Why BU" supplement critique

Please let me know if this supplement is heading in the right direction or if I should try to change it all together. Any assistance helps! Thank you

Teenage curiosity and a quest for diversity led me to move to my homeland of Puerto Rico. I was anxious to immerse myself in one of the most vibrant cultures in the world. However, if I were to move to the island I would have to sacrifice my high school rowing career. My new home was missing the resources for a rowing club and my old home was missing sufficient diversity for me. Sacrificing one of my interests to save another, as I did here, will surely not be necessary at Boston University. Hence, one of the reasons I fancy attending BU so much. BU is a place where I can be rowing out of the DeWolfe boathouse in the morning and be volunteering with (HUGS) international service group by noon. Boston U proves to be exactly what i’m looking for: a platform for growth on every spectrum simultaneously. During an on campus tour, I was able to get a taste of what the student body was like. I realized that boston is inherently foreign to a majority of the students but regardless, all of the students felt a strong sense of belonging here. This environment was surprisingly cosy and I assimilated with my surroundings almost immediately. Almost all students were extremely outgoing, a vital piece to a successful BU experience. I was now left to investigate the most important part of any university, its education. Just as I thought BU couldn’t get any better I found the Questrom school of business, a hub for innovation and technology in Boston. Boston University is a melting pot full of opportunity for students. I am sure that BU and success are synonymous.

Don’t post your essays online! You run the risk of plagiarism checkers detecting it (as well as others copying it). Take it down if you’re still in the editing period.

Since you asked for advice, I’ll offer some: you don’t really say much about what BU uniquely offers. “Outgoing students” a “cozy environment” etc. can be said of many schools. Expand on why you like Questrom, for instance- don’t just assume that “Bu and success are synonymous,” explain WHY you’ll find success at BU and HOW you’ll use BU’s resources to be successful.