When YOu just Can't Bring Yourself to do It

Parent Cafe
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<p>I changed schools a year ago and I used to live in CA. When that happened, I had a series of breakdowns triggered my interactions with my relatives here. I have a history of depression since grade school. I began isolating myself in 7th or 8th grade when I had this idea that I had to mimic the achievements of my cousins who were valedictorians of their high schools and I desperately wanted to be like them.</p>

<p>I devoted my lunches to studying or reading. I was very active in ECs in junior high. When I hit high school, things got more extreme. I needed to be perfect. I even cried once because I thought I couldn't join any clubs and that I was a failure! I laugh at that idea now. Anyway, I had a couple of breakdowns that year. Hmm... kids made fun of me and I isolated myself so those who didn't know me thought I was an irritable loner who couldn't make friends although I was quite popular in junior high. I stopped sports after a flurry of problems with the coaches and teammates. My family members thought I was just being a crybaby at various intervals or that I was just going through a phase. I believed this to a certain extent and was considering seeing a counselor. My siblings convinced me that I was just being stupid and whiny. </p>

<p>I was so happy when we finally moved. It was pretty rocky at the beginning, especially since I began to hate everyone and I became very irritable to my relatives that I was staying with because my parents hadn't moved yet. (I came early to sign-up for school.) They thought I was looney tunes. Hmm, I recall crying quite a bit. Ah, anyway, I was able to reinvent myself sophomore year and I hated myself midway. I was doing things to impress schools, which my very cynical sister pointed out, and I panicked. I felt like I lost my individuality in the process and I hated myself so much. Although, at various intervals, I felt so great for what I was doing- especially volunteering. Plus, I was getting recognition from the local news station and teachers and my peers were very proud of me. </p>

<p>In the midst of all of this, there was my depressed mother who, with her bad relationship with my father, cried in secret, which she mentioned to me so that I could feel sorry for her or something of that nature. I really couldn't empathize and I felt tired of hearing her stories because I felt she was being a weakling and that we were blessed to be in our situation. (You see, all of her family is in CA and the ones in WA are from my father's side.) I got really tired of it and I didn't know what to do! How was I supposed to deal with a 46 year old woman's problems and her crises?! So, as I was trying to get out of my own problems I had the burden of trying to deal with my mother's. </p>

<p>Anyway, my sophomore year ended and I was able to make a small number of acquaintances. I had some problems with the club I founded and its members. It was really silly and I can't believe it got so out of control- club officer bureacracy. I ended the year with straight A's somehow and I was quite burnt out. (When third quarter hit, it was just a downward spiral.) </p>

<p>When my sophomore year was ending, I had a very loud, irritated, angry, and hysterical episode with my family members where I was bursting into tears and cutting flowers and screaming and eventually, crying in my room. After that, they had just thought I was crazy- especially my father. I was intending to see a counselor, but I left a whole summer and 1 month before I actually saw one. </p>

<p>I did a couple of summer programs and even a leadership conference at a UC. I also volunteered at a camp for one week. It turned out to be disastrous for me because I'm very introverted and I really did not want to engage in any social activities. I was very much in isolation for the last several years and frankly, I'm not a dancer. The programs occured one after the other and I was still fulfilling some duties for a volunterr organization because I had a council position there and I was doing this in CA. (laugh) I was already drained and tired after school ended and I wanted Daydreaming 101 time. </p>

<p>The summer ended too quickly. School was about to begin and I was doing four chapters of APUSH work plus 2 essays for a novel for AP COMP/LANG TWO DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED! Hmm... I signed up for CC classes as well. During the last few months, I've had my fair share of goal-driven days sprinkled with bouts of depression- worthlessness, suicidal thoughts, and the works. I put too much on my plate for academics and I hadn't done any extracurricular activities that I thoroughly enjoyed in years. I stopped everything that I was doing at that point. </p>

<p>I started seeing a counselor in September. Right now, I'm trying to piece together my academics.</p>

