When your safety becomes your dream school

Parents Social Lounge
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<p>I have been a long time reader but a first time poster. As a first time freshman parent I have benefitted from many of your comments and insight. I now find myself in a situation where I need your perspective.</p>

<p>My DD has been waitlisted for about 6 weeks at a private, competitive school. She applied for a health sciences major which is fairly competitive and personally, I think she was lucky to get waitlisted. She is bright, but it is an extremely tough major to get accepted into. </p>

<p>This was however, her dream school, so we did everything you all suggested to boost her chances - sent 3rd quarter grades, 2 additional recommendations and a letter saying she would absolutely accept off the waitlist. She then really tried to wrap her mind around attending her safety school. (For various reasons, the other good match schools she was accepted to fell out of favor, and she was left with ther safety)</p>

<p>So far so good. Until yesterday. She says to me "I really think I would be happier at School B (safety) than school A. I think at School A I will miss alot of the college experience that I could get at school B’. School B is a big Division 1 school with a strong athletic program. I know she would enjoy that, and would miss it at school A. It also sounds that she is running a little scared of tha academics at school A, and may feel that since she didn’t make the first cut, she will have a tougher time doing well. I know she is missing all the hype her peers are experiencing about dorm room shopping, “XYZ university 09” in their computer profiles, new student orientations, etc, because she is really not settled as to where she will be in the fall. </p>

<p>I guess I want to know how to proceed next.</p>

<li><p>If she gets into school A do I encourgage her to visit one last time before she makes a decision?</p></li>
<li><p>If she gets into school A how awful do we look if she turns it down, given that she practically swore she would attend if offered admission?</p></li>
<li><p>How far do I push (and I use that term lightly) her to stick with her original decision to go to school A if accepted - that what she is experiencing is a simple case of cold feet.</p></li>
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<p>The kicker of the whole thing is that School A is twice as expensive as School B. I doubt she would be eligible for any merit aid, since she would be coming off the waitlist, and I don’t know how financial aid works this late in the game. </p>

<p>Guess this is longer than I intended for it to be. Thanks for all your comments here, and for all those in the past.</p>

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<p>frankly- it sounds like she is coming to terms with which school she will probably attend and that is great!
I am wondering who has the problem with where she will be attending- daughter or mom?
If it really turns out to be a bad fit she can always transfer.</p>

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<p>My family is somewhat in the same position of the "waitlist purgatory". Since we have had to choose school B, without knowing our status at school A, I think it's normal for your D to begin to fall in love with school B. I think the kids have to be somewhat positive about their college choice. Follow thru on plans to attend school B as long as you don't have to commit any more funds. If you can visit her waitlist school again after she is accepted, then do so if it is absolutely necessary. It probably is still her first choice, but who wants to get their hopes up too high. My D's waitlist chance is less than 10%, based on last years stats.</p>

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<p>emeraldkity4 </p>

<p>I hope I didn't come off like I would rather her attend school A. It is truly her choice, and I see alot of value, not only financially but also when looking at the whole college experience with her attending her safety. I just don't want her to make that choice because she is scared or has cold feet. </p>

<p>At either school she will be fine, get a good education and enjoy her time there. And if she is not, transfer is always an option. I told her all that last night.</p>

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<p>I guess I want to know how to proceed next.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>If she gets into school A do I encourgage her to visit one last time before she makes a decision?
Leave it up to her.</p></li>
<li><p>If she gets into school A how awful do we look if she turns it down, given that she practically swore she would attend if offered admission?
Hey, we made other plans while you were dilly dallying with her application. Sorry.</p></li>
<li><p>How far do I push (and I use that term lightly) her to stick with her original decision to go to school A if accepted - that what she is experiencing is a simple case of cold feet.
I'd just ask her for a decision and if she wants to discuss. Then abide by her wishes.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Congratulations! It sounds like you have a smart, well adjusted daughter who'll do well whatever she chooses.</p>

