Critiques on my Writing Supplement?

<p>The prompt is: Tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what has specifically led you to apply for admission.</p>

<p>Why would I ever consider going to Boston University? Being a fifth-generation Californian in my family, it seems that California would have everything that anyone would ever desire. Warm weather, sandy beaches, cool oceans. Growing up in a suburb outside of Sacramento, California’s capital city was the closest I ever got to living in a “big city.” However, I have always felt a strong inclination to move to a big city some day, specifically for my post secondary school education. What appealed to me about big cities has always been the sheer amount of opportunities, the obduracy of the people that was commonly depicted in films, and of course, the snowy beauty in the winter. As I began to research more, I found that not only Boston, but also Boston University possessed all of these qualities. I plan to major in economics, however, business and economics are majors that are notorious for having the highest graduate unemployment rating. Thus, post graduation employment statistics were of high significance to me when choosing universities to apply to. Boston stood out to me with a strong 80.2% of graduates having found jobs upon graduation. Additionally, I know I have the obduracy and the true grit to make me self sufficient and successful at Boston. I also have a love for community service and doing what is right that distinguishes me the relentlessness and selfishness commonly seen in business. I can fit in at Boston with the study ethics that every student must possess, but also distinguish myself with my love of community service and school involvement, which I believe is exactly what a good school can do; allow students to fit in and stand out simultaneously. </p>

<p>I am the worst creative writer I know, so just trying to get it perfect by the time I need to turn it in.
Additional note: The supplement has to be in 250 words or less and mine is 283, so any places that I could cut down on would be helpful. </p>

<ol>
<li>I know it’s too late now but you should NEVER, post your college essays/supplement online brcause you don’t know who would be using it. </li>
<li>Your essay isn’t specific enough, you’re talking about your desire to move to a big city and admission staff might begin to wonder if yours was one of those mix and match ones, because you can easily turn your “not only in boston, but in bu” into “Not only in New york, but in NYU”</li>
</ol>

<p>admission officers do not like when people say they want to go to BU because of the location . try writing why you want to go to BU if the location was not in boston. if BU was located in a non-city like location, why would u want to go there? talk more about the school and how you can contribute</p>

<p>You should remove this from CC. With that said, I agree that you should be much more specific. There is no need to describe California in the beginning. There are many international students coming from places far different from Boston than CA. Also, don’t post statistics and please don’t use the word “unemployment.” Talk about all the opportunities BU will give YOU and what makes your potential major at BU so great disregarding jobs upon graduation. Also, the mention of community service is kind of randomly put in there. I’m an undergraduate student in the School of Management so if you need help with specifics, feel free to pm me!</p>

<p>@acer18‌ i dont think you can remove a post after 15 min…thats the bad thing about CC</p>

<p>You can ask an admin to do it for you. That being said, I believe your essay doesn’t tell be anything really specific about you except that you are from California, want to major in business/ economics (highly surprised that you state they have the highest unemployment rating), and that you like community service/work hard.</p>

<p>All those things are somewhat general and doesn’t distinguish you necessarily from the crowd. Many people can say they like community service, work hard, and picked BU for it’s city location. You should take this opportunity to tell more about yourself and specific things that make you a good fit for them.</p>

<p>You can ask an admin to do it for you. That being said, I believe your essay doesn’t tell be anything really specific about you except that you are from California, want to major in business/ economics (highly surprised that you state they have the highest unemployment rating), and that you like community service/work hard.</p>

<p>All those things are somewhat general and doesn’t distinguish you necessarily from the crowd. Many people can say they like community service, work hard, and picked BU for it’s city location. You should take this opportunity to tell more about yourself and specific things that make you a good fit for them.</p>

<p>Cut “obduracy,” or at least look up the definition first to see if that’s really the word you want to use. </p>