<p>At this point, I agree no curfew, if you stay out past midnight, call if you’ll be a few more minutes, otherwise stay over your friend’s house and come back in the morning. I’d offer to pick him up if he needed a ride, any hour.</p>
<p>To be honest, I would have freaked if my parents were like “you need to be here at this time and that time and stay this long”. I guess I would have been offended that they thought I’d sleep in their house and not accept their hospitality.</p>
<p>I think I’d invite him to the Thanksgiving dinner, tell him when you’ll be sitting down to eat and expect to be done. If he says “yes, I’ll be there” fine. If he says “oh, I’m going to my friend’s house to watch the game”, I’d just make a note of it and assume he doesn’t want to spend his brief time off with family. I had a problem because I was in a live-in relationship and I would have to switch where to go or be without him. Even now, it’s a problem to figure out which in-law to go to.</p>
<p>I felt 100% disconnected from my family when I came back for Thanksgiving freshman year, and even moreso for the winter break. I guess spending so much time in a completely different social situation changed me a lot. I just didn’t feel the need to be all chummy chummy with my parents. This changed after college, actually I’d say after sophomore year really.</p>
<p>DEFINITELY convey that last thought to him, offer to host some of his friends, maybe a pizza dinner or a home-cooked meal (not turkey though!).</p>
<p>I agree with most of the above advice, especially about informing them of the meals you expect them to be at, or appointments you’ve made for teeth cleaning etc. Otherwise, my kids were free to sleep and visit friends. And I did ask to know where they were headed at night.</p>
<p>One happy change: They exhibited impeccable manners, at least for a few days! Please, and thank yous galore! Unlimited hugs! It was like they were used to being polite sociable kids 24/7 at school and it stuck with them at home, and they were okay with being demonstrative.</p>
<p>Best moments over school breaks (still are!): The best “brain dump” is always on our 1/2 hour drive from the airport to home (even after 12 hour travel days, 2 flights, etc). You can ask them anything and they’ll give you a full and detailed answer, they are so happy to see you and talk with you. DO NOT MISS THE DRIVE HOME FROM THE AIRPORT! After that, especially after connecting with their friends, there just doesn’t seem to be the time or privacy to hear about their life in such detail.</p>
More mature, more upbeat, more confident. College is so much easier than HS for my kids. They also came back after having taken care of themselves for the whole semester. They return knowing how to do that. My kids came home knowing how to navigate airports, taxis, luggage, credit cards, laundry, prescriptions and a lot of stuff that you did in college and didn’t discuss with your parents. </p>
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Bring your key when you go out so that you don’t have to wake us up at 2am.
Forgive us if we forget that you are there and accidentally wake you up before noon. </p>
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Frankly, I don’t think that you have that right. Regardless, it sends the negative message that you will never respect them as an adult. My kids were good drivers when they went to college, and they were good drivers on vacations. </p>
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You help them when they ask for help. You listen when they tell you how independent they’ve become. </p>
<p>You enjoy their company for whatever time you get but you give them the space that they need. They want to see their HS friends too. </p>
<p>I’m surprised about the driving thing. By the time the kids are 18 they have been driving for 2 years or in our state since they were 14 years 9 months old with an adult, scary to think someone could lose that ability in a couple months. </p>
<p>My house… my rules. When they are home they are expected to help out, be considerate, let me know where they’re going and when they will be home. I dont know what they do at school but a definite NO on the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I have always told them… We teach people how to treat us. And they agree.</p>
<p>I’m in the same boat. We will probably allow a later curfew, but nothing beyond 2:00am. I’m thinking 1:00am would be best, but a text after midnight to give us a heads up on his plans. It is the driving issue that makes me worry more than anything else.
I only expect my son be home on Thanksgiving to have dinner with the family. One dental appt. All the other days are all his to do as pleases.
I’m pretty sure he will still do his own laundry. I haven’t done my kids stuff since they were at least 10 yrs old. I think they would feel uncomfortable if I handled their personal items at this point in their lives. </p>
<p>My kids weren’t allowed to have friends over after 10 or 11 during week nights. They could have their BF sleep over when they were in school, but not when they were home. Their dad used to say to them, “This is not a bed or breakfast. When you are here, you are expected to help out and socialize with us.”</p>
<p>Was just talking to my older DD (going to grad school in NYC which we live near to) and she already gave me the heads up that she would be hanging with us Thur/Fri but then she wants to borrow the car to visit her friend in Ithaca who didn’t go home for T-giving.</p>
<p>He is 9 hours away and came home for Columbus Day weekend. He was worried about fitting everything in and We told him that we didn’t have expectations of him and just wanted him to go with the flow. What he said was " i don’t want to eat out at all. I am craving home made food and I missed you guys and home the most. However, he spent most of the time with his friends, and ate very few meals at home. He juggled two girls (which backfired)
My friends say his need to see everyone and do everything will wear off by summer. </p>
<p>We didn’t know what to expect, but had heard all the stories parents tell about kids expecting home life to be like college life. What we got was a kid who comes home to be at home. She misses us, her brother, her dogs, her bed, cooking, grocery shopping, playing tennis and a host of other mundane things that she doesn’t get to do so much at college. She still goes out some to catch up with friends, but I think she gets her fill of partying at school and looks forward to something different when she comes home.</p>
<p>Your feelings are spot on. My daughter had experienced so many new things in college, so she felt distanced from us. We asked that she communicate where should would be and let her do her own thing. We rarely saw her her freshmen year during breaks. That changed once she became a sophomore. I think she needed the time to balance and reconcile her life with her family life. </p>
<p>Mine didn’t really act any differently. Our rule was call if you’ll be out late and let us know when you get in, but that was just for me so I didn’t stay up wondering. </p>
<p>The growing up thing seems to have happened pretty gradually around here. It wasn’t really a before and after so much as when the oldest graduated from college she was completely grown up. Youngest is just a sophomore, but she seems to be on track for adulthood.</p>
<p>Just enjoy them when they come home. Before you know it, they can barely even make it home because of work and internships and significant others.</p>