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<p>the thing that struck me is that school A is going to be a whole lot more expensive than school B
Since I don't know your daughters stats or what schools they are- I can't really say if it is worth the difference- but I would guess probably not.
I think that there are lots of ways that students can get a challenging education out of a larger university- and I hate to see students racking up a lot of debt.
You say that you feel she was lucky to get waitlisted at the first school & you say that if she did get in that you are afraid she would be running scared of academics.
Personally I think both are legitimate- if you barely get in - you are still accepted- but it can be very tough for students who are towards the bottom of the program- especially if then they want to go to continue edcuation in that field. Since it sounds like she would incur a lot of debt to attend school A-she possibly is trying to keep a longer range view in mind-
Is the school B really that much lower in academics that A would still be preferable?</p>

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<p>emeraldkity4 </p>

<p>You tell me if you think the schools make a difference. The 2 schools are Northeastern and West Virginia University. Northeastern has a 6 year Doctor of Physical Therapy, which once you are admitted as a freshman, carries you all the way through to a DPT. At WVU, she would have a 4 year undergrad degree in Exercise Physiology and then need to apply to grad school. I really hate for her to pass on the opportunity at Northeastern for the wrong reasons. Even though money is a concern, we would find a way to get her through there if that was what she truly wanted. On the ohter hand I can also see her in Morgantown, having a ball, getting into grad school with less debt and coming out just fine in the end.</p>

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<p><<hey, we="" made="" other="" plans="" while="" you="" were="" dilly="" dallying="" with="" her="" application.="" sorry.="">></hey,></p>

<p>That is one of the funniest things I've read here. </p>

<p>Colleges place themselves in this position. I have no pity for them. They could handle it differently but they have a win-win situation with the waitlist system. Most use it to their advantage. And they could care less if your child or my child goes to their school; they will just move on down to the next spot on the wait list that has 1000 students more than there will be spots available. All without affecting yield and without having to offer any financial aid to boot. </p>

<p>If your daughter is accepted, encourage one more visit if only to put it to rest. </p>

<p>It's super that she has another choice that she has come to prefer.</p>

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<p>I'm really amazed that she has turned her opinion around. I had a feeling something was brewing because she was becoming uncharacteristically patient with Northeastern. It is a relief to know that if she doesn't get into NEU that she will be happy at WVU.</p>

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<p>From what I know of Northeastern, I think it is the type of school where a student has to be really sure of their career goals and really strongly motivated to work in order to be happy. Otherwise, the co-op plan could be very stressful, and it certainly detracts from typical, campus life. I mean - students end up alternating on/off campus each quarter after their first year -- great for students who are independent and sure of their career goals, but it probably can be frustrating for those who would like to feel more "attached" to their school. </p>

<p>18 is very young to commit to a hard career path in college. I changed majors several time when I went to college-- it didn't take me long at all to do a 180 degree turn from what had been my lifelong goal before college. </p>

<p>If she goes to Northeastern (assuming she gets in -which hasn't happened yet), and later wants to transfer to a different type of program, she will have a hard time. The pre-professional emphasis of her chosen course of study will leave her missing many of the core course that might be required for a bachelor's degree in most other majors. So bottom line, the 6-year Northeastern program is for young people who are very, very sure of their career goals.</p>

<p>If you d. is waffling and wondering if she would be happy there.... then she doesn't belong there any more. She needs a place where she will have the ability to explore other options, even if she ends up deciding to pursue her physical therapy goal. </p>

<p>I think under the circumstances, the safety is the best choice. I might feel very different with any other school. </p>

<p>I've got nothing against Northeastern -- I seriously contemplated going to law school there, because I was attracted to the co-op program. But then again, I wouldn't have been going to law school if I hadn't had the opportunity to jump from my first major to something completely different.</p>

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<p>I have to admit- I really don't know anything about those schools-so I went to studentreview.com
I know that some don't like the site because it is all opinions- but of the schools that I do know fairly well I think it is representative and fairly accurate so I am assuming it is equally representative of shcools I don't know anything about
WVU gets a considerably lower ranking in academics and quality of life than Northeastern and while I wince at a rising freshman planning her doctorate before her first term, I do think that she would have more opportunities at Northeastern if you can swing the finances.</p>

