Who wants to read and essay? You know you want to....

<p>I wanted to get some practice. I timed myself and I typed instead of writing it out. But just to kind of see where Im at.. would you mind grading my essay on a 2-12 scale?</p>

<p>From June SAT's</p>

<p>ESSAY PROMPT
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below:</p>

<p>Many persons believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, they must forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it. But others have just the opposite view. They see old memories as a chance to reckon with the past and integrate past and present.</p>

<p>Adapted from Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, I've Known Rivers: Lives of Loss and Liberation </p>

<p>Assignment: Do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the present? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>The question of nature versus nurture continues today even though scientists have decoded and human genome and continue to uncover the complex mysteries that surround us. Yet, the value of memories is uncontested. Our very being is imbedded in our perception. Most psychologists, including Dr. Phil, agree that our perception defines our individual lives. Essentially, our attitude and viewpoint outline the lives we lead. </p>

<p>Memories play a significant role in our lives. Our goals and aspirations might be so because of a single defining moment in our lives. The words “at that moment I knew” are hackneyed, but continue to hold true for many people. The power of memories is unlimited, because a mind no limits, allowing us to make that heavenly scent even more so and that first ice cream more delicious than our taste buds could allow. </p>

<p>Many times, our memories are much less perfect than we would like. Traumatic experiences, such as failure, rape, or abuse come to mind. Yet, whether we choose to try to suppress these memories or not, they will never cease to haunt us. They shape us and make us who we are. We can choose, to either dwell in the past, and feel victimized, cheated, angry or depressed. Or, we can choose to move on, to let go, to forgive. We cannot erase our memories as easily as we snap our fingers. It is impossible really, without at least minimal self delusion to “forget the past, repress it, and relinquish it.” Memories are so powerful in fact, that malevolent memories sometimes take years to cope with and a perfect recalling of a second of bliss allows us to bear through incredible pain.</p>

<p>In similar fashion it is literally impossible to integrate our old memories to the present. Our past remains in the past no matter how hard we may try to bring it back. The world moves on and continues to spin whether we are conscious of it or not. We give our past, or what we know and understand, credit for what we have accomplished because it is such as an integral part of who we are. The past defines us. It shapes us and molds us- at times we are aware, at times we are not. For example, a child of an alcoholic mother might become alcoholic also, allowing subconsciously such abuse simply because the mother did so and wallowing in their own misfortune. Yet, the same child can choose to not drink at all. He or she can vow to do right by not following in an alcoholic parent’s footsteps and become better for it. The child does not need to put the past behind, but rather to accept it for what it is, without too much self pity or delusion. In the end, our memories do not make us; but our perceptions of significant memories do.</p>

<p>Graders do a single read through, basically. This essay seems like one that might necessitate multiple reads.</p>

<p>First pass impression (what graders will probably give you): Great arguments. Unfortunately, you never gave a thesis statement that directly addressed the question. Along the same lines, the unified theme of the essay isn't quite there. You tie it all up in the last sentence, but in doing so, you force the grader to have to look back at your previous paragraphs, which probably won't happen because they're strapped for time. The cameo appearance of Dr. Phil was, IMO, unnecessary, since you didn't expand on that.</p>

<p>Grammar and spelling were good. (You typed in Notepad, not in Word, right? Red wavy lines won't appear the day of the SAT :p)
6-8/12</p>

<p>Second time through: Reading in reverse, I see where you are going. I also see that you kind of twisted the question a little, not quite taking a definitive stance. In the end, though, all of your arguments built up towards your thesis.
8-10/12</p>

<p>Main suggestion: Move a copy of that last sentence somewhere into your first paragraph. It'll make a world of difference.</p>

<p>i checked the clock and had a minute left to tie up the last sentence. The thing is the prompt left me so blank that I just started writitng and was desperately trying to form a thesis. </p>

<p>I used word but turned off spellcheck. Green lines appeared but I ignored them.</p>

<p>I am not exactly sure why I put Dr Phil in.. maybe I was going to elaborate with his whole "perception is reality" but it only serves to jumble up the sentence as it is. </p>

<p>Thanks for the suggestions. Rereading this, I see that my focus is very off. I kinda sorta know what I'm saying but really, my position isn't even clear until the end.</p>

<p>I'm going to try to take a little bit more planning time to organize my thoughts before I start writing, that way I can spend less time funneling and more time substanting my stance.</p>

<p>Try making an outline on the side. It can be lightly written, and the 3 minutes you spend on it are a small price to pay for a coherent essay.</p>

<p>What you could do, if all else fails, is skip a couple of lines to leave room for your thesis statement, and after you're done writing/rambling, fit a thesis to it.</p>

<p>Edit: Does SAT Essay have the rule that off-topic = automatic 0? I know AP has that policy, though I would imagine that you'd have to be completely off-topic for them to invoke that rule...</p>

<p>The idea sounds great and it would come in handy if I totally blank out on the test. </p>

<p>Yes, collegeboard still has that 0 scoring policy if the essay is off topic.</p>