<p>"the term shrink (from "head shrinker") is a (sometimes offensive) slang term for a psychotherapist." <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrink%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrink&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>OK. Since today is after Monday... I've been labeled as Bipolar I. HMM.</p>

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<p>Crayon,
I hope you have a sense of relief that there is a medical explanation for what has been going on with you. You are articulate and insightful, which will definitely help you in the process of understanding and helping yourself. Hopefully your treatment will allow you to stabilize emotionally and rejoin those parts of your life you are missing, and prioritize in general.</p>

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<p>Maybe depression is the reason.and I am not a mental health professional,but did you ever consider that it is boredom? Maybe you see no value to continuing to go to school,do all the work,studying, etc. It is just work, work, work, and you feel like you are on a treadmill? You would rather be doing something else?</p>

<p>Certainly many of the suggestions above are good ones especially seeing a counselor and exercising. I have picked myself up many times through exercise. I have seen this type of malaise with my kids also ,they just get bored. Also don't forget the axiom "all work and no play..makes....." Unless you have a mental condition you are probably bored....just a thought....</p>

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<p>hey Crayon,
i've looked at a few of your posts, and your situation seems to be really - really - similar to mine. Except I haven't sought anybody yet. I'm thinking about it once I get back to school, but I dont know what to tell them once I walk in. "Um... I think something's loose in me?"
I dont know.. i actually have a family history of depression, but I think my symptoms more resemble yours in that it's bipolar(-ism/-arity?).
Anyways, just curious on how they've treated it, what you said once you got in there to talk to someone, and how you've been doin lately.
Thanks dude (i dont really know if you're a guy or a girl..)</p>

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<p>Justin- Was just there a bit ago. But I kept exercising anyway just because it was the only thing on campus that relieved my stress and sadness!</p>

<p>Defintiely give yourself a bit of time... exercise for sure. </p>

<p>Talk, talk, talk, talk to your family, friends, class dean, profs, anyone on campus who is willing to lend a ear. Eventually your reasons for being sad will become so messed up and lose their meaning that you even wonder what was the big deal! Sometimes I look back and laugh but I know that it was a rough time there.</p>

<p>Just keep talking and let us know when you're out of the runt! :)</p>

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<p>If easier, you might want to contact the school nurse, if you do not feel comfortable contacting your own doctor(s) or confiding your concerns to your parents. In our state, at least, teens have the right to confidentiality when visiting medical staff, if desired. School nurses are trained in recognizing and helping students with problems and are often good resources for helping students decide how significant their change in behavior or feelings are, in helping to generate a plan of action, in explaining the medical role in "clinical depression" and "bi-polar" conditions, etc. If you have a diagnosis of bi-polar, you should definitely be connected with a physician (preferably a psychiatrist) who prescribes treatment and monitors your health and status. Has such a diagnosis been made? </p>

<p>There are interesting physiologic explanations as to why certain medications DO help with true clinical depression. Basically, the medication is necessary to alter the biochemical reaction that has taken hold in the brain. Truly, at this point, it not often that a patient can break this cycle through talk or self-will alone. , Another benefit of seeing at least the school nurse, but also the doctor is to assure that you are not suffering from a subclinical or low grade medical condition that might cause fatigue and depression, such as mono. Good luck - this is the kind of thing that you have to force yourself to address right away so that you can see change as quickly as possible. That said, should you end up taking anti-depressants, many require several weeks of consistent use to reach an effective clinical level where change can be noticed. Good luck to you!</p>

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<p>The same thing goes on with me. I have the most free time in the world, yet I don't do anything at all. I don't know if it is because I am lazy or what not, but before I moved(because my father is in the military) I always hung out with friends and always managed to do everything with less time. It seems like the more free time I have the more I would rather want to sit down and do nothing. I don't get satisfied by doing things anymore. My sister invites me to go to places with her, but after a while I want to go home and really do nothing but watch T.V. I think its an East Coast thing. When I lived in the West, I was able to go outside and do whatever, but in the East you are forced to stay inside most of the day because it is cold. And maybe I grew accustomed to staying inside all day and having no life. I don't know, but I don't feel like I am depressed or anything.</p>