quickly with the student directory (Home address, Photograph, Email, Phone number) and the rise of likealittle.com (a student who transferred here has gotten so much harassment due to that site that one of the Fraternities has taken to ‘adopting’ her and making sure she’s alright. She’s a charming and lovely person who came in from the military, but people leave scathing and threatening messages anonymously if they can.) </p>

<p>While harassment happens everywhere, and I certainly don’t fool myself into thinking it doesn’t happen at ASU, there is a certain appeal in some small amount of being anonymous when you feel like it. As in any small town, everyone here knows everyone’s business, and while I have nothing to hide, it can be daunting.</p>

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<p>As for ASU itself, I’ve already looked through the major, the requirements, the work study job listings for appropriate jobs, asked about my credits transferring, and spoke over email to two different Admissions advisors (one for Barrett). Depending on whether or not I got home for spring break, I may arrange to talk with anyone who can give me information. My application is in, but my transcripts aren’t (as of this moment.)</p>

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<p>If it’s going to cost you half the price at ASU for an equivalent or better education specific to your major, why not transfer? The money you save can be put away towards setting up an apartment after graduation, buying a car, travel, grad school expenses, or whatever. </p>

<p>Transferring from one college to another has nothing to do with failing to follow through with a commitment.</p>

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<p>Absolutely finish out the year at your present school - but it really sounds like you should transfer to ASU.</p>

<p>Another consideration is where you want to live after graduation. If you like the warmth/climate better in Arizona - it makes more sense to be there for college - develop relationships and contacts through internships, a part-time job, etc. to help you get a museum-related job after graduation. By attending college in CT - unless you wanted to remain there after graduating - which I don’t think you do - any contacts you make will not be worth much if you want to head back to Arizona.</p>

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<p>I also want to add that a few months back - their was a thread created by a parent whose daughter attends the same college as you. She was very upset with their FA package for the daughter’s sophomore year - it was much worse than the package for freshman year. Just FYI.</p>

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<p>^ I was no longer able to attend Connecticut college after they took away my aid. </p>

<p>I attend Knox college at the moment. So I’m not sure if that changes your last comment, Rockvillemom. </p>

<p>I feel that I could (and am) toughing out the cold, but in Galesburg, where there’s virtually no where to go off campus, and the nearest big city (Chicago) is three hours away, the isolation of winter worsens everything. This isn’t a pretty coastal town that I had pictured going to: Galesburg is a collapsed industry town, which is populated by trains, trains, and more trains. This is much colder than I had planned for (Connecticut was a tad bit warmer than Northern Illinois), and I had friends local to Connecticut who would have been valuable resources for escaping New London that I simply don’t have here, unfortunately.</p>

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<p>Whoops - sorry I misunderstood where you are now. But my take on the situation remains the same - it sounds like you should transfer to ASU. Your interest in museum studies makes college location key - the nearer you are to an urban area with museums - the better. I’m really not reading anything in your posts that provides a compelling reason to stay at Knox.</p>

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<p>If you don’t like the winter this year, try to imagine repeating the experience for three more years. For the weather alone, I would vote for ASU.</p>

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<p>I would agree that transferring sounds like a good idea. I can’t imagine that there is much to do around Galesburg for a college student. I also have a daughter who in retrospect should have transferred from her school after her freshman year. She was not happy from the start and has never felt like she fit in. Sophmore year has been even worse, but it would be almost impossible to transfer into her chosen major anywhere else at this point. So if you still can transfer most of your credits to ASU, it would certainly be worth serious consideration.</p>

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<p>There’s almost nothing, sadly. We had the great (and funny) improv group The Second City perform, and they riffed off of that fact quite a bit. (Especially the sad building known as the mall here.) There’s a bit of second hand/antiques shopping to be done, but other than that, I joked with my mother that this was one of those small towns where: “You either take drugs and alcohol, or start playing board and roleplay games.”</p>

<p>She asked if I had improved my gaming skills, haha.</p>

<p>I’ve noticed most of the adults here have told me that I “am Knox” and “Have knox written all over [me].” but that I hardly agree. I have great friends, but wouldn’t define myself as typically Knox. So I know that feeling.</p>

<p>Might I ask what your daughter’s major was?</p>