Hey CC family. Revisits are done and a decision has been made. When we brought the list down to two schools I assured my DD that the choice was all hers. Both of her final choices are equally great academically. Equal distance from our home and equally great reputations. In my opinion the softs were far better at my choice, but she is going with her heart. As a parent I think my reasons would benefit her in the long run, but how do you sacrifice her decision in the short term? From her initial visit her final choice was her favorite, and the revisit solidified it. I am going to respect her decision and let her follow her heart. I am sure that I will be over this in two days. Any other parents on here dealing with similar issues?
Our kid did not choose our first choice. So what? He had a great time, got a great education, made life-long friends, got into college, and avoided the penal system. All is good. Besides, there is absolutely no way you can know in advance which of the current choices will actually be best for you kid, especially if you’re only splitting hairs based on “softs.” Let her go with her heart and never look back. She’ll be fine. And so will you.
I’m feeling I will be in that boat tomorrow as well…
@ChoatieMom I agree wholeheartedly. I am just using the forum as a sounding board now.
@MAandMEmom We have to trust their decisions. Like @ChoatieMom said, if we are splitting hairs no big deal in the long run.
Agreed. I see us (hubby and I) making a separate pros/cons list that we probably don’t share with her. Unless of course she asks our opinion and we’ll need to walk that fine line. These are big decisions for kids that are 13/14 years old!
“Both of her final choices are equally great academically. Equal distance from our home and equally great reputations.” Next! 
And congrats btw!
What are the softs?
I think I would avoid telling her your “favorite(s)” (we did not tell DC our respective favorites).
But, I would share any and all impressions. In other words, I would want my child to have the benefit of my insights, but then probably allow them to weigh that in order to choose.
DC is going to my first choice; it was originally DC’s second choice. And DH’s first choice fell to third, though for a good year it had been the front runner with all of us. We kept mum the whole time, and then i danced a jig when it was all over!
If you feel she has already truly decided, then put it behind you. Otherwise, I might regret not sharing an insight. They are kids, and they still want our advice, believe it or not.
Boarding school is a wonderful learning opportunity while also being a great challenge. A child leaving home for the first time to a boarding school, IMO, is not far from a general leading an army into the battle field. Keeping her high moral, unhindered by a micromanaging king, is of paramount importance, not to mention that while lacking life experience, she has an edge of knowing her own emotion better than anyone else including parent.
Unless is there is a serious fault in her logic and the choice is doomed to fail, or I can’t pay, I would let her make the decision. Which is also what I am doing with my daughter. Letting my dd to make her own choices has always worked.
This is a teachable moment, most of her experiences from now on will truly be hers. Surrender
I was in your shoes last year - the difference being the DD decided to return to the LPS rather than attend either Andover or Milton. I let her drive the process, we talked about it, did multiple revisits etc. I did all I could to help her reach the decision I thought was the best for her. But I let her have the final say. A year later and I’m very happy with the process and DD is doing great at the school I thought was the worst choice. I was making it about me rather than about her - and I’m so glad I did not force my will onto her.
This morning I am at peace with her decision. While driving her to school this morning we ordered some swag from the schools online store.
Congrats @AceNtheHole I’m sure she’s do well.
Glad you got through it quickly! I had some wistful moments that I wouldn’t get to spend more time at the most gorgeous school (Tabor) but I think my daughter picked a school which is good for her. And although it is sad that it doesn’t have crew or sailing or a lake, it is only 4 miles from the ocean and has a fishing boat for marine biology. Gotta order some fleece jackets for us now! On sale at the online store!
Great question…we tried very hard to make it clear to our daughter that there were all sorts of favorites…favorite for a parent might be the closest…favorite for a 45-year-old adult is probably the school with the most diverse academic offerings…favorite for 14-year-old versions of ourselves might be based on a coach or personal interactions. By splitting it up this way, we were allowed to have biases (wife and and daughter thought my “favorite” was a school that didn’t even make the revisit cut–and that was totally fine) but also to be 100% supportive of her in her quest.
Kids are smart. They’ll figure it out if you are pulling your punches. So through the whole process, we always emphasized what we liked, what was positive about each place, and only let her apply to places which would allow her to make any decision, using any framework, she wanted.
Y’all need to work on your “Asian parent mind control” technique!
[NOTE: THIS IS A JOKE. ALSO, I AM AN ASIAN PARENT.]
@SevenDad , not being Asian, in our house that’s referred to as the “Vulcan Mind Meld” or the “These are not your droids trick”
I use “these are not your droids” all the time @soxmom ! I wonder if we’re related?
Both of mine chose schools that were not my first choice for them. Both are happy and having great experiences (albeit very different experiences). Would they have had equally great experiences at my top pick schools? Who knows. I’m just happy that they are happy.