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<p>She has never wanted to do anything other than PT, and she knows it is a field that will require graduate work. The co-op is what originally attracted her to NEU, in addition to the fact that she could avoid the stress of graduate school admissions (not that the undergrad process just hasn't been a barrel of fun for her!!!) She loves Boston, has visited several times and feels comfortable in the city and loved the campus. This whole change of heart has really come out of left field, to me at least. I assume it is something she has been thinking about for awhile.</p>

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<p>Is there any chance that your daughter is wondering about committing to the Ph.D. while a freshman? That's quite a commitment! (I could never have made that decision when I was a freshman). If you haven't already had this discussion with her, she may also want to consider which college might work well for her if she changes her goals or interests along the way. I echo the idea of last-look visits.</p>

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<p>jasmom</p>

<p>I don't think it is the DPT that is spooking her. She knows where ever she goes it will be for 6 years or so. She says she is concerned about not being able to do the "fun" things like tailgating, dorm parties, clubs, etc at NEU because the work will be so demanding. She is worried about not having the whole "college experience" as she puts it. I can understand her concerns and I think she is probably right. I want her to have fun at school and be able to go to a basketball game on a Tuesday night with her friends and not have to worry about scheduling it around a ton of studying. On the other hand NEU is an awesome experience and putting the time in now may really pay off in 6 years.</p>

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<p>Jerzeemom,</p>

<p>It seems like she is reconciling herself to her current choice, which is the healthy thing to do (I seem to remember another thread about a student who was grieving because she didn't get into HYP, but DID get in to UCh, Rice and a # of other great schools, wah,wah,wah).</p>

<p>I'd leave it be UNLESS she gets a letter or call from NEU. You might find she changes her tune then.</p>

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<p>I almost think it may be her way, even unconciously, of letting go if she doesn't get in. They she can say, " well, I didn't want to go there anyway" and allows her to reconcile the whole thing with herself. </p>

<p>I think your advice is good. Drop it until we hear either way from NEU. If she does get in, then she can do a revisit if she wants and if its a no, then she seems pretty okay with WVU.</p>

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<p>I think your daughter is doing exactly what she should be doing - she's looking at where she really believes she will be going and falling in love with it. (So much better than the posts about kids who can't get over their disappointment at going to their "safety".) And I agree that committing to a 6 year doctorate can be troublesome at a young age.</p>

<p>When I was applying to colleges, I wanted to be a doctor. I applied to some 6 year BA-MD programs, and was waitlisted at one. I got into another school with an excellent rep and pretty good financial aid. I accepted their offer and started making plans to go there. Lo and behold, in mid-May I got off the waitlist for the 6 year program. Went & looked at it again, and decided that I didn't want to turn my head around again and change directions. So I went to the school I had accepted, and guess what? I discovered that medicine wasn't for me - I went to law school! So the 6 year program would have been death for me - I would have felt obligated to finish & graduate with that MD. And then how can you change careers? Trust me, the world of health care is much better off without me in it - I'm a much better lawyer than I would have been a doctor.</p>

<p>So I wouldn't just assume that she's running from the academics; I think she's coming to terms with reality. (BTW, all other things being equal, if your daughter likes urban areas, I'd vote for Boston any day.)</p>

<p>NU (and that's the abbreviation we Bostonians use) does have some great college things - it's in the hockey Beanpot tournament every year, and has some other decent sports teams. Then of course, it's very close to Fenway (home of the World Series Champ Boston Red Sox!!!), and not too far from Gillette Stadium (home of the Super Bowl dynasty Patriots). You can't have more of a college "city" than Boston, and I think even with tough academics, no one studies all the time - she'll have a great time!</p>

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<p>Seems like that is your answer. Go with her feelings. If she hears from Northeastern, then, and only then, should the subject come up again. If it does, leave it up to her. For now, she is happy with her college choice, which makes her a winner in this crazy game.</p>

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<p>jerzeemom,
The daughter of my coworker is is doing well in the PT program at WVU and loves it there!</p>

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<p>Thats encouraging news, thanks lkf725. Is she in the graduate PT program or the undergraduate exercise phyisology program?